Monthly Archives: April 2011

Friday Gauge Check: Gainful Employment Edition

I started Wednesday.

That’s really skipping, because I should talk about my weaving class on Saturday. I intend to do a full post about it, but right now, let me just say that weaving feels like the most natural thing I’ve done with fiber in my life. My teacher asked if I was sure I hadn’t done it before, because I certainly didn’t act like a rank beginner. Not in this life, I told her, and she nodded and told me that fiber was in my blood.

I’ll take a picture of what was supposed to be a sampler and turned into a scarf I’m going to be proud to wear. I’ll talk about my second project, that I’m going to start tomorrow, and we’ll see where it takes me. But I’ve found something I love more than knitting.

I should talk about my knitting, because while I didn’t do much, I did accomplish my goal of knitting every day. I finished the first Personal Footprint sock, fixed the first Hiss sock, and I put down the heel turn on the second one to get this post out. Oh, and I’ve done some work on Jack’s grey scarf – if I don’t finish that over the weekend, I’ll be somewhat surprised. Really, if I don’t finish it over the weekend, it’ll be because I’m working on the second Personal Footprint sock, getting it to the point where it can go into my purse.

I wrote a very little, obviously blogged even less.

What I did do was start Wednesday, and three days in, I’m utterly delighted with my job. Not only are my co-workers as much fun as I hoped they would be (I spent a not-inconsiderable amount of time talking about Phoenix ComicCon and amigurumi with my boss), but the corporate culture is helpful, supportive, and focused on solving problems rather than placing blame. Eight days out from a major deadline, with the sorts of SNAFUs that happen when there are a lot of different departments collaborating on a massive project, and I did not once feel genuine inter-departmental tension. What I felt was a bunch of people working as hard as they could to get something finished, and doing as much as they could to alleviate confusion, communicate clearly, and make everyone else’s jobs easier. It was amazing.

I haven’t talked about my previous job, but it was at a company where I started out happy to go to work and ended up nearly sick with dread at the thought of having to go back and deal with the corporate bullshit yet again. The phrase “throwing people under the bus” was used regularly, frequently in the context of, “Well, I don’t want to throw [person] under the bus, but….”

I think you can tell a lot about a company by listening for corporate catchphrases. Every company has them – they’re phrases that you use at the office, and don’t necessarily make a lot of sense out of context. Often they abuse traditional rules of grammar. But in my experience, (there’s one now) the word choices management adopts when speaking to co-workers and subordinates say a lot about the corporate approach to problem-solving and dealing with stressful situations.

The word I heard most of over the past three days was “help.” As in, “What can I do to help you?” Help isn’t a corporate buzzword, but it does speak to a very positive culture. The buzzword, though, I heard my very first day. My boss was making doubly sure that I understood what he was teaching me, that I wasn’t getting overwhelmed by information overload, because he’d had trouble with previous new hires to my position just quitting because they were overwhelmed. “I wish she had told me so I could have tried to solve for it,” he said.

Guys, my corporation’s buzzword? Is “solve for.” I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.

It’s not just the words, either. The building is beautiful, and there are so many little details that speak to a company that makes its employees happy. The cubicles are spacious, the room is brightly lit with lots of windows, the chairs are the sort that you had to have a doctor’s note in order to get at my old job. The vending machines are well-stocked and cheaper than I’ve seen vending machines in years. There’s a (free) coffee selection that includes three kinds of tea, guys. Three kinds. The bathrooms are clean and classy. Little things, yes, but it’s really the little things that make you happy to go to work every day.

Next week I have to work 45 hours, so I’m going to limit my goals to enjoying my job and doing something creative every day.

How has the week treated you?

Friday Gauge Check: Vacation Edition

Sorry I’ve been so quiet this week, I took an impromptu mini-vacation.  We’d been planning to go out of town, but between Jack’s school schedule and our financial status, decided to just stay home and enjoy each other’s company.  A happy relationship is one where you can spend days on end together and not get tired of each other, and ours is a very happy relationship.

