Title: Have You Ever Thought About Your Heart?
Rating: G
Fandom: Xena: Warrior Princess
Characters/Pairings: Gabrielle, Ephiny, Gabrielle/Xena
Spoilers: Set immediately post-2.13/14.
Warnings: minute reference to previous temporary canon character death.
Disclaimer: Neither Xena, Gabrielle, or Ephiny belong to me, and this is a non-profit fanwork. Title is mostly nicked from Ingrid Michaelson's song: Breakable.
A/N: Thanks to biodamped for the beta. Squeezed under the line (I often really appreciate being in a timezone that's often ahead of other fandomers, so I can feel comfortable posting at odd hours of the morning on challenge deadlines, heh) for amnesty Wednesday at lgbtfest for the prompt: 3798. Xena, Gabrielle, the Amazons have a lot to teach their new Queen about their way of life, and Gabrielle has a lot of things to adjust to that she never learnt at home. Also, here's a fist pump to my first completed lgbtfest fic! It's a pleasure and an honour to be able to participate in such a wonderful challenge.

Have You Ever Thought About Your Heart? can also be accessed here, via Archive of Our Own.

Summary: Ephiny sees more in Gabrielle than Gabrielle knew was a part of herself.








HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT YOUR HEART?


"Melosa only allowed you to leave as a princess because she believed there was more time to train you before you would ever inherit the mask," Ephiny said, her hand on Gabrielle's arm, pulling her back from leaving the village boundary.

"Gabrielle gave you-" Xena started, but Gabrielle waved her off.

"It's alright Xena, we have plenty of time for me to talk to Ephiny before we leave."

Ephiny smiled softly and nodded at Xena, before turning and walking further out of the village limits.

"I'll meet you back here in a little while, okay?" Gabrielle said, and then followed Ephiny into the trees.

She followed Ephiny over the hill in silence, walking in her footsteps as she weaved her way around the occasional tree until they reached a small copse.

"I appreciate you both returning to tell us of Velaska's fate-"

"Of course," Gabrielle interrupted warmly. "You can't possibly think we wouldn't have come back to tell you ourselves?"

"I know," Ephiny smiled, and reached out and grasp Gabrielle's hand. "You show great dedication to the Amazon people, Gabrielle, even though you were not born among us."

"Well, you're my people now I guess." Gabrielle ducked her head and felt her cheeks warm, but she squeezed Ephiny's hand in return."And I'm more glad of that than you could ever know."

"I am simply concerned that you do not know all of our ways yet. Please understand me, Gabrielle, I am pleased and honoured to rule our people in your absence, but Melosa had no intention of allowing you to wander forever with Xena without learning more of our ways first. You must be prepared if you ever return to us and find that you lack friends among our sisters."

"Ephiny-"

"No, Gabrielle. We must talk of this if I am to rule in your place. A Queen must be prepared to fight alongside her people if she is to lead them well. It is always possible that I might die on the battlefield in your absence. Indeed, it would be possible whether you were here or with Xena. After Velaska, you must see the danger such a situation could present to our tribe if you are still unfamiliar with the most important of our ways."

"I do see what you're saying, but I've bound myself to Xena. I travel with her, and I won't have it any other way, please try to understand that."

"I could never ask you to leave her side," Ephiny said, shaking her head and laughing lightly. "I'm not blind Gabrielle, I know the request would be futile. I only ask that you stay a short while with us, without Xena, so we can teach you our ways properly without distraction."

"Wait, without Xena?"

"Xena is always welcome in our village, of course. But you could both return to the road quicker if you were better able to focus on your training."

Gabrielle nodded slowly, her brow furrowed. "I'll need to speak to Xena about this."

"Of course," Ephiny said with a smile, and squeezed her hand once more before dropping it.

* * *

There was a little bit of grumbling involved, but after a few days hanging around the village so that Gabrielle could revel in having Xena close, and alive, once more, Xena let them be. Promising to pass back in a few days to check in on Gabrielle, Xena swung up on Argo and rode hard out of Amazon land.

Her heart twinged a little to watch her leave again so soon, but once they had her to themselves her Amazon sisters swept her up in activity after activity until her head was spinning too fast to dwell on her absence. For the first day they brought a steady stream of objects to her to show her the colours, the cuts, the way the feathers and other decorative items were attached so that she could learn the history behind their clothes, weapons and other important items, and so she could understand the meaning behind the way each was constructed and displayed. Ephiny stuck her head into Gabrielle's hut from time to time, but mostly she left her in the hands on a young Amazon name Akantha.

Gabrielle found herself strongly reminded of her first days in Ephiny's company as she was wrapped up in different fabrics and objects were shoved into and then taken out of her hands faster than she could really keep track of.

