CLAY AIKEN
Clay Atkin
Clay Aken
Clay BAKEN
CLAY
CLAY CLAY CLAY CLAY CLAY
So, I had a meeting with Clay Aken.
IF CLAY AIKEN AND ZZ TOP GOT INTO A FIGHT, I THINK CLAY AIKEN WOULD END UP BEING BENT OVER ON THE HANDLE BARS OF A HARLEY DAVIDSON AND SMOKED LIKE THE OIL SPILL OF A VOICE HE PARLAYS. AND WHEN I SAY PARLAY, I MEAN: HE'S GAY!! BUT MORE LIKE A RYAN SEACREST KIND OF GAY-MAYBE THEY WERE FRIENDS AT ONE POINT.
I THINK ZACK MORRIS AND CHUCK NORRIS WENT TO TOWN ON CLAY AIKEN ONE TIME AND CLAY WAS VERY RESOURCEFUL WITH THE GENEROUSITY OF HIS CELEBRITY. SO MUCH SO, THAT HE DONATED HIS FAILING ENTOURAGE TO SPC'S CAUSE AND THEN HE BACKED DOWN AND WENT RIGHT BACK TO VANITY FAIR WHERE HE CONTINUED TO EAT PREZELS AND NACHOS UNTIL HE SPAT FIRE AND BUTANE FILLED GAS PROPANE.
THEN CLAY AIKEN WAS USED AS A MATCH BY ZZ TOP IN A BAR...
UNLESS ZZ TOP WAS ACTUALLY ZZ BOTTOM. I THINK ZZ TOP IS COOL. AND I DONT THINK MOST PEOPLE KNOW WHY BUT I DO. I MEAN, ZZ TOP IS LIKABLE AND ALL LIKE THE DWARF IN THE LORD OF THE RINGS OR THE LORD OF THE THREE RINGED BINDER BUT THEIR DRAGON CLOUDS WERE ALWAYS SECOND BEST AT MOST AND AT LEAST THEY WERE ALWAYS WEARING A GRAND BEARG FOR A GRAND FEAST BUT YET,,,,,
NAME A FUCKING ZZ TOP SONG!!!! *CRICKETS SILENCE* THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!!! UGH!!
BUT YEAH, I AM WITH YOU THERE ALSO, I CANNOT TOTAL RECALL A ZZ TOP SONG SO YOU PEOPLE MUST HAVE A ONE OR 2UP ON ME BUT I WILL ALWAYS HAVE 7UP YOURS AND CHUCK NORRIES WILL ALWAYS HAVE B I N G O AND HE CHRISTENED MY DOG WITH THAT NAME AND WROTE HIM A SONG. I WOULD SING IT BUT I THINK CHUCK NORRISS TAUGHT IT TO ALL OF THE PARENTS WHILE BRAIN DRY CLEANING THEIR CLOTHES AND THEN THOSE SAME PARENTS SHOVED THE DOG SONG DOWN THEIR KIDS THROATS AND FOR SOME REASON OR ANOTHER WE ALL REMEMBER SINGING THAT SONG IN GRADE SCHOOL!! FUCK!! BUT NO ZZ TOP!
AT LEAST THE CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE AND IN FULL FREE STYLE FORM HAVE BEEN REMOVED FROM SHELVES WITH THE ANGST THAT ONE DAY ONE KID SOMEWHERE MIGHT CHOOSE HIS OWN ADVENTURE RIGHT TO THE TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN BABY!! BUT THAT'S NEITHER HERE, NOR THERE NOR NANCY NOR SID..NOR A HOTDOG IN A BUN WITH AN EW FOR THAT MATTER...
RUBY RED 7'S THE SCRATCHER IS NOW OUT OF COMMISSION, AND I THINK ITS BECAUSE THEY REALIZED ANYTHING WITH A 7 HAS GOT TO BE LUCKY! AND THEN SID REARRANGES THE SCRATCHERS IN THE FRONT AGAIN SO IT DOESNT LOOK LIKE HE IS HIDING ALL OF THE REAL ANSWERS...EITHER THAT OR HE WON ALL OF THE GOOD ONES SO IT DONT MATTER ANYMORE. ALL OF THAT SAID, IT STILL DOESNT CHANGE THE SIMPLE FACT THAT I SMELLED RAID!! RAID!! ALL OVER 7-11 LAST NIGHT WHILE SID WAS TELLING ME OF BUGS ON HIS HANDS AND WAS ON HANDWASH #29 AND JUDGING BY THE LOOKS OF HIS HANDS IT LOOKED LIKE HE WASHED ALL THE INDIAN OFF OF THEM BECAUSE FUCK - THEY WERE CLEAN AND OLIVE COLOR.. OUT WITH THE SHIT BROWN AND ONTO THE OLIVE I SUPPOSE AND THEN I TOLD HIM HE COULD NEVER BE A REAL ASIAN G.