Wednesday was my birthday – thank you to all the well-wishers.  I had a wonderful day.  We did a little shopping, and I scored a practically-new Hello Kitty shoulder bag at the thrift store, picked up used copies of parts 2 and 3 of Jak and Daxter, Lego Indiana Jones, and Prince of Persia: Sands of Time.  (Watching that movie made me want to play the game, not gonna lie.)  We also went to the library, poked around the bookstore, and wandered around the mall.  We had dinner at Benihana, which was tons of fun, and subsidized by the fact that if you join their Chef’s Table club, you get a $30 meal voucher for your birthday.

Thursday I had an interview for a temp position.  It would be very short term – while someone’s out on maternity leave – the pay wouldn’t be very good, and it would be about 20 minutes from my house, but at this point, any port in a storm, right?  I felt very good about it.

So you may remember that two weeks ago I had an interview that I thought went well, but I didn’t hear anything back from.  I talked about it in my Ripping Out the Needles gauge check.  It was actually a two-interview process, one with a recruiter in north Scottsdale (which is what brought me to review Jessica Knits) and the second with the company in Chandler.  Wednesday, I got an email from the recruiter asking if I was still available, because the company had another position.  He actually apologized for not getting back to me, which was nice.  Not quite a palliative to my splintered ego, but nice.  Yes, I said, I am still available.  What I was expecting was a follow-up phone call to schedule another interview, because it was a big company and he had told me that he recruited for them frequently.  What I got Thursday was a follow-up phone call saying that the guy I’d interviewed with had another opening and wanted me for it.  The position I was interested in, in the department I loved, with the people I wanted to work with, making reasonable (not spectacular, but better than I’d hoped) money, for a company I felt like I could support working for.  Could I start next week?

COULD I EVER.

I’ve completed the paperwork, and now I’m just waiting for the confirmation of the start date, which involves some bureaucratic red tape on their end, but shouldn’t be any later than Wednesday.

My takeaway lesson? Don’t be afraid to tell the universe what you want.  It might take a little longer than you expect it to, but you just might get it.

I did some drop spindling, and I spent some time spinning on the Kromski Sonata at TYF yesterday. (GOAL MET.)  I spun a merino-silk blend for the first time, and it made an absolutely gorgeous yarn.  The Sonata is a lovely wheel, and I enjoyed spinning on her.  The Joy is still my first love, but I certainly wouldn’t turn this one down if someone decided to give her to me.

Oh, let me back up and explain why I was spinning on the Sonata.  Last week, I mentioned that something was wrong with my loom.  That “something” was the fact that there were not holes drilled for the pawls, which are little bird-like hooks that hold the ratchets in place.  I made a post on the Rigid Heddle community on Ravelry asking for advice, and was assured that there should be holes.  Someone came along Tuesday night and said that she’d had the same problem, and she had emailed Tim at New Voyager, the U.S. distributor of Kromski products, and he’d sent her a new side frame.  So I emailed him, sending him some pictures of my loom.  First thing Wednesday morning,  he gets back to me – he can either tell me the dimensions where the holes should be and I can drill them, or he can send me a new side frame.  I don’t have a drill, and while Jack wants to get a drill, I didn’t want to rush out and buy a cheap one because we needed one RIGHT THEN.  I also didn’t want to risk damaging my loom, so I asked him to send me a new frame.  Is there any way I can get it before Saturday? I asked.  My weaving class is Saturday, and it would be nice to have my loom with me, although I can use a shop loom.

The only response I get is around 5:00 PM, and it’s a tracking number from the post office.  Which brings us back to today – according to the tracking number, the package is out for delivery, so I should be getting it this afternoon.  I can’t say enough good things about the speed and quality of that kind of customer service, and as a result, I decided that I would also try at least one Kromski spinning wheel before I made my final decision, and possibly others.  I stopped into TYF yesterday to pick up a size 1 needle and Jack suggested I go ahead and try the Sonata.

