Title: Untrammeled.
Author: lannamichaels
Fandom: Vorkosigan Saga
Series: Part 9 of Liegelord
Rating: G
A/N: Cast list and timeline.
Archives: Archive Of Our Own, SquidgeWorld

Summary: It's never good when Aral uses his override with Padma's secretary.



1.

It's never good when Aral uses his override with Padma's secretary. It's much worse when Aral shows up in clear civilian clothes, blatantly carrying no written report. Aral's always scrupulous about records in his ministerial capacity and he's not here as a Vorkosigan. He's here as a minister. This is official. Something has gone wrong.

Aral draws himself up and Padma is, suddenly, terrified in a way he has not been since he was ten years old and standing in front of the Joint Councils for the first time.

Aral says, "It's about Alexander."

Aral says, "He was involved in last month's attempt on Ivan's life."

Aral says, "I have not spoken with Alexander yet."

Aral says, "I need your permission to interrogate any member of your family."

Alexander tried to kill Ivan.

The world's tilted on its axis and come down wrong, jolted out of its orbit. That attempt had been meticulously, painstakingly planned. It had come far too close to succeeding. How involved was Alexander... no. That's not the most important question. "How did you find this out?"

Aral looks deeply exhausted. He knows what Padma is asking. "My officers discovered it. When the investigation took a turn toward the Imperial Service Academy, we took the lead from ImpSec. The conspirators there approached Alexander five times. All of them have individually confirmed this. Alexander gave them information he shouldn't have and they used it. I don't think he knew what their plans were, but they told him enough that he should have figured it out and reported it. He never reported any of the contacts to me or to Negri. If he sent them to your office, I wouldn't know."

"He didn't," Padma says. He gets letters from Alexander at a reasonable rate. Alexander has never contacted him officially. He's never had to. Alexander's never felt that he had to. "Aral, why couldn't you tell me the Cetagandans were invading, or a Count's in rebellion, or five garrisons exploded?"

Aral gives that the consideration it deserves, which is none. "We've also found seditious materials and proof that he was distributing them, but that charge is much less serious."

Aral eats seditious materials for breakfast. If he'd found them in Alexander's belongings in any other circumstances, he'd tell Padma, but he'd slip it into another report; he'd never come just for that. Aral doesn't care about sedition. But this has rattled him.

"Who knows?" Padma asks.

"Three of my interrogators, another two officers, and myself. We hadn't put his name in any files." Aral takes a deep breath. "If you want this to disappear..."

"He tried to kill Ivan," Padma says. That's the most important part of this. Ivan nearly died. And Alexander helped.

"He's had a thousand opportunities to kill Ivan," Aral says. "He's had a thousand opportunities to kill you. He could have given them much more than he did. He could have given them the Residence. He didn't. He could have put a knife in Ivan's chest three days ago. He didn't."

"So he's a coward as well as a traitor," Padma says. Aral opens his mouth again and Padma holds his hand up. "No. I'll talk to him. You won't." Aral's not a trained interrogator. He's probably never interrogated anyone in his life. Well, neither has Padma, but he owes it to his family to speak to Alexander himself. If Alexander meant to turn them in but was ashamed... if Alexander truly did not understand...

If Padma has not completely failed his family.

With ten children, he'd known they'd play favorites amongst each other; that's only natural. But there should have been an overall family loyalty. Padma's worked damned hard to create an overall family loyalty. And he's utterly failed.

"How did I miss this, Aral?" he asks.

"I missed this," Aral says, the noble idiot. He'll walk into plasma fire for Padma and apparently accept all blame for bad parenting as well.

"I knew he was having problems with Ivan. I knew they were barely speaking to each other. But I never thought--" No. He didn't think. Padma had never had siblings to fight with, he's only ever had Aral. And he'd been lulled into too deep a sense of security. Everyone always said it would be Richard, born too close to Ivan, but Richard's more loyal than a dog and even less crafty. Padma should have looked at Alexander then. He should have seen what was coming. He should have planned for this. Ezar would have planned for this.

But he hadn't. Padma had thought it was a momentary problem. He'd thought it would blow over, like every other sibling argument has. He had never thought of this. How involved was Alexander? Would he refuse to kill Ivan himself, but have no objection to letting someone else do it for him?

"There's no reason you should have. This seems to be the first try," Aral says.

That's hardly a comfort. "It almost succeeded. What's he going to do for the encore?"

"Possibly nothing," Aral says. "It might simply have been stupidity and carelessness, not malice. It could be personal, not dynastic."

Hating his brother specifically, rather than his Crown Prince. "Aral, there's hardly a difference in this family. You know that."

"There might be for Alexander," Aral stresses. "I've gone through everything he has. I've gone through all his friends. He's not plotting against you. He's not making a dynastic play. He seems to have made a shortsighted decision and not thought much more about it."

Aral's defending this, Padma slowly realizes. No. Aral's defending... "I'm not going to order him killed," Padma says, suddenly standing, incandescently angry. Aral would think that of him? He dares? "Alexander's my son."

Aral spreads his hands, no defense. "So is Ivan. Someone should speak for a traitor."

"He can speak for himself." Padma sits down heavily. "And he will. Aral..."

"Yes?" Aral shows nothing, nothing that he thinks Padma would ever betray the trust between them, nothing that he thinks Padma would do the unthinkable. Ezar might have been able to kill his own son. Yuri certainly was able to kill most of his family. Padma had thought Aral knew him better than that. He had thought Aral trusted him to be more than that. But it seems there are limits to Aral's trust.

It is not, Padma knows, a bad thing that there are limits to Aral's trust. Padma needs there to be limits to Aral's trust. But he doesn't want to be reminded of them right now.

"Bring me my son," he says. "Discreetly. If he's in class, wait for it to end. I don't want him arrested. I don't want anyone to see anything. You can tell him in the groundcar what the accusation is. You can let him prepare. But leave nothing at the Academy to make it seem like he won't return. Because he will, and I will have no gossip."

"Yes, sire," Aral says, perfectly blank and obedient. Padma could strangle him.

"And now," Padma says, standing up again, weary down to the bone. "I have to go tell his mother."



2.

Aral brings Alexander in and then takes up a guard's position by the door. He's armed for this, a stunner and a nerve disrupter at his thighs. Padma wishes he weren't noticing them. Aral's prepared to do what he has to in order to protect his Emperor. But if Padma makes him pull his stunner, Padma's never going to get Aral back from that.

Alexander bows. "Father. Mother." He's wearing the Academy uniform, crisp and proper, but his posture says everything. He doesn't think this is serious. He thinks that Padma would take him out of school in the middle of the day for something trivial. He thinks Padma would send Aral to get him for something trivial.

And Alexander had tried to kill Ivan.

"Alexander," Padma says. "I've heard a very disturbing report about your conduct at school."

Alexander throws a look over his shoulder at Aral. "I've been learning a lot," Alexander starts. "Uh, the pamphlets. I can explain those."

"Do," Padma says and then waits. If Alexander is going to confess... this is about a lot more than pamphlets, but if those pamphlets caused anything. If they were the catalyst... If this urge came from someone outside Alexander, instead of Alexander deciding to do this himself... If this was something other than Alexander using others to kill his brother for him...

What Padma will do about it will depend on what Alexander says. If this is the worst possibility, if Alexander had known what he was doing, if he'd done it deliberately, then nothing can save him. He can never be permitted to return to Barrayar. Padma won't kill his own son, but he won't allow anything to undermine the Imperium. He cannot allow a treasonous son to have any access to power. He cannot allow a treasonous son to destroy this family. He has lost too much to do that.

If Alexander confesses, if he throws himself on Padma's mercy... he's his son. Padma doesn't remember his own father. He's never been a son to anyone. He doesn't know how his family would have handled this, but he knows what he will not do. He has four sons. He won't lose any of them. He can't. He hasn't rebuilt this family just to destroy it.

Alexander assumes perfect posture and looks Padma in the eye. "I found I agreed with their politics and I thought it was worth spreading."

"Do you still?" Padma asks.

"Yes, sir," Alexander says. "I know that serving officers aren't supposed to have politics. But for those who are going to have them anyway, I thought some new ideas could help shake up their worldview. I, uh, I understand that them coming from a prince could be construed as an Imperial endorsement. I chose not to care about that. Sir."

