Panic attacks/anxiety x-posted
I have to wait to start ttc because of a medication I am/was on but I am getting my body ready to start and give my little zygote the most habitable uterus I can.
In the mean time my sister is now 12 weeks pregnant (I was waiting for marriage to have another child), my best friend accidentally got pregnant with her fourth, my friend Laura is 35 weeks and my dear friend Canaan after five years and fertility treatment and IVF is 10 weeks pregnant which I am so happy and 150% excite for her for.
However, I don't know why but I can't help but to feel the ping of jealousy and anxiety. I have a son which is a product of my first and only pregnancy. I was told two to three months before conceiving him (by happy accident!!) that because of my PCOS I would have to seek a fertility specialist before trying. This was at 23 years old. Unbeknown to me my OB/GYN put me on Metformin for my PCOS which I was later informed is the first drug they try to remedy fertility issues with women with PCOS.
I am not 29, 6 months from my 30th birthday. I know the older you get the harder it is to get pregnant and was reminded of this at my last OB/GYN appointment to discuss ttc and to have my Mirena removed (BEST BIRTH CONTROL EVER). Since having it removed my periods had been 28 days on the dot. This is insane for me as I would get them sporadically and sometimes they would last as long as 6 months. I have been charting when periods start but nothing past that. I luckily experience mittelschmerz so even without looking at my calendar I know when I am ovulating which is awesome for me.
However with all this good that is going on with my baby maker I can't help but to be completely negative and paranoid about starting to ttc. I fear my PCOS will take a step back. I also fear that my age is against me (which I know 29 is not old and I am irrational). I am also scared that if it takes me any amount of time (it took my sister a whole freaking 2 weeks) I am going to end up resenting my sister and friends.
Whenever I start to think about it I can feel my heart racing, like it is going to jump out of my chest, and I feel like I can't breathe.
I know much of this stems from the fact that my husband and I are complete walking calamities; me with my PCOS, Multiple Sclerosis and "age" and he at 14 was hit by a car and had the top of his head ripped off and at 18 had to have back surgery, and sex for us can end up being painful... no is painful. Every time without fail. So much so that he has never been able to orgasm from sex. His sex drive has always been poor, however as of late if he knows when I am ovulating it picks up his sex drive drastically, but we are using condoms and he can definitely not orgasm while have an orgasm. I don't know what we can do or try if he still can't orgasm from PIV sex.
Does anyone have any ideas or experience?
TIA and I am sorry if this is garbled and all over the place but my anxiety makes it hard for me to be coherent sometimes!
In the mean time my sister is now 12 weeks pregnant (I was waiting for marriage to have another child), my best friend accidentally got pregnant with her fourth, my friend Laura is 35 weeks and my dear friend Canaan after five years and fertility treatment and IVF is 10 weeks pregnant which I am so happy and 150% excite for her for.
However, I don't know why but I can't help but to feel the ping of jealousy and anxiety. I have a son which is a product of my first and only pregnancy. I was told two to three months before conceiving him (by happy accident!!) that because of my PCOS I would have to seek a fertility specialist before trying. This was at 23 years old. Unbeknown to me my OB/GYN put me on Metformin for my PCOS which I was later informed is the first drug they try to remedy fertility issues with women with PCOS.
I am not 29, 6 months from my 30th birthday. I know the older you get the harder it is to get pregnant and was reminded of this at my last OB/GYN appointment to discuss ttc and to have my Mirena removed (BEST BIRTH CONTROL EVER). Since having it removed my periods had been 28 days on the dot. This is insane for me as I would get them sporadically and sometimes they would last as long as 6 months. I have been charting when periods start but nothing past that. I luckily experience mittelschmerz so even without looking at my calendar I know when I am ovulating which is awesome for me.
However with all this good that is going on with my baby maker I can't help but to be completely negative and paranoid about starting to ttc. I fear my PCOS will take a step back. I also fear that my age is against me (which I know 29 is not old and I am irrational). I am also scared that if it takes me any amount of time (it took my sister a whole freaking 2 weeks) I am going to end up resenting my sister and friends.
Whenever I start to think about it I can feel my heart racing, like it is going to jump out of my chest, and I feel like I can't breathe.
I know much of this stems from the fact that my husband and I are complete walking calamities; me with my PCOS, Multiple Sclerosis and "age" and he at 14 was hit by a car and had the top of his head ripped off and at 18 had to have back surgery, and sex for us can end up being painful... no is painful. Every time without fail. So much so that he has never been able to orgasm from sex. His sex drive has always been poor, however as of late if he knows when I am ovulating it picks up his sex drive drastically, but we are using condoms and he can definitely not orgasm while have an orgasm. I don't know what we can do or try if he still can't orgasm from PIV sex.
Does anyone have any ideas or experience?
TIA and I am sorry if this is garbled and all over the place but my anxiety makes it hard for me to be coherent sometimes!
sad