One who lacks a manly spark.

sorry i’ll never be her

HOW could i forget

“ingredients you can pronounce!!!” actually I’m fucking dogshjt at all languages on this earth human or otherwise and i can’t speak any of them, you are severely overestimating my abilities. Also I hate eating. Thanks.

ok so for context: i was trying out the oot randomizer because it seemed pretty fun, but the first seed it gave me was just, kinda garbage?

i couldn’t really get anywhere or make any real progress and wasn’t havin a good time with it.

so i decided to reroll! make a new rom, see if it’s more fun!

now i don’t remember the exact settings i put in (beyond having almost everything randomized but like, not to a chaotic degree, no glitches required for the routing or anything) and didn’t save them because i’m an idiot, and i’m not even sure if this’ll work the same with the newest version of the randomizer because it’s been updated quite a bit since like the 4.0 version i played this on. but here’s the seed it gave me anyway:

BC2AK7SMBNBAA39RSC

when i booted it up i think it was playing like, either the forest temple music or maybe the music for the bottom of the well or shadow temple? in links house,
i walked up to the sign that’s in link’s house to see if it said anything funny, and i got
This

and every time navi bugged me about something, i got a message saying

“Any complaints? Speak up!”

so yeah the randomizer got pissed at me for being ungrateful and gave me a creepypasta seed, i think the rest of the game was pretty fun though

imagine sitting in a theatre for several hours watching the guys on stage perfectly recreate the set from the game. everything down to the clay dildo that’s there for some reason. and then finally after all of that’s done, the lights dim, and the show begins:

the guy goes up to the door, knocks on it,
and you hear the actor playing trip say “Hi! Gonzalo :)”
dead silence for 2 seconds,
gonzalo says one word.

“melon.”



the actors playing grace and trip try their best to capture whatever this expression is, but fail miserably, as it is not for mere mortals to perform.

trip slams the door in his face.

show over.

how much money would you pay for that experience?

girl with big naturals who uses linux who is so sick of people jokingly flirting with her by saying “nice rack lmao i meant your servers what’d you think i meant ;) ;)” that she’s about to commit several felonies

to be clear shipping is entirely inconsequential and i cannot fathom being online enough to care about it at all in the slightest even one iota, like literally who gives even the tiniest A Shit,

but also if you ship so called “dirkjohn” you are doing it exclusively to spite me the main character of tumblr and the homestuck fandom and i’m going to kill you for real in real life with multiple hammers for real

do you not want better can you not imagine better, are you not angry

is being angry that this is how things are the same as larping about firebombing a wallmart

are better things seriously not possible? i’m genuinely asking

i can offer no explanation or justification for why any of this exists