"No, you probably chose to exploit it," Padma says. The political officers are supposed to leave the princes alone; hiding material in Alexander's belongings would be a good way to keep them from being confiscated. Padma's going to have to consider if he changes that policy. Ivan, for one, would be deeply insulted. Richard, on the other hand, might not notice. And Nicholas is still too young to care.

Alexander looks like he's going to argue, but then he nods. "Yes, sir. I did."

"Explain to me why I shouldn't give you the same treatment as everyone who distributes or receives seditious material," Padma says. Alexander knows the danger he put his classmates and his contacts into. And he likely doesn't care. He knows none of that would ever happen to him.

Alexander appears to think that over and discards several responses. Appeals to the political reality? Padma can't afford the weakness of throwing his son out of the Academy. "I can't, sir," he eventually settles on. Then he ruins it by adding, "You cannot allow unapproved literature added to the curriculum. It might confuse the students."

"Ah, I see," Padma says. "And is that all you have to say to me?"

"May I know what I am being charged with? Minister Vorkosigan said treason. I think I have answered to that."

"Aral," Padma prompts and Aral responds with the list of names of Alexander's contacts. Padma watches Alexander's face. Alexander's chin lifts and for one moment, Padma feels the rush of the terror from before. How much has he failed his family?

"Yes, they gave me propaganda," Alexander says. "As they vanished recently, I presume they were the ones who turned me in."

"They were the ones," Padma says slowly, carefully, the knife twisting in his own chest with every word, "who used the information you gave them to try to kill Ivan."

Alexander inhales sharply. "I-- Father--"

"The charge isn't sedition or undermining my rule or whatever you might have imagined," Padma says. "The charge is trying to murder your elder brother."

"I didn't!" Alexander shouts. "I didn't try to murder him!"

"Then what did you do?" Padma demands.

"I complained about him! They're-- they were my friends. We were commiserating, that's all, Father, I swear to you on my name, on anything you like. I didn't betray Ivan. I wouldn't."

"You did," Padma says softly. "You betrayed him. You betrayed me."

"I-- I didn't--," Alexander takes a shuddering breath. "If by my actions or my words or my deeds I caused any-- any pain to my brother, I deeply apologize, sire."

That's really not good enough. "Did you want him to die, Alexander?"

Alexander is silent for a damning minute. "Yes, my liege, I did," he says. "But when the attack came. When it happened. I was terrified that he'd die. I didn't want him to, then. I-I-- Father, I-- I don't like him, but I don't want to kill him. There's a difference. For me, there's a difference."

The difference likely is that if Ivan died, Alexander wouldn't mourn too much, but he's lately -- and far too late -- decided that he wouldn't wield the knife or arm the assassin. That's not good enough. Alexander hadn't found his conscience, he'd found his cowardice. Short-sighted, Aral had called Alexander. Perhaps. But this is not the remorse that Padma would like to hear right now. That Padma craves to hear right now. His son regrets the wrong part of this. "Alexander, I expected better from you."

"I know, sir," Alexander says. "And-- and I'm very sorry for that."

"Sorry for my expectations or for failing them?" Padma asks. He does have to know.

"I've never met your expectations," Alexander says. "You have an heir, a spare, and Alexander. Your expectations for me is to be nothing more a loyal man for Ivan, and I failed. I let my private feelings about Ivan override my judgment. I was indiscreet. I assisted in treason. I didn't mean to and I didn't know that I was, but even if they hadn't been plotting against Ivan, I still shouldn't have told them what I did. I should have been more careful. I shouldn't have spread family gossip. I shouldn't have-- I shouldn't have been indiscreet enough that any idiot would know to seek me out as a way to attack my brother." He blinks back tears. Padma wishes he believed them real, or caused more by fear of consequence than by regret of what he did. Padma wishes he believed Alexander at all. "Father. I didn't know. I didn't mean it."

"You meant it, but not the consequences," Padma says. And a decision to regret the consequences could easily be taken back if the underlying sentiment hasn't changed. And they haven't. Well, if this is the son he has... he's likely nothing more than what Padma made of him. He is Padma's son and his vassal. Padma knows his responsibilities. Once, his responsibility would have been to give Alexander a small force and send him on a hopeless, essential mission, and allow Alexander to buy back his honor in death or victory. Padma's not at war with anybody. He'll have to find another way for his son to find his honor again.

"It should have stayed in the family," Alexander says stubbornly. "I should have been smarter. I'm sorry, Father."

Yes, hate your brother, but only do it with relatives. That may or may not be any less dangerous than doing it with murderers, when you do it as part of this family. Padma pinches the bridge of his nose. He's always made Ivan be the one to make peace with his siblings whenever there were any problems between him and the rest of them, blaming Ivan for fostering resentment, for not handling his siblings better. Padma should have spent more time on this and not just reflexively blamed his heir. And if he asked Ivan and Alexander, he likely wouldn't even find out the source of the difficulties between them now. The wound is old. Their difficulties with each other are loud enough now that Padma had taken notice of them, but... but it's been going on for so long, that friction between them, that he hadn't thought anything of it. He'd thought it was normal. And maybe between any other siblings, it would have been normal. But not Alexander. Not with Ivan. They're too different. Ivan's used to Richard, who fits him in all the places Ivan needs him to. Ivan's never needed Alexander.

"Alexander, do you realize that you are standing in front of your Emperor, explaining that you assisted in treason, but your defense is that you hate your brother so much, you forgot everything that you have been taught about security since the day you were born?"

"It's the only defense I have," Alexander says. Padma knows exactly where he gets this stubborn streak from. Damn him. "I forgot that loyalty extends beyond my own feelings on the subject. I forgot. And I'm sorry. If you allow me to make amends, I'll do it. If you want my blood on the stones, I'll do that, too."

"Your blood won't be necessary, Alexander," Padma says. The apology suffices, if only just barely. Padma's going to have to fix this, somehow. Alexander's young and impulsive. One of them can be fixed by time. The other will need more than that.

Alexander looks only barely relieved that Padma won't kill him over this. If Padma's done nothing else, he's succeeded in sufficiently scaring his son. If that fear will stick... Padma rather doubts it. Alexander's not the type. Padma had never wanted any of his children to feel for him what he'd felt for Ezar. He'd wanted them to defy him. He'd wanted a family. He'd never wanted this. This should never have happened.

"What, uh, are you going to do with me?" Alexander asks.

Padma shakes his head. "I don't know." Behind Alexander, Aral looks thoughtful. Padma grants him permission with a quick gesture.

"Ship duty," Aral suggests.

Padma considers that. It's an intriguing solution, but it would probably work. It would get Alexander away from Ivan, and it would let Padma keep Alexander under as much surveillance as he pleases. "You may have something there, Aral."

"I just confessed to assisting with treason, you're not going to give me bombardment weapons," Alexander objects.

Kareen has the same look as Aral on her face. "Would you use them?" she asks.

"No!"

"Ensigns don't have much access to them unless they're on weapons duty," Aral says. "You'd be assigned somewhere else and not have the temptation."

"I wouldn't use them!"

"It gets you away from Ivan, because, frankly, Alexander, I won't let you around him for a long time," Padma says. Alexander nods, accepting that. "But we've failed you. You've felt in Ivan's shadow. Well, Ivan's never getting ship duty. You'll have a sphere all to yourself. You can rise or fall, all by yourself. You can make a name for yourself independent of Ivan. And in return, you won't have any access to communication or to influences that aren't approved, and all your actions can be easily monitored."

"You're using a ship as another kind of prison?" Alexander looks very unsettled at that thought. That's down to Aral. He made ship duty into something that all the cadets these days aspire to, instead of something that still stank of the Cetagandans, like it had when Padma was young. And Alexander would get it as a punishment.

"Why not? Your father did it to me once," Aral says.

"When?" Alexander demands at the same time as Padma says sharply, "that was a very different situation, Aral." He'd done it to give Aral another chance. He'd never done it to imprison Aral; he'd done it to keep Aral in a place safe from bad influences. And he'd done it to make sure Aral would come out of it as Padma wanted him to. But that was nothing like this. Aral's loyalty has always been without question. Alexander's loyalty is never again going to be without question for a day in his life.

