Do you ever find that when you're angry at someone, the fact that they make noise becomes a personal insult?
They bang cupboards too loudly, they walk too loudly, they chew too loudly, they breathe too unprintably loudly. It's as if they're insistent upon reminding you that they exist.
Is it just me?
Yes, another "are you like this" question. But since I'm stuck waiting for my oil to be changed and they have WiFi here I figured a little inquiry couldn't hurt. :3
How possessive of your stuff are you generally? I'm generally very private person, but when it comes to people laying hands on my property I tend to go a bit Mama Bear. Even just getting my oil changed was a bit uncomfortable when I realized that they were also vacuuming my car out, which while a nice gesture hit some nerve. I also don't like other people doing my laundry or cleaning areas of the house where I keep my stuff without my permission, even if they have good intentions.
And just to clarify, I'm an only child, so I've never really had territorial fights with others (except with our cats over who gets to sit where). Thoughts?
We've discussed this before but I'm curious.
When you subject someone to the wonderful world of the inner INTJ personality and following is the sound of crickets (or slow, quiet post-incineration) do you often find yourself wincing and saying,
"Er, oops about that"
when they don't know you that well? Or do you just say
"Moving on, it's a busy day."
Admittedly I'm feeling a little regret at recently letting "getting-a-tan-on-the-surface-of-the-sun" Malterre loose on someone but if we were going to develop a friendship, they would need to know it anyway. Opinions? Thoughts? Personal Anecdotes?
I don't understand how some people can't restrain the violent manisfestations of their emotions. It's stupid, really, that people hurt others just because they're "having a bad day". Can't they control themselves? Do they like lashing out at people, and being the center attention? Does failing around give them a high? I can understand if kids throw temper tantrums, but adults? They should stop behaving like spoiled children.
I don't know about other INTJs, but I am REALLY mellow, so I never do this. When I get angry, my heart rate goes up a little -- that's it. I never lose my temper, I never yell (with the exception of my brother). I never stomp around, nor do I throw and destroy surrounding objects. I don't like people to know that I'm angry.
And they think I'm "unfathomable". Right. I don't have mood swings and I'm extremely reasonable. *I'm* the unfathomable one?
This post was inspired by my own response to the last one on this community...basically, I had a question about how people on here handled the emotion of anger... and it's a two part question...
a) How often do you get angry--I mean really angry--and how intense is it? Are you quick to anger? Slow? Is anger like a long-fuse-big-bang type of thing or is it more proportional?
b)What kinds of things anger you?
As for my own answers...
a) I've noticed that it takes me a really long time to get angry--really angry--with people around me. I tend to have a lot of patience and know how to forgive things if there is sincere remorse for wrongs done to me... And I generally don't tend to get angry about much...
However, when I do get angry, it is really, really unpleasant. I'm definitely a long-fuse, big-bang type of guy and I know I get this from my father (another INTJ) who I've seen angry like twice in my life.. and it was purely terrifying...
b)Generally, there are two different kinds of things that get me angry.. 1) There are stupid things that piss me off--like bad driving--that drive me into short-term white-knuckled--yet controlled--fury... and I don't really consider this real anger... and 2) There are consistent patterns of behavior in people that are selfish and cruel that anger me to my core--yet take a while to build up...
anyway.. I'd be interested in people's thoughts.. and anything else that they'd like to add about anger here..
I am in the military deployed overseas. At the dining facility where we eat, there is a requirement to wash your hands before you eat. And I can understand why. No problem there. There are sinks and paper towels and soap so you can do it conveniently before going inside.
The person who normally counts the number of people going in was watching and noticed that me and my friend did not wash our hands. We said that we just came from the shower (not together, thank you) and our hands are already clean. He said that he didn't care and that he wanted us to wash our hands anyway.
The sign on the door says the requirement is to wash your hands before eating. But because he didn't see it, it never happened.
Here is what infuriated me...
1. I am an adult, if I told you I just washed my hands, then I did. Why would I lie?
2. I detected a hint of insubordination with saying "I don't care."
The only reason I did not rip him a new one is because we were asked not to argue with the dining facility staff.
In my mind, I met the requirement. What I can't stand is the people who are anal and try to control me. If the sign said to wash my hands at the sink at the dining facility so that the monitor could watch me, then I guess I could not complain. Or, maybe a more tactful response from him would have not irritated me so much. It was so hard to show restraint. I am still pissed off about it. Counting backwards from 10...breathing deeply...not working...
So, bottom line, as an INTJ, don't ever try to control me, especially when your interpretation of the rules is stupid, you question my integrity, and you are unreasonable.
I am interested to hear if anyone else has a good story to share in which you almost went off the deep end at someone over something simple...at least for a little entertainment value.
I've observed that, as compared to other people, everyone from strangers to good friends tends to treat me carefully and give me a relatively wide berth, usually without any good cause to do so that I can see. At night, in the dicier areas of Atlanta, panhandlers who are perfectly obnoxious to everyone else don't say a word to me. I endured alot of teasing in school, but never was shown the real cruelty that some other kids recieve. Even friends bringing bad news, such as the one tonight who commented to tell me that the semi-feral cat my roommates have adopted was left unattended and sprayed my bed-linens, most often preface the report with the words "Don't hurt me."
I am not a violent or wrathful person by nature. I don't regularly joke about injuring other people. My friends occasionally comment, puzzled, that in all their years of knowing me, they've never seen me become truly furious. I do have a "fierce" face- my default facial expression is often read by strangers as "angry." Other than that, I don't know. This phenomena even pre-dates the Columbine High School shootings, which had the interesting side effect of making middle and high schoolers think twice before they crossed an intelligent, introverted, socially awkward person.
I've met two other INTJs who have noticed a similar reception from others. Is this common to anyone else's experience?
Something very interesting came up in one of my classes (I'm a grad student in psychology). We were discussing our personal experiences with anger, and the other known INTJ in the class brought up something which I also experience. We were wondering if it were an INTJ thing, so I'm asking you all.
The phenomenon in question is a sort of berserker rage -- way out of reasonable proportion -- with people who do things like walk slowly five abreast down the sidewalk blocking other pedestrians, or stand in the doorway of a subway car so that they obstruct people getting on or off the train, or stand on the left side of an escalator (the "passing lane", in local tradition here).
Anyone else experience this? Is it an INTJ thing?
infuriated
curious