we're vastly outnumbered (every motherfucking time) — my high horse is actually awesome and fast like...

"You're losing blood" no I know exactly where it is. The floor. Don't ever underestimate me.

You cant even keep a straight face anymore. Because of joke.

so we know that humans share 50% of their dna with bananas. and also, they say one in four humans are related to genghis khan. using this information, we can determine that genghis khan was 200% banana

Always good to check in on what sports my friends are into to get some perspective. The Seattle Mariners lost so badly yesterday (22-0) that the Mariners subreddit converted to actual maritime posting.

Just true Seattle mariner posts. They even made the Seattle Times:

So I guess things could always be worse

the funniest possible Live Action Remake that Disney could make, and I would actually watch, is Cars

im literally in tears what the fuck

so my spouse is part of a weirdly intense but mostly benign men’s workout group that meets at like, 5:30am outside every day, even in winter. they do a lot of burpees and lugging cinder blocks up hills and stuff.

they take turns leading the workouts and tomorrow is his turn. I asked what he was planning. he handed me a sheet of William Carlos William poems from a large stack he’d printed.

I said “what” and he explained, helpfully, “it’s a William Carlos William themed workout.” I asked what inspired it and he said “I’ve been planning this for months.”

atheist quarterback throws a hail darwin

played sims 4 for the first time and one of the married cis men had a desire to try for baby with his cis husband. i accidentally pinned it and could not unpin it. trying for baby is physically impossible. I tried to use cheats to give him a viable womb in create a sim but it wouldn’t let me do so retroactively. so I thought, maybe if they adopt the want for pregnancy will go away, and had them adopt a toddler daughter. but then the try for baby desire did not go away. since they now had an unwanted adopted child I tried to remove the toddler from the household, thinking this would send her back into the ether. it did not. instead she wanders the neighborhood like a feral cat. i thought the social worker would come and take her back so someone else could adopt her, but I guess there is no social worker in sims 4. so now the neighborhood is haunted by a smelly miserable baby that has no home but cannot die and everyone who sees her is uncomfortable. fucking omelas scenario.