There's a sanctuary deep inside your head. A memory, a time and place that doesn't need to be of any particuluar importance but it's always there when you think back.
I'm.. 7 or 8? Sitting in that white room surrounded by dozens if not hundreds of drawings on the walls, some of which are proudly my own. It's the dentists waiting room, empty except for a few black cushion chairs outlined against the wall and a thick black couch on one side. Outside the window I can see the light drizzle and rain. I went there often, as my mom used to work as a dentist and as a result knew the head dentist very well. The dentists office is ofcourse boring as hell, so i'd always ask for a piece of paper and draw something nice for them to hang up. Over the years the collection piled up, I think I drew more for them than any other kid as my work was all over the place. That's my sanctuary.. an unimportant little white room with drawings all around. Waiting there in my youth to be called by the dentist, who I knew very well. The rain lightly trickling just outside, and i'm watching from my comfortable chair as the beautiful light gray clouds spilled rain drops outside..
Why is this my sanctuary? I don't know. But whenever I look for a bookmark in my head, it takes me there.
Selfish. It's been a long time since i've updated. Close to a year. I guess it's cause I don't feel my life is anything too special to read about. :o I go to college, hang out with friends, tackle issues as they come up. Ultimately my life's too normal and predictable to write about. I guess it's pretty pathetic when you think about it. And I find myself wanting to break away from this vicious cycle i've heard about all my life.
Play-Learn-Work-Retire-Die.
There's gotta be something else to this world. The point of life can't simply be to pass on your genetics and then die can it? But that's stupid of me to ask, seeing as how I believe in evolution. If that is the case then i'm no different than other animals, who live and die in the blink of an eye and exist only in the genetic memory of their offspring. Is it selfish to want more? Is it selfish to want to continue to exist and not surrender your life force and organics to the ground? It's true that without death there can be no new life. But if I had a choice.. .. if YOU had a choice. Wouldn't you choose your own existence over future generations? I know I would. Selfish.
I haven't posted here since my doggy died. :( It seems i'm really only interested in lj to express depression. But when i'm happy and active which is most of the time, I can't bring myself to sit and type up a report card. I just don't have the tolerance to do that I guess. But i'll try anyway.
College has been hellish. :O I'm pretty sure my Cal teacher is gonna flunk me, just cause he's a fragrant asshole. But other than that all I have to worry about are term papers. Which suck. Majorly. And are time consuming. All hail the time-eater that is TERM PAPER. Last term paper I wrote about the evils of Christianity and its historic destruction throughout the world. I did it the night before it was due, too. 10 freaking pages. BOOYAH. I got an A+ too. ;] The biggest problem isn't the actual writing, but finding those USELESS sources and finding a way to use them. It's absolutely ridicoulous. You shouldn't be -forced- to use sources, especially when you're writing about an OPINION article. Had the subject been about a particuliuar book or dialogue, then i'd understand.
Yeah. Christianity has been pissing me off a lot lately, I could've added a bunch of new rants to that term paper by now. For one.... South Africa has legalized gay marriage. HOW FREAKING SOCIALLY FAR-BACK IS AMERICA WHEN SOUTH AFRICA IS SHOWING MORE SOCIAL PROGRESS!? That's just pathetic, we need to get the hillbillies off the supreme court, congress, senate, and presidency. Also need to stop letting them buy up stocks of media, tv stations, radio, etc. That's how they get control of these things. By buying up the stock, they can then threaten to sell everything if the media doesn't do as the warmongers please. It's sad, really.
My dog died.. a few hours ago... .. and I cried for 5 hours straight along with friends and family... I heard my grandma scream so I rushed upstairs to see my dog shaking on the floor, laying on his side.. 2 seconds later as I got there he stopped shaking.. and breathing.. I tried to rececitate him by pushing down on his chest and abdomen in rhythm and it worked for 2 seconds... then he died.... .. I was the last thing he saw... and I never thought it would be this way..... never thought he'd die like that..... i always thought..i'd be the one to die first..just so i wouldnt have to see him die.... he was a gorgeous dalmation with a white star on his left ear.. he was 12 years old and I had him since he was born... its still hard for me to believe.. he was such a happy, kind, loving dog.. never bit anyone in his life and he'd always rush to you if you were sad and would try to cheer you up.. so playful.. its hard for me to believe i wont ever hear that little jingle on his collar again... i kept it as a momentum.. the one thing he's had since birth, his little jingling tag... i hope he's somewhere.. happy.. waiting for me..
