Helpdesk Humor

The Top 5 are:

1. America Online (1989-2006)
2. RealNetworks RealPlayer (1999)
3. Syncronys SoftRAM (1995)
4. Microsoft Windows Millennium (2000)
5. Sony BMG Music CDs (2005)

Read the rest and some fun commentary here.

I received a call from a woman who was having trouble with an HP LaserJet printer. While she was describing her problem she said that it was a network printer. Then she paused and asked me if I knew what a network printer was. Now come on lady! How are you going to call a HELPDESK and then ask the tech if they know what a network printer is. That's like calling your mechanic up and asking him if he knows what a muffler is.

I swear!

I just went into my sent items folder in Oulook and found that I had 2228 items in it. Needless to say I deleted them all but it makes me wonder why I would even keep so many e-mails that I sent out. There were messages from as far back as Feb 1st.

I was just reading through the notes on one of the trouble tickets entered by one of our analysts. For some reason they decided that they needed to use the word "ostensibly" in the ticket. I have to admit that I had no idea what this word meant.

os·ten·si·ble (adj.)

Represented or appearing as such; ostensive: His ostensible purpose was charity, but his real goal was popularity.

Can someone please tell me why you need a 10 letter adjective in a helpdesk ticket? Perhaps we're overcompensating for something? Maybe the fact that all your hopes and dreams have been crushed and all you've accomplished in life is a job a the helpdesk on 2nd shift where your only form of amusement is using 10 letter words in your tickets.

But I digress...

I just got off a call about a laptop, and while I was getting the information about the laptop I asked him if he knew where our branch location was; his reply was "I don't know anything." I had to physically stop my self from laughing on the phone.

Not to mention his liberal use of profane language and rather interesting background noises. For his sake I hope that his college life is more than drinking booze and studying english literature...

People, if you have a messed up name please spell it when you call the help desk. You're an adult and have lived with your name for years. If, when you tell people your name, and their normal response is, "Huh?" then you need to spell it when you call me.

If you have a normal sounding name but your druggie parents decided to put in some letters that didn't need to be there you need to spell it when you call me.

If you are foreign and you have a name that is not a common name in the US, no matter how common it is where you are from, you need to spell it when you call me.

I do not say this to be rude to anyone but to save time. If I have to spend 5 minutes trying to decipher your name so I can enter it into a help desk ticket something is wrong.

So what I'm saying is, unless your name is John Smith, spell your freaking name when you call the help desk!

I just got a call from a user that stated

"there was a jam in the printer and one of the managers tried to fix it, but instead emptied the entire toner cartridge inside the printer."

I hope his entire staff was laughing at him...>:)

Notes entered by a tech at our helpdesk

[User] called to advise that she accidentally dropped the [PDA] in the toilet. The device is no longer working. She said that she has been trying to let it dry but there appears to be water on the inside of the screen as well. I advised the [user] that she will need to return the device...so they can issue her a new one. I did not have the [user] do a soft reset for fear of shorting the device out.

Notes left by one of our techs...

User said that she is trying to order some [PDAs] but she is not able to send email out as she is getting the error message that the email address is not valid. User was trying to open a website with that email address instead of using a program to send email out. Explained to the user the difference between a 'website' and an 'email' address.

This is an excerpt from a ticket placed at my help desk recently...

...At this point she shared that she does put her [PDA] under her belt around the house when she does not have pockets. She wondered if the magnetic fields of her body might be causing this. She is not able to wear a wrist watch because of the magnetic forces in her body. I said I would share this information.

I wonder if she's has moons in orbit around her head too?