it's called "a cry for help" guys
Oh, my god, you guys. My weekend.
So Friday night was Katie's bachelor party. I picked up Rachelle, Emily and Kristin at the DART station at like 4:00, and then we went back to my house and got fabulous. We actually ended up being the first ones to the restaurant at 6, and gloriously, happy hour went until 7. Blue margaritas for $3.50~~ It was awesome. I had two and also some enchiladas. We met up with Katie, her maid of honor Charisse, and several of her other friends - Shauna, JIll, Sara, and Rachel, I think that was everyone there. We were at the restaurant for several hours and basically we were excessively rowdy and ridiculous. Katie had on a little miniature cowboy hat with feathery stuff and a veil on it and also a sash that said BRIDE TO BE. She had a boa, too, but she couldn't eat with that on. XD
After dinner we went to the bowling alley down the street from the restaurant and there was bowling and more beer and general silliness. We kept getting up and dancing around and generally being absurd... Rachelle got up and danced on the little table where the scorecard was, and some lady who worked there came over and told us that "The guys over there want to pay you to keep dancing... but I'm going to have to ask you to get down." It was hysterical. The same guys also bought Katie a drink. XD It was a good night. We finally headed out from the bowling alley around 11, at which point Rachelle and Emily and I decided we were going to stop and buy some beer on the way back to my house, where we changed into our pjs and then drove out to Katie's apartment. It was just the four of us plus her friend Shauna, who is awesome, and we sat up until 4:30 in the morning talking and giggling and generally being girly and silly. Then we got up at like 8:30 the next morning and went swimming XDD Katie had a hair appointment at 11, so Rachelle and Emily and I went back to my house and got back in the pool here until they had to leave at like three.
Best thing that could have happened. I needed that break so badly. I got to see a bunch of my friends I haven't seen in ages, and I was finally able to decompress so that I can get back to being semi-functional and -motivated. I got some math homework finished earlier, and once I get done writing this I'm going to get some studying done for my history test tomorrow. I actually feel pretty good about it, for once; we had a review thing in class on Friday and my group did really well on it and I actually feel like I can get a good grade on this thing! This is new for me.
This morning I went to Macaroni Grill with my parents for lunch ♥ it was delicious. I feel like I'm finally getting to a place where my parents can interact with me like I'm an adult. I think part of it is my sister's crazy - they're finally seeing how much of a contrast there is between us. The other part of it is that I've also been working on behaving like an adult around them. There are still moments when I want to absolutely strangle my mother - like, for example, when she gave me a speech last night about how horrible conventions are for my concentration and my health and so I should never go to any of them for more than a couple of hours because they just destroy my life blah blah blah god I wanted to kill her - but mostly, it's better.
The thing that's keeping me down in all this is that I still can't find any motivation to RP. Like, I've been going in and looking at Terra's and Carmela's buddy lists, and I'm just... not interested. It makes me really sad, because I'm losing my interactions with all of those muns and some of them are really amazing, wonderful people. RP's been my outlet for almost three years now, and I don't know what I can substitute for it. Everyone needs an outlet of some kind, I know that much. Right now, I don't have anything. I think it's part of what's tearing me down. On the other hand, I know I needed the break from RPing, because I was really having to force myself to do it, and that's when characterization starts sucking. I'm way too paranoid now to just tough it out and work through it without hiding in a corner. A year ago, I probably wouldn't have been, but... that's life, I guess. God, I feel like I have so many Issues all knotted up in this that I don't even know how to separate them from each other. And I don't have anyone who can help me with it either. Oh, sure, there're a couple of people who know the whole story, and who offer me a sympathetic ear when I need one, but... I need someone to help me, you know? I need someone to help me work through it and figure out the whys and wherefores and find a solution. Because six months and change later, I still haven't found one on my own.
(Actually, Katie's friend Shauna? She's studying to be a social worker and she says it sounds like I have clinical depression. ahahahahaha oh yay. I so need that.)
