Champagne and Bullets is the kind of movie that makes you question the entire concept of artistic restraint and then thank God it doesn’t have any. Written, directed, and starred in by John De Hart, a man who looked at the universe and said, “I can do all of it”, this film is a one man vanity project so pure, it circles all the way back to genius. There’s country karaoke, a courtroom drama no one asked for, a satanic…

I was looking for something to watch but that Ed Gein Netflix doc everyone’s obsessed with wasn’t doing it for me.
Then I found CrackCoon.
Finally, I thought, we’re expanding the “animals on drugs” cinematic universe beyond cocaine. We’ve had Cocaine Bear, Cocaine Shark, Cocaine Werewolf, and, okay, Meth Gator, but now… Crack. This should be a thrilling ride!

Right off the bat, though, it’s clear the creators of this movie have never done crack, nor have they ever seen…