It's already over
My first post of the New Year! I apologize for my lack of updates and just generally keeping quiet, but after Tjitse died I basically shut down. I haven't felt like myself for the past several months to be honest, and I fell back into a low, melancholy mood. I gave up on life, really, just going through the daily grind because... well, because that's my life. I'm finding it harder and harder to stay positive, supportive, and productive.
My Christmas was okay, rather a whirlwind of events because I was ill-prepared for it. Dinner with the family went by fast and without a hitch; no major gifting was done this year since we all are in a tight spot; and three days of cleaning the house for a four-hour get-together was over in the blink of an eye.
And the following Monday I found out my grandmother (on my father's side) passed away December 26th. The day after Christmas―that is tragically unfair. May she rest in peace. (;;_;;)♡
Recently, I've found myself pulled into a lot of negativity, most of it being online. God, all the bullying I've been witnessing at deviantART, it even made my one friend suicidal last week! :( So 2016 did not start out on the best foot, for anyone it seems. I was hopeful once the year was over I might have that refreshed, almost relieved sensation which normally comes with New Years and setting goals. But this black cloud hangs on strong. I'm thinking I need to step back from the social part of dA, which is where I spent my free time, and focus again on me. Because I lost myself for awhile there.
My year was spent learning a lot of art. I fell out of writing once I started sketching almost every night. Around April and May I decided to go full force with digital; I had been gifted a tablet at the end of 2014, but it wasn't until then I began to use it in earnest. Although I still can't sketch from scratch directly on it, I started taking the time to ink line work, and exploring different digital painting styles. I even made some animated .gifs and pixel art for the first time. And I was proud of it all.
My deviantART Summary of Art
I learned a lot last year about art. But when the year ended in a miserable blur, my basic foundation had taken a major hit and I've gone back to all my old flaws, so I'm basically back to ground zero, I feel. I'd like to get back to where I was, unafraid of trying new things, unafraid to fail.
Having said that, I desperately miss writing. I'm tired of getting out one or two solid stories, and then hitting the wall so bad I don't write again for years. Plus, I recently received my first feedback on Archives of Our Own, and it was positive and motivating. Someone even suggested I get a tumblr, which made me think they felt I was worth getting out there. (^_^) So if I have one resolution, it's to get back to the place where I started in 2014 with Into the Nothing and drawing as a hobby. I enjoy art, but my passion was always words, not colors.
Otherwise, I still have some personal goals I'd like to set, even if it's only in scaled down version. I guess we shall see. I'm just awfully tired of my life feeling so ordinary...
My Christmas was okay, rather a whirlwind of events because I was ill-prepared for it. Dinner with the family went by fast and without a hitch; no major gifting was done this year since we all are in a tight spot; and three days of cleaning the house for a four-hour get-together was over in the blink of an eye.
And the following Monday I found out my grandmother (on my father's side) passed away December 26th. The day after Christmas―that is tragically unfair. May she rest in peace. (;;_;;)♡
Recently, I've found myself pulled into a lot of negativity, most of it being online. God, all the bullying I've been witnessing at deviantART, it even made my one friend suicidal last week! :( So 2016 did not start out on the best foot, for anyone it seems. I was hopeful once the year was over I might have that refreshed, almost relieved sensation which normally comes with New Years and setting goals. But this black cloud hangs on strong. I'm thinking I need to step back from the social part of dA, which is where I spent my free time, and focus again on me. Because I lost myself for awhile there.
| “The person in life that you will always be with the most, is yourself. Because even when you are with others, you are still with yourself, too! When you wake up in the morning, you are with yourself, laying in bed at night you are with yourself, walking down the street in the sunlight you are with yourself. What kind of person do you want to walk down the street with? What kind of person do you want to wake up in the morning with? What kind of person do you want to see at the end of the day before you fall asleep? Because that person is yourself, and it's your responsibility to be that person you want to be with. I know I want to spend my life with a person who knows how to let things go, who's not full of hate, who's able to smile and be carefree. So that's who I have to be.” ― C. JoyBell C. |
Highlights of 2015
My year was spent learning a lot of art. I fell out of writing once I started sketching almost every night. Around April and May I decided to go full force with digital; I had been gifted a tablet at the end of 2014, but it wasn't until then I began to use it in earnest. Although I still can't sketch from scratch directly on it, I started taking the time to ink line work, and exploring different digital painting styles. I even made some animated .gifs and pixel art for the first time. And I was proud of it all.
My deviantART Summary of Art
Resolutions for 2016
I learned a lot last year about art. But when the year ended in a miserable blur, my basic foundation had taken a major hit and I've gone back to all my old flaws, so I'm basically back to ground zero, I feel. I'd like to get back to where I was, unafraid of trying new things, unafraid to fail.
Having said that, I desperately miss writing. I'm tired of getting out one or two solid stories, and then hitting the wall so bad I don't write again for years. Plus, I recently received my first feedback on Archives of Our Own, and it was positive and motivating. Someone even suggested I get a tumblr, which made me think they felt I was worth getting out there. (^_^) So if I have one resolution, it's to get back to the place where I started in 2014 with Into the Nothing and drawing as a hobby. I enjoy art, but my passion was always words, not colors.
Otherwise, I still have some personal goals I'd like to set, even if it's only in scaled down version. I guess we shall see. I'm just awfully tired of my life feeling so ordinary...