Letters To You

Dear Dad
I really am annoyed by you so so so much...I'm a father now and the only reason i'm even writing this because i'm a father now and well i'm drunk honestly... my problem is i'm your only son and how often were you around for me... and now it's the same way with my son what is up with that. you constantly make me feel guilty for my mom leaving you but i finally understand why. you don't want it bad enough. i understand you don't want to interfear i get it but you are not. i understand why i was waiting for hours for you to pick me up but you never came how do i explain that to my son. oh your grandpa just doesn't want to be uncomfortable? it's so annoying and now that i have a kid i hold you to a higher standard...i mean when i was younger i just excepted it my mom would say oh your dad is just busy and then call and bitch you out.. i rememeber when you almost didn't come to my graduation i was so pissed... point is i'm your only son and i have your only grandson you complain about other people holding him and jealous about people holding him it's ridiculous and it pisses me off. in the words of fight club...You Choose your own level of involvement....Jen's sister lives about 10 hours away and she has seen Cruz more then you.... you live maybe 2 hours away....Dad here is what i want....I want you to grow the fuck up and see your grandson....its annnoying i remember when i was younger...litteraly waiting on you to pick me up or come to see me and maybe you would show up... i just want you to be better...i shouldn't have to be the parent in the situation,,,i think the reason i can't stand you is because i'm so much like you... but i refuse to be you... i will not be a dad like you i will never never never never... go a fucking fucking day with out seeing my little boy... you say how you use to sit outside my house wondering what i was doing... why not knock on the fucking door... it's annoying you don't even have a job there is no reason at all to not see your grandson... my stepdad who i call dad was a better dad then you and damn sure a better dad then you... you just want to play the victum and i'm sick of it.... i'm sick of your eyeore attitude.. nobody cares how self-loathing you are. i haven't called you in so long because i know this will all come out and will feel bad... but it is bound to happen i'm only writing this right now because i'm... well don't want to fucking talk to you..... i really don't. it annoys the fucking shit out of me really if i could kick you in the face i would..... so please god don't let me turn into you.. which is my biggest fear ...

your Son
Nuck

Dear Shane,

I'm frustrated, and I'm angry, and I'm upset, and I don't understand why. I can't help but thinking tonight that if you were here, I wouldn't be. If you were still here, I wouldn't feel so alone though, and i wouldn't be so needy of JK. I wouldn't feel so much like I was going to be left behind somewhere.

But I don't know where any of this is coming from. It's been a year and a half since you left. It's not your birthday, and it's not any anniversary or other special day that relates to you. So I don't get it.

I sent them both messages, apologizing for seeming jealous because of their relationship, and trying to explain why a little. I'm afraid now that it is going to backfire and make things even worse. Which will end up leaving me entirely alone. I'm terrified of that. But I can't unsend them. What's done is done.

I know I've got to see someone to help me deal with this. I'm not moving on like i should. I'm not letting go. But I'm afriad if I do, I'll forget. I'm afraid i'll lose you entirely. I've already lost you, but now, what if i lose all my memories. Sometimes, i dont rememver what you look like without looking at a picture. I can't hear your voice anymore in my head.... i have to press the button on the bear or listen to the voicemail.

It's only been 18 months since you died, and already i'm forgetting. it's like your slipping away all over again. except this time, thre won't be anythihng left. and i don't know how to stop it. I never expected this to be so hard..... i never thought losing you could cause me to feel like i'd lost everything. and i never realized tht someday, it could all be gone.

I wish you could see Me. 

Until tomorrow, 
open your I's. 

 dear phil,
        im sorry i have been so selfish over the last year, i broke up with you for no reason but i came back i loved you enough to come back, i missed you enough to come back and you punished me every day for that, you never helped around the house or with our daughter, i lost all my friends because i was trapped in this god damn house not allowed to have any fun or freedom, you are jealous that i had fun with out you? you are scared i still will? of course i will im a 19 year old girl with a one year old daughter!! i need space and a social life and im sorry but i had to find a way i never ment for this to happen. 
   i met him while we wer seperated we dated for a bit. i ended it with him as soon as we got back together and he understood, but we stayed friends and i wanted to see him. I knew the only way i could see anybody anymore is to invite them over while you are at work so i did, he started coming over a fair bit we just got along so well we wer good friends, id bitch about the bad things in my life and he would bitch about his, he soon became one of my best friends id ever had, i knew that none of it would get out as we dont know any of the same people he comes from a totally different town than we, i felt safe.
 he came over a few weeks ago all upset and angry his father had been in an accident and was hurt very bad, i comforted him as we lay there on the couch together he looked at me and told me he loved me and regretted not fighting for me, he said he wished things wer different that he could call me his girl and we could go out together. it was more love than id felt in the last 3 years from you!
 i wish i could say that i told him i didnt feel the same way and i wish i could say i didnt make love to him over and over but i did and i still do, i do love you, you wer my first love, the father of my beautiful girl. but he has swept me of my feet i cannot get him off my mind. i know it is wrong in every single way but im scared of you now, i dont want to hurt you, i have no idea how you would react if you found out , i am your prisoner in my home and im finding ways to feel free...
                     i am so sorry 

Dear faceless girl who used to be my best friend

You're selfish.  Constantly, I found myself defending you or trying to explain the motives behind your actions.  Stressing over what people thought about my best friend and why.  I see now what those people were thinking and why, and I'm glad I've moved on from the chapter in my life that involved you. 

