firstcallat63

It happened this way: a non-profit social action group got a grant to provide "An Inconvenient Truth" to 4000 churches for viewing during the first two weeks of October. My church got a letter from the Colorado Conference office, and my council decided to do it. Initially we intended to have the showing open to the whole community, but we did not get the movie in time to preview it, and some members of the council were nervous about the possible political nature of the movie, so in the end we invited only another church. Twenty-two of us viewed it Sunday afternoon. Twenty of my people, plus the other pastor and one of her people.

The movie is worth seeing. It is loaded with statistics and facts about global warming. I did pre-view it, so I've seen it twice, and the second time around I learned things that I had missed the first time. I think it makes a convincing argument that we are experiencing a very different change in CO2 levels and temperatures. The "what we should do" information feels 'tacked on at the end but not developed well' to me.

The part that I would love to talk to people about, however, is Gore's insistence that global warming presents us with a moral imperative. His reasoning is that, should Greenland and/or a big hunk of Antarctica drop off and melt, causing the oceans to raise 20 feet, then there would be millions of displaced refugees. He thinks that our concern for those people should be sufficient motivation to cause us to change our life styles. He's been talking about this since he was in college, and he is carrying a sense of failure that he hasn't done a good enough job to get that result. But I'm not sure it is a reasonable goal.

Gore shows statistics showing that we not only CO2 is drastically jumping -- so is world population. And that population is threatened by potential flooding. He also tries to link new diseases, including AIDS, to global warming, and those diseases threaten our world population.

The problem is -- I think God created this world as a self-regulating unit. Malthis said that when the world gets too many people, disease and war to knock it down. Perhaps global warming is also a part of the self-regulation. I know that sounds callous and unChristian, but it still seems possible to me. We are over-crowding this world with humans. God has to be thinking about that problem.

This is all very hazy in my mind, and I have to go to a church meeting now, so I'm posting it 'as is', a thought in process.

Somehow it has been 2 1/2 weeks since I posted. I'm not sure why. I know I've been over busy and I suspect I've been depressed. But anyway....

The last weekend in September was the Association Meeting. Clergy and laity from eleven UCC churches in the eastern one-third of Montana gather twice a year. Every church had at least one person present, which impressed me. My husband and three women went with me.

Friday evening after a nice meal, we had a presentation by Intermountain, a social service agency which specializes in helping severely damaged four to eleven year olds. I know how rare such places are because during my social work internship I was involved in placing six children (one family) in such facilities. I also know that Intermountain's 80% successful placement after treatment (averaging 2 years) is almost too good to be true. But these people start at basics -- when a new child arrives, one staff member is assigned to that child and stays one-on-one until the child finally 'bonds' with that staff person. This is teaching what babies should learn in their first year, but for most of these kids, it is a new experience. For the most part, Intermountain does not even try to do therapy until after the kid is 'connected to and trusting' one staff person. It is a labor-intensive approach -- the residential facility has a 2:1 student:staff ratio. Intermountain is a faith-based agency -- the Board of Directors is 1/3 Methodist, 1/3 Presbyterian, and 1/3 UCC. I was very impressed by what I heard, and the woman who will be my moderator next year was also very impressed, so I suspect that our church will become more involved in the future.

Saturday morning after a nice breakfast, we had a business meeting for two hours. Lots of routine stuff done, all without much fuss. We closed with a communion service and a nice lunch. I was fairly pleased with the people I met. Again I am feeling that UCC is a good match for me.

FOURTH SUNDAY -- the next day -- after church I led the first of the church assessment meetings. It went very well. The idea that God could have plan for this congregation seems to be a new thought, but they are receptive so far. The first meeting introduced the idea and talked about becoming a missional church, that is one that has a hands-on project in the community. In these meetings we will be developing two lists. One will be the strengths that we find in this church -- with the intent of using them as 'jig saw puzzle pieces' to help us recognize what mission God has been equipping us for. The other is a list of problems we see in the area; so far we have mentioned three: non-alcohol socialization site for young adults, a wellness center, and entertainment for all adults.

