Remember how I leak a pheromone that attracts psychotic males?
Yeah, about that.
For the past two days I'd been
slaving working at
shitwe'llsellyouthefloorjustfuckingbuysomething Boardwalk Shoes in the mall. On Wednesday
citiesfallingand I were wandering the mall and we noticed some shoes that we liked on the display. The manager(?) started talking to us -- a sale and such, oh interesting, hmm yes, we're sorta broke, yeah sorry, but the shoes are nice.
The manager (who will now be known as Creepy Bastard) suggested that we maybe come help out in exchange for a pair of shoes or two. We exchanged a glance that said, "HOFUCKJOBSALMOST?" and agreed. I mean, c'mon, free shoes. I should also mention that he is a friend of Jess's family (and by friend, I mean he thinks her mom is hot).
So the next day we came in at about 4:30 PM, eager to get started. We quickly find out that Creepy Bastard doesn't know much about having employees. His directions are vague and he mumbles, but seems surprised/exasperated when we've not done something correctly/at all. I say "seems" because this man has no backbone. He folds like an origami master at the first sign of opposition.
He's also Islamic (no, not ethnicly; he's Caucasian), so he often lays out a mat between the barbie and princess kids shoes to pray. It would have been nice to know this before repeating my work-related question a couple times to a completely unresponsive boss.
And he asks a lot of questions... like what words mean, several times. And then uses them wrong. And doesn't understand why we try to explain it again.
He bargains with everyone who comes in and sometimes hawks
women people, looming around them even as they browse the bargain table outside. He speaks to customers like someone who's hamster just croaked and, of course, mumbles. A bunch of times he just left the store, leaving his n00b not-employees to tend to customers without any instruction. He just generally sucks at retail.
So Jess and I went home laughing, with free stuff.
He wanted us to come in the next day (friday, of course) right after school, so we did. The first little while was much of the same. At one point he
flirted talked with a customer for something like half an hour. She eventually bought a lot...
so he walked her to her car. We wait until he gets around the corner to explode, "What the fuck was
that!? Don't pick up chicks while you're
working!"
But that's not even the worst part of my
final day of notreallyworking there. We're sitting out back, eating Chinese food on break when he comes out and says out of nowhere...
CB: Do you think age matters in a relationship?
Me:.... *long pause*
AIDS...?
CB: Nono;
age.
Us: Oooh.
Jess: It kind of depends on maturity...
Me: And what the age gap is, I mean... under 18, it's kind of a given that anyone over whatever age...
CB: Oh, because of the legal issues?
Jess: Yeah. *goes on speel about age of consent, the number of years between if someone is younger than 18, legal stuff, blahdeeblah*
CB: Yeah but, I don't think it matters... s'all about maturity and stuff.
Us: *not really listening* Mmhm.
We don't even really think about it... it just seems sort of strange but otherwise not related to us,
really. Later Jess and I are talking as we work on whatever boring-ass task we're doing and he comes up:
CB: *casually* So how old are you guys, anyway?
Jess: 16.
Me: 17.
CB: Ah. It's kinda funny, you're more mature than most adults, Laurel
Me: Bah, thanks.
CB: *walks off outside*
Us: AHHHHHOLYFUCKWHATTHESHITWASTHAT!?
We have now decided that he's definitely hitting on me. Little almost-but-not-really WTF comments happen and generally he just acts like an idiot. Then, a couple hours later...
CB: So, I was thinking of asking you to a movie.
Me: .....................whut?
Jess: :U
Me: Um. Oh. Ah. I don't date, really.
Jess: it's actually true; she doesn't.
CB: Ah, well it's just a movie....
Me: Well, no... I... uh.... don't date, you see... sorry, I mean...
Jess quickly finds her phone and decides to call home and see
how we can getthefuckout how long the ride home will be available. The Creepy Bastard says, "I was just thinking, I didn't
actually." ...Uh,
yesyoudid. My only response was, "....ah." and a look of DONOTWANTDONOTWANTDONOTWANT at the back of his head. Luckily we were opening boxes at the time, so I had an excuse to keep the exacto knife on hand at all times.
I just went on with the work and we proceeded to laugh every time he randomly left us alone. We decided to invent ambiguous boy/girlfriends to use if any of these situations ever arise again. And they happen often.
CB: That's a good one... "I don't date." I've never heard that one before.
Me: Gah, noreallyidoooooooon't. DX
Jess: She doesn't. No really.
CB: *being a dickwad*
Me:
I'M A FUCKING LESBIAN. YOU"RE TOO OLD FOR ME, FREAK. LOOK, A DISTRACTION... STABBITY! No realllyyyyyyyyyy. D: I don't want to be meeeean.
Almost immediatly after this he starts asking about Jess' mother. "Is she single?", "How old is she?" to which Jess replied, "I dunno... she doesn't discuss her lovelife with me."
So, suffice to say I took my shoes and gotthefuckout.
CB: So... are you available Saturday?
Jess: Uh... noooooo... we're busy; goin' to Perth.
Me: Mmhmmyep.
CB: Ah. *leaves at one point or another*
Jess: "Are you
available?"
Me: I'm not available
EVER.
I can't go to the mall ever again. Or, if I do, I have to avoid that section at all costs. I'm not picking up my phone for any reason unless I know the number. And I am most certainly not going to put him down as a reference.
Why. All. The fucking. PSYCHOS?
