girls_advice

Im having a problem with one of my ex bf's who i dated almost a year ago. He friends with my best friend mike and a couple weeks ago when i went out with mike he came along. since then ive been getting phone calls and emails from him asking me out on dates. I dont like him and he wont leave me alone. Wat should i do?

so.... this christmas I am single. it's been a long year full of laughter and tears.... tears while recovering from the breakup... and laughter while remembering just how fun it is to be me (not an "us" but a "me"). my friends have been truely awesome. and when it comes down to it, i feel ok being single.

but.... he has moved on. and curtousey of myspace, i see that his new (fat average looking) girlfriend, says the "l" word to him. and sadly, i have even gone as far as to look at her page, to see if he is reciprocating the l-bomb... thus far he hasn't written anything back (it's been about 1 month). not sure what you can really tel from myspace-stalking (ughhhh, such a bad, bad thing). but, despite the fact that i haven't seen him reciprocate via myspace, i am sure that he is at least relativly happy with this little troll of a girl.

though, i truelly am "ok" (at times even really happy) apart from him, it still bugs the hell out of me that only a couple months after we parted ways, he found a new girlfriend, and seems to be happy. this from the person that once wanted to marry me (had told his family, picked out rings/ venues/ dates).... i realize that because of time (he lives too far away, and we both lead really busy lives), this point in life, just isn't "our" time. But how could he just move on like that????

this is the question that sits in the back of my head... as the months have passed it has gone from a constant nagging thought, to a dull fading irritation. but nonetheless it is still there. it still pops up here and there.

why, why, why?

my poor friends have heard me lament over this topic so many times that i just can't bear to subject them to it any longer. because when it comes down to it, no amount of analyzing, wondering, and asking "what if's" will ever make it clear. only he knows what happened. or, perhaps, he himself doesn't even know the answer.... more than likely, not. for him he lives in the moment... hates to deal with negative feelings (a few months back when he found out that his dad had a week to live, he decided to go to work, rather than visit with him... one day later his dad passed away, and he never even got to say goodbye... this is "him" in a nutshell...)... so expecting him to have a grasp on what happened between him and i, is simply crazy. who knows.

what i do know is that time has made it somewhat better. "out of sight" sadly does not mean out of mind, for he is still there (in mind). but it is a bit easier....

easier, until today, when i decided (for whatever ill-thought out reason) that i should send him a "merry xmas" text. at the time it seemed like a good idea, and i just did it. but after hearing his response (happy holidays... got to be politically correct), followed by "how are you?" to which i had the obligatory "and u?" text, i am simply feeling a bit un-festive. now i am just in a funk...

i WAS feeling good. doing my last-minute shopping. getting ready to go to church. feeling the holiday spirit. but now, now i just want to take a nap. forget all of the holiday joy, just hybernate in my bed.


why did i do this self-inflicted funk to myself????? i should be happy. life is good- i have everything to be thankful for (good job, great family, awesome friends, done with school, paid off student loans, healthy).... but still there is that one area that is just not 100% fullfilled.... that one area where i am left to wonder. where i am completly at someone elses mercy.... helpless... there is nothing that i can do to change the situation (or his heart), and that simply sucks.

perhaps that is why i sent the text.... not so much because i miss my bestfriend (as i do- so badly), not even so much because i want him to have a happy holiday (because truth be told, i am still hurt, and would be perfectly happy if he felt the same as me). really, i sent the text so that i could prove something.... like i am not really hurt... hurt that he's moved on, hurt that he had no time for me in his life, but somehow has time for her (though the circumstances are completly differnt- i live 2 hours away, and work a complelty different schedule than him... she, lives in the same town and works at the same job).... i guess i am really just hurt that he is with her. i thought he loved me. how could he move on? it makes no sence. but i don't want him to think that i am hiding out, stuck on that.... so that is why isent the text.

but, i guess that with that, i need to hold to it, and NOT let it get to me. not hybernate (as i would like to). he already has a spot in my mind (a spot that he simply does not deserve, but i nevertheless continues to occupy), no need to give him more of my time/effort/thoughts.....


ok, i am off to wrap gifts. clean. and then go to church. enough thoughts of him,.....
Tags: breakups, heart, holidays, love, myspace, relationships, texts

Introduction:
Name: Jessica 
Age: 19
Location: Southern California
Obsessions: Anime, Reading, School, Friends
Background: When I was 11 years old I was diagnosed with Leukemia. Since then I've undergone chemotherapy and two bone marrow transplants. I've also had a shoulder replacement surgery. Due to the body's rejection of a new bone marrow, I've had to take prednasone (a steroid) as anti-rejection medication. Due to the steroids, my skin has lost its elasticity and I have stretch marks ALL over my body. I also have a nice long scar down my left leg from falling one time.

So, here's my current problem:
I've been bugging my parents for a while now about possible surgical solutions to my scars. Today I went to see Dr. Richard Grossman (he's a burn specialist, so basically when it comes to scarring he's the best to go to) and I've been told there's NOTHING I can do about it. No magic surgeries, creams, or procedures... not even exercise, which would normally tighten the skin back up and reduce the coloring, will help.