"Not too different," Aral says, meeting Padma's eye. "I remember it very well."

Aral was far too drunk at the time to remember it that well, but that's an argument for another day. "Ivan will only have twenty years in the military," he says to Alexander. "I might give Richard a little more time, but he'll also have duties. You can have as much time as you like with My fleet. You can prove your loyalty every day of the rest of your life. Every day you don't turn your ship's guns on your brother, every day you don't plot a coup, every day you'll prove your loyalty. And in return, you'll accept every restriction We put upon you."

"I-- yes, sir," Alexander says. "I won't-- I won't fail you again, sir."

"See that you don't," Padma says. "Do you have anything else to say to me or your mother?"

Alexander looks between them, looking suddenly very lost. "I didn't mean it to get this far. Mother, I-- I didn't, I swear to you."

"You thought you could hate him quietly," Kareen says. "And you forgot that means keeping it quiet."

Alexander flinches. "Yes, Mother."

Kareen shakes her head. "Go back to school, Alexander. Do better. Don't make your father regret his mercy."

Alexander bows. Padma nods to Aral, who shows Alexander out. When the door closes fully, Kareen lets out a string of profanity so strong, Padma has to admire it for sheer creativity. It likely counts as a form of art. And he agrees with every word of it.

"What did we raise?" Kareen asks.

"A Vorbarra, unfortunately," Padma says. And not the kind of Vorbarra he had wanted. If Alexander had been the first son instead of the third, Padma would now be reconsidering relying on primogeniture to choose his heir. He can't let this become the Vorbarras yet again. He can't allow someone with the same family feeling as Yuri or Ezar to set the precedent for his family. He won't. "We'll have to tell Ivan about this."

"Yes," Kareen agrees. "None of the others?"

"Not unless it's necessary," Padma says. "But Ivan must know." Even if Ivan weren't Padma's heir, he would still have to know. The attempt was on him. Honor demands that he be told of what has been done to those who harmed him. "The younger children... no. If we have to tell them anything, we'll tell them about the seditious materials, that will suffice for them. That will explain removing Alexander from the planet and limiting his sphere of influence. They won't know that he conspired against Ivan. When Ivan succeeds me, he can make his own damn decisions about what his siblings should know, but I won't let Alexander tear this family apart."

He can't present this to his children as the family splitting apart. He can't let Alexander be a choice that any of them can make. He can't let anyone choose Alexander over their Crown Prince.

Ivan will hate not being able to tell Richard, but in this, Padma has to keep them separate. The younger children joke that Ivan and Richard are actually one person, but that's only because Richard has molded himself to Ivan so well. If Padma let him, Richard would cling to Ivan forever. Ivan would never try to peel him off; Ivan's clinging back just as hard. Padma's tried to be patient with it, knowing that he would have held onto Aral as hard had it ever been allowed, but... no, not for this. Richard can't be allowed to know. It's going to be hard enough telling Ivan what Padma allowed to happen. Padma won't let this story spread. It will be Ivan and no others. Ivan's always hated it when he couldn't tell Richard something, but Padma will be clear in his orders. No one else may know of this. He won't allow this to go further than it already has. He won't let Alexander sow any seeds and destroy what Padma's worked to build.

Ivan's not going to take this well. He'd always been good at showing a brave face to his parents and to Ezar, but at night, he would sneak into bed with Richard to keep them both safe in the dark. That habit had lasted far longer than Padma would have liked; Kareen had always persuaded him not to forbid it, but it's a sign of weakness. At least Ivan is married now, so he can go chase demons away with his wife instead of his brother. Helen is better than Richard is at understanding that Ivan's position comes with secrecy; Richard will have to be warned not to push too hard.

Padma knows Ivan. If there was ever a chance of Ivan and Alexander reconciling, this will destroy it. Ivan won't forget this. Ivan and Alexander have never been close. That shouldn't have led to attempted murder. Ivan wouldn't have expected it. He'd taken the loyalty of his family for granted. And so had Padma. And Padma, for one, should have known better. The children likely don't think of the massacre beyond the yearly commemoration. Padma is reminded of it every single day. His entire life has been crafted by it. If anyone should be aware of what family can do, it should be Padma Xav Vorbarra.

But he hadn't been as careful as he should have been. He hadn't prevented this. And now he must try to stem the bleeding as much as possible. He must try to prevent further damage. Padma can silence Ivan while he lives. He knows Ivan can hold a grudge; Ivan would likely tell his siblings as soon as he could. But thankfully, that will be quite literally over Padma's dead body. Padma won't have to deal with the consequences; Ivan will. And by that time, enough time should have passed to dull the worst of it. Alexander could have redeemed himself. Time could have dulled the wound. There may still be time to prevent bloodshed.

He has to. He can't fail in that as well.

"Do we stop leaving Ivan unguarded with the others?" Kareen asks.

Padma hates the very idea, but it has merit. Alexander's shown him that it has merit. "I don't know. Aral told me that Alexander had a thousand chances to kill Ivan, and that's true. But it's going to haunt me. All it would have taken was the urge. And the urge was clearly there, for all that he says he would never have acted on it. It would have only taken one moment when he decided otherwise. We certainly can't allow Alexander to be armed around Ivan anymore. Or you or me."

"If he's determined enough, he won't need weapons," Kareen says.

"I know. I'll give orders to the armsmen." He'll have to word the order very carefully. He can't have them leaving Ivan and Alexander alone with each other. He has to allow the armsmen strict confines to work within or none of them will be able to bring themselves to raise a hand to their liegelord's son. They must be specifically allowed an action or their honor will never allow them to take any at all. "But Alexander will graduate in three months and I'll have him on the first ship I can. They will have very few opportunities to be alone."

"I wish I knew when this happened," Kareen says. "But I need to know how it did, so we can prevent this ever happening with Nicholas."

Nicholas is barely ten years old, still a child. He admires Ivan as if he were a favored uncle, not a brother. Nicholas isn't the danger right now. "I'm more concerned about Sonia. If Alexander was ever going to plot with anyone, it would be her." If anyone would side with Alexander, it would certainly be Sonia. The two of them have always been close. Sonia has struck out against the family in her own way, but she has kept her rebellion so far to merely dating proles, and Padma can easily ignore that. It hardly rises to the level of what Alexander has done.

"I'll speak with her, then," Kareen says. Padma nods in acknowledgment. Something of that delicate nature would be much better coming from Kareen. She has a much more delicate touch.

He'll keep the worst of his concerns unvoiced. He won't ask Kareen if she thought that Sonia knew about it. Or that if Sonia had known about it, would she have warned her parents or Ivan. Would Sonia have told anyone? Or would she have kept it secret, saving her favorite brother? That's the worst of the insidious doubts, that his family has already been broken apart, that Padma has never noticed it and now it's too late. What else has broken apart while Padma looked elsewhere? He's relied far too much on mere Vor loyalty. He's gotten too complacent. And Ivan nearly died because of it.

Alexander is guilty. Is his favorite sister guilty as well? Padma can't condemn her. He won't even raise the possibility. Not to himself. And not to Kareen.

This is the paranoia that fueled Yuri. This is the fear that kept Ezar prodding at Ivan even as Padma fought to keep the boys away from Ezar. This is everything that destroyed the Vorbarra family from the inside. Unlike the Vorkosigans, they hadn't needed the Cetagandans to devastate them. The Vorbarras have done this to themselves. And Padma had, foolishly, thought he had avoided it. He had thought he'd managed to sever that cord binding them to the family legacy.

But he hadn't. And now Alexander's brought this brotherly squabbling back into the family. And Padma should have known better. The grandson of Xav Vorbarra, the son of Sonia Vorpatril, should have known better.

He remembers how his grandfather had prepared him for becoming the Crown Prince, but old Xav had never told him what he should do if his own sons started looking too familiar, started acting out the ghosts of the past. But Ezar had told him. Ezar had prepared him. But Padma had never wanted to be Ezar's son.

He has to give Alexander enough rope and another chance. His own honor requires it, let alone his love for his son. But he's going to be more careful now. He has to be more careful now.

He can't let this happen again.



3.