Okay, done with my tl;dr now.
So Friday night was Katie's bachelor party. I picked up Rachelle, Emily and Kristin at the DART station at like 4:00, and then we went back to my house and got fabulous. We actually ended up being the first ones to the restaurant at 6, and gloriously, happy hour went until 7. Blue margaritas for $3.50~~ It was awesome. I had two and also some enchiladas. We met up with Katie, her maid of honor Charisse, and several of her other friends - Shauna, JIll, Sara, and Rachel, I think that was everyone there. We were at the restaurant for several hours and basically we were excessively rowdy and ridiculous. Katie had on a little miniature cowboy hat with feathery stuff and a veil on it and also a sash that said BRIDE TO BE. She had a boa, too, but she couldn't eat with that on. XD
After dinner we went to the bowling alley down the street from the restaurant and there was bowling and more beer and general silliness. We kept getting up and dancing around and generally being absurd... Rachelle got up and danced on the little table where the scorecard was, and some lady who worked there came over and told us that "The guys over there want to pay you to keep dancing... but I'm going to have to ask you to get down." It was hysterical. The same guys also bought Katie a drink. XD It was a good night. We finally headed out from the bowling alley around 11, at which point Rachelle and Emily and I decided we were going to stop and buy some beer on the way back to my house, where we changed into our pjs and then drove out to Katie's apartment. It was just the four of us plus her friend Shauna, who is awesome, and we sat up until 4:30 in the morning talking and giggling and generally being girly and silly. Then we got up at like 8:30 the next morning and went swimming XDD Katie had a hair appointment at 11, so Rachelle and Emily and I went back to my house and got back in the pool here until they had to leave at like three.
Best thing that could have happened. I needed that break so badly. I got to see a bunch of my friends I haven't seen in ages, and I was finally able to decompress so that I can get back to being semi-functional and -motivated. I got some math homework finished earlier, and once I get done writing this I'm going to get some studying done for my history test tomorrow. I actually feel pretty good about it, for once; we had a review thing in class on Friday and my group did really well on it and I actually feel like I can get a good grade on this thing! This is new for me.
This morning I went to Macaroni Grill with my parents for lunch ♥ it was delicious. I feel like I'm finally getting to a place where my parents can interact with me like I'm an adult. I think part of it is my sister's crazy - they're finally seeing how much of a contrast there is between us. The other part of it is that I've also been working on behaving like an adult around them. There are still moments when I want to absolutely strangle my mother - like, for example, when she gave me a speech last night about how horrible conventions are for my concentration and my health and so I should never go to any of them for more than a couple of hours because they just destroy my life blah blah blah god I wanted to kill her - but mostly, it's better.
The thing that's keeping me down in all this is that I still can't find any motivation to RP. Like, I've been going in and looking at Terra's and Carmela's buddy lists, and I'm just... not interested. It makes me really sad, because I'm losing my interactions with all of those muns and some of them are really amazing, wonderful people. RP's been my outlet for almost three years now, and I don't know what I can substitute for it. Everyone needs an outlet of some kind, I know that much. Right now, I don't have anything. I think it's part of what's tearing me down. On the other hand, I know I needed the break from RPing, because I was really having to force myself to do it, and that's when characterization starts sucking. I'm way too paranoid now to just tough it out and work through it without hiding in a corner. A year ago, I probably wouldn't have been, but... that's life, I guess. God, I feel like I have so many Issues all knotted up in this that I don't even know how to separate them from each other. And I don't have anyone who can help me with it either. Oh, sure, there're a couple of people who know the whole story, and who offer me a sympathetic ear when I need one, but... I need someone to help me, you know? I need someone to help me work through it and figure out the whys and wherefores and find a solution. Because six months and change later, I still haven't found one on my own.
(Actually, Katie's friend Shauna? She's studying to be a social worker and she says it sounds like I have clinical depression. ahahahahaha oh yay. I so need that.)
Okay, done with my tl;dr now.