i'll always love you, jeffy.. i'll never forget.. rest in peace... june 12, 2005
Hello! It's been a long while. I keep thinking I will update this and then.. I just don't. But today for once I have nothing better to do, so I shall! Much has happened with me in the last.. um.. year? :D School has been a hoot. So much stuff to do! But sadly in the wake of it all i've destroyed my well-established sleeping schedule and turned into an insomniac. :( I shall find a way.. to turn back! Rar! ^_^ Oh, I have long black hair now! Very Pretty I say it is. <- Yoda Reference. :X OH YES. Yesterday I went to see StarWars Episode III with some friends. Awesome it is, except for the part where Vader goes NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, cause that was just.. lame. Besides that, Vaders costume looked too.. um.. plastic and shiny? XD Then at the end of my movie my friend made his comment immitating Yoda which still gets me laughing right now. "SHITHEAD YOU SAY I AM?" XD It's a lot funnier when he does the Yoda voice. So I guess that's that for awesome series like LoTR and StarWars. :( So sad, but all things come to an end. Oh I did find a fan film of StarWars! It's pretty damn awesome, it's been worked on for like.. 4 years? Expert digital effects and stuff. You'd think Lucas himself made it. It's not one of those 2-nerds get a camera and make a movie type of thing. This thing was massive. :X
Go DL it! Well anyway that's all for now. I may update more later.. or I may not! Oh it's come to my attention some people don't know my AOL/AIM sn. Miseru it is.
Despite years of change, there's one thing I was never able to evolve from and that was being too much of a thinker. A true burden. I cannot stop asking questions that have no answer, and I cannot stop trying to find that non existant answer. Lately it's been troubling me even more. I keep thinking about the things no human should be thinking about. Or perhaps.. the things we're taught not to think about out of fear we may discover something we shouldn't know. Either way, it's a mental struggle because too much thought = depression. too little thought = happiness.. heh. Kinda like Ignorance is being happy, while wisdom is being sad. Which would you choose? To be ignorant yet joyous or to be knowledgable and wise yet always sorrowful for what you know? Ashame this post cannot be as care-free and happy as my previous one. But then again it's an entirely different post. My previous one was about the normality of my life, this one is about the unnerving instability of my thoughts. -.- I guess there has to be a negative for every positive. I think i'll update this later with more.. um.. detail, should anyone care to read.
o.o;.. Hm. Yes! I'm finally posting! The last entry was like.. half a year ago or something. <_<; And now i'm posting again! Yesterday my mom took me shopping in the traditional after-thanksgiving shopping spree thing--which I never understood. I bought like $500 worth of cool stuff, mostly clothes at my mom's expense. She insisted. - Shrug. - Lately.. .. not even lately, for quite some time--years even I have been really happy with life. :D I'm getting everything I wanted in life. Joy, love, friendship, opportunity, purpose. Maybe that's why I haven't been posting in my LJ. Prior, it's been full of sad memories and events. Anger/hate/whatever. But when you're happy with life, truly happy-- I guess you want to post less and live more. O.o; Wow. As i'm typing this happy entry, the dark rainy clouds parted and light came through. It just went from dark to bright. :D That's so cool. And it made me smile too. It's odd how time can completely change a person. Looking back at how I was before, i'm kinda embarrased. e.e; Like it wasn't me that was posting all that sappy stuff. Too lazy to go delete them all, and perhaps it's better that way. A reminder of what I emerged from. Time heals all wounds, and changes everything. I've also just read Brenna's journal from a friends point of view, that got me kinda sad. :( Hang in there, Brenna. I guess i'll try to talk to her today, if she ever gets back from AFK. :B K, now i'm just rambling on since I don't have much to post about other than a general over-view of my giddy life now. But.. I just backdated all the way to thursday, november 22'nd, 2001. Perhaps one of the good few memories I posted in this lj. I wonder if Brenna would remember what that day was. :B Maybe i'll update the lj again sometime in the future. But for the meantime, adios lj fans.
I see your love, reflection! Lalalala---however the song goes. o.o; - Skips a rock across the lake. - Ah, ze lake Hylia. Old memories. I was on AOL a while ago and I see Lake Hylia up in the chats and naturally i'm like "Wtf mate? O_o" and I go investigate and this guy is there and he's like "wtf eh?" so i'm like "wtf r u canadian?" and he's like "no i'm french." and i'm like "oh cool" and yeah that was fun. o.o; I'm gonna make my first moozik video! :D It's gonna be on Zelda the cartoon series. Lol it's kinda cheezy but still cool. ^_^ I like this background on my journal it's so cool. Well that's enough random thoughts, I actually have work to do! u.u; Stupid teachers cramming projects at the end of the year all at once. Ja, invisible non-existant readers! XD
Time. . Do you have some to spare? . Since the dawn of man, there has always been a question pounding at the minds of its philosophers. . "Do we have time?" . "Is our time running out?" . No matter which way you phrase it, the question is the same. . Do you have some to spare? . Give me time.... . Give me life.... . Give me joy..... . Give me sorrow.. . Give me pain.... . . . . . . .... Your time is running out. . . . . . Don't waste it. . . . . . - SFIN. . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . .. Resurection of a fallen spirit.
thoughtful
crying...
flirty
gfdgfghs
happy