Padma assembles all of his armsmen and gives them the order together. Most orders are filtered through the armsman-commander but for something of this nature, it has to be his own voice. Prince Alexander cannot be permitted to be alone with Prince Ivan. Prince Alexander is not permitted to be armed around any of his siblings. Padma authorizes force up to and including stunner fire on Alexander. Not Ivan. If Ivan attacks Alexander... well, Padma will trust Ivan to give him his word and keep it. He doesn't trust Alexander for that anymore. He also authorizes the armsmen to defend themselves if need be. It burns that he has to consider that his son might betray his oath like that and attack a liegeman, but Padma has Alexander's word that he was, at best, too reckless to think clearly, and at worst, too caught up in revenge to think better of it. Padma will doubt his son's honor as much as need be. He has sworn his protection to his armsmen, and if he has to do this as well, so be it.

But he knows these men. Vorbarra armsmen have seen worse and done worse, but these are Padma's men; he hadn't kept any of Ezar's. His armsmen are honorable and they know him to be as well. Raising a hand to their liegelord's son would be unthinkable, a betrayal. He will remember the look on their faces until the day he dies, the moment he gives them permission to a raise a hand to his son and defend themselves as necessary. He can see a few of them try to think about it and wholly reject the idea. If any of his men are ever caught between their oath like that, he might keep them just long enough for them to report. He won't be able to keep them from swallowing their weapons afterwards. There's a dishonor to Alexander's actions that spreads. First from Alexander to Padma, and now from Padma to his sworn liegemen. They will obey him, but they may destroy themselves doing it. These are man who would happily die for him. He owns their honor and he owes it to them to keep it for them. If he spends their honor, it shouldn't be on Alexander.

That's the insidious part about betrayal. It seeps outward, corrupting everything it touches. And so you cut it out. You can't let it fester. But there are things Padma won't make himself do, not yet. Padma's playing with fire here, being reckless and courting danger, but he doesn't care. He's going to save Alexander, and he won't sacrifice Ivan for it, but he'll sacrifice honor for it.

He hopes that will be the only thing he sacrifices. But he doesn't trust his judgment tonight. There are too many ghosts chasing him, Yuri and Ezar, Xav and all the dead of the massacre.

Aral comes back that night, bearing the tea tray. He pours and settles down on a chair across from Padma. He's still dressed as a civilian.

"Aral?" Padma asks.

"Everything's sorted at the Academy," Aral reports. "I've increased security to make sure Alexander doesn't leave the grounds, but I don't think he will. This wasn't that kind of plot. He's not going to run." If this had been a true plot against Ivan, Alexander would have had to plan to escape if it hadn't succeeded. If this had been a true plot, Alexander would have supporters, ones who would harbor him. If this were just a family argument, then Alexander would have none of that. Padma desperately wants to believe that Alexander had not lied to him, that this was simply a family argument. But he wouldn't stay Emperor for very long if he lived entirely on trust or on what he wanted to believe.

"If he ran, I'd let him go," Padma says. "I wouldn't let him come back, but if he went far enough and had no contact at all with anyone and made no attempt to return, I'd let him. It would destroy-- far too much, but I'd allow it."

"He's not going to run," Aral repeats, sounding almost sure of it. Alexander had always trusted Aral. Padma doesn't know his own son enough to know if that's been ruined as well, if Alexander still sees Aral as a favorite uncle. The children have always loved Aral, but they've never encountered him before as anything other than their uncle. And Padma's never forced Aral to look at them as anything other than children for him to dote on. And now Padma has. That's going to have repercussions, both immediate and eternal.

"I hope you're right," Padma says. "I'd allow it, but it would show weakness. I don't know if I can afford that. But I'll be damned if I can't afford to save my own son's life." He wants both Ivan and Alexander. He wants to keep both of them. But if he has to choose, it will be Ivan, and Alexander knows that. Ivan's not the one who has betrayed his family and his Emperor. Ivan's not the one being sent away to avoid bloodshed.

Padma wonders if Alexander realizes everything he could destroy simply by hating his brother.

Aral sets his tea cup down. He steels himself and Padma knows what's coming. Aral's been forced to have to see Padma's children as threats. And that was nothing that Aral had ever wanted to do. "Padma. You were going to move me elsewhere when I was done cleaning up Political Education for you. I think I've finished that task."

Padma nods, acknowledging the truth of that. "I was. You have. You've lasted much longer than either of us intended. I got spoiled. I'll find somewhere else for you. Do you have any requests?" He's enjoyed these years with Aral always ready at his left-hand, but he knows Aral hasn't. And Aral's right. He's fulfilled his duty. It's time for Padma to redeem his word. It's been coming for a long time, but this situation with Alexander... no wonder Aral feels pushed to his limits. Political Education is cleaner than it was ever meant to be when Dorca had created it. Aral has a capable second. Padma will never trust Racozy as much as he trusts Aral. But he trusts no one as much as he trusts Aral.

He has a few ideas of a good post for Aral, but it will be something to consider at greater length. Most of the positions can come with giving Aral a promotion back to Admiral. Aral would like that. Padma would rather not have the heads of both his intelligence agencies resigning in a year, but Negri is finally retiring and Padma will do nothing to delay that. It had taken a great deal of work, but Negri has finally decided to start turning ImpSec over to his protege. Illyan had been one of the disposable young officers that Ezar had sent to be turned into a mutant. Unlike the rest of them, Illyan had not only survived the memory chip, he'd thrived with it. Illyan's a good man, quiet but capable. He doesn't have the sort of ego that Negri has, although Padma supposes that will come in time. Padma really wouldn't know what to do with himself if he didn't have to balance egos with his morning coffee. Save him from deferential men, they never tell him what they're thinking, and a thinking man is vital in a position like Negri's or Aral's.

"I trust your judgment," Aral says.

"Even with Alexander?" Padma asks. His own world has been shaken. And Aral had truly seemed like he'd thought Padma would order his own son executed. Aral's world must have been shaken as well.

"You've given me no cause to doubt you," Aral says, which is kind of him and likely sheer flattery. Padma will take that from him tonight.

"I've had nothing but doubts today," Padma confesses. But Aral's seen more of Alexander today than Padma has. And Alexander trusts Aral. "What did you tell Alexander in the car?"

"That the charge was treason and not to try to hide anything." Aral says. "He'd have better luck if he didn't try to be clever. If he stood there like an officer, like a Vor, and told the truth and accepted your judgment, then he'd be treated like a Vor."

"And on the way back?" Padma asks.

"He apologized continuously," Aral says. Padma can just imagine it.

"Were the apologies any better than the one he gave me?" Padma asks.

Aral thinks that over. "No. They weren't."

Padma had thought so. Alexander hadn't seemed to regret the kernel of it at all. He'd regretted what had happened because of his actions. He hadn't regretted hating his brother. He hadn't regretted what that had wrought. Instead, Padma's left to regret it enough for the both of them. "I'm not going to try to get him to like Ivan," Padma says, telling himself that as much as telling Aral. He has to accept it, as much as he doesn't want to. "I don't need him to like Ivan. I need him to obey him when it's time for that, and until it is, I need him not to kill his brother." He sighs. "How did we come to this, Aral?"

"We failed you," Aral says, always eager to sacrifice himself. "It was my fault and Negri's for not stopping the plot before it touched Alexander. If he truly had simply been complaining to friends who were loyal to you, nothing would have come of it. This was a failure of your security."

"Your job isn't to save Alexander from himself. Neither is Negri's. And it's mine to save my children from each other." Padma runs his thumb across the lip of his tea cup, feeling the edge. "I knew it and I failed in it."

"I don't think Alexander's a danger to Ivan anymore," Aral says. "I think you sufficiently scared him. And I think it will stick."

"I wish I had your certainty," Padma says. "If you'd asked me before today, I would have told you with absolute certainty that Alexander would never try to harm Ivan. But he did. And Ivan's never done anything to him except perpetuate a sibling rivalry that Alexander will never be able to win. That's hardly cause for what Alexander did."

Aral gets that stubborn look again, like he's going to defend Alexander. Padma doesn't want to hear it.