Let’s see, other goals from last week:  I finished the first Hiss test sock by the deadline, gave it to Jack to try on, and discovered it was too long for him.  After I sent completed pictures to the pattern writer, I pulled off the afterthought toe (it’s an afterthought style but a toe-up sock – would that make it a beforethought toe?), ripped it all the way back and am reknitting it, starting with more cast-on stitches to make it both less weirdly pointy and shorter.

Jack bought me another set of size 2 DPNs so that I can work on the Codename: Wintergreen glove again.  Immediately two of them got grabbed to hold the live stitches on the foot of the Hiss sock, but there are three remaining, so I can still work on the Wintergreen glove.

The reason I was at TYF picking up a size 1 circular needle (an Addi Lace, 40″) is because I was trying to cast on the Skull Isle hat, but just couldn’t get gauge on the size 2 needle.  I went smaller, still couldn’t get gauge, and then realized that the REASON I probably couldn’t get gauge is that the pattern called for a light fingering yarn and I was using a sport weight.  I apparently fail at reading comprehension.  So, at some point I’m going to have to find a light fingering in an appropriate brown – possibly by ordering a couple of skeins of Palette, but I’m going to try and source it locally first.  I’m going to call that goal met, because I DID cast on something new, even if I ended up ripping it all out again.

I didn’t end up reading a book on weaving, so I’ll bump that goal out to the near future.

I also mostly avoided people’s passive-aggressive bullshit, which made for a very nice vacation.

Next week, my goals are simple:

– Start my new job (!!).

– Knit something every day, even if it’s just the Purse Sock.

– Weave!

– Have fun.

Please check your gauge and party in the comments.

Emotional Honesty: Communicating Your Wants and Needs

It’s been a long time since I did one of these relationship-advice style posts.  What I want to talk about is good communication habits, getting your needs met, and how these fit into emotional honesty.

Healthy adults have wants and needs.  These are good to have, and they contribute to being a whole person.

These can cover all sorts of areas, and can overlap until you can’t quite figure out whether you need something or just want it a lot.  Generally speaking, in a good relationship, you don’t really have to.

Now, I’m not talking about basic needs, like food and shelter, or expensive wants, like an Ashford Joy.  I’m talking about personal needs and wants, the sort of thing you need to make you feel safe and comfortable and the things that you want that make you happy.

There are three major areas where there might be a failure to communicate in this area.  The first is failure to identify.  This is your job.  Nobody can really determine what you need to be happy but you.  Below I have some hints and suggestions about how to identify these needs so you can get them addressed.  The second, then, is failure to acknowledge.  This can be an issue with either party: you don’t tell your partner what you need, or they don’t listen when you do.  The third is failure to respect.  This usually falls on the listener; if I tell you what I need, and you ignore it, that’s an issue.  So, how can these problems get addressed?

Let’s start at the beginning.

The first, and most important, step is identifying your wants and needs.

If you’re a list person, make a list.  This is going to take a lot of self-examination, but it’s something that can be done whether you’re in a good place emotionally or not.  What about your situation makes you happy?  What makes you unhappy?  What would fix that problem, or what’s missing that needs to be present?  What’s changed?  Take your time and think things through.  You can also talk to close friends or parents, people who know you well, if you’re stuck on what something means.

Some hints/tips/things to think about:

– Are you an introvert or an extrovert?  Everyone needs time to recharge, and for an introvert, that means time away from people – even their partner.  If you’re an extrovert, are you spending enough time with groups of people, or have you and your partner holed up away from the world? That might be fun for awhile, but eventually it will be exhausting.

– Do you feel burdened – with your current level of housework, for example?  This is one of those things that’s easy to shove down resentment until it turns into a screaming fight about loading the dishwasher or taking out the garbage.  It can be anything, though: paying the bills, for example, is a huge burden for me. I have a hard time dealing with money and it’s very stressful to have to do so. Jack, on the other hand, loves handling the budget.

