Tag: art

Bleeding Rose

It's already over

My first post of the New Year! I apologize for my lack of updates and just generally keeping quiet, but after Tjitse died I basically shut down. I haven't felt like myself for the past several months to be honest, and I fell back into a low, melancholy mood. I gave up on life, really, just going through the daily grind because... well, because that's my life. I'm finding it harder and harder to stay positive, supportive, and productive.

My Christmas was okay, rather a whirlwind of events because I was ill-prepared for it. Dinner with the family went by fast and without a hitch; no major gifting was done this year since we all are in a tight spot; and three days of cleaning the house for a four-hour get-together was over in the blink of an eye.

And the following Monday I found out my grandmother (on my father's side) passed away December 26th. The day after Christmas―that is tragically unfair. May she rest in peace. (;;_;;)♡

Recently, I've found myself pulled into a lot of negativity, most of it being online. God, all the bullying I've been witnessing at deviantART, it even made my one friend suicidal last week! :( So 2016 did not start out on the best foot, for anyone it seems. I was hopeful once the year was over I might have that refreshed, almost relieved sensation which normally comes with New Years and setting goals. But this black cloud hangs on strong. I'm thinking I need to step back from the social part of dA, which is where I spent my free time, and focus again on me. Because I lost myself for awhile there.

“The person in life that you will always be with the most, is yourself. Because even when you are with others, you are still with yourself, too! When you wake up in the morning, you are with yourself, laying in bed at night you are with yourself, walking down the street in the sunlight you are with yourself. What kind of person do you want to walk down the street with? What kind of person do you want to wake up in the morning with? What kind of person do you want to see at the end of the day before you fall asleep? Because that person is yourself, and it's your responsibility to be that person you want to be with. I know I want to spend my life with a person who knows how to let things go, who's not full of hate, who's able to smile and be carefree. So that's who I have to be.” ― C. JoyBell C.


Highlights of 2015


My year was spent learning a lot of art. I fell out of writing once I started sketching almost every night. Around April and May I decided to go full force with digital; I had been gifted a tablet at the end of 2014, but it wasn't until then I began to use it in earnest. Although I still can't sketch from scratch directly on it, I started taking the time to ink line work, and exploring different digital painting styles. I even made some animated .gifs and pixel art for the first time. And I was proud of it all.


My deviantART Summary of Art


Resolutions for 2016


I learned a lot last year about art. But when the year ended in a miserable blur, my basic foundation had taken a major hit and I've gone back to all my old flaws, so I'm basically back to ground zero, I feel. I'd like to get back to where I was, unafraid of trying new things, unafraid to fail.

Having said that, I desperately miss writing. I'm tired of getting out one or two solid stories, and then hitting the wall so bad I don't write again for years. Plus, I recently received my first feedback on Archives of Our Own, and it was positive and motivating. Someone even suggested I get a tumblr, which made me think they felt I was worth getting out there. (^_^) So if I have one resolution, it's to get back to the place where I started in 2014 with Into the Nothing and drawing as a hobby. I enjoy art, but my passion was always words, not colors.

Otherwise, I still have some personal goals I'd like to set, even if it's only in scaled down version. I guess we shall see. I'm just awfully tired of my life feeling so ordinary...

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Quote the Raven

Learning Curve

I just realized I haven't made an honest-to-goodness art blog in awhile, pushing close to a year ago in fact. Which is sad considering I spend most of my time on deviantART! Anyway, I thought I would remedy that by letting you guys know what I've been focusing on.

And the sad truth is I'm still focusing on basic improvements. Granted, art isn't my primary goal in life, but I would hope to be better than I was a year ago. Improvements are hard to judge for oneself, because sometimes we're just too close to our own work—stand too much in our own way—to notice. When I thought I was doing well, others told me they saw tons of flaws; when I was drawing for the hell of it and feeling like I sucked, I seemed to have produced work I was told to be proud of. It's a constant up and down, depending on the viewpoint.

