Tell Us What You Think

I miss my best friend so much it hurts my heart and I can barely breathe sometimes.
I think about her every day and I still constantly go "oh I should text her about this!" despite not even having her cell number. I constantly find things online that I go "oh I'm gonna IM her this!" but I can't.

She's been dead for over a year, I should have stopped doing these dumb things ages ago but I can't.

I wasn't ready to let go of her yet.

I still can't get that night out of my mind.
The night i told you I want my first time to be with you. Because I trust you, I said.
Tha's all I could say. I mea, you're not even my boyfriend. You're my best friend
I tought you were gay or something until we had that conversation and you sai you weren't ready for anyone THAT way. So you made me hope.

Ok, so I'm retarded. Maybe that's it: I'm totally f-ing retarded. But it's more than about just trusting you. I've never thought of actually having sex with anyone, not even my boyfriends, until that one time you were at my house and sat on my bed and I realised...shit.
Do you know I never wanted kids until Senior yeat when we had tat cooking class and we were washing some microwave or something and I just saw it: you coming home from work as I finish up dinner, our son sitting at the counter playing with his cars instead of doing his second gradereading homework.
I always hoped I ould marry someone bu I never saw it so clearly. I never thought it possible to find someone so copatible with me. To love like thi: calmly, deeply, with my whole heart, as a friend and as a woman.
I don't even care that I'm at uni and you're not even sure if you want to go to JC. That's ok, I can work, so many women do. I'd rather support our family by myself than be lonely.

Why am I thinking about marrige now? About a baby? I just realised that there as omeone who I REALLY wanted to have sex with. (...well I am more reserved about these things than many girls but still). Marrige isn't hapning until like...oh idk, 7-8 years from now. Not until after law school, and that's a hell of a long way away. 

And that night, yous aid you understand that I wanted it with you, nd you said other things, things that made me hope. WHY do you flirt with me? You always have you know...Why do you mke me hope  if you don't want me? And is you do want me than tell me, damn it, b/c you're driving me INSANE!
 

When I was younger, my best friend (let's call her Leah) and I (Elizabeth) used to talk about our crushes.
"Hey, Leah, I really like Thomas..."
"Yeah... well, Elizabeth, I really like John."

Flash forward to sixth grade, when Leah and Thomas (my crush) "went out." It was only for three days but whatever.
Then to tenth grade, when John (her crush) and I started seriously dating.
After that we joked about how we switched boyfriends.

Somewhere in between those years, Leah and I were up at three in the morning, talking about random things, and she says to me, "I wouldn't mind being gay for you, Elizabeth." And she holds my hand, and I shyly say back, "I feel the same way about you."

So. I start thinking about what would happen if we went out. And after a while, I start to realize- maybe I'm bisexual. Maybe I'm in love with Leah.

But by the time I realize this, Leah's going out with my other best female friend. This is about when I started going out with John.

Eventually John and I break up, and Leah and her girlfriend break up. And I think to myself, wow, maybe now I have a chance to finally be with Leah! Because by this time, I'm pretty much stupid in love with her. But I don't want to make a move, because it's too soon for both of us, and for John.

A few days later, her facebook status says, "Leah is in a relationship with John."

WHAT.

you continuely push me away
distance yourself
purposely make NO effort to be kind of towards me at all


so why do you say you love me so often

why do you keep appologizing and trying to be friends.


almost like you want me to give up.

i dont know if Ill allow myself,

just so Ill piss you off.

all i want for my birthday is you
instead i finally have friends again, for the first time in 3 years
but ill be lonely still

 Well today, I have done like nothing but play Sims 2. I did clean the bathroom though and its all sparkly ;D
I need to do the following;

• Read Wuthering Heights for English class
• Do my psychology
• Do my Math sheet
• Plan/Buy materials for Art (final piece and need ideas!!!)
• Shower!!!!!
• Hoover the flat
• Tidy bedroom!

AHH NOT TO MENTION REVISE!!!
Back to school on Tuesday *cry*, anyway comments and all would be nice.
Lovesss <3

....

Okay....

Here it goes...

I (anon) am proclaiming that I have a huge crush on our Sec Tre' Timothy Geithner.

Yes.

There I said it.

I like the large ears, nose, hair and serious business face he makes and I think his smile is uber uber cute.

And yes I save pictures of him on my folder and yes he's old enough to be my father (hahaha...but he's a year younger than my dad...so there)

Also he reminds me of Alexander Hamilton (physically, i don't know enough about economics to have an educated opinion about whether he is doing well or not.)

I would not have kept this to myself, but since I'm prone to making so much fun of him with my friends...well...you know....putting foot in mouth.

I'm going to hell arn't I?

BUT IT FEELS SOOOOO GOOD TO SAY IT! Thank god for this community...i would have died if I hadn't said something to someone.

I'm I alone on this one??

P.S. I also kinda have a crush on Thomas Jefferson even though I've sworn allegiance to the precepts of Hamilton. God I'm so weird.

I can't believe he left me life that, without explaining why.
we went through so much together, and all of a sudden he up and left like I never meant anything to him.
no remorse either - no pain. well, not that I could see I guess... but I cared about him more than he could've ever known, and for that to have happened..   I couldn't breathe, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep.  I cried for a month, and every little thought of him had me choking up.
I guess I'm over it now - but I will never forgive him for the pain he's caused me.

I would never wish that kind of pain on even my worst of enemy.

Why can't I get a job and yet everytime I go into a shop I am met with a sour faced bitch who doesn't even acknowledge I am alive, nor gives me an apology that I have had to wait in line for 15 minutes to buy a top? (They're luckily it was a nice top and I had a gift voucher) Oh, and please, don't say "Thanks" or "Bye" to me, god forbid you should actually have to WORK for your money.

The boy I love is asking the girl he loves to marry him this week.

It isn't me.