– Do you feel appreciated?  I am a total slut for praise.  If you regularly tell me that I’m clever and wonderful and you see how hard I’m working, I will do anything for you.

– Can you tell your partner anything?  This is a big need for me – I need to feel like I can tell Jack anything, even if it’s bad, without worrying that he’ll be mad at me. Notice that this is not the same question as, “Do you tell your partner everything?” Not everyone has the same kind of best-friend relationship with their partner as I do with mine, and there’s nothing wrong with having someone else in your life to tell your deepest, darkest secrets to.  But if you wrecked the car or lost your job or found out that your mom has cancer, could you go to your partner with it?

– A list of other suggestions, more in the general sense of things you might need – feel free to elaborate as desired.  Trust. Respect. Freedom. Safety. Comfort. Sharing. Understanding. Partnership/Teamwork. Laughter. Love. Sex.

Once you have a good idea of what you need and want, it’s time to take a look at the ones you’re not getting.  You might want to divide your list in two: needs/wants that are being met, and needs/wants that need work.

That brings us to step two: being acknowledged.  Bring your list to your partner.  Say something like, “I love you and I’m happy with you (assuming that you do, and that you are), but I’m not as happy as I could be.  Would you help me?”   Share both halves of the list with them, so they can see that there are needs that they’re meeting.  If you’re happy in your relationship in general, emphasize that you not having all your needs met doesn’t make your partner a bad person or a bad significant other.  Solving this problem is about communication, not about their failure.

Somewhere during step two, you start to slide into step three: being respected.  Talk.  Negotiate. Listen.  Make sure you don’t turn the conversation into a competition!  This isn’t about the sacrifices either of you are making or who has the right to feel a certain way. Everyone’s feelings are valid and everyone should have their needs met.  Respect also needs to continue past the conversation itself – if you discuss your needs with your partner, and they agree to change something, they need to make the change and keep it up.

In an ideal situation, you make your list, you bring it to your partner, your needs get addressed, and changes are made to improve your relationship.  Fantastic!

If you bring it to your partner and they are unwilling to address any of your issues, then you might want to suggest couples’ counseling or consider re-evaluating your relationship.

Asking that your wants and needs are met by your partner and your friends is not selfish. In fact, never demanding that your needs get met is more selfish, because you end up building up resentment and then lashing out at people around you, who are then confused and upset by the sudden aggression/tears.  One of the things Isabel did to me was essentially train me to suppress all my wants and needs, and then blame me for the inevitable breakdown when the resentment got too much.  When I brought a need to her, she would tell me that either it was her need that I was failing to meet, that I didn’t have the right to need whatever it was, or that filling the need wasn’t her job.  In a functional relationship, BOTH partners get their needs met.

I have found that, once you have the initial conversation about getting your needs met, it opens up a channel of communication for the future.  The first conversation may be hard, but future discussions about tweaking or adding things to the list will be much easier.  Once I realized that Jack needed to spend a certain amount of time alone per week, I shifted my schedule to make sure that he had it. Now that I’m home all the time, I periodically check in with him to make sure that he’s still getting his alone time.

One more thing:  One person does not have to meet all your needs.  This is why you have friends.  If one of your needs is spending time engaged in a hobby your partner doesn’t enjoy, your partner needs to make sure that you have the time to do it, but they don’t have to do it with you.  I go to knitting group and hang out at TYF while Jack’s at work.

Hopefully this will help you get your needs met in your own relationship.  Questions, comments, helpful suggestions, ways you and your significant other did or did not work things out, always welcome.

Friday Gauge Check: ENNUI Edition

Yeah, I’m a grumpy kitten this afternoon, and I’m not even sure why.

