por favor manténganse alejado de las puertas

All these different ways to communicate...

...telephone...texting...email...direct/private messaging...

...social media posts...replies/comments on social media posts...

...and what I long for the most?

The fleeting chance to hold someone and be held by someone...to be in those quiet moments feeling each other's presence close...to know there is another being there...with you...

Been too long...too long...

Hello...

My name is Joe. And I am a gay man.

Here is something about me, and my perspective on events this past week. It will be lengthy and I can already imagine there will be some of you who will “TL;DR” this and skip right on past. That is your right and I would not stop you from doing that. It won’t be the first time, nor will it be the last I experience that.

I don’t write items for comments, “likes”, or other social media cred. I do it to get things out of my head that would – or could – otherwise come out of my mouth in an incoherent mess.

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March 2016 has arrived...

-- One of my infamous head cold-into-upper respiratory things is, hopefully, on the wane. The less I talk, the less I hack and cough. The more I talk, and my job has me talking quite a bit...well, you do the math. Been keeping a mound of Hall's Honey-Lemon throat lozenges at hand and going through them almost like candy.

-- Dismal "merit" bonus/raise this year. All in thanks to my immediate manager being more about the "numbers" than the overall ReMarkable experience as I handle my callers. The client/user ratings on me have been above 92% on average, if not higher. But, just because I don't keep "on script" with the prescribed greeting, etc, I am penalized. We're here to help the clients/users...how we sound, how they respond, should be weighed more than "Uhoh, JoeZer didn't say this thing or that thing. Shame on him. Thirty points FROM Gryffindor!"

However, on a surprise flip side to that, my job title has been re-rated at a higher pay scale. I'm getting a bump automatically due to that. So, I guess it evens out.

-- Need to find a way to let my emotional walls down, if even just a little bit. Still galumphing around this plane of existence solo. Would be a bit easier knowing there were a pair of strong arms available to cradle me whenever I needed/wanted. And, I've been wanting that quite a bit.

-- In a couple of days it will be the 19th Birthday for my gall bladder. Then, ten days after that will be the 19th Anniversary of one of my darkest times. That particular event still comes to mind now and then...and it brings the same emotional pangs. Whenever someone asks the metaphorical question: "If you could go back and tell your younger self just one thing, what would it be?" The morning of my mother's death and what it was precipitated by would be that thing. In hopes to make sure she gets herself seen by doctors earlier than she did.

In a related topic: CANCER sucks.

-- Still mentally poking around the idea of doing a podcast. Would be a vanity project as there are already tonnes and tonnes of Disney themed feeds from all differing approaches, including mine. The only thing that I would bring different is that these would be MY personal observations and experiences. Some of them gathered over 40+ years of stepping foot inside the Magic Kingdom in Florida. Also, I'd not keep just a Disney-centric focus...but muse about other theme parks I have personally visited, geeky things that catch my interest (yes, there may be talk of Time Lords and TARDISes amongst other things), and maybe some music pieces thrown in as interludes during the 'cast. My own milieu.

Questions abound; especially with wanting to include commercially avaialble music. Best to get about getting these questions down and asking those who are "in the know"...

So...in the in-between between February 2015 and today I've had two, count 'em, TWO prospects for someone to be my 2016 Valentine.

*sigh*

One I had to have the "I can only be friends..." Conversation with. He knew I was unsure of the boundaries that come with his already established tried. He's young...and I know I broke his heart. But, I never knew how "far" would be too "far" with taking things while he has the other two in his life. Never had any proper feel for just how poly they were/are. A good thing that has come from it is that we are friends and are keeping in touch.

The other was more of a last-minute (on a universal/cosmic time scale) connection with a new friend I had made...WEEKS before he was to move west to California. Aside from a definite mutual attraction, the other thing that gave this one beauxcoup bonus points was his love and enjoyment of the Disney theme parks. Disneyland/Disney California Adventure were his "home" parks while mine are the ones in Central Florida. He took the extra step and was a castmember for nearly, if not more than, a decade in Anaheim. This one and I have a pinky-swear promise to be at EPCOT 10/01/2017 for that park's 35th Anniversary. Of course, the offer is open on both sides for cross-country visitation.

*sigh*

Dear Diary...

I guess that should be how I start an entry like the one I am about to type here. Mainly as I could let myself become a schoolgirl about it if I let myself...

Last night got to meet a new online friend in person after a month of eletronic interaction. He found me via one of those new fangled "social" apps (Growlr, to be specific)...or, rather...I was looking at who recently viewed me, saw he had peeked, and sent a "Howdy" type message to him. Since then it's been some nice banter and general conversation...I'm not putting too much stock in to expectations as I know he's soon to move away from my region of the world.

