Title: For Another Gives Its Ease
Author: Tamanna/swingandswirl
Pairing/characters: Colby Granger/Ian Edgerton, David Sinclair (cameo)
Words: 9x100
Prompts: #229 hurt, #11 Possibility/Probability, #331 Mute, #165 Victim, #289 Bed, #371 Need, #314 Touch, #369 Print, #323 Red
Rating: R for implied sexual violence
Summary: Ian's good at fixing things. Except he's not sure he can fix a broken Colby.
They pull you off a hunt, and you know right there that it's really bad. The search for one of the country's most dangerous fugitives doesn't get called off on a whim.
Your first thought is that something's happened to Colby, that the devil's own luck your husband has always had has finally run out. You get visions of folded flags and twenty-one gun salutes, and God, they hurt worse than a bullet to the chest.
But no, Don tells you, Colby's alive, and you breathe a sigh of relief.
You should have known it wouldn't be that easy.
*********
"He's in the bedroom," David says when you walk in.
Looking at him- normally buttoned up, perfectly pressed David Sinclair, looking so tired and haggard- brings it home to you in a way that nothing else could, that this is real, that this is happening.
You stop at the door, oddly hesitant, a part of you insisting that this is like the cat in the box, that if you don't go in you can pretend it's all okay, that this never happened.
But you're a sniper, not a mathematician, and so you carefully ease the door open and walk in.
*********
The room is dark, even in the middle of the day, and all you can see of Colby is a lump in the middle of the bed.
You approach slowly. "Soldier?"
There's no response. You perch on the side of the bed. Colby's turned away from you, curled up into a tight little ball. You want to swoop in, gather him up into your arms, kiss his pain away, except you know it doesn't work like that in real life. Some things, once broken, can't be fixed.
All you can do now is try and keep Colby from breaking further.
***********
Later, you get the full story from David.
Turns out there's a serial killer targeting gay men. Guy seeks out men in relationships, men whose partners aren't with them, then drugs, rapes, and murders them. And the bastard tortures them first. Five days, on average.
Colby was in his clutches for four days before they found him. He got lucky, David says, the cavalry arrived before the bastard could slice Colby's throat open.
Lucky. Colby got lucky.
You think of the quiet, broken shell in the next room, and you know that luck left the building a long time ago.
*************
You still sleep in the same bed, but it might as well be different rooms.
Colby sleeps -when he sleeps- curled into himself, facing away from you, completely different from the clingy octopus you remember. Even when you shake him awake from nightmares, it only takes a scant few seconds for his eyes to shutter, for him to slip back behind those walls he's built, away from you.
It hurts, more than you have words for. But you made vows and you intend to keep them, even if it means coming home to a cold bed and a shattered husband.
***************
The trial is excruciating. You hate every moment of it, hate seeing your husband, the strongest man you know, almost break down as he describes the four days he was raped and tortured by Jason Ensler.
Your hands itch for your rifle, for payback. The only reason you haven't done anything is that Colby would never forgive you. Even now, he believes in justice far more than you ever did.
Looking at your husband as he struggles to keep his composure, you know that while justice might be what Colby wants, it doesn't come close to being what you need.
***************
It's almost anti-climactic, the way the trial ends. Jason Ensler is given the death penalty for the rape and murder of four men, and the rape and attempted murder of Colby Granger.
When the verdict is announced, Colby takes your hand and squeezes. It's the first time he's willingly touched you since this whole mess began. You want to pull him close, but instead you settle for bringing your joined hands up and brushing your lips against his knuckles.
It's not even a fraction of what you want, but the pleased gratitude in Colby's eyes makes it worth it.
**********
The next morning, you see Colby staring at the paper.
'Westboro Rapist to be executed' it says.
Colby looks at you, his eyes large, wild.
"Cole?" you say, scared of breaking him anew.
"I was raped. Ensler raped me," he says, voice hushed, hesitant, as if saying it out loud will bring Ensler bursting through the door.
You nod. "He did. But you survived. Your testimony put him in jail."
"He raped me," Colby repeats, and you can see the walls he built begin to crumble, the cracks widening before your eyes.
You just hope Colby doesn't break with them.
**********
You catch him just as his knees give way, giving in to every impulse of the past couple months, holding him close as he finally breaks down. You rub his back and whisper soothing nonsense into his ear, comfort and support.
It feels like hours before the tears- his and yours- dry up. Colby's eyes are red but there's a peace in them you thought you'd never see again.