"Do you think ship duty will help him?" Padma asks. Padma hadn't had specific plans for Alexander, but he hadn't had plans for any of them. He'd allowed the Academy to make recommendations and his sons to make requests. Ivan had requested Political Education, purely from hero worship of Aral. That hadn't been allowed. Richard had requested logistics. He'd been allowed that. Alexander's requests had involved weather stations. Padma hadn't been sure if that was a joke or not. It doesn't matter anymore; Padma needs Alexander off-planet, away from Ivan. And he needs him watched.

"It did for me," Aral says.

"It wasn't a punishment for you," Padma says. "I hadn't known you'd realized I had anything to do with it, but, Aral, it wasn't ever meant to be a prison." It's vital that Aral understands that. Padma never thought of Aral the way he must now think of Alexander.

Aral smiles somewhat fondly at the past. "Your uncle made it clear to me that he only put up with me because it was an Imperial request. But by the end of the cruise, I think I had worn him down. The next posting, well, I was certain I'd earned that one properly."

He had. "I wanted you away from Vorrutyer," Padma says. "Yes, you were speaking revolution in your cups, but you still do that, and I've hardly done anything to you over it. You were never anything like my son. I never feared anything you might do. But I'm terrified of what he might decide to do next." He gets reports on all his children every week, but rarely pays it too much attention. He'll be paying attention to Alexander. "You tell me he's remorseful. I'm going to need to see him prove that. I'm going to need him to prove that for several years before I'll be easy whenever he's in sight of Ivan."

"I don't think he wants to be in sight of Ivan," Aral says. "He'll calm down once he's away."

"I hope you're right," Padma says. "It only takes one man to destroy a family. I won't let it happen." Padma can't let it happen. He won't shame his grandfather or his dead parents by ever letting it happen again. "Do you really think Alexander regrets it?" Padma asks. "Or does he simply regret that it was this plot and not another one?"

"I think he regrets it," Aral says. "But maybe not all of it. He asked me if I thought Richard would have been treated that way. I told him that was the wrong question."

Padma's instinctive response is that Richard would never have done it. But he would have said the same thing about Alexander. And he would have been wrong. But he can't be wrong about Richard. Richard's never shown any sign of resenting Ivan. He's always so confused when people try to use him to get at Ivan. It's likely mostly an act, but it's worked so far for Richard, so Padma won't tell him to stop. He knows Richard's gone to Aral for advice, but Richard's position is nothing like Aral's had ever been. Lord Vorkosigan was never an uncomplicated choice to be Emperor. But Richard is the same as Ivan to anyone who would use him. Richard's in far more danger when it comes to plots.

Ivan had married for love last year. Richard's still deciding what he's going to do. It's less urgent for Richard. He could wait another five years if he wanted. Richard has been lately suggesting ways he could get married that wouldn't interfere with Ivan or cause problems down the line. Padma's refrained from telling him to not bother trying. Any of Richard's children could find a way to turn it into a problem no matter what Richard did. If it makes Richard feel better, then Padma won't stop him. And after today, Padma will wholeheartedly embrace a son who is trying to cause fewer problems down the line, rather than endless ones.

"How did we end up here, Aral?" Padma asks. "I knew they wouldn't all be close friends with each other. I didn't expect attempted murder."

"There was no reason to," Aral says. "Even when siblings don't like each other, they don't try to kill each other. I hadn't liked my older brother, but I wasn't going to try to kill him."

He hadn't? Padma had never known. "You hadn't mentioned."

"It seemed petty, after they were all dead. Disloyal, somehow, to remember the bad times instead of the good." Aral frowns. "I wish I could have told Alexander that you can't choose your liegelord."

That surprises a laugh out of Padma. "Yes, no one in this family can say that." Short of war, no one ever does choose their liegelord. But their family has never been short of war.

"But you're the one I would have chosen," Aral says, leaning forward intently. His hands come to together, perhaps unconsciously. "You're to me like Ezar was to my father. You're the liegelord I would have chosen. You can't let these doubts eat you."

Always the older cousin. Always giving him advice. But he's always known how Aral sees him. And Padma needs it now. He needs Aral. He needs the only man who was loyal to him before Ezar's plans started. "I got too confident with Richard. I let myself think that Alexander was just like him."

"Alexander didn't mean it," Aral says, too confident himself. "He knows now what he did. He won't do it again. He might keep needling Ivan, but he won't mean it like you think he'll mean it. He's going to stay loyal."

"I'm suspicious," Padma starts slowly, "of how much I want to believe that. But I can't make this mistake again. I trusted him once."

"Padma, I've spent ten years watching plots for you," Aral says. "Trust me in this. You will have two sons who don't like each other. But Alexander won't try to kill Ivan again."

Padma tilts his head back, avoiding Aral's earnest eyes. "When I tell Ivan about this tomorrow, Aral, I'll be sure to explain that Lord Vorkosigan is confident." Ivan's always had too much faith in Padma's omniscience. This will put an end to that forever. Perhaps that's for the best.

"I'll be happy to tell Ivan that, too," Aral says. "The conspirators saw Alexander as a source of information. They saw him as an idiot they could exploit. He wasn't one of them. He was simply useful. And I think Alexander's been scared out of being useful anymore. He'll be more careful."

"But he'll still think I would have treated Richard differently," Padma says. "He'll still think this is because I don't need my third son. Aral, I don't like any of this."

"If you did, I wouldn't recognize you," Aral says. "Padma, I understand why you can't trust yourself on this. But your hands hold mine, and I owe you truth as well as loyalty. Alexander's young and he's an idiot. When I was his age, I killed two men. But you don't see me only as a murderer."

When Aral was that age, Padma had barely hit puberty. He'd seen everything through the prism of hero-worshipping his cousin. But perhaps that's what Aral means. Perhaps Padma's view is skewed by being both Alexander's father and his Emperor. As a father, he wants to keep his son safe. As an Emperor, he knows the day may come when he has to choose which son to keep safe. And he does not know if he should react to Alexander as his father or his Emperor. He needs to be both and it's eating him alive.

But Aral isn't Alexander's father. Aral isn't his Emperor. Aral has a better view. Aral's been steeped in plots against Padma for the last decade. If he thinks Alexander is inconsequential compared to true threats, Padma should trust him. Because if Padma doesn't trust him in this, he never should have trusted him with Political Education.

Well, there have always been things that Padma would do for Aral that he would never think to do for anyone else. If Aral wants this to be one of them, Padma will allow it. Padma will let himself be convinced for now.

But he's going to watch Alexander. And he's going to be a lot more careful.



4.

The children don't think about the massacre. Alexander doesn't realize what he's done, what fragile peace he's broken in Padma's mind.

Padma watches Alexander. He watches Ivan.

Ivan refuses to show that this bothers him, but that's how Ivan has always been. Ivan never complains to Padma's face. He thinks everything he experiences is a lesson Padma is trying to teach him. Padma had once sent him to the South Continent for six months and the only complaint Ivan had ever said to him was about being away from Richard; Padma had needed others to tell him that Ivan had been miserable. Ivan always thinks everything is intentional, that Padma is like Ezar, determined to mold him into a proper heir.

Ivan takes Padma's judgment with a blank face that makes every word Padma has to say into a burden. He's failed his heir. He's failed Alexander. He's failed this family.

He's been thinking about Yuri too much lately, about Dorca, about every Emperor who had to look at their family and do this calculus. None of Padma's children are expendable. He will not give any of them up.

But one of them had just tried to kill a brother.

Alexander takes to ship duty easily. He keeps up a correspondence with Sonia and with Aral. Padma has people watching every move Alexander makes.

And years go by and Alexander does not make the move that Padma is terrified he will make. Alexander plays his role. Alexander is the loyal son.

But.

But Alexander is needling at Ivan when he can, at Richard when he can't. Richard may not notice, but Ivan certainly does. Ivan might have learned to forgive Alexander eventually, but Alexander won't let him. And Ivan's never eager to forgive anyone who hurts Richard.

Alexander apologized to Padma, but he's never apologized to Ivan. When Padma notices, he allows them in a room together during one of Alexander's leaves, not alone, but together, but Alexander only uses the opportunity to bother his brother with stories about rescuing stranded ships and horrify his little sisters with stories about crews starving to death in the dark.

