space sailor 🚀💫

i've always been a really shy and anxious person, but sometimes i just want to browse my mutual's mutuals and see if maybe i could try to be friends or journal buddies. it's a little anxiety-inducing since i always worry about doing something wrong or coming off as weird. :(

my favorite phrase when it comes to people: "i'm more afraid of you than you are of me." (an exaggeration, but i am timid when it comes to new folks. but i don't bite!)

off the top of my head, i post a mixture of fandom and real life entries (like my cat lounge adventures and random thoughts). i'm very timid when it comes to public posting, so most of my entries are locked beneath access. i have a good amount of information on my about me sticky, and i always use cuts when i feel that they're necessary (such as when i cross-post my works, or if there's something that might be triggering in an entry).

i'll admit, it's hard for me to make friends. i'm not good at replying to comments, and i tend to get nervous commenting first because i don't want to come off as weird or strange. i tend to ramble a lot when i get super excited or hyperfixated on a topic of interest and i tend to change subjects at times. which are all bad habits i'm doing my best to work on.

i think i just need to try and remind myself that we're all unique and there's no shame in being who we are. it's just a lot of anxiety has to do with FOMO, peer pressure, etc. and it's... a lot. i honestly haven't made friends since maybe 2023, when i had a falling out with my longtime friend group.

as for the mutuals i have here on DW, i adore reading through their journals, especially if those entries come from way back in 2008 or the early 2000's when i was just a wee lass exploring the world of fandom and queer identity. i think i was 12 when i first realized i was sapphic, and 16 when i realized i was asexual).

soooo... yeah! and if anyone new happens to read this, hi!

i was off my medicine for a few days but am now back on it! 🎉

anyway, i was lurking on my friends' DW pages (hi) and got inspired to start using my fanfic community here again. i may have to pay the $15 username change fee but honestly i've paid more for worse things. (taxes.)

i'm not sure how i'll post my long fics, but i might just stick to posting one shots. i do like to have everything in one place, but i also like to organize. the cool thing about DW is, tags are technically meant for the journal owner instead of some algorithm.

i ended up posting a few drabbles, one based on the ficwip's drabbles event, another from a random burst of inspiration.

i'm still contemplating what theme i'll use. i want to honestly start posting publicly from time to time, so i may need to update my pinned entry. my public posts will be very scarce due to my anxiety.

oh, and i might go through my entries and add icons that fit the entry. i use the silly emil pic and my big head luca avatar for yapping so i might need an icon for more long and thoughtful posts.