However—and most likely it was my depression kicking in after finding out someone said I "draw like a 6 year old"—suddenly, I felt like I wasn't seeing any improvements. I came to a learning curve and missed the tilt completely, shooting off the artistic cliff-side instead. I started thinking of calling it quits.

Then I read How to Embrace "Incompetence" by Eliza Sydnor Romm in the January 2015 issue of Dressage Today (that's a horseback riding magazine for the non-equestrians among us XD), and I discovered the "conscious competence" learning model. It's a psychological theory developed by Noel Burch at the Gordon Training International sometime in the 1970's. It defines the four stages of how people learn any new skills, or more specifically, how they feel while trying to learn them.

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Bleeding Rose

Happy Valentine's Day

Wishing all my friends a beautiful and sweet Valentine's weekend! As someone who feels like she may be eternally single (and I honestly, at this precise point in my life, don't care—because I gotta learn to love me first), I do think V-day is a good opportunity to appreciate every relationship in your life, not just the romantic ones. So thank you guys for everything! Have some hugs and kisses: XOXO～❤ And not in a weird way. XD


Art by me


Edit: Aww, this picture (as well as my other fan art of Ed and Sam) was featured on the shipping tumblr Fuck yeah, Vestduo. That's so nice, thank you!
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Natsume

Creative Confidence

"If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced." (Vincent Van Gogh)

A good friend of mine was feeling down about her artwork, which really made me sad to see because she's a fantastic artist! However, I also recently went through a bout of losing faith in myself, after I didn't land a job I'd interviewed for—and really wanted. I was qualified, I had the experience, and I felt assured because the assistant manager sort of knew me from around. But, no dice. And I was shocked, causing me to again self-reflect negatively. The feelings reverberated into every aspect of myself, down to writing and art. I must really suck, I thought.

I've never been one to have much confidence in myself, but we all know how important self-confidence is. It's what gets us through life, the ups and downs. So I figured I would repost my forum advice because I'm sure others might need to hear it, too. I know I should look back on these tips often!

I think self-doubt is a personal thing. We all have our own reasons for hating this or that (including ourselves) and in my case, I was raised in a negative environment; praise and positive conversations were never given or engaged, and my family would only communicate to bitch about something. And no one took notice of anything I did unless it was "wrong". So for me, I don't think I'll ever be free of being harshly judgmental of myself because it's too embedded in my brain. Destruction of myself, so to speak.



However, there's nothing wrong with being discouraged or depressed with life—with ourselves. Even the popular artists and writers feel that way, whether once in awhile or all the time. It's how you choose to overcome, I suppose.

Go with the flow。
Myself, I recommend riding it out. What's that old phrase? "This too shall pass." When I start beating myself up over my crappy art, or comparing my writing to others more successful, I immediately stop doing that activity. Instead, I focus on something else I enjoy, another passion that inspires or quiets me (like music, reading, or fitness); or I just make myself useful and clean. Taking breaks in-between things is a good way to gain new perspective and clarity. And incidentally, I usually am then able to create something halfway decent when I "doodle" or "play around" with ideas. Sometimes it's just a case of trying too hard, caring too much, that you can't see the forest through the trees.

Disengage。
Another thing I noticed helps me is staying off the Internet. Social networks have a way of making me feel even more alienated and ignored. I mean, let's be real here: people only post stuff for attention and feedback, and if you get none, it is inevitable you feel worse about it. When you start feeling overwhelmed and upset, get offline. You don't want to get so angry and hurt that you start lashing out at your social following, or deleting everything online and giving up. Confidence is contagious, but so is frustration. Instead of trying to socialize, learn to love your own company instead. (If it seems like I fall off the face of the Internet earth, this is usually the reason.)