You're self-involved, immature, and lazy.  You don't care about anyone but yourself and at this point, I think you never will.  I'm not really sure where you learned to be such a selfish bitch, because you have wonderful parents and siblings.  I'm sad to see that your sweet niece is going to have to grow up around you.  Hopefully, she'll learn how not to act by watching you.  I'm simply astounded by the fact that you are eighteen years old and still in the tenth grade; not because you honestly don't know the material or because you are stupid, but simply because you are lazy.  

I don't know how I didn't see how much you took me and your other friends for granted...  Constantly using us, and not thinking of it as a friendship as much as people you could get something from. 

But now I think it is not so much as bad luck that got me locked up and taken away from my 'friends' as much as God scooping me up and setting me on the right path.  Even though I was locked up for a year and you weren't, I still ended up with a better life than you did.  I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me, you're alone.  I am about to start my second semester of college, and you're working in fast food as an eighteen year old high school drop out.  I have friends who love me, and yours have all left your side because just like me, they see you for what you really are now.

I have but one thing to thank you for...  Thank you for teaching me what a real friend isn't.

Hi stanger,
It saddens me to call you that after we've been through so much over these past two years, okay a year an nine months, but who's counting? You hurt me, you know that? no, you destroyed me. You turned me into someone who I don't really know anymore. But I'm sort of glad you did that. You taught me a lesson. The boys here are good, they're sweet talkers and they're good looking-just like you. Only thing is, in college, they're smarter. But they won't get to me. Not to my heart and not to my body. I'm not chasing anymore boys. If a guy likes me, he can pursue me. This does not include you. When you get back from the military, don't you come find me. Don't call me; don't text me. Don't even think about me. You're hold on me is over. I am a strong person now. I'm not weak ,and I'm no longer easily influenced. So you can't guilt trip me or "baby" me anymore. When I walked out of your house the night before you dissapeared, I cried every night for a week. I'll never put myself in that position, ever again. Not with any boy, that includes you. I might have had a weakness for you before, Brandon. But trust me, I'm strong enough to say no to you. My friends are helping me cope, i guess you could say. everytime i mention your name they make a siren noise until i give up. which i usually do right when they make the noise. I guess it's only natural for me to do this though, you may not have loved me, but you were such a major part of my life for so long. more important to me than anything in my life, i think. I know that's not a good thing, but you were the center of my universe. All i was focused on was becoming more than what we were. I'm writing you this letter to let you know I'm moving on. I'm no longer waiting for you to be mine. So when you come back, don't bother calling me, I won't be answering. Thank you for destroying my weakness, though. I think if you hadn't. college would have been worse. A lot worse. Thank you Brandon, for teaching me so many lessons before life really started.
I don't know how to end this,
Britt

I miss you.

I miss you and I just saw you this afternoon, and yesterday, and for like an entire week before then. But I miss you. I miss what we used to be, when you used to want me and love me. And when you used to appreciate me, though I'm not sure now if that was ever the case. It certainly isn't the case now.

I would do anything for you.
I do anything for you.
I don't even live there, but when you wake up in the morning, I make sure you have coffee to take to work.
When I am there, I make sure your dishes are done, your house is clean.
I get you food when you're hungry, even when it's pouring rain and i'm sick.
I give you all the sex you want plus some but you still don't seem to care at all.
What else do I have to do?

You were the first one to show me love. Real love. But why did it have to fade so god-damn fast?

And why can't you let me go?

You have all your silly requirements, but every time i meet one, you find a new one that I can't reach. It isn't fair.

Yes, I know. I bruised your ego when I dumped you. But I apologized that same night... why are you still punishing me almost 6 months later?

We are dating, I hope you know that. Whether or not, you will admit it or tell me you love me anymore, we are. And you know it. Why can't you give me back what I deserve?

All I'm asking for is you.

I love you.
Love me back, I know deep down you do...somewhere....

Dear Everyone Here,

My name is Sharyn & I live in Australia.. Melbourne to be precise.
I found this community thismorning and joined immediately.

Please feel free to add me, if you think we have things in common, or even if we do not.

I look forward to your response,

Peace , Love & Light

Sharyn.

Dear best friend,
Whining all around lj and feeling horrible about how you became such a cold, heartless selfish bitch over the summer isn't gonna fix our friendship. I'm not sure what exactly happened, but  you really changed. I had so much respect and love for you, but lately- both are going down. You make me feel so little and make me feel like the bad person in this friendship/situation. I just realized, why the hell am I fighting so hard to have my place back as your #1 best friend-go to person? If you were any kind of friend (not even best friend anymore), you would've waited for me 2 extra minutes ( the ones you said you would) so I could've went with you guys to get lunch (oh yeah you have everyone waiting on your command). You knew I would never wait alone half an hour in line. You let me starve. I would never do that to you and you know it. Btw, thanks jazz for sharing your lunch with me[: This letter is to prove to myself, that I'm no longer going to be trying so hard and I'm done feeling depressed over losing our Amazing (while it laster 4 years) best friendship.
Love,
Your-soon-to-be-former best friend

Dear Nate,

I miss you. Seeing you the other night, feeling your happy half-drunk embrace, was such a balm to my soul. It's a comfort to know that despite time and tide, I'll still have good solid people to come back to.

I miss you. I listened to "Tom Traubert's Blues" today and thought of you. I wish I could take you with me on my journey. You always made me feel like the only girl in the room.

Love you. Thank you for being my friend.

Katie