(no subject)
It always seems odd for me, when I go back and read an entry months before. I either vaguely remember or not at all, but then again with the context of most of these posts, it is probably for the best. The only constant is hope. Well, that and pain.
So what's new this time? Well, my last post was about the beginning of Katherine and this post is about the end. An end that I don't understand. Normally there is a reason, or at least something that I could put my finger on, even if I don't like it. She tells me that she had fallen out of Love with me months before, but since then she has just been pretending and going through the motions that I she thought were necessary for me not to know what was going on. Either she did a dam good job, or there was something else. Something that she couldn't be honest about. Something that it would be better to lie and tell me she was behaving poorly and is not right in the head. I guess either way she has the latter part right.
There is a change though. I no longer have to be a slave to my emotions. I am beginning to understand my human condition; that there are thoughts, feelings, behaviors and a connectedness with the world around me; that which passes through me and that is in me, and I am not exempt from any of it; good, bad or indifferent. The only potential control I do have is how I react to life’s circumstances. I feel sorrow because I no longer possess the joys of her affections, but yet I don't feel lost because I haven't thought it a worthy cause to cast aside hope I miss her because I knew what it was like to hold her, to kiss her, to Love her, but I am not empty because Love I could not have fallen if I had never climbed, and although the fall hurts, there upon high, I did have a moment in the sun, to behold the beauty and of Love.
So what's new this time? Well, my last post was about the beginning of Katherine and this post is about the end. An end that I don't understand. Normally there is a reason, or at least something that I could put my finger on, even if I don't like it. She tells me that she had fallen out of Love with me months before, but since then she has just been pretending and going through the motions that I she thought were necessary for me not to know what was going on. Either she did a dam good job, or there was something else. Something that she couldn't be honest about. Something that it would be better to lie and tell me she was behaving poorly and is not right in the head. I guess either way she has the latter part right.
There is a change though. I no longer have to be a slave to my emotions. I am beginning to understand my human condition; that there are thoughts, feelings, behaviors and a connectedness with the world around me; that which passes through me and that is in me, and I am not exempt from any of it; good, bad or indifferent. The only potential control I do have is how I react to life’s circumstances. I feel sorrow because I no longer possess the joys of her affections, but yet I don't feel lost because I haven't thought it a worthy cause to cast aside hope I miss her because I knew what it was like to hold her, to kiss her, to Love her, but I am not empty because Love I could not have fallen if I had never climbed, and although the fall hurts, there upon high, I did have a moment in the sun, to behold the beauty and of Love.