Keep Calm and Motivate On。
Staying motivated depends on only one person: yourself. It is hard to find a support system, everyone seems too busy with their own lives and endeavors, they have their own areas of interest where they struggle themselves. You have to learn to be your own best friend—or at least find balance with also being your own worst critic. Pat yourself on the back for every time you drag yourself down.





Practice Positivity。
A lot of self-help blogs and books I've read tell you to keep a daily Gratitude Log, which is just as it sounds. Every day you write down something you are grateful for. Anything, everything that comes to mind. Usually, they suggest waking up and jotting down one thing. Then at the night, you make a list of all the pluses you remember happening to you during the day. So you start positive, and then end positive. And you're not allowed to even consider the negatives, for obvious reasons.

In the same vein, sometimes when I start hating my work, I try to go around and leave a few positive comments for others, and offer helpful critiques to those who desire honest feedback. Just knowing I may have brightened another artist's day is a boost to the confidence because it makes me feel good about myself. (As long as you don't expect anything in return, as that only breeds resentment.) Surprisingly, critiquing other's work has helped me develop a better eye, which I can apply towards my own stuff. Win-win.

Back to Basics。
If you feel discouraged, take a step back and get re-acquainted with the fundamentals; sometimes a refresher course can remind you why you love what you do.

Draw something you know you're good at. Make something beautiful, even if you don't learn anything new from it. If you are a writer, try some fun flash fiction, or go back and re-read something you wrote that you truly feel proud of. You don't always need to learn something new.

If you don't see improvement, draw or write something totally different. And I don't mean try out a new technical application you have zero experience with and may not be ready for; I mean a whole other style. If you normally draw beautiful young girls in pastel-colored dresses, draw big-buff Superman in his spandex uniform in comic-style black-and-white. Frankly, I never felt such a boost of confidence as I did when I finalized my sketch of Eduardo Jr.'s dad. I also tapped into his mindset for a brief introspective fanfic. I didn't think I could draw a 46 year old homely man, or put myself in a male parent's shoes, but I did it. Sure, it may not be perfect and nobody else cares about Ed Sr., but I did it! (And, months later, it earned a Daily Deviation on deviantART, which was quite an honor. Who knew?)

Don't let failures or mediocre work diminish your desire. Embrace "ugly art" and "bad writing", and give yourself freedom to suck. That's what I did, when people told me to go back to school and take life drawing classes. Once you realize you cannot succeed without first falling on your face, numerous times, then you may eventually learn to love the fall.

"Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong." (Peter T. McIntyre)


Think Awesome。
The most touted key to self-confidence is "fake it until you make it". While I'm not an advocate of being fake, I get the psychology behind the acting; it isn't about destroying who you are, but making you a better, happier version of yourself. Think of how, or who, you want to be like—then simply act like you already are.

"Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman. Then always be Batman."


I also appreciate dividing yourself into professional and personal. I've always been the sort to suggest you don't take your home-life to the workplace. Professionals have this magic of making themselves appear stone-faced and cocksure, even when they are not. Emulate their presence in your passions, even if it is not your job or chosen career path. Be a role model.

A similar idea is to create a "business plan" for your creative endeavors, something concrete beyond simply wishing. Draw or write something with purpose, a goal, then try to judge it in an unbiased way. If you still think it sucks, ask yourself why you think so, and then how you can improve it. Be honest, be critical, but try not to be emotional about it. Disconnect from your feelings. That's what I learned to do with self-editing my writing, and it's actually helped to make me feel more professional about it.

And if you screw up, laugh instead and say, "I meant to do that!" Make yourself look good. XD





We all fall into a funk, some more often than the rest, and there's likely no way to avoid those creative pitfalls. Sometimes you just gotta say "Fuck it!" If you think about it as not being a big deal, that it's something you enjoy and you just want to do it for fun, it eases the darkness. I guess I'm rather a de-motivation because I don't believe the negative feelings will ever go away. But I do believe you can live with them and still become successful.

