Japan, mindfulness, and learning to breathe underwater
During my PhD, finding time and resources to truly rest felt almost impossible.
Between research, deadlines, and the pressure to always “move forward,”
I often fell into the vicious cycle of not taking enough breaks,
and then feeling stuck or sick because of exhaustion.
At some point, I realised I needed to draw a line – to step back,
breathe, and create space for myself outside of the lab. So, while writing my dissertation, I took a leap and travelled to Japan –
a lifelong dream shaped by anime and Pokémon. I went to visit my best friend, ready to explore both the country and myself.
The last few days of the trip brought one of the most transformative experiences of all: diving in Okinawa.
It was a sunny day, but the wind made me shiver as I stood on the shore. The ocean stretched out endlessly – calm, blue, and inviting. I put on my wetsuit and diving gear, listening to the instructor’s explanations, trying to anchor myself in my breath. I wanted to stay open, curious, and present.
Then came the moment to submerge.
As soon as I went underwater, panic took over. My breathing felt strange – mechanical, unnatural. “Am I going to suffocate down here?” my mind whispered. I could feel my old fears of heights and depths bubbling up, pressing against my chest.
I surfaced a few times, trying to decompress my ears and calm my racing heart. Each time, I repeated a quiet mantra:
Embrace openness. Those words became my anchor.
After a few rounds of surfacing, breathing, returning to the water and taking some small breaks, something shifted. I stopped fighting the fear and started to observe it. The panic was still there, but I could hold it – like holding a trembling bird in my hands without trying to make it stop shaking.
Learning to swim as an adult, I carried old memories of fear in my body – the panic from childhood moments when I was suddenly dropped into the sea. Underwater, those memories returned through instinctive, jerky leg movements and an urgent need to escape. In my haste, I forgot to equalise the pressure, and pain filled my left ear – a small trauma that later turned into an ear infection (another story to be shared).
Yet, even through the discomfort, I stayed with it. With my instructor’s patient support, I went back under one more time – slower, more mindful. And finally, I found it: a moment of stillness. A moment where I was simply breathing underwater.
In that silence, surrounded by blue and underwater life, I wasn’t a scientist, a teacher, or a diver-in-the-making.
I was just a human being – afraid, curious, alive – learning once again that mindfulness doesn’t mean the absence of fear. It means the courage to stay open, even when you’re 5-10 meters below the surface. It'll stay as a great reminder forever.