He leans in and you hold your breath, knowing it's his move.
He kisses you. It's barely a kiss, just the merest brush of lip on lip.
But it's a beginning.
**********
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Author: Tamanna/swingandswirl
Pairing/characters: Colby Granger/Ian Edgerton, David Sinclair (cameo)
Words: 9x100
Prompts: #229 hurt, #11 Possibility/Probability, #331 Mute, #165 Victim, #289 Bed, #371 Need, #314 Touch, #369 Print, #323 Red
Rating: R for implied sexual violence
Summary: Ian's good at fixing things. Except he's not sure he can fix a broken Colby.
For Another Gives Its Ease
They pull you off a hunt, and you know right there that it's really bad. The search for one of the country's most dangerous fugitives doesn't get called off on a whim.
Your first thought is that something's happened to Colby, that the devil's own luck your husband has always had has finally run out. You get visions of folded flags and twenty-one gun salutes, and God, they hurt worse than a bullet to the chest.
But no, Don tells you, Colby's alive, and you breathe a sigh of relief.
You should have known it wouldn't be that easy.
*********
"He's in the bedroom," David says when you walk in.
Looking at him- normally buttoned up, perfectly pressed David Sinclair, looking so tired and haggard- brings it home to you in a way that nothing else could, that this is real, that this is happening.
You stop at the door, oddly hesitant, a part of you insisting that this is like the cat in the box, that if you don't go in you can pretend it's all okay, that this never happened.
But you're a sniper, not a mathematician, and so you carefully ease the door open and walk in.
*********
The room is dark, even in the middle of the day, and all you can see of Colby is a lump in the middle of the bed.
You approach slowly. "Soldier?"
There's no response. You perch on the side of the bed. Colby's turned away from you, curled up into a tight little ball. You want to swoop in, gather him up into your arms, kiss his pain away, except you know it doesn't work like that in real life. Some things, once broken, can't be fixed.
All you can do now is try and keep Colby from breaking further.
***********
Later, you get the full story from David.
Turns out there's a serial killer targeting gay men. Guy seeks out men in relationships, men whose partners aren't with them, then drugs, rapes, and murders them. And the bastard tortures them first. Five days, on average.
Colby was in his clutches for four days before they found him. He got lucky, David says, the cavalry arrived before the bastard could slice Colby's throat open.
Lucky. Colby got lucky.
You think of the quiet, broken shell in the next room, and you know that luck left the building a long time ago.
*************
You still sleep in the same bed, but it might as well be different rooms.
Colby sleeps -when he sleeps- curled into himself, facing away from you, completely different from the clingy octopus you remember. Even when you shake him awake from nightmares, it only takes a scant few seconds for his eyes to shutter, for him to slip back behind those walls he's built, away from you.
It hurts, more than you have words for. But you made vows and you intend to keep them, even if it means coming home to a cold bed and a shattered husband.
***************
The trial is excruciating. You hate every moment of it, hate seeing your husband, the strongest man you know, almost break down as he describes the four days he was raped and tortured by Jason Ensler.
Your hands itch for your rifle, for payback. The only reason you haven't done anything is that Colby would never forgive you. Even now, he believes in justice far more than you ever did.
Looking at your husband as he struggles to keep his composure, you know that while justice might be what Colby wants, it doesn't come close to being what you need.
***************
It's almost anti-climactic, the way the trial ends. Jason Ensler is given the death penalty for the rape and murder of four men, and the rape and attempted murder of Colby Granger.
When the verdict is announced, Colby takes your hand and squeezes. It's the first time he's willingly touched you since this whole mess began. You want to pull him close, but instead you settle for bringing your joined hands up and brushing your lips against his knuckles.
It's not even a fraction of what you want, but the pleased gratitude in Colby's eyes makes it worth it.
**********
The next morning, you see Colby staring at the paper.
'Westboro Rapist to be executed' it says.
Colby looks at you, his eyes large, wild.
"Cole?" you say, scared of breaking him anew.
"I was raped. Ensler raped me," he says, voice hushed, hesitant, as if saying it out loud will bring Ensler bursting through the door.
You nod. "He did. But you survived. Your testimony put him in jail."
"He raped me," Colby repeats, and you can see the walls he built begin to crumble, the cracks widening before your eyes.
You just hope Colby doesn't break with them.