It's not getting better. It's not getting worse. The status quo is acceptable, although it burns Padma. He wonders what legacy he is leaving his children. He wonder if they will curse him the way he sometimes curses his parents for dying. He's created his family out of the ashes of the one he had. His grandfather has not lived to see his marriage. His grandmother had died when Richard was not a year old. What family Padma has, he's had to build for himself. He failed them once. He won't let himself fail them again.

If the massacre had not defined his entire life, perhaps he would feel differently. But he can't bear the thought of making the order, knowing that Yuri had. Padma knows what the consequences are; his entire life has been one of them.

And then Alexander decides to marry a Komarran.



5.

Her name is Rachel Verina. She is thirty-one years old. She is a norm space navigator in her family's fleet. She's non-political, in the Komarran sense. She had no relatives in the Komarran Senate in the final two generations of it. Her family is more concerned with their shipping interests than domestic politics. She's not Vor in the slightest. And Padma doesn't know if Alexander wants to marry her to give himself ammunition for a coup.

The Komarrans hate all Vorbarras. They might be persuaded to hate a half-Komarran Vorbarra somewhat less. And, although Alexander doesn't have the loyalty of the navy right now, he could have it by the time he's ready to betray his family and make his own claim.

Padma had resolved to allow his children to choose their marriages for themselves as long as they chose someone suitable. Rachel Verina of Komarr is suitable for a younger son. But for Alexander...

The only argument against it is paranoia. The arguments for it are legion. Aral's in favor of it; Aral's probably the one who told Alexander to do it. Aral's always loved Komarr, and Padma usually allows Aral to have his own way about Komarr. If Aral wants to strength a treaty with someone else's marriage, well, he's not the first Vor lord to do that.

But it's a risk.

"Convince me to allow this," Padma orders Aral. Alexander's ship is still a week away. When he arrives, Padma will have to either announce a betrothal or refuse it to Alexander's face. And Alexander has spent the last ten years showing loyalty at every turn. But he's also spent the last ten years annoying his brothers. That's not treasonous, but it speaks to the sentiment that had caused the treason. Alexander still does not see what he did as serious, not serious enough to change his perspective on his family. Padma should not encourage this by allowing Alexander to pull away yet more with a marriage to a Komarran. It puts too much space between him and his brothers. It opens up far too many doubts. A prince can't be married without it being political, and a Komarran wife is a statement that can't be ignored.

Padma has to look toward the future. He will be bequeathing many problems to Ivan upon his death; he does not want this to be one of them.

Aral doesn't look worried that Padma will actually tell one of his children that they cannot marry. Even Sonia, the one who has dared him the most, Padma had agreed to allow her to marry her prole once she turned forty, after giving Padma time to prepare the ground for that assault. There are very few things that Padma has ever forbidden any of his children. It's a weakness. But he'd rather have this weakness than Yuri's paranoia. He will never allow himself to give in to that. It is far too tempting on some days.

"You want to allow this," Aral says confidently. He's at ease, relaxed. It's good for him to have a distraction. Padma had worried about him for a few months after Uncle Piotr died. Aral hadn't taken to being an orphan as easily as Padma had. "Think about it, Padma. He could choose Vor, and then his sons could fight it out with Richard's to succeed Ivan. You don't want that."

Ivan's wife can't have children. Padma doesn't know who Ivan will choose as his heir, but it will likely be Richard. Padma has never pressed the issue with Ivan; a man with ten children can't force that conversation on a man who will never have any.

"And Nicholas's sons," Padma says, just to watch that wince go across Aral's face.

"And Nicholas," Aral agrees with clear distaste. Nicholas and Olivia Vorkosigan have already announced their betrothal among the family. The formal betrothal won't be held until after Nicholas graduates from the Academy. Aral hates the very idea of his daughter marrying a prince. Padma assumes Aral will come around on the idea once he has his first grandchild. Padma's life certainly improved once Richard's daughter Isabelle was born. And Nicholas is a quiet boy, very shy. Aral will enjoy having him as a son-in-law.

"He'll buy Komarr's loyalty by marrying her," Padma says.

Aral shakes his head. "Not from what Alexander's written to me. His bride intends to stay with her ships while they're married. They're going to have their children by uterine replicators. It's going to be very galactic. The children will split their time with the Verina fleet and here. They'll be more galactic than Komarran."

"And more galactic than Barrayaran," Padma says. "Do they think I'll agree to that?"

"Alexander's probably counting on it," Aral says. "The children won't get through the Counts. And the children won't have Komarran support just because of who their mother is; Komarr doesn't do that sort of thing. This is the least dangerous marriage that Alexander could make."

"Old Xav thought that, too," Padma says.

"He fell in love. It just happened to be with a Betan." Aral looks disappointed in Padma for bringing their grandfather into this. But Padma's not yet been able to stop thinking of Ivan and Alexander in the frame of Yuri and Xav. It's not precise; he isn't sure which is which. Alexander tried to kill Ivan. But Ivan will be Emperor. Padma can hope all he pleases that he's managed to avoid it, but he'll never know if he has. He cannot control what happens after he dies. He will never know what happens after he dies. This may not be Yuri and Xav. This may be Dorca and Prince Fedor. This may be centuries of Vorbarras squabbling over inheritance. This may be chaos. And Padma will never know if he'll have managed to prevent it.

Well, there is one way to prevent it. But he will never do that. Ezar might have been able to. Yuri certainly was able to. Centuries of Vorbarras before him have, demonstrably, been able to. But Padma will not kill any of his children. He will not thin the herd. He will not look at the Vorbarras and see enemies instead of family. He refuses to revive that tradition within the Vorbarra family. Some traditions can stay lost.

The power of the Imperium is inherently isolating. It turns everyone into someone who might take it from him. Padma's felt the pull of it since he was ten years old; the one gift he's relieved he's given Ivan is having Richard there to help him carry it. But he hasn't been able to give Ivan the rest of it. He hasn't been able to give Ivan a man who will check him.

Padma's always had Aral for that. In the darkest of nights, when Padma had felt the ghosts pulling at him, he's always felt safe in the knowledge that Aral was close. That if Padma ever stepped over the line and acted to shame their grandfather, that Aral would have done what was necessary for Barrayar. Aral had done it to Yuri and hated it. He would have hated even more having to do it to Padma. He still would have done it.

It's a true comfort. Padma has many enemies who would be happy to kill him. It comforts him to have a cousin who would do it for the right reasons.

This is not a gift Padma has managed to give Ivan. He has given him Richard, who will help him carry the burden. But he hasn't given Ivan anyone who would honorably betray him. Richard would follow Ivan happily to hell.

And it can't be Alexander, not even now, not even if what Aral says is true. Nicholas is still young, maybe he could grow into the role. But Padma doesn't think so. He'll have to look elsewhere. Perhaps one of Aral's sons. Perhaps one of Padma's daughters or sons-in-law.

But Ivan will need what Padma has. Ivan will need an Aral.

And trying to find a replacement for Aral has crystallized just how precious Aral is, all that Padma has made him carry. Padma knows what he has laid at Aral's feet over the decades. He knows the responsibility he has granted him. And Aral has never faltered. It doesn't matter that Aral still enjoys spreading sedition. It doesn't matter that Aral's politics verge on the radical. That's just how Aral is. And it makes Aral into a man who will obey Padma and who will protect Barrayar, even if that must be despite Padma. Aral's priorities are correct.

It may be possible that Aral is irreplaceable. It may be that Ivan will never have someone who would kill him properly.

And maybe Barrayar won't need that anymore, not after Padma is gone. Padma hopes to live a long time. Perhaps the Barrayar he bequeaths will be a better one. Perhaps Ivan will have an easier time.

Or perhaps Ivan will live to rue the day Padma allowed Alexander to marry a Komarran.

Aral says, "you have to stop assuming the worst about Alexander."

Padma looks up. "Do I?" he asks.

"He's honorable. He's the best soldier out of all your sons, including Nicholas." And Aral would know, running the Academy. "He can thrive in hostile environments. He's a survivor. And he's loyal. He's loyal to you and he'll be loyal to Ivan. He may not ever like Ivan, but he can join the legions of ballads of hating your lord and dying for him anyway. You look at him and see him as he was when he was twenty--"

"No, I look at him and see a man who won't stop bothering his brothers," Padma says.

