Christine & James

Well Moo it has been 3.5 years since we've met. I can't believe the time has just flown by.

So why don't you get to come home? YOu can tell your superior that I told him he can suck cock. I wish very bad things on him right now and that would be a blessing. I just wish I had a voodoo doll... can you send some of his hair to me?

Well Moo I'm tired of missing you. I don't like this feeling at all. I just want things to be decently normal again but that won't happen now will it? You'll come back, we'll be in a life that we haven't known before of living together or really close to each other and I won't be in school anymore. I miss you so much. I try to get rid of the days as fast as I can but it just doesn't work sometimes. I'll be substituting next week and surrounded by people again in hopes that it will make this down time go by faster. I just remember that since the first day we've slept in the same bed together and it's hard to go for long periods of time without you there anymore. People keep asking how long you'll be gone and then gasp or something of the sort to say that's such a long time. As if I don't know... I hope that everything over there is going well and that you can get your work done for school so that you don't regret wanting to take those classes. When you get back there will be many changes in our relationship and ourselves, I just want you back so that we can get started on it but time keeps dragging on.. Where's the fast forward button please?

It is 8:52 by my clock on the cell phone. 8 more minutes and I can talk to you for real. I had this very vivid dream last night that I went over my cell phone plan by hundreds of minutes and the bill was $160 dollars. Come to find out when I check my bank account that it applied to that and not the cell phone... Ahhhhhh! Oh well. It will be a good weekend none-the-less. I'm going straight to the bank tomorrow morning to deposit the check that my mom wrote me for the past 2 days of work. Then maybe to the doctor's office with her and to VA or DC. She said Kings Dominion but I knew you wouldn't be happy about that. So I said no and we should find something else to do. I think we'll end up in Fredericksburg, VA for awhile but I'm not sure. Well I'm going to go get ready to give you a call and get comfy in pj's and such. Moo, I'm happy at the way this summer is going and even though you'll be gone for awhile soon for survival school, it's still a good summer over all. MOOOOOOOAH!

Christine -- Christine -- Christine

Hmmm . . .

Hun it is hard to describe to you how I am feeling right now. I can't wait to be near you again. The feel your hair and to hold you. We are at the end of another semester and I have finally figured the whole stress level thing you go through. I hope you have noticed me trying to be a good boyfriend and be supportive. It is good that we are both going through stressful, time consuming events right now. That way we can both stay focused on succesful completetion of them.

This summer. Hun this sumer is going to be important to our relationship. I am not completely certain what your plans are for the summer with school and work, but I hope you are planning on doing all you can to spend time with me.

We had a fight earlier this spring about four day weekends that I have. We need to talk about that. We need to talk about this summer in depth so there is no confusion about what to expect from each other. I really miss you a lot. I really mean that. And I would really like to have some weekends this summer where we can spend a few days together instead of just a few hours.

I know we are both going through changes in schedules and what not; but we still have a relationship with one another that needs some tending to.

I love you Christine. I want to do what is right with us and make things feel better between us. I want to see emotions other than anger from you. I know it is not easy for you. There are things that are not easy for me either.

I want you to know that right now I honestly do not feel like I am making you happy. I feel like you think I am very BORING and I am becoming afraid again. I want you to think I am exciting and look forward to spending time with me. I also want you to know that there is many things I want to do with you. Like go to the beach or to DC or to the mountains. To go to pool halls and bars. To the botanical gardens. Skydiving. I want to workout with you and so many other things. But time is very constrained for us.

I am afraid you are taking the SMALL SMALL amount of time we have together and letting that represent everything.

Something I want us to focus on is more face to face verbal communication with each other. Looking each other in the eyes when we talk. And having deeper conversations when we are together instead of on the phone.

The bottom line Christine is I am in love with you and who you are. I love your unsatisfaction with just staying in one place. I love you burning desire to travel the world. I love your smiles. I love you obession with laundry.

I want us to be closer. I want us to be friends. I want the James & Christine bubble to get stronger.

Ok moo .. moo moo for now.

I really want a hug and kiss from you right now Christine. I miss you. It is a cool, crisp night out tonight, just like the night we met. I spent some time on the porch just thinking about you. I looked at the stars and the moon and hoped you would look at them too and think about me. MOOOOAH!!

Missing you.

Moo ... moo ... mooooooooooooooooo!
Christine ... Christine ... Christine

Hun I am so happy you have called me this week in the morning. You have helped me start my days off with a huge smile on my face. When I told you this morning that it think it means something we are still talking ... I meant a lot of things. The most important of them all is that we are really truly best friends. I have never had a best friend like you before. I have never been able to talk to any person and open up to any person as much as I have with you. I am looking forward to your return in December with much anticipation!

Smile hun ... I hope you enjoy Dublin ..

One more thing ... I want this journal to be filled with mroe good entries than bad ... so get writing .... you have some cathing up to do.

i was just sitting here thinking .... this goes with out being said i think and i hope, but you have NO intention of EVER talking or seeing Noel again right? i mean this would be the case if you have any intention of talking to or being with me right?

also i am thinking that right now is the time you should tell me if there is any more secrets you are keeping from me.

also i am thinking that i want to make it clear to you that my heart is loyal to you. i do not have eyes for any one else. when i say i do not want to play games i mean it. so if there is anything you are holding back from telling me, you better do it soon, i really don't want to be crushed again.

i don't know how to put this in words, but here it goes. what happened a month ago almost destroyed me. i was ready to push you away forever. i almost did. but then you called me. so here is the deal. if you do something to crush me again, i seriously will push you away forever and never look back.

and one final thing. smoking weed is still something i will never ever accept. i have seen too many people (soldiers) get killed over that drug and other drugs. this is a very important concept for me.

i know you can't say this to me, but i can say it to you. I LOVE YOU Christine. I have found my independance again, I am me again. But I still find a little bit of you in everything i do and I don't want it to change.

Boo hoo .... I missed your call last night by 5 minutes. Then I tried calling you back at the house and you weren't there, so I left a message with one of the girls and just told her to tell you James called. I also tried calling that cell phone numerous times, but kept getting vociemail directly..

Hmmph! Well I will try again on Wednesday. I hope you are having a good week...

I miss you moo.

I guess the only thing I want to say is I truely do not want to work against you or prevent you from finding yourself. I want to be a part of your life ... I want there to be an us. Please try to realize that I don't want to be on different teams in a tug rope competetion. I really want to work WITH you. I have made some mistakes and they will never happen again.

I love you.