If it weren't for that last bit - the moving away - I could see myself being swept up in getting to know him and dating each other.

PROS:
> There's a mutual attraction...
> He has as strong an affinity for the Disney theme parks as I do (actually, he's a former Castmember that did not let pixie dust wear him down)...
> He has an affable, fun personality...

Bonus Item:
> It appears he is a great kisser

CON:
> Moving away to the west coast in little over a week...

It isn't often that I get warm-fuzzies like this. Kind of sucks there won't be time to explore them as much as either of us would like...

Been a while since my last post. I believe the entirety of June 2013 went without a peep from me in here.

Been feeling a slow slide downwards...mental gears getting mired and sluggish to control.

Letting the creeping problems with my car weigh heavier on my mind than I possibly should...

Letting the emptiness parts of my daily/weekly/monthly life echo in my brain more than I possibly should...

Continuing to be resistant to some of the changes I was "voluntold" to take part of in the office and letting the clients of the team I've been assigned to get on my nerves easier than I should...

Due to limitations with car mobility I'm hermitizing again. I sense I'm giving myself acid indegestion more often due to the stress I'm encapsulating within me.

I'm in a cycle of doubt, regret, worry, and some anxiety to be honest. Part of it...maybe a good deal of it...is worrying about car repair costs: O2 sensor and tracing a coolant leak are the two that are looming the most. The first should be relatively simple - replacing the O2 sensor. The coolant leak one may be more problematic in tracing done and repairing as best as possible - so many links in the system between radiator, hoses, heater core, engine, water pump, etc.

Replaced the radiator and one of the hoses over the weekend with the help of a friend. Now getting a more constant vapor smell while driving. All my brain can do it think, "WTF is it now??"

Just want a leg-up on things for a bit...some Cosmic kindness touching my path so I can brush myself off and feel safe moving forward again.

Just want to leave it all...fade away...

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

So...yeah. Looks like my blogging steam has petered out quite a bit. In a way, I guess it shouldn't come as too big a surprise. But, on another hand, it is reflective of me not wanting to fall back in to posting the darker things that were creeping in and peeking around my mental corners.

It's hard for me to keep up that jovial, everything-is-sunny kind of front. Feels fake to me...and it feels disingenuous to do for only keeping up appearances.

So...with that said...I am still breathing; still chugging along day-by-day. IF anyone out there in the world feels the need to check-in on me, please feel free to do so. My contact info is available in different forms from email, cellphone, online messaging, etc. Just have to be linked to me either in here, FB, or Twitter. And I know some of you already have that information.

As they say, Life is Change. Sometimes not fun nor what we expect.

Really needing a pair of sturdy arms around me...

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

First...a rant...

This one has been coming for a couple of weeks now and I wanted to let the sentiments calm from ass-chewing sarcasm to regular, run-of-the-mill, cattiness. Over on the Facebooks someone whose items appeared on my timeline posted something linking an article about the SCOTUS hearings on Prop 8 and DOMA that were coming up. The article was relevant and from a reliable source.

However, my comment to the Facebooker wasn't about that he posted the article, but the comment he added to his post: "In today's new from 4/24/2013..." The post was made on 3/22/2013.

Me: "Wow. News from the future! Neat!"
Him: "It's a typoo. Thanks for the understand,Jozer,not."
Me: :)
Him: A.H.!!!!!

So...not sure if he was joking or truly miffed at me pointing out something so blatant and erroneous on his post I sent him a direct message via the FBs.

Me: "Wasn't being mean about pointing out the date mistype. Sorry I didn't include an LOL or something to make the comment appear light-hearted. I hope the 'A.H.!!!!!' reply doesn't mean 'arsehole'."

No reply from the direct message either than to block me on the Facebooks. Oh. Boohoo. Whatever shall I do with my life now???