"They're his brothers," Aral says. "Ivan's not his lord yet. You are. And Alexander is not going to betray you again."

And Aral should know. Aral is Alexander's most faithful correspondent. The voice of Ezar in Padma's head points out that that's strange. But Ezar had never had the rock-solid faith in Aral's loyalty that Padma does. Aral would pull Alexander up, not allow Alexander to pull him down.

And maybe it's time to have faith that he has. Maybe it's time to trust Aral. Maybe it's time to put paranoia behind him.

"Very well, I'll allow it," Padma says. He knows he was likely going to. But having Aral's approval is, perhaps, more important.

Because Aral's daughter is about to marry Padma's son. And if Alexander makes a play for the Imperium, Nicholas and Olivia and their eventual children are going to get caught between Ivan and Alexander. Aral remembers the loyalty games from the civil war. If Aral is willing to stake the life of his daughter that it will not happen again, Padma will trust his judgment.

Aral remembers the war; Padma doesn't. All Padma has ever had was the lessons of it.

There was a propaganda poster during the war that showed the two of them the morning after the massacre. In it, Aral is cradling Padma in his arms, both of them still covered in blood, Aral's red-rimmed eyes and determined set to his mouth accusing Yuri better than any of Xav's network of whispers. It was the first public image of either of them ever circulated. Padma knows that a part of Aral will always see Padma that way: as a baby he needs to protect.

But Aral laid his hands between Padma's. He is Padma's to protect, as is the Imperium.

But he can lean on Aral. He always has. He always will.

"You'll stop me, won't you, Aral?" he asks. "If I raised my hand to Alexander, would you stop me?"

Aral looks at him, his House uniform dark in the night. "Padma, if you had to kill your own son, I'd give you the sword. I'm Vor and I'm yours. There's nothing else I could ever do."

No.

"That's not the answer I need from you," Padma says.

"It's the answer you should have from any of your Counts," Aral says. "Or any of your Admirals, or anyone liege sworn to you. Until the very last second, I would be trying to convince you not to do it. But if you gave the order, I would give you the sword. I would be your sword if you required me to be. That's what my oath was to you, Padma. My sword is yours in war, my life is yours to end, my honor is yours to spend. I don't swear oaths I don't mean."

Padma grimaces. "Very well, then, here's a new order for you, Aral. If I can't convince you it's the right choice, you kill me before you kill Alexander."

"No." Aral shakes his head. "That's not in my oath."

"Who will stop me then, Aral?" Padma asks, frustrated, his mind too full of possibilities. He feels like he's careening over the edge. He needs Aral to hold him steady. Aral's never refused an order before. But Padma supposes he can't be surprised that this is where Aral draws the line. He knows how Aral sees loyalty. But he needs Aral to be this for him. Too much depends on it. "I hoped it would be you."

"You'll stop yourself," Aral says. "I had my chance to be Emperor. I didn't take it. I don't regret serving you. You're still the liegelord I would have chosen, Padma. I trust you. I trust your judgment. If in your Imperial judgment, you condemn Alexander, I will stand by you. I will not be your eager executioner, but I will do it. I know you would not give the order lightly. You would only do it if you could see no other way. I won't stop you before the order and I won't stop you afterwards."

"You stopped Yuri," Padma says. It's cruel; Aral hates talking about that day on the Vorhartung parapets. But it's also true. Aral had done what was necessary then. Why won't he promise to do it now?

"You aren't him," Aral says. "You know enough that you want someone to stop you. That's more than Uncle Yuri ever had."

"It's not enough."

"It needs to be," Aral says bluntly. "Padma, you can't start going around soliciting treason. It's not fitting for your position."

Aral, always trying to mold Padma. Always trying to raise his baby cousin into a proper Emperor. "What is fitting for my position, Aral?" Padma asks. "Murdering my own son? Would you really let me get that far? Be careful, I might murder yours next."

"You wouldn't," Aral says, far too confident. But that's Aral. He trusts Padma too much. He never trusted Ezar like this. If Ezar had managed a son and had ordered Aral to kill that boy, Aral would never have obeyed. He would have refused the order, declared Ezar mad. Aral always has too much confidence in Padma. But Aral always thinks of Padma as someone to be cherished and protected. No, he wouldn't do what was necessary.

And so Aral's right. Padma's going to have to be that for himself. He can't rely on Aral to do it for him.

But maybe he can try. Padma leans forward. "Are you sure?" he asks, looking Aral in the eye. "If I send men tearing through your house, would you run or would you stand?"

"I'd go to you and kneel," Aral says. He smiles slightly, almost fey. "But, yes, I'd send the children out the back first."

"Of course. Could be a coup," Padma agrees dryly. "One can't be too careful." But that, at least, is an answer he wanted. That's an answer that puts him back close to where he needs to be. Aral trusts Padma enough, but not too much. He trusts him with his life, but not, if it came to it, with the lives of his children. Aral will put his own family ahead of Padma. Aral will watch, then. Aral will be careful. Aral won't be complacent. Even if Aral says he won't act, Aral will watch. And if he watches long enough, he may make a different decision about acting.

He needs Aral watching. He needs Aral being careful. He needs Aral.

"Padma," Aral starts. "About Alexander..."

Padma lifts his right hand in permission. Whatever Aral wants to say, Padma should hear it. He's been asking for it all night, after all. "Say what you want to say."

"There are a dozen ways for someone who has been disloyal to prove his loyalty again, but you have to let him do them," Aral says. "He hasn't done anything in a decade, but you're still terrified of him. If he'd never done what he did at the Academy and all you were looking at is the way he needles his siblings, you wouldn't care. You wouldn't notice. His history makes him different and he knows that. What will Alexander have to do for you to believe that he won't do it again? Figure it out and then tell him that and he'll jump to do it. He told me once he wished you'd just flog him in the Square, because then at least it would be over when you were done. You have to do something to make it clear it's over. There are an abundance of options. Pick one."

Aral's right that there may be a dozen ways or more to do that, but they all require Padma to acknowledge that he was betrayed. Half the ceremonies on Padma's birthday are a relic of reconciling with rebellious counts and allowing them to beg for his protection again. He won't humiliate Alexander like that. He won't open up his family to mockery. And it must be in public. It could never be in private. Ivan would never forgive him for it and he'd be right. This isn't a family quarrel. Alexander was part of a conspiracy. Alexander's offense was against the Emperor, not his father. But Padma won't let him act like a repentant rebellious Vor lord in public. Padma can see Alexander's difficulty. But Alexander isn't acting like he regrets it. Even now, he isn't.

Aral can tell Padma all he wants about how Alexanders regrets it. Until Padma sees it in Alexander's actions, he will never believe it.

"I'm letting him get married, that should be enough for him," Padma says. "He still hates Ivan." And Ivan hates Alexander, but at least that one is understandable after what Alexander did.

"It's not enough, it's barely a start," Aral says. "He likes ship duty, he won't ask to be reassigned. But if you offered him something else, I think he'd feel a lot more settled around you."

Alexander should be unsettled. But... "He knows I wouldn't harm him," Padma says. Padma's seen that enough. Padma might worry that he's one sleepless night away from giving the order, but Alexander's far too confident of his father's love to worry about that. Too much has been broken by this, but somehow that has endured. Padma doesn't know how. He wishes Alexander's arrogance took a different form, but at least Alexander doesn't doubt Padma.

"He knows you don't trust him," Aral corrects him. "That's what he wants from you, Padma. He wants you to think him a loyal son like the others. You'll give him a wedding like Ivan's and Richard's; give him the same regard you give them, too."

"Ivan and Richard never did what he did," Padma says, but that's Aral's point, isn't it. A decade seems so much shorter these days than it must seem to Alexander. "I'll consider it, Aral. But you may be asking the impossible of me."

"I have every confidence in you," Aral says.

Sometimes Padma wonders why. He'd never done anything to earn Aral's undying loyalty. But he's always had it anyway. It's the bedrock underneath his feet. There are things Padma will do for Aral that he would never consider doing for anyone else. Of course Aral is the same.

"Where would I be without you, Aral?" Padma asks.

"Here," Aral responds immediately. "You would be the Emperor of Barrayar. You would rule with honor."

