Marina

So, probably the whole universe knows about the rivalry between Ovechkin and Sidney Crosby (#87!) of the Pittsburgh Penguins? The most important thing to understand about it before we get into things is that Crosby and Ovechkin genuinely are as opposite in personality as two people can be but at the same time they were, at least for the first few years of their careers, two of the biggest superstars in hockey.

(WARNING: This is not a comprehensive Alex/Sid primer! This is an Alex/Sid section of an Alex primer, because I NEED TO BREATHE AT SOME POINT and that means being brief – LOL BREIF – where a proper primer would probably elaborate tons more.)

Anyway, let's find some quotes.

Sports Illustrated, giving an overview of the Crosby/Ovechkin epicness:

The NHL's two brightest young stars entered the league at the start of the 2005-06 season. Russian scoring wizard Alexander Ovechkin was drafted first overall by the Capitals in 2004. Canadian junior phenom Sidney Crosby rode in on a wave of hype as the next Gretzky as the first overall pick by the Penguins in 2005.

Ovechkin was indeed drafted in 2004 but alas, that season never actually happened and he spent it playing in Russia, so in practice he and Crosby both started their careers at the same time.

The friendly rivalry began at the 2005 World Junior Championships in Grand Forks, N.D. Crosby and Team Canada routed Russia and Ovechkin, 6-1, in the gold medal game

IT'S TRUE, EVEN AS BABIES THEY BROKE EACH OTHER'S HEART. Basically in 2005, right before they started their NHL careers, Crosby and Ovechkin competed against each other representing their national teams and then CROSBY'S TEAM WON and Alex had to GO UP THERE AND SHAKE HANDS WITH HIM IN FRONT OF THE CAMERAS and is the PHOTO OF HEARTBREAK AND BRAVERY. Also, seriously, wow do they both look way hotter once they grow up.

Anyway, then they both join the NHL, play against each other, the Penguins win the series (Crosby!) but then Alex wins the Calder Trophy as ROOKIE OF THE YEAR, lol, and scored more goals than Crosby.

But Sid and Alex were still very well behaved then! Still the golden boys living up to the myths they'd been wrapped up in and presented to the public, and still took polite, smiley photos with each other as good beginner NHL players should.




(That would make a wonderful wedding invitation photo, don't you think?)

They were even on the same team in the All Star game!



In 2007 the Caps and Penguins faced off yet again and the Pens won, advancing in the playoffs. In 2008 Ovechkin played for Team Russia at the Hockey World Championship and THEY WON. Beating Canada, getting a gold medal, the whole shebang.



In 2009 the Pens and the Caps were ready to face off again but before they ever took to the ice against each other shit got real:

"What's so special about (Crosby)? I don't see anything special there," Semin, who leads the NHL with 16 points, said in an interview with Yahoo.com. "Yes, he does skate well, has a good head, good pass. But there's nothing else. Even if you compare him to Patrick Kane from Chicago ... (Kane) is a much more interesting player. The way he moves, his deking abilities, his thinking on the ice and his anticipation of the play is so superb."

THAT'S RIGHT, SEMIN WENT THERE. Sidney Crosby is an OVERHYPED, TALENTLESS HACK, surpassed by this dude.

Needless to say, things did not calm down after that. In fact they kept heating up and heating up until Sidney Crosby, as he tends to do in those rare moments when frustration gets the better of him, started acting like a 3 year old (and Ovechkin is happy to oblige). In a game the Caps won 5-2, this happened:



SIDNEY SHOVED ALEX FROM THE BACK, WHILE SKATING BY.

ALEX TURNED AROUND AND THEY STARTED BRAWLING, BEFORE BEING SADLY INTERRUPTED BY THE REF.

ALEX WAVED A SASSY GOODBYE AS SIDNEY WAS DRAGGED OFF.

JFC, the drama.

(Honestly this whole incident really reminds me of Sid's recent meltdown against the Flyers where he KICKED SOME DUDE'S GLOVE AWAY just to be an ass and then started a brawl. Like, he is usually a very balanced, extremely difficult to faze player, unlike most players in the league, but sometimes SHIT HAPPENS and it... gets a lot of media attention, let's put it that way.)



Anyway, at this time Alex was getting All Kinds of Shit for being "too flamboyant", celebrating too much, etc. Sidney was, as usual, being accused of being a primadonna, hockey's golden boy and its #1 whiner, etc.

And so, the two exchanged words with the media after the game. Sid:

(About Ovechkin's physical style of play) “Like it or love it, that’s what he does,” Crosby said. “Some people like it, some people don’t. Personally, I don’t like it.”

Alex:

"What can I say about Crosby?” he said. “He is a good player, but he talks too much. I play hard and if he wants to hit me, he can hit me, not talk to you guys about who plays cheap and who plays dirty. That’s my game… If he doesn’t like it, it’s his problem.”

and:

“What, I can’t play hard against him? What is he going to do, cry?”

GENERAL ASSHATTERY ENSUED, BASICALLY. Let's get some pictorial evidence up in here.







OK SO MAYBE SOME ROUGH PLAY DID TAKE PLACE THERE OCCASIONALLY. I mean look we all know they played hard against each other and maybe even hated each other's guts on some, IDK, more personal level? But then...





...Then you have shots like this. Which. I just. I don't even know how to caption this. "Two individuals who hate each other passionately are in each other's presence" would force me to redefine the word "hate" in the dictionary, I feel. I mean. Just. WHAT.



Um, guys? GUYS? Don't they have like, rules against fucking right there on the ice? I AM NOT A HOCKEY EXPERT, but it feels to me like there would be rules against that?



OK YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST... NEVERMIND. I... I GIVE UP.

Basically, I see no way to blame the hockey world for shipping this harder than any fandom I've ever been in. Let's show the video reel.

The NHL decides to play of Sid and Alex's rivalry for their "hockey players are totally idiots like the rest of us!" commercial.



Sid and Alex don wetsuits to present a birthday cake to the NHL's chief disciplinarian, Brendon Shanahan:



Fanvids abound on the internet.



VANITY FAIR DECIDES TO DO A FEATURE. I can't with this fucking fandom, I swear to god >_<

And of course, HBO bases their first ever hockey documentary on the Penguins and Capitals' rivalry. The HBO special is mostly noteworthy, imo, for giving us this glorious moment:



Of Ovechkin getting an ass massage. That scene is truly worth watching in its entirety, but the highlight is that Ovechkin, dressed as always in nothing but a towel, comes up to his coach to say the muscle between his ass and his thigh hurts. The coach's response is, of course, "what did you do? You certainly didn't pull that muscle playing hockey..." LOLOL NO HE DID NOT, ahem. So yeah then Ovechkin gets an ass massage and the camera keeps rolling because Sasha grew up in a house where BODIES WERE NATURAL OK.

In 2009, however, the Penguins once again beat the Capitals and advance in the playoffs, winning the Stanley Cup. In 2010 the winter Olympics take place in Vancouver and Russia is eliminated in a game against Canada, earning 4th place and going home without a medal. Canada goes on to win the games with the final, winning goal scored by Sidney Crosby thereby making him a god among Canadians.



Yet another Ovechkin-Crosby handshake of epic woe/joy.



Personally I choose to believe Ovechkin looks so calm and collected is because he knows Malkin and his amazing hurt/comfort skills are waiting for him as soon as he steps off the ice, but more on that in a tiny bit.

Anyway, to conclude, Sidney and Alex totally hate each other and can't stand to be in each other's presence.











In conclusion:


No, no, I'm kidding, in the real conclusion:


Onwards to THE FINAL PART OF THIS PRIMER