I mean really...let's look over a few things here, pallie.
1- You sought me out on the FBs after meeting me through a mutual friend.
2- More than likely SOMEONE who is linked to you would have pointed out the typo.
3- IF YOU KNEW YOU MADE THE TYPO, GUESS WHAT? You can delete the post and then, y'know, repost it with corrected information instead of leaving the massive error about "today's date" up for all to see and laugh at you from safety behind their screens instead of saying something...which, later, could devolve in to people pointing at you at parties and tittering because you don't know what the current date is. It's called "Self Editing". Not the same as "Self Censorship".
4- Let's look at this statement from you, shall we? "It's a typoo. Thanks for the understand,Jozer,not."
4a- Yes. I agree. The 4/24/2013 date you posted was a typo. Also...look how you spell typo (typoo). Isn't that another typo that I'm only just now pointing out?
4b- Contextual grammar helps...or, rather, proper tenses of words. "Thanks for the understand..." I would believe that you meant: "Thanks for the understanding...".
4c- Proper use of punctuation. Spaces are supposed to be used after the placement of a comma. I applaud that you did use commas to indicate the statement was directed to my attention. Though, the ol' English major in me wants to see it as: "...understand, Jozer, not."
4d- Spelling/Typo again. How long had you been on my friends list before you opted to block me? In every instance where I use my moniker I spell it J-o-e-Z-e-r. Yes, the mid-word capital letter Z is intentional. Not only did you drop the first E from my name, you also mis-formatted it. Oops. Looks like another typoo...I mean typo.
4e- (Optional) In the context of your intent, I do believe the word "not" in this case should be its own statement. Thus, if this were me in your place at the keyboard, I would have entered the reply as such: "Thanks for the understanding, JoeZer. Not."

= = = = =

Ok...now that I have spent that particular style of energy, on to other things.

Work is still pretty much the same. The systems group swapped out my old WinXP workstation with a Windows7 one...which only lasted less than a week (including a weekend) before it threw a technical fault and would not boot up. Only beeping and flashing a red light when the power button would be pressed to turn the unit on. Been using a spare from an unassigned desk since then (about two weeks now, give or take). Tomorrow (Monday) I walk in to a new workstation that will have to get JoeZer-ized all over again.

Well...as much as I can JoeZer-ize anything at work...

= = = = =

On the fronts regarding my creative writings and the Disney Parks fanblog I have: still stagnant.

I could blame it as still being unable to select just one voice or one thread and running with it...

I could blame the Muse of Writing not whispering in my ear...or, in the case listed on the line above, whispering too much from being ADD and jacked on Redbull, caffiene, and sugar...

...or, I could just admit to myself that I've become lazy in my craft and how I approach it.

More than likely the latter...though I bet y'all now have the image of a Grecian goddess zipping around like a bebe pellet in a tin can babbling all the while.

My work schedule is still steady and routine. The management has had me stop covering shifts on Sundays which now allows for a full weekend of non-work itineraries...

So, JoeZer...what's your real excuse, eh...??

Nope...I'm just a klutzy doofus if this past weekend has anything to say about it...

This weekend was my first "official" weekend not needing to worry about covering a shift on Sunday. Wheeeee. I could earnestly go out on Saturday night and enjoy myself a bit adult-beverage-wise.

And that's what I did. Also got to hang out with a few people I know, I think there's a new possible acquaintance-to-friend in the making as well. The klutzy-doofiness happens later in the evening. I've had enough to imbibe so that I'm just a touch giddy/happy yet still in control of what slips from my brain to my mouth. I hang around long enough to sober up...which happens to be somewhere between last call and turning the lights on inside to start kicking people out.

Fully functional to drive and I arrive safe and sound without incident back at my apartment. While walking to my front door from where I parked my car I misstepped across an empty garden bed and...BLAMMO...I'm toppling over as gravity brings me crashing to the sidewalk face-first. Thankfully, I had the presence of mind to utter a few choice words yet NOT TENSE up my body. The possible aftermath scared me as I had fallen on my left forearm (it was across my body at the time).

Slowly I recovered from the supine position I had crumpled in to and gratefully found that no bones were broken or joints popped out of place. My right knee took some light denim abrasion. My right palm got lightly skinned but no bleeding. Just to the left of my belly button there was a teeny gouge from my belt buckle which scabbed over rather quickly. My poor left elbow took the brunt of the damage (and even that was light compared to what could have happened) of some skinning and light sidewalk-rashing - not much blood.

Cursing myself I shamble inside and begin taking care of the wounds and ouchies. Also stopped long enough to dress/undress for bed while also having an after-bar munchies of left-over pasta.

On my way to bed...round two of klutzy-doofiness occurs and I stub my left pinky toe on the door jamb to my bedroom. More choice words ensued.

Sunday was rather uneventful for klutzy-doofus-me. Just a run for KFC as my Easter Dinner; 'cause Jeebus would be all about the original recipe.

Today was bout three with klutzy-doofdom. After making a run to get something to eat for my meal break at work I locked my car keys in the car. Something I have not done in over 20 years.

Thankfully I have roadside assist...and lockouts are a no-cost item on my plan.

So...how was your weekend?