Padma can't help but laugh. "Aral, I wouldn't be here without you and you know it." Without Aral guarding Padma's back all these years, he'd have been stabbed a thousand times over. "It should have been you. Instead, I've been trading on your loyalty my entire life." Padma only survived the massacre on sheer luck. Aral, at least, had been old enough to fight back. Aral had been old enough for everything Padma was always too young for.

"That's not how I remember it," Aral says. "I seem to recall a sixteen year old Crown Prince kicking me off this planet to sober me up. I spent decades pulling you down. I don't begrudge you putting me to work to make up for it."

Oh, was that why Aral had let Padma shove him into Political Education and keep him there for so long? Aral felt like he owed it to Padma? Padma supposes he can't complain. It got him what he wanted. But there have never been scales to clear between him and Aral. There's never been anything to pay back. But if Aral thinks there is, maybe that would be enough. Maybe Padma can use that to get what he needs. "But you won't let me put you to work by being my watchman. You won't let me arm you and set you against my neck should I move in the wrong direction."

"I killed one Emperor," Aral retorts. "One was enough."

"I haven't killed any," Padma says. "Do you want to even it out and have both of us have to kill an Emperor?"

"You don't have to, Padma," Aral says, intent. "Whatever you're most scared of, I know you'll never do it. Are you worried you'll kill me after you kill Alexander? Or--"

"Of course I'm not," Padma snaps. He can't ever let Aral think for even a moment that he's in any danger from Padma. The very thought hurts, hurts like it had hurt to know Alexander had betrayed him. "Don't you dare ever accuse me of that, Aral."

Aral smiles like he's five moves from checkmate and there's nothing Padma can do about it. "And what else will you never do?"

"I'm not going to finish the massacre," Padma says, suddenly ten years old again and sitting in the basement of Vorkosigan House with Aral. Before it all, back when Aral still towered over him, back when Padma had turned around and found himself turned into a prince. Back when all Padma knew was that an Emperor had killed his parents and another Emperor now wanted to take their place. Back then, he'd had one single resolution. And he'd held onto it as he'd watched Aral slip away from him, as he'd tried to bring Aral back, as he'd fought with Ezar. Ezar wasn't the man who killed Yuri. Aral was. Ezar wasn't the man who had avenged those deaths. It was Aral. And Padma would never break that trust. He would never be that man.

Aral asks, "why not?"

"Because I kill traitors in daylight," Padma says, a half-century older and a murderer so many times over. "I'm not ashamed of my orders. I'm not in any rush. I don't have a brother who'll usurp me. I don't have to worry about charismatic nephews. I only have a charismatic cousin and I'm not scared of you, Aral."

"And what will Emperor Padma Vorbarra do if his son betrays him?" Aral asks.

He'd asked him that, Padma remembers. Aral had asked him what he'd thought he would do. And Padma remembers being so filled with righteousness, being so sure that he could always find a way. He was so sure that there always would be something he could do. Where had that gone? When had Padma started wallowing in paranoia? It couldn't only be laid at Ezar's feet. It couldn't be laid at Alexander's, not at all.

"What did Emperor Padma Vorbarra's son do?" Padma asks.

"Broke security protocols," Aral says. "Told some secrets to his friends. Endangered his brother. Insulted his family with his behavior. Spread sedition. He was hot-headed and reckless and bull-headed and stupid. Tell me, what sentence do you give him?"

Half of that, Aral did himself, and Aral knows it. "I want him to never have done it," Padma says. Aral's gaze is relentless. Padma looks away first. "I want him to understand everything he broke by doing it. I want him to apologize to Ivan and mean it. I want to never see him again if I have to see a man who did what he did."

"And if you can't have any of that?" Aral asks. "If you have to welcome your son home, if he never regrets it properly, if he can't understand Uncle Yuri's legacy, what will Emperor Padma pronounce as his son's fate?"

"He can marry a Komarran but he can't ever inherit," Padma says. "Even if all the other children die, it can't be Alexander. It'll go to you and your children before him. It'll go to Count Vorloupulous before it would go to Alexander."

"You can't control that without killing him," Aral reminds him, and damn him for being right. "I know why you don't want him to publicly apologize to you. You don't want this public. You can't have that weakness. But people are noticing that Alexander isn't coming home. They're going to notice if he marries a Komarran and keeps not coming home. Everything you do throws ripples, Padma. What are you going to do with your son?"

"And if it was your son, Aral?" Padma asks.

"I'd send him on a winter tour of the Dendarii Mountains for four months," Aral says, like he's thought about it. "If you want punishment duty, send your son to Kyril Island. Send him to go deal with worms on the colony planet. But an open-ended sentence of ship duty is hurting you, too. You've left the wound open, Padma. You have to let it close. When Alexander's a father, he'll understand the hell he put you through. He won't understand until then. You are never going to get from Alexander what you want, because what you want, truly, is for me to have never found out that Alexander was part of that plot."

No. Padma shakes his head. "If you hadn't, he never would have realized he was part of that plot. He'd have kept going and he might have succeeded the next time. If you hadn't found out, he'd have done it again."

"You know the one way to be sure Alexander will never do it again," Aral says. "Unfortunately, sire, that is the only way. And so you won't take that action. Take another one instead. Believe that Alexander has learned the lesson you've spent a decade teaching him. Believe that Alexander will resent Ivan for the rest of his life, but will never again try to kill him. He will never again let himself be used like that. Believe that you have prevented the massacre."

"I can't," Padma admits. But... "But I can believe you, Aral. And if you believe Alexander, I can convince myself to rely on your judgment."

"Is that the best I'm going to get?" Aral asks wryly.

"It's the best Alexander is," Padma says. He understands what Aral's doing. He knows that Aral needs Padma's certainty here, too. Aral, after all, made Padma remove him from Political Education after what happened. Aral didn't want to deal with this, either. And by refusing to allow Alexander any path toward regaining his honor, Padma has stuck Aral back into there, into having to manage Padma's threats. Aral has spent this decade mentoring Alexander as an uncle, but also as the only man Padma would trust if he came to him and promised that Alexander would behave. No one else could guarantee Alexander's behavior to Padma's satisfaction and Aral knows it. If anyone was going to speak for Alexander, it was only ever going to have to be Aral.

Kareen won't; Padma knows she chose Ivan, in the clear way only an Empress could, a Vor lady choosing amongst her sons for the safety of the genome and the strength of the family honor. Kareen chose her successor in Ivan's wife Helen and her future in Richard's children. It's down to Aral and no other to stand for Alexander.

Padma took Political Education away from Aral at his request. It's about time Padma took this other burden away as well. He may never trust Alexander again, but he can pretend enough to free Aral from doing this for him. He must. He must do it for Aral, if he can't bring himself to do it for Alexander.

Emperor Ezar would have been concerned about Aral using Alexander. Emperor Padma knows enough to know that Aral wouldn't use Alexander when Nicholas is there to be used instead. But why would Aral bother? Aral would never need anything from Padma's children that he can't get from Padma himself.

Aral's never needed anyone but Padma for anything.

It's only a shame that Aral will refuse to give Padma this one thing he requires. "If you will not destroy me, will your daughter?" Padma asks. At Aral's studied look, Padma smiles. "Come, Aral, I wouldn't expect you to marry off Olivia without her Vorfemme knife. I'm not asking you to lie to me."

"A Vorfemme knife is the province of a Vor lady," Aral says, very ruefully. "So you'll have to ask her mother."

A careful lie, one that misdirects. Aral's wife will prepare Aral's daughter for marriage to Padma's son, yes, but Aral won't let her go unprotected either. It is a relief. "I look forward to welcoming Olivia into this family," Padma says.

Aral's face very carefully says that he doesn't. But Aral won't forbid the marriage. And it's one they have all seen coming.

Padma flexes his fingers and takes up his pen to write his formal approval for Alexander's marriage. He'll let Alexander get married. He'll allow the complications of Komarran relatives. He'll accept the crises both seen and unforeseen. And he'll hope that Aral will watch him.

And, if it's ever needed, he'll hold out hope that Aral will kill him. It would be a continuation of the massacre. It would be a continuation of that day on the Vorhartung parapets. But Padma trusts Aral. There's no one else he would ever want to kill him.



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