For even more ways to boost self-confidence into the whole of your life, check out this article from Zen Habits. And remember guys, you are all awesome and good enough!! Just keep going and do your thing! ♥
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Bleeding Rose

Foundation

I've been drawing irregularly all my life, but I'll be the first to admit I never took it seriously. As I got older I realized it wasn't something I was passionate about. It was definitely a hobby, something I did only when I was in the mood or had an idea. Basically, I enjoyed the solitude and peace that comes with most forms of art, and I like to create something out of nothing, be it sketching or words.

Since joining deviantART a year ago I've aspired to do better. But taking drawing seriously means finding help, like finding a beta-reader for writing. Because clearly it's a learned form; talent and natural skills will only take you so far, and that's true for anything. Everyone can grow and become better, no matter their craft (I'm looking at you, too, writers!).

So I started sketching again, with more consistency, but I knew I lacked the basic foundation of figure drawing: anatomy. Not to mention I've always had trouble thinking up poses. Which is why many of my pieces I stuck to portraits and used references. However, it wasn't until I asked for help on a particular drawing in the dA Forums did I realize how badly I needed to try harder. Everyone was adamant; my basics sucked.

No one likes to hear they suck, that they need to go back to school, but the underlying message was clear, and I agreed. I needed to develop that solid foundation. Without it, you really can't go anywhere; if I didn't learn it, I would forever keep hitting the same frustrating wall. So I just picked my pride back up, wiped the sensitive artist tears away, and moved forward.




While I can't afford new art books at the moment (thank you $2,500 water heater replacement bill!) and definitely no funds to return to school, I can self-teach myself using YouTube tutorials, just like I did when I started with digital coloring. I've watched some vids by Mark Crilley before, but it was only how to draw the male torso (abs) and hands. But I needed the foundation, something I could use to build those elements on to. Which is what led me to Learn2Draw's channel and this useful guide:




A study of the female figure, but the basic concept is the same: using the mannequin as the foundation, similar to using the pose-able 3D models. This was probably the most useful technique I found for attempting full-body drawings, and I've tried applying it while I sketch. It's helped, for sure. Another artist's YouTube channel I'm learning a lot from is Sycra and his How To playlist. My favorite of his vids is How to Draw Interesting Poses, How I Sketch Poses, A Guide to Gesture Drawing, and How to Draw Poses with Purpose! All awesome, with techniques and tips that are easy for a self-learning beginner to try.

"A foundation has to be built on something." (General Zod, Man of Steel)

The Forum folks were an eye-opener for which I am honestly grateful. If you are new to something, whether it is drawing, writing, or even baking from scratch, you cannot rush right into it and expect to do well. A lot of us newbies think that just because we create something with all our hearts and passion, it deserves kudos. But the sad, hard truth is it takes time, patience, and lots of practice to do something correctly. And you have to want to do better; take your craft seriously! Use what you got, then build your foundation slowly. It gets you more respect and self-confidence in the end.

Anyway, the drawing I took to the Forum has been scrapped, because it was flawed and ultimately the depiction made the character look much older than he should. But I've taken some of these foundation lessons I learned and created a new WIP:



Hopefully it shows some improvement over the original. I admit, I still find myself falling back on my "Zen sketching" and merely adapting to these elements, but it's a process. I have decades to erase from my drawing habits, and I know I'll still rely on references for help until the foundation and mannequin guides are rooted firmly in my brain. I may never be the greatest artist ever, but I'm trying! Practice, practice, practice.




Some more of my sketches of Young Justice: Invasion Eduardo—if you've been following my work, you know the boy's been my muse! Don't mind the one, it's for another possible fanfic which converts him from "El Dorado" to a more antagonistic nom de guerre; and I wanted to do a hair whooshing image, but the expression-study version wasn't too impressed. (^_-)



And here's something I started recently, in case you guys are sick of Ed. XD Working on some sort of collage of another YJ:I character, Jaime Reyes (Blue Beetle). These WIP sketches probably show my anatomy attempts better.
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