Marina

OMG today is a horrible day which we're not talking about (my head HURTS which means I can't really do thinking-related things like answer comments or email or talk about awesome things on the internet), so instead I will talk about Spartacus, joy of my existence. Perfect brain vacation show, omg.


UNDERPAAAAAAAAAAAAANTS!
No really, attacks in underpants. I am still so charmed by this show. Also by the dedicated waxing staff.




This is what people who are fighting Roman soldiers in the forest must wear! Bonus points for walking barefoot IN A FUCKING FOREST! Underpants and a sash. I have to say I do not approve of the sash. It looks a bit shirt-like from some angles, and I am just morally opposed to shirts on this show. I mean we can pretend armor is unnecessary, let's do the same for sword belts.

I did not cap the scene where Lenin Spartacus and the freedom brigade get up early in the morning and congregate in a tiny garden of a very large (empty) villa to get dressed. All together. In their underpants. Because putting your underpants communally is where it's at. I'm just saying, there are no caps, but that shit happened.

......OH NO WAIT I DO HAVE THAT CAP.


Look this is all part of their morning routine. You get up, pee, brush your teeth, do your hair, and then head over to the garden to put on your underpants with the rest of the guys.


Yes, one of them appears to be wearing a shirt, but FEAR NOT! It is A DISGUISE! They are dressing up and need to pass unrecognized, so they're putting on some shirt-like things as this will cause no one to recognize them. That is... verbatim the plot of that episode, I'm not kidding.



OK look we have to talk about something. This dude is originally a house slave (body slave? can't remember) somewhere in IDK, Capua. Originally Comrade Spartacus suspects he might be one of those Stockholm syndrome affected slaves who reveres his master and will betray our heroes. (We are not touching with a stick anything that's actually related to how slavery worked in the Roman Empire and Italy in particular and blah blah because really, this show and logic are not the best of friends.)

The dude introduces himself as "Tiberius". Later someone from the Brigade is all "you have far too dark of a complexion for a Roman name like Tiberius!" .............OK. Look. I am not pissed off because this because it's a stupid statement, because there are a billion ways that name could have been totally plausible on people with pretty much any skin color, etc. I am pissed because as soon as those words were uttered I feared what was to come.

And that is, of course, the show was angling for "Araaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabs, they all look the same!"

So then soon enough Tiberius decides he IS down with the panties and joins our heroes, revealing that his real name is "Nassir" (or Nasir or however they decided to spell it) and that he is, of course, from Syria.

................WHAT.

I remind you, this is the show that last season had characters speaking Ancient Aramaic that was SO SPOT ON I could actually understand all of it.

I remind you, unlike Merlin and its ilk, Spartacus IS bound by a time period. A time period when ARABIC DID NOT YET EXIST AS A LANGUAGE. >_< WHAT. Why is that dude named NASSIR?! Like I'm shocked he's not a Muslim, in PRE-CHRISTIAN FUCKING TIMES. People in Ancient Syria spoke a lot of languages! ARABIC WAS NOT ONE OF THEM.

Also what the EVER LOVING FUCK with the whole "you're too dark to be Roman!" thing, oh my god >_< SO STUPID.

Anyway, whatever, la la la, I am pretending this shit is the same everyone on this show knowing how to read. (LOLOL J's FACE when there was a scene where all the gladiators were reading some scroll together. YES THEY HAD GLADIATOR NIGHT SCHOOL OK.)

Anyway the real reason this show needs Nassir is, of course, because of this:


He is this season's boy-who-is-into-boys! Long may he live, because god knows the ones from previous seasons were not that lucky >_<

But anyway, I am totally onborad with this ship (Nassir's boyfriend is the dude at the center of this cap):


Lastly, don't think this show has forgotten about its kink_bingo commitments. Because it sure hasn't! For example, the complete gratuitous scene where Nassir gets injured during an op (with that armor, I'm shocked) and in order to say his life they have to perform a very painful but very necessary procedure.



Comrade Spartacus and the two main women in the cast hold poor, wounded, suffering Nassir down while Spartacus heats his sword in the fire and then presses it against Nassir's wounds to seal the flesh.

COMMITMENTS. THIS SHOW HAS THEM.

Anyway, my new favorite plotline as of the last episode? Go on, guess? Hint: MANU BENNETT IS MY FAVORITE.

So, his character, who was repeated sexually harassed and raped by Xena (shut up she is still totally Xena and will be to the very end), is now ONCE AGAIN IN HER CLUTCHES. Sort of! But this time he's strong! And determined! And he may be a slave, but he'll die before he lets shit like that happen to him again. ~~~THE PLOT THICKENS~~~

(Why yes, there WAS a scene where he was bound in manacles and an iron collar and presented before her. I AM NEVER GETTING TIRED OF MANU BENNETT/XENA SCENES. NEVER.)

Also, thanks to this show I am slowly starting to differentiate between kiwi and aussie accents! I can now tell from the first words an actor utters whether he's from NZ or Oz. :D Shit is pretty awesome.