I am having a brief moment of quiet in the middle of the craziness.

I was thinking about Sam this morning, and I've read some posts about his arc and the boys' relationship in s4 and I guess I see things a little differently?

Because to me, even as broken and screwed in the head as Sam is in season 4 (since Mystery Spot, really), everything he does is because he loves Dean and is afraid of losing him (and doesn't care about living without him while he's gone). Yeah, there are other motivating factors - revenge, trying to cling to the belief that he can do something good with the power he's been given, even though it's demonic in origin - but even most of that is tied up in love for Dean and fear of losing him. That love and fear are what make him open to Ruby's manipulations.

So I never saw the absence or downgrading of the Sam and Dean relationship that so many other people have talked about - I still don't see it - because everything Dean does is motivated by love of Sam and fear of losing him. His confessions in HaH and FR are so hard not just because, well, they're hard because Dean's been through unimaginable torment and lived to tell about it, but also because he worries what Sam will think of him and his failure to not break. And of course, Sam throws it back in his face in a mean way in SaV under the siren's influence, but I think the truth of Sam's feelings is revealed in OtHoaP, where he says he has to get the information from Alastair because Dean can't, not because he's being derogatory about Dean's strength or lack thereof (because I think he can clearly see how strong Dean is, even in his post-hell fragility), but because he knows Dean's still wounded by what happened in hell, he's still recovering, and he doesn't want to put him through what the experience would (does) take out of him.

I also don't see Castiel in any way replacing Sam in Dean's affections (brotherly or otherwise), mostly because I don't see any affection (or other sorts of warm feelings) from Dean towards Castiel - I see annoyance and grudging duty and "what can you do for me?" and "what have you done for me lately?" mostly related to Sam - he pays attention to Castiel 1. when he thinks Castiel is threatening Sam; 2. when he thinks Castiel can help him save Sam; and 3. when Castiel tells him the world needs saving and it's his responsibility. That's it. And since those are situations which are bound to get Dean's attention regardless of who is raising them, I find it hard to read anything special into their interaction. Dean calls upon Castiel to help save Sam. When Castiel jerks him around, Dean walks away. (Obdisclaimer: people ship what they ship and see what they see, and more power to 'em, but this is what I see.) It's Dean's love for Sam and his outsize sense of responsibility that lead him to be open to Castiel's (heaven's) manipulations.

So while this was a hard season to watch in terms of the boys' relationship deteriorating, I still think the finale shows how much they still love each other (SO SO MUCH OMG SO MUCH). Sam is willing to turn himself into a monster to save Dean/save the world (get his revenge), and Dean is, when push comes to shove, totally willing to accept a monstrous Sam rather than no Sam at all. Sam's sacrifice is just a not-dead-yet version of what Dean sacrifices to save Sam in AHBL2 (i.e., Dean loses his soul and starts to become a monster when he goes to hell).

I don't know what the plan is for next season, how they're going to work the Lucifer thing out etc., but I really hope a large part of the season arc is devoted to rebuilding the boys' relationship and maybe letting Sam recover from how fucked up he is right now. what I really don't want to see, and what would be antithetical to the show I signed on for, would be Dean and Castiel hunting Lucifer-possessed!Sam. I not only don't want to watch it, I don't think it's a feasible storyline for more than a special two-part episode during sweeps.

That would have been longer if I had time to look up quotes and episodes and stuff, but, you know, busy!

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