A naive toad is offered a bumblebee as food.

I had sex with a guy four times before I checked his answers on okcupid

This story seems like it should be told in faraway reflection, so I can say things like, “a really messy time in my life,” and “back then going to strangers’ homes for sex was not uncommon,” but this is someone I met two weeks ago, and I am still in a very messy place in my life and after I saw these unfortunate okcupid answers I continued to smoke more weed and wander my neighborhood until I ended up at a the home of an unhappy and hungry former lover with a bag of groceries, and left if a huff with my bag of groceries an hour later.

I had sex with a guy four times before I looked through his answers on okcupid. I only planned to do it once, but that was really good, so I planned to do it a second time and then a third, and then my period was making me sad and on that sad day I found out a friend had died and before I knew what I was doing I had this person over to MY house; and he brought flowers.

He brought flowers; I came twice. When am high and post-orgasmic and being cuddled with someone cute, I want to say things as nice as I feel, like, “I love you.”

But I don’t! This is not the plan. Two months ago I found out my boyfriend cheated on me and now I just want to have fun, nice sex and sweet touching and cuddling and none of this needs to go on beyond closed doors. None of this needs to happen with the same person four times in a row, in a mockingly monogamous fashion either, but here I was.

So things were halfway fine. He invited me to a movie and I said no, that sounded like a date. Then I felt bad! Which I didn’t like, because this time in my life is about finding all the best uncomplicated ways to feel -good –

And my phone battery was dying, so I got on okcupid to talk to him because I needed to make sure he didn’t feel bad and then I remembered him talking about that 32% match score, and there I was, first on okcupid after meeting his sexually delightful self, and I figured maybe that would be interesting.
That WAS interesting, and a not good feeling of being made aware of the non-goodness in this person who I’ve had at least seven orgasms with.
He agreed that men should be head of the household.
He believed that women had an obligation to keep their legs shaved
If a potential match was even slightly overweight, that would be a deal breaker.
Hold on, this is a fat person, who I have been laying so sweetly with, very insecure in his weight; and our togetherness founded on a mutual fondness for pubic hair, and the presence of my own.

So here I am… slightly overweight with absolutely hairy legs to match the bush.
If this person didn’t hate his own body, would he hate mine?
Am I riding on the wave of another’s self-loathing.
And why are men so MEAN and judgmental of women’s bodies?

A vegan women couple showing the slide-show from their vacation at a Farmed Animal Sanctuary at a veggie pot luck.

Thanks for living my dream, (adorable) assholes.



Also, I may apply for a job at my organization which sounds 80% less delightful than my current job, but would make me stop being poor.

Yesterday there was rain that made everything good.
Moreso because no one knew it was coming. Well, at least I didn't. I had gone walking to the grocery store in my new excellent summer shirt. It is spaghetti strap and tight and dark colored enough to do away with the want of a bra, and it's very little fabric. It's really low cut, but there is lace that hides the clevage line, and lace on the bottom that makes it cover the belly. But it's TOUGH looking lace. The shirt is the best. Summer is so so hot here in Albuquerque. So hot I want every shirt to be like that one. I was used to Santa Fe; Santa Fe had these perfect summers where it never goes over 89 degrees and it's light and airy and sunny. Albuquerque has these summers where... I don't know. According to our theormostat in the apartment it has been no cooler than 80 degrees inside our apartment the past month, and by nighttime it is closer to 90. And the sun in New Mexico is intense.

Yesterday I left the house smelly, to ride my bike to a pool and get some sweet relief. When I arrived, even smellier and sweatier... the pool was closed to technical difficulties. The nearest other pool was another 4 miles away from home. My mountain bike and I do a pretty slow 4 miles sometimes, and I hadn't packed a water bottle. So I swung by the co-op, got some almond icecream bon bons, and went home. Went to the yard and sprayed myself with the hose (effective! better than I excpected), took a real shower, and put on my ultimate summer shirt and shorts for a cooled down evening walk to get some popcorn and stop by the discount liquor store.