Okay, that’s not actually true.  I’m feeling like something goes wrong with everything I’ve been excited about or pouring energy into lately.  My new loom doesn’t seem to have a pair of holes drilled where the assembly instructions say holes should be, and everything I’ve been trying to read about weaving is written in a totally different language.  The assembly instructions use very specific terms for the parts, without defining what any of the terms mean or labeling the diagram or anything.  The yarn I’ve been using for the pattern I’m testing is thick-and-thin, and I’m not totally happy with it.  I put two of my size 2 DPNs in the Personal Footprint sock to hold stitches, and now I can’t work on the Codename: Wintergreen glove.  I have two commissions I should be working on, but I AM FILLED WITH ENNUI.

Ennui is such a wonderful word.

I feel like I want to do something different, but I don’t know what, and coming up with something new to do takes too much effort.

So, here’s some stuff I need to do:

– Finish the first Hiss Sock

– Figure out a better way to hold my live stitches and use them so that I can reclaim my size-2 DPNs

– Cast on one of the projects that’s looming. At least that will be something different!

– Read a book on weaving.

– Figure out what’s wrong with my loom and fix it.

– Spin.  I really need some relaxation and meditation, and spinning is good for that.

– Call people on their passive-aggressive bullshit with kindness and courtesy.

People are coming to me for emotional support.  I don’t mind that; in fact I enjoy it.  (One of the people coming to me for emotional support is the last person who should ever come to me for emotional support. Admittedly there’s a certain amount of schadenfreude that comes with seeing her in emotional distress and admitting certain truths that I never thought I’d hear. But it’s not what I really need right now.)  There is a certain amount of passive-aggressive bullshit going on, and yet I have not grabbed anyone and shaken them and I have resisted the urge to bully anyone.  Maybe that’s why I’m so tired.

Healthy adults communicate their wants, needs, and desires to one another.

That is all.

Please feel free to communicate your wants, needs, and desires in the comments.

I am SO EXCITED.

I have the best fiance ever.  I keep coming back to this, that if I had to live through the various hurricanes in my life in order to deserve Jack, it was worth it.

I was putting together a Knit Picks order, picking up a size 2 Harmony needle, a copy of Stitch ‘N Bitch: Superstar Knitting, the yarn for his Louis Voitton socks (Stroll in Ash and Black), the yarn for my Mystery Fingerless Gloves knit (Palette in Mist and Ivy for Slytherin goodness), and the Squeaky Clean Kitchen Kit so I could try out CotLin.  The last time I put in an order with them, I paid for it with my card.  This time, he offered to pay for it with his card, so he logged into the site and placed the order himself.  He snuck in an extra skein of yarn for me (Stroll Handpainted in Make Believe) and, apparently, my birthday present.

He bought me a loom, guys.

A 16″ Kromski Fiddle rigid heddle.

Our schedule shifted so that I could take the Rigid Heddle class this month at TYF, and I’ll be taking it with my very own loom.  Best. Birthday present. EVER.

Knitting stuff:  I’m working on the leg of his Personal Footprint sock, I’m testing a sock pattern for someone and I have that cast on and most of the toe increases done (I’m waiting for an answer for a part of the pattern that’s unclear before I can continue), I’m knitting a bandanna so Jack doesn’t set his hair on fire in welding class, and my blocked hat looks fantastic.  I wore it yesterday and today, and it’s totally thrilling to wear something new that you’ve made yourself.  I really ought to go out while it’s still light out and take a picture.  Hang on, I’ll be right back.

There!  That’s the Spiral Lace Beret, designed and knit by me.My spiral lace beret

Would anybody be interested in knitting this?  I’m thinking about putting together the pattern and putting it up on Ravelry, but I need test knitters.  It’s a very simple knit (obviously, since it’s my first hat), but if you can do yarnovers and k2togs, you’re all set.

I should probably re-knit it with some yarn that I actually know the provenance of before I do put it up on Ravelry.  According to my WPI tool, it’s a worsted weight single, so it’d probably look good in Malabrigo Merino Worsted.  You know, if you’re the kind of person who obsessively knits in Malabrigo.  Or somebody who likes hats.

In the meantime, I’m going to go put my loom together.  LOOOOOOOM.