"She's exhausting," Gabrielle confessed after dinner, curled around the small fire in the centre of the room with Ephiny by her side, relishing the first brief quiet she'd had since the torment had begun.

"Akantha is just nervous," Ephiny said with a smirk as she refilled Gabrielle's wine glass. "So was I, in a way, that day when I tried to train you in Amazon battle techniques."

"You? Nervous of me? Now I know you're lying! You cut me to the ground everytime I so much as opened my mouth."

"Ah, yes. The noble aggression of the Amazons. It's our way when we see something pretty that we can't have," Ephiny chuckled.

Gabrielle paused, blinking rapidly. "Wait, what? How much wine have I had..."

She stretched over Ephiny's lap to grab at the wine bottle and haul it clumsily towards the firelight.

"Are you sure we should be drinking this? I mean, I'm guessing I have another big day tomorrow, and I don't think you should be speaking incoherently yet after what we've had-"

"Gabrielle, it's fine." Ephiny swiped the bottle back from her before she could drop it. "It's not the wine going to my head, I mean what I said. You were very pretty, for all I found you incredibly frustrating, I resented being attracted to you when you were so clearly already attached to Xena."

"Wait, wait, wait. What about Phalantes?"

"You were married once, too, and yet you're still by Xena's side. There's nothing so strange in that."

"But Xena and I..." Gabrielle started, and then trailed off uncertainly. "Xena and I, we're- well, we're special. Xena's special. I'm not... that is I don't-"

Ephiny threw her head back and laughed, deep and loud.

"Hey!" Gabrielle cried, and smacked her in the arm with the flat of her hand. "Don't laugh at me."

"Don't pout, my Queen," Ephiny gasped, wiping a tear from her eye and cupping Gabrielle's chin with the other. "Sometimes I forget that the companion of the Warrior Princess could come from a small farming village, that's all."

Gabrielle frowned – it wasn't a pout! - and watched Ephiny as she huffed out the last of her laughter and wet her throat again.

"I'm not just some village bumpkin, you know. I know... things. I hear things! I'm a bard, it's what we do. I bet I could tell you all sorts of things that would make your ears burn!"

Ephiny just smiled at her, and shook her head again, gently. "Did you ever feel different, Gabrielle?"

"What do you mean?"

"Back home, growing up. Did you ever feel like you didn't quite belong anywhere? That you were a bad fit?"

"Well sure," Gabrielle said, and twisted herself around so she could lean back and stretch her legs by the warmth of the flames. "I've always wanted to do something more with my life than just find a husband and have children and grow old."

Ephiny didn't reply, just looked at her silently over the rim of her wineglass.

"That's why I wanted to leave and travel with Xena. So I could see the world, and do something different and interesting!"

"Oh, Gabrielle," Ephiny said quietly. "I didn't mean like that." She placed a hand on Gabrielle's shoulder.

"Then what did you mean?" Gabrielle asked, confused. "That's how I felt different, I promise you. I was the only one who wanted to really leave the village - at least I was at the time, of course I wasn't the only one to leave but I didn't know that theb-"

"What I meant, was did you ever feel different in a way you couldn't describe, but that you just felt in your bones? Not just that you wanted different things, but that you looked at the people around you – people who you loved and cared for – and you could never see anything familiar looking back? Like it was just you, and you alone, and the world was the loneliest place you ever could have imagined?"

"I-"

Ephiny tightened her grip on Gabrielle gently, her thumb making a single, warm sweep across her skin.

"I guess I-"

"Even here with the Amazons it's sometimes hard, but our sisters have always known that there wasn't anything wrong with being different from each other. We're like the different colours in the feathers we wear, each unique but beautiful, and something to be celebrating. But we know that outside our tribe it's harder. Lonelier."

Gabrielle bit her lip.

"I... I don't know what to say," she admitted after a pause, and then startled to hear her voice tremble.

"I was lucky here. People saw me and they knew me too, they could tell me what I couldn't tell myself. How can you identify what's different when you've never known anything else? I can't imagine how much more difficult it must have been for you."

Ephiny raised a hand and stroked Gabrielle's cheek, making her jump, distracted from the fire where she hadn't even noticed her gaze wandering to. Struggling to smile, she turned back to Ephiny and opened her mouth, only to pause again when she noticed her hand still raised, her finger wet from a tear.

"You don't ever need to fear loneliness here, Gabrielle. Not with us. We'll always know you."

Ephiny leaned over and planted a soft kiss on Gabrielle's cheek, chaste and unassuming, as she stifled back a sob.

"Thank you," she finally choked out, and let Ephiny pull her close so she could lay her head on her shoulder. "I didn't... I didn't realise that it could work like that."

Ephiny just hummed softly and held her close, and took another sip of her wine.