While in line at Smith's I heard these people talking. One was a white and the other was native. They seemed like they knew each other, and as the white lady left she asked the native guy to make it rain. I stood there wondering if that comment had annoyed him. I stood thinking about rain dances as he left. While my food was being wrung up one of the store employees came in and said, "It's raining!"

WHAT!

And you could feel everyone being excited about it. I went out and it was lightly starting to rain. One side of the sky was crazy orange. There was lightening. It was more of that end-of-the-world Albuquerque weather that makes me love this place so much.

The rain got heavy and fast really quickly. When I left the house my hair was drying from my shower- while in the store it mostly dried and here I was in my most summery shirt and absolutely soaked. Things were hilarious and beautiful. I don't remember the last time it rained here. My smile was big as I walked down the side walk. A guy in a hoodie asked if I had a cigarette. I paused, because a couple months ago I DID buy a pack, but it wasn't with me so I told him sorry, but no. He then said somethingI didn't hear, and I turned around and asked what and he said I looked pretty.

Walking down the street variations of that statment can go so many different ways. Infuriatingly vulgar, irrelevantly annoying, and sometimes an okay compliment and with the rain and the happiness everyone felt for the rain it was definitely a skip-to-your-step kind of compliment and I told him thank you and he told me he didn't see how I was dressed like this out here. I told him the rain surprised me and we expressed how great it was that it was here and admired how cool the sky looked and he took a picture of it and I continued on to the the discount liqour store. By this time my flip flops were nothing but slippery slosh under my feet, so I carried them in my hand instead.

Then I had another interaction that which under different circumstances would have angered me. A man in a truck slowed down and asked if I wanted a ride home. But right then, it totally made sense! I was wet as hell and carrying a grocery bag! But I thanked him and told him that home was pretty close by and he friendily drove on.

So I crossed the street to the liqour store. This was funny, because I stopped in earlier to ask when they closed, wanting to go to the grocery store first. Back then I was freshly showered and looking pretty put together. This time I was as wet as a person can get, and holding a soaking grocery bag full of produce and popcorn. When I walked in one of the employees asked, "Wait, did you get that wet just getting out of your car?!" I browsed the store and reminised with an employee about east coast beers that are too expensive to import into New Mexico. I got some Montana beers, and headed home, declining an offer of a garbage bag for my person, as it was far too late to attempt dryness.

This morning the soil is still wet. I think our tomatoes are very happy.

Sitting at the dining room in my parent's house in the daytime in a storm-brewing North Carolina day with the lights on.


And being too young to be aware of any financial or environmental elements of having lights on in the daytime.

At the shelter a man named Frank who stays there brought his hotdogs to the office to label them so no one else would eat them so he gets a sharpie and writes, "FRANK" on the FRANKS and I was like, "Maybe you should clarify your intention a little."

Whoa, because Paige was in the news, I was looking at it (Usually Don't) and saw a headline that was THIS:

http://www.santafenewmexican.com/L…

He's the fucker that terrorized me and Castelo in Santa Fe!


Too fuckin' bad he's out of jail already.
I'm trying to call the detective in the article though. Livejournal gives me the dates.


2008-05-05
"AND WHILE LADYFRIEND WAS FREAKING OUT, THERE WAS A FUCKING TALL SKINNY NINJA WALKING AROUND LOOKING LIKE WE LIVED IN A SILENT HILL VIDEO GAME. GO TO HELL, LIFE."


2008-09-08
"Tonight Jessica and I went on a bike ride. We ran into the tall terrifying ninja I saw months ago, and this time Jessica saw he had no pants on at all and we were on this dark residential street. We called the police and I hope they make him leave town and never allow him to come back. Seriously, I hate him, because I am more afraid of him than I am anyone else I have ever met."

Even those times when I was eating animals I was often mistaken for a vegetarian.

I wonder if someday I will return to my parent's house and then live in North Carolina and it will be like the whole thing was just a really really long adventure.

Except this is yet to be home.

From now on I only want ridiculous jobs.