**********
You catch him just as his knees give way, giving in to every impulse of the past couple months, holding him close as he finally breaks down. You rub his back and whisper soothing nonsense into his ear, comfort and support.
It feels like hours before the tears- his and yours- dry up. Colby's eyes are red but there's a peace in them you thought you'd never see again.
He leans in and you hold your breath, knowing it's his move.
He kisses you. It's barely a kiss, just the merest brush of lip on lip.
But it's a beginning.
**********
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Comments on Dreamwidth are preferred, but feel free to comment wherever you like. This entry has
no subject
Date: 2012-11-22 03:52 pm (UTC)You know how some fic, it's like you're not the one writing it? Your hand is moving, but it's like the words are coming from someone else. This fic was like that. Ian!muse just grabbed my hand and made me do this.
That said... WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN.
This is an old fic. Several months, almost a year old. I wrote it, and then I sat on it. Because even though I liked it, even though it's one of my better fics, I was really hesitant about publishing it. Because, well, I kind of whump Colby a lot.
But I was re-reading this fic recently, and I realised it did deserve to be published. First, because the n100 ladies are awesome and I like to support the comm :D but also because I think Ian's story is important on a couple levels. First, I liked seeing how he dealt with such a horrific thing happening to his partner, and second, how much strength it must have taken to stay with Colby rather than just walk away. For a man of action like Ian, it must have been doubly hard to stand by and see Colby hurt so much.
This fic title comes from William Blake, " Love seeketh not itself to please, nor for itself hath any care, but for another gives its ease, and builds a Heaven in Hell's despair." I thought it fit Ian's need to love and support Colby no matter what perfectly.
Oh, and before I forget: my thanks to Jes and LillyG for taking a look at this. Ta, bbs!
no subject
Date: 2012-11-22 04:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-22 05:04 pm (UTC)/huggs /comfort /support /understanding to you and yours, River. While I really love hurt/comfort and just... 'whumping' my heroes and heroines (right spelling?), I have absolutely NO DESIRE WHATSOEVER to see it in real life and war is/can be a theatre that showcases the worst of what humans are capable of.
no subject
Date: 2012-11-30 01:37 pm (UTC)He really is. It's never easy to deal with someone you love in pain.
It's like Colby said on the show. War never really goes away, does it? Please tell your daughter I'm grateful for her service, and I wish her all the very best in her recovery. And thank you, too, for raising a strong, wonderful woman.
no subject
Date: 2012-11-22 05:07 pm (UTC)Wonderfully, wonderfully done, hun. I'm very glad you posted this because it really is a good piece of writing. Everything you pointed out in your 'notes and confessions' is really very true. I love your Ian!
Great to hear and see something from you :)
no subject
Date: 2012-11-30 01:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-30 01:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-30 01:25 pm (UTC)In case it's not clear, I absolutely love this, and am in awe of what you achieved with the drabble formula.
no subject
Date: 2012-11-30 01:47 pm (UTC)No matter how much I break Colby, I can't bear not to give him that tiny little light at the end of the tunnel. I don't think I could write a story, no matter how heartbreaking, without that. This isn't a verse I can see having sequels (my heart hurts thinking of the long, hard road Colby and Ian have to travel) so I wanted to give readers an indication that all hope isn't lost, you know?
Thank you so very much for the lovely comment, my dear. /hugs/
no subject
Date: 2012-11-30 01:49 pm (UTC)Come play? Colby and Ian are both making with their very best puppy eyes.
no subject
Date: 2012-12-01 01:43 pm (UTC)I would love to join in, but I'm not sure I'm well enough at the moment. I see I've still got a few days left to make a decision so I'll see how I go for those days. Even if I don't join in as an author, I'll cheer everyone else on!
no subject
Date: 2012-12-03 05:27 am (UTC)Oh no! Feel better soon! We would love to have you, but your health is of course more important. And I'm sure your friendly neighbourhood comm mod can be talked into giving you any extensions you need... :D
no subject
Date: 2012-12-03 05:00 pm (UTC)And thanks for the encouragement (and also the reminder re extensions and an understanding mod *g*). I'm feeling better today than I have for a while, so fingers crossed it might yet be possible...
no subject
Date: 2012-12-03 05:54 pm (UTC)Fedcakeskids...Yay! Crossing my fingers, toes, AND eyes!
no subject
Date: 2012-12-27 05:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-28 04:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-01-04 04:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-10 08:20 pm (UTC)magic