I guess I don't really have a question... I'd like to ask your honest opinion, if you saw someone with stretch marks all over their body (legs, arms, stomach, back, chest, ass...) would you consider them ugly. But I don't think I really want to know.

I'm having a difficult time coping with this information right now, and all day I've been edgy around friends and family. 

It's just a relief to post all of this, get it all off my chest...

Thanks for paying attention. It really does mean a lot.

I have been seing this guy for over a year now. We only broke up once because he started doing drugs again after he promised me he would he would stop. We got back together after he told his parents about his problem and ever since then there is not a day that goes by where he doesn't say "I love you" more than like a zillion times a day. We were so close everything was going great! Then all of the sudden things were slipping. I tried to confront him about this but he told me we were just fine. It all happend after I found a letter in his car from another girl. He told me it was nothing but after that we began to slip. The only time he ever was nice to me was untill reasontly when we "did it". But after that I told him I would rather wait a while before we do that again he started to slip more. All the love feelings are gone but he still says "I love you more than anything in the universe" and "were getting married" all the time. Yet, he has stoped talking to me like he used to. All he wants is to get off. He wont even kiss me. Last night I asked him why he was like this. He told me he didn't feel like it. He hasn't felt like giving me a kiss for over 1 min in a month. The only time he wants my lips on anything for more than 60 seconds if it is down low. He tells me that is all he wants but I can't help but feel that way because that is the only time he is ever nice to me and after we do anything like that he laughs and doesn't even give me a hug. It's hard to explain. I am sorry if this isn't susposed to be posted. I actually had to write him a letter because it is so hard to talk to him now. Do you think he is cheating? What do you think is wrong with him? He always says he doesn't want sexual things all the time but that's not what I am getting from him. I feel like a doll.

Other annoying things he says I do are...
Eat my chicken like a black person.
I laugh at silly things.
Clap my hands.
I always draw attention to myself when I am very quiet and most people don't even notice me.

When he has no room to say anything. Other notes from girls, constantly drawing attention to himself by doing something stupid like saying "booger", its an argument to get him to take a shower or brush his teeth.

ANOTHER THING when he makes me really sad and I cry he gets mad at me and tells me to stop it like I am some kind of dog. But when he is upset or crys I HAVE to be right there for him and make sure everything is perfect.

Is it that hard to get a kiss? I cant understand him.

I am sorry if this doesn't make sence.

Okay, so I've been having probems lately (actually, my entire life) with my parents, and I would really love advice/comments.... Just to warn you all, this is probably going to get incredibly lengthy and long-winded, and I don't know how to do one of those LJ cuts, so please bear with me. Oh and I'm probably cross-posting to other advice boards.

So... some background: I'm 18. I'm starting school in the Fall at the University of Michigan-Flint. And I have a TERRIBLE relationship with my parents. I don't even know how to describe my relationship with them, because I don't know if anyone will *ever* be able to understand what our relationship is like.

All I know is that my parents (more specifically, my mother) completely HATE me. And I have no idea why! To be perfectly honest, I am (and have been) the epitome of the "good kid" or the "nice girl" that people always talk about. During HS, I never went out and got drunk, I didn't sleep around, I didn't do any drugs, and I got good grades (graduated 25th out of a class of 200, which I'm actually pretty proud of). I bent over backwards trying to make them happy. I devoted so much of my time trying to please them by "behaving" myself and studying, that I'm sad to say I graduated without ever having any actual F-U-N.

And they STILL aren't happy. I don't think I will ever be what they want, because it seems no matter how hard I try, I'll always fall short. As long as I can remember, I have never ever ever been good enough for them. Looking back, I can remember sitting on our couch in the livingroom doing my homework, while my mother sat there and picked and picked and PICKED at me till I cried. Basically criticizing my clothes, the way I did my hair, the way I talked, my friends, the way I looked.

To make a long story short, my mother will never pass up the chance to tell me (or anyone else) just how unacceptable I am. She talks about me like that to everyone. And it makes me feel so bad, because I feel like I don't have any way to defend myself, like there's nothing I can do to change people's opinions of me, because the way that my mother parades around, acting like I'm her juvenile delinquent daugher who can't do anything right. And she goes around blatantly TELLING people just how horrible I am. Often, if I pass by her room while she's on the phone, she'll be talking to someone telling them how abnormal I am, how unmotivated, disrespectful, and stupid I turned out to be. And the thing is, I think it's had a pretty big effect on the way I relate to others. Automatically, when I see someone or meet someone in my town, my first reaction is "Okay, now I wonder what s/he heard about me from my mother?!", and it's just made me feel so defeated and helpless, like I'm not even worth somebody's time. Like my actions or words count for nothing. Like by publicly humiliating me and disrespecting me, she's making future relationships, future LIFE for me impossible.

