Kind of really worried / triggered about recent weight gain... I just left two and a half months of treatment at the end of January. The 6th of January (while still in treatment) I got my first period. Exactly one month later on February 6th I got my period again. Aside from being somewhat triggered by getting my period, I was thinking "OK, cool. I'm on schedule with a normal (predictable) period."
So since I have a boyfriend I was going to start birth control after my next period (we have been having unprotected sex since I have been back - idiot) I was expecting it on the sixth like it had come the last two times and now it is the 11th...
I took two pregnancy tests a couple of days ago and they were both negative so I really don't think that is the case, but I have also weighed myself at the gym (I know, very stupid stupid idea) and since I first got back from treatment to NOW, I am X lbs HEAVIER...
I haven't been binging ("average person" over eating on occasion perhaps and self loathing at times but not caloricaly binging anyways) and I'm eating more "healthy"/"safer foods" than I had at treatment (they REALLY challenged fear foods).
So, I'm sorry if this is confusing to understand... I guess my biggest question is what could be causing this weight gain? I have been doing really quite well dietarily I think (no "major" behaviors). Also, I'm not really using heavy weights at the gym so I don't think I could of gained that many pounds of muscle especially in just a few weeks...
I really appreciate ANY thoughts you all might have
Thanks <3
i've just started therapy for my ED. my psychiatrist, general doctor and specialist all know.
in regards to family, friends and significant others--when did you come out to them?
i feel like i should tell my boyfriend as a part of recovery but at the same time i don't want to confront him with my problem.
m back on the rollercoaster of not eating my husband has been away for 6 months and ive lost a lot of weight and no he will see it and wonder why when he gets back just feel alone at the moment.
I binged last night for the first time in a LONG time. I feel like I'm starting to eat out of stress again, and I don't want to restart that shit. Is anyone still around?
have been feeling very down the past few days...
...stayed at work until 1pm today but then made my excuses and left and came home and went to bed. i havent done that in months but i just couldnt keep on going today
also, i am really really worried about money. I have absolutely none and I got a letter from the bank today saying they are going to start charging me interest on my overdraft (i haven't paid interest until now because it was a student account and then a graduate account, now they are changing it into a regular bank account where i'll have to pay 18% a month) so yeah, i'm freaking out, I have NO money atall. i'll be able to pay my rent and that is it, literally. i'm going to have to sell some of my more expensive possessions to get by.
its such a mess.
and on the ed side of things, i've gone from eating nothing to eating one or two things a day, but they are calorie heavy bad bad things and i feel so so guilty for it. so that just makes me feel even lower than i already am.
what an odd day. i'm in work and a huge bouquet of flowers arrives for me...from my ex who i am seeing later that night. the card reads "looking forward to tonight! x"
spend the rest of the day hugely confused about the meaning behind the flowers
go to meet him, have a drink. his housemates show up to give him the key to their new place and as its rond the corner fromt he pub we pop by to see it. afterwards we say goodbye and i head home. i want to cry, i do cry, a l ittle bit. i buy food on the way home and devour it all in minutes (fighting off the cat who wants some too...) then i spend 20 quiet minutes in the bathroom, making sure my housemates on the floor above don't hear wha i'm doing.
i give myself a nose bleed from the intensity of it, but at least the food is gone. i cant believe i ate it, i had done so well at not eating.
now im in bed and tomorrow is another day and i'll only have the scars on my knockles to show for it
Its time for an update, you guys:)
On the ed front: Im having a hard time. Some time of restriction and then a couple of somewhat normal days though today I woke up feeling super guilty about them. I need an appointment with my psy asap. Tony and my friends are quite suportive but Idk why I'm still having such a hard time just eating normally.
On the bf front: everythings perfect and I'm quite happy.
Uni: well Im pretty tired but I think it has more to do with the ed than with uni. I like it there, I'm always having a blast.
Family: sucks. sucks. sucks. But I cant do anything about the whole thing except be patient and start working so I can get the hell out of heeeeeeeeeere!
Thats it I guess.
I missed you guys!
And fuck I need some support right now.
Nikki
mustn't eat mustn't eat mustn't eat
must loose must loose must loose
...three days in and not finding it a problem so far. hitting the gym in a bit hoorah!
woke up this morning and must have slept funny on my face as my jaw really really hurts? it aches and feels a bit out of place? odd...
was feeling a bit self indulgent this morning and have been sifting through the archives of here and also the purgatorium where i used to be an active member. looking at my old posts i see a full circle back to where i was then, only with with the huge difference in that im no longer seeking help or recovery, that i am actively engaging in my ed bahaviours and that i am really happy about it. judge me if you want, but this is my choice
luv_is_beauty, a new support community for those with/who have recovered from eating disorders! The more friends and support the better, right?! Since