SO THE ASSHOLE/PRETTY BOY CANT SPEAK ENGLISH SO I GOT HIM HOOKED ON FONIX REAL QUICK AND REMINDED HIM THAT HE WAS SAVED BY THE BELL AND TO RECOGNICE THE PRINCIPLE NEXT TIME HE SAW HIM AND THAT I WAS ZACK NORRIS WITH NONECHUCKS AND CHUCK NORRIS WHEN I COULD AND I WAS ALSO SCREECH BUT THEN SID HAD THE EARPHONE EARPIECE AND PRETENDED TO BE SO COOL THAT I TOOK TWO BROWNIES AND HE GAVE ME 4 LIGHTERS AND THEN CASHED IN MY TWO WINNING RUBY RED 7 SCRATCHERS AND GOT SOME DRAINO FOR MY FUCKING TOILET WHICH WAS BACKED UP BECAUSE OF THE DRAMA IN THE PIPES AND I S WEAR TO YOU GAWD, THERE'S NOT OUNCES OR SHARDS OF ANYTHING ASIDE FROM SHIT IN THERE AND WHEN I SAY SHIT, I MEAN -UNADULTERATED FECES GALORE. EXREMENT CEMENT CLOGGING THE PIPES...LIKE CLAY AIKEN
HOW COULD BEING SO FAT BE SUCH A POWER TRIP FOR SOME PEOPLE AND HOW COULD SOME PEOPLE AT YOSHINORIA (CHINEES FOOD PLACE FAST FOOD WITH DRIVE THROUGH) NOT THINK THAT THEY COULD SNOWBOARD THROUGH LIFE WITHOUT GETTING INSULTED FOR BEING FAT JUST ONCE JUST BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE HAD THE GALL TO SAY IT TO THEIR FACE AND DIDNT WANT TO FEEL BAD? I DONT KNOW HOW THOSE OBEAST I MEAN OBESE WHITE TRASH-TYPE OF DRYMOUTH PALE SKINNED LONG HAIRED BEASTS POSSIBLY THINK THAT THEY COULD GET AWAY WITHOUT GIVING ME SOY SAUCE AND NOT LETTING ME SEE THE MENU BECAUSE OF THEIR OWN IMPATIENT AND LINGUISTIC INCOMPETENCE?!!!!!HOW!!!! HOW COULD BEING THAT FAT GIVE THEM A RIGHT TO THINK I DONT HAVE THE MENU MEMORIZED WHEN I'M IN THE DRIVE THROUGH???!!!
HUH???
HOW COULD THEM BEING SO FAT WARRANT THE FACT THAT I WOULDN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A LARGE BOWL AND THAT THE ACTUAL LARGE COMES IN A HUGE STIFOFOAM TOGO BOX HUH?? HOW COULD THE HAIRTHING IN THEIR HAIR AND EXTRA 200 POUNDS WHICH IM SURE THEY CONSIDERED ONLY "A FEW EXTRA POUNDS" OR "BIG BONE DID" OR "CURVY" MAKE THEM THINK THEY OWN YOSHINORA (THE CHINEES FAST FOOD DRIVE THROUGH WITH RICE BOWLS) WITH SUCH A SOLID FISTED REIGN OF TERROR ONLY JABA THE HUT COULD SUBDUE?
HOW COULD THEY GIVE ME ALL THAT TROUBLE AND THEN MAKE ME FORGET TO HAVE TO BLATANTLY ASK FOR SOY SAUCE WHEN THAT SHOULD BE A FUCKING GIVEN??? ESPECIALLY FOR A FUCKING VEGTABLE RICE BOWL?? HUH?? WHERE'S THE FLAVOR??? WHERE?? IS IT IN THEIR FAT ASS? WHY IS THIS CONDIMENTS BY REQUEST HOUR?? HUH?? GIVE ME THE FUCKING SOY SAUCE YOU FAT FUCKING BITCH!!
SO I HOPED THEY SUFFER AND CHOKE ON A CHICKEN BONE BIG ENOUGH TO NOT BE ABLE TO SQUAWK IT'S WAY FREE FROM THEIR TRIPLE-TRIGANTIC TO THE UMPTEENTH POWER CHIN/THROAT COMBINATION!
SO I CALLED UP ANONYMOUSLY AS A CLOSE FRIEND OF THE FAMILY TO GET PAST THEIR FRIEND CARLOSES PHONE CALL SCREENING AND GOT THAT BITCH MANAGER ON THE PHONE AND TOLD HER ABOUT HOW SHE NEEDED TO LOSE WEIGHT BECAUSE NOT EVERYONE LIKES WHALE WATCHING. THOUGH WALE WATCHING CAN BE ADVENTUROUS AND WHAT NOT FOR SOME WHO HAVEN'T SEEN WHALES IN A WHILE, OR TO SHOW KIDS WHAT WHALES LOOK LIKE BUT...I TOLD HER TO DROP SOME POUNDS AND TO STOP BEING SO FAT AND RUDE AND SNOBBY FOR SHE HAD NO RIGHT, AND EVEN IF SHE DID, IT WOULD BE WRONG SIMPLY BASED ON THE FACT SHE HAD NO SOLID GROUND-IT WAS ALL BROKEN...AND IT WAS JUST BECAUSE SHE WAS FAT. AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE, I TOLD HER I I KNEW ZACK AND ZZ TOP-THE KIDS THAT USED TO MAKE FUN OF HER ALL THE TIME AND FORCED HER TO EAT BEN AND JERRY'S AND THEN BEN AND JERRY THEMSELVES!!
THAT DAMN FAT BITCH...SHE MIGHT HAVE BEEN THE ONE WHO GOT HOG TIED AND DUCT TAPED TO A CHAIR BY HER SPARE TIRE THAT ONE TIME WHILE MY GOOT FRIEND KAREEM ABDUL JABAR THREW FRESH SALAMI AT HER NAKED BODY, ONE BY ONE, AIMING FOR HER MOUTH AND MISSING MOST OF THE TIME.
THROW THE SALAMI AT THE WHALE TIED TO A CHAIR!! MUCH BETTER THAN PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY OR THE PINATA I MUST SAY.
SALAMI SMACKING....A FAVORITE PASTIME OF THE GODS.
IM OUTTRO.
D.
PS: I REALLY DID CALL!! I WAS REALLY PISSED ABOUT THE SOY SAUCE I TELL YOU AND WAS PRESSED FOR TIME AND A TIMEOUT.
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