And another thing is, I feel like she doesn't even know me. Every single thing she tells people about me is so untrue that it's not even funny. In a letter to my great-aunt in California, she described me as being "Rude, a loner, disrespectful, a social retard, cold, unfeeling..." Among many other things. And that's not who I am at all. I would do ANYTHING for anybody. I would literally give the shirt off my back to someone who needed it. I'm not a loner, by any means. I have an amazing group of friends who have helped more than I can even say... People have described me as being "sweet, even-tempered, good-natured, someone who has a good heart..." So I guess I just don't understand why she has this perception of me... She's called me a bitch to my face. She's told me that she "Couldn't wait for me to go away to college!" (The irony...) AND I JUST DON'T GET IT.

And obviously, when someone continues to do this to you on a daily basis, your self-confidence takes a pretty big beating. To say that I have low self-esteem would be an understatement.When I was younger, I used to think that I was bad and stupid and ugly and fat, because that's the way she made me feel, and like a dog, I thought I deserved it. But when I got older, I stopped taking it from her. I still heard the things she said to me, but I stopped letting them have a visible effect on me. I stopped crying (in front of her) when she yelled at me. I stopped talking to her, period.

And I haven't been happy living in this kind of environment. I've tried to lie, and tell myself that I'm happy, that I've always been happy, but I realized that I couldn't do that anymore, so I started making changes. The summer before my senior year, I started applying to some really good colleges, some in which admission was competitive. I figured that if I wasn't happy here, then maybe I should try something else, go somewhere where I felt they couldn't hurt me anymore. I got a $50,000 scholarship to a great school in Virginia (Hollins) that has a wonderful Creative Writing program, and other smaller scholarships as well to other colleges/universities. And during my senior year, the thought that I might be able to go away for college kept me going. NO LIE. But a week before the enroll deposit was due, my parents pretty much crushed my dream when they said that I WASN'T going to Hollins. That I "had no choice, it wasn't up to me.) They refused to co-sign on a loan(I couldn't get a loan on my own being 18 and not having any credit), my good behavior during HS wasn't enough to ensure that I wasn't going to run wild at college,they didn't think I had the street smarts to live in a dorm. (My question is, how am I ever going to learn street smarts if they never let me out on my own?!), and they just flat out refused to let me go. So now, I'm pretty much going to a really crummy college, and I feel like all my hard work was for absolutely nothing. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to because I'm stuck going to a school that I never intended on even applying to, and I feel like a prisoner in a house, living with people I hate.

So I guess, I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm at a really negative, unhealthy place in my life right now, and I WANT TO MOVE ON. I'm 18, and I don't want to waste any more of my life feeling terrible about myself. I believe that I deserve to be happy, but I feel trapped in a place where no one wants me to be happy. I'm so scared that my resentment for my parents is going to fester and build up, causing me to basically self-destruct.... I've tried talking to them about it, and she just laughs in my face... So what I'm really asking for is advice. Am I completely nuts to feel this way?

Any help or advice would be wonderful. Heres the problem... My ex and I broke up about 14 months ago. I'll admit I was heartbroken idk if that has anything to do with this though, it might. Since then he has been receiving letters, anonymus letters and other things as well such a books, he's received condoms just various items. He is not the only one either, his grandparents have gotten them, his manager at work has, a few of his friends that are girls have received them too. I got two things last year as well.. a letter once, and around valentines day last year I received some lingerie and after sex breath mints. The letter said something about me trying to work it out with him. I don't want to be with him anymore. We don't know who is doing this, he has gone to the police but they can do nothing about it I guess. Yesterday was valentines day and in our local paper you can send in messages or pictures to have published for your valentine. There was a picture and a message of him with this girl that he is now somewhat seeing. He didn't do it, it was the "stalker." We just don't know what to do, because of this we do not talk much anymore. He believes that it may be me... but it isn't! I think he knows that its not me, but deep down he still wonders, if it is not me then it is someone I know. I don't know what to do. I would do anything for this to stop. Any advice at all? Because I am simply at a loss.

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wendy

what is business attire? Do you think that it has to be a suit?

Also..what ideas do you girls have for standing out in an interview? clothing wise, etc.

I am being interviewing to become a princess for the INDY500 festival and there are 280 girls running against me! ack!

Wendy

ok Im a person that gets sad/angry/etc a lot (more so sad/unhappy). Im a moody character, and its usually all internalized.

Now some times I express those feelings to people, or in blogs whatever.

Well my gf is having a rough time with this. Because i also make very light of the way I feel.

She hates this, and really does feel really bad whenever Im unhappy or such.

I dont want to continue ruining her happy days or such.
Should I just keep things to myself? pretend that things really dont affect me?
I mean I want to share, thats why Im in a relationship not just dating someone right now.
But I dont want her upset needlessly.

she hates it when i just take my feelings and shrug them off.

what do I do?

she has actually said that my behavior pisses her off, because she really hates it when I make light of myself, and ...:sigh: yea

she's said she wouldnt dump me over my moodiness but I dont know.
I mean for some reason she feels she has to 'watch what she says' to me because she doesnt want me to get all sad and or upset (when im upset its only visible by me sort of 'keeping her at arms lenght' which she hates soooo much...i dont do it on purpose though, its just a protection mechanism!)