Российский Панк

YET AGAIN I AM MERGING JOURNALS, I AM VERY VERY SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE, IT WON'T BE HAPPENING AGAIN. MY NEW JOURNAL IS fatale_eyes
PLEASE COMMENT ON MY FIRST ENTRY AFTER YOU HAVE ADDED ME SO THAT I CAN ADD YOU BACK. THANK YOU VERY MUCH</i>

for everyone that uses this journal: i have decided to blend all of my jorunals together. so from now on my journal will be misfitreject001
thanks

I really believe that people are good at heart and the media corrupts them horribly.

My head is pounding and I feel like I'm going to pass out.
Other than that I'm good.

Just so that everyone knows, I do have another journal (that I write in quite often) so if you recognize me...don't give out my other journal name. I recently was trying to make friends with someone I used to know and they recognized it was me and got all pissy. This journal is written different and talks about more personal things and that is why I don't want people to have it. I even change the names of people I know so that they won't be offended. Please do not search for my other journal.

Days seem longer as nights seem shorter. I never get enough sleep. It can't be good for my body. My dying body. I am so skinny that I could stand sideways and be invisible by the naked eye, but I eat! I eat more than most guys. I eat until my stomach is near busting its seems. Yet, I gain nothing. I try hard to fill in those nice jeans...those sizes like 7 or 9. But 7's fall of my hips slightly, a 3 fits nicely. My perfect size would be a 4, but thats a rare size to find in the states. I miss Russia.
I want to be normal and not have to rely on people to brighten my day.
Why do I feel so alone?

Merely Dead
The light says go
green for speed
dont slow down
this is what you need.
Adrenaline pumping
through thick veins
like loud crashes in your mind
made by fallen window panes.
one more notch
and your at the top
just speed up
dont dare stop
faster and faster
near the end
around the corner
around the bend.
Homestretch now
the end is near
you finish first
and lose all your fear.
you hit the brake
but you dont slow down
your brakes are gone
you speed down town
a cafe in the distance
your going to crash
the brakes start working
but you go for the gas.
you side swipe a man
harsh words are said
and crash into the cafe
merely dead.

Why do I feel this constant pressure to rise above my peers? Is it because I know that there is some slight chance of it actually happening? Or is it mere peer pressure...or parental pressure? I have always been taught to be what I want to be. But what if I wanted to grow up to be an STD infected crack whore? I don't, but what if I did? Would it be my decision to make? I think so...considering I have much better judgement than to do a silly thing such as get addicted to drugs.
Be all that you can be they say, well I can't be much with all these constant annoyances. Everyone annoys me, except him, he is my one and only true love and the only man who has kept me out of trouble. He is the only one that I will ever love. He taught me what it is to love...he opened the door.
He loves me with a soul purer than the first born virgin. He loves me more than he could ever love anyone...but wait is it mere lust? No, he loves me. That is why I will never leave him to be ravaged by cruel people such as his mother. Because she is evil.

So this is my first entry of a new journal. I apologize now for possible death due to excessive boredom. I am really just trying to meet new people who may or may not share common interests with me. I find myself to be an enlightened individual who cares more about others than herself. I included one of those "survey-ish" things that people post so that you can get a feel of the type of person I am. It is under the cut-text. If anyone happens to find that they have somethings in common with me...please let me know!

( Survery-Ish Thingy...Collapse )