The fun part of this meeting was having David provide the coffee and pecan rolls. I was careful to get permission from the Women's Fellowship, and judging by the conversation, they were glad to avoid another 'duty'. At the next Fellowship business meeting, the Sunday after the assessment gathering, one of the older women suggested that they should takes turns with David, but the younger women who run the Fellowship weren't interested. None of the younger women were at the assessment meeting, either. In this I see a future problem.

That weekend was also the Revival program given by the family who had come in April or May to sing at our church. I had members of my congregation at all their meetings, and I attended both the women's luncheon and the final evening meeting. I agreed with the feed-back I received -- the music was excellent, but the preaching was confusing. Sunday night was 'dating and marriage night', and the message was anecdotes and Bible verses demonstrating that (1) young people should not start dating until they are ready to get married and (2) divorce is never OK (even to saying that one should leave abusive situations but not get divorced.) Why would anyone "come forward" after that? Another puzzling part was that he appeared to be "preaching to the choir" -- most of the advertising was done through churches, and church people came for the music, but few brought 'unchurched friends' with them. [I'm not sure they even have unchurched friends -- that denial has always been the response I've heard most during 'bring a friend' campaigns.] The women's meeting Saturday morning was truly wonderful -- a full English high tea with a presentation by a woman who brought an amazing doll collection -- but again, the ac capella music by a mother and her six daughters was wonderful but the 'witness to God's presence in my life' message was puzzling (yes, she had indeed had hard times and survived, but so have people w/o God in their lives.) I really love the family that put this one, but I'm not sure what was actually accomplished. A lot of people worked very, very had to make it happen. Hopefully, some seeds were planted...

Finally we have completed our five weeks in James. I probably won't go there again, as it was repetitive and law-filled. By the end of James, plus several weeks of Proverbs, we had quite a list of 'Righteous Do's and Righteous Don'ts'. But I did preach on the ways that the church has taught people that they should try to be righteous, and then asked my people if/why they were trying. I did do some theological thinking during the five weeks, which was interesting. Since the Book of James is not taught at Lutheran seminary, it was a learning experience for me.

Last week seems to have slipped by in a positive way. I had a pleasant visit with my first-grade school teacher who got "time out" for two weeks with pneumonia. The woman who had been in the hospital for over three months finally moved to the nursing home and seems to be adjusting well. The couple who have been packing slowly all summer finally moved into their new 'apartment' at our assisted living complex -- she got exhausted and ended up in the hospital overnight, but family were all there helping and keeping her in her chair when I visited Sunday.

My husband has had a bemusing week -- watching the World Series baseball games with the spouse of the other female pastor in town. The other spouse is something of a baseball addict -- pays to have satellite hook-up for all baseball games. My husband is only mildly interested in baseball, but he is willing to support a friend's passion. When it isn't 'World Serious' time, they spend one day a week (as long as six hours!) talking history, politics (they are opposites, so that is a delicate but unavoidable subject), and church stuffffff.

And now Sunday morning is here again, with a sermon that strives to help people wrestle with Jesus' saying that we will not enter the kingdom of God unless we come as little children. It feels good to be back in the gospel rather than the epistle.

Last night we had a pot luck for a pastor who was here fifteen years ago. During the last week I've talked to people about him, and my impression is that he was not deeply loved because he had a very authoritarian style. He was also a military chaplain in the reserves, which might explain some of that. And he was physically a big person, which also might contribute to that. But whatever, he came back to visit for two days.

He made one-on-one visits with several parishioners, and just before the pot luck he and his wife stopped in to talk with us for half an hour. He told stories about some of the people in this congregation, and because we both had history in a nearby church, he told even more stories about people in that church. Listening to his stories, it seemed to me that he was trying to find peace with the fact that he understood (correctly) that people thought of him as "not very pastoral."

I watched people at the pot luck. His wife had a lot of pictures of the house they are building and a few of their two children. People gathered around her to look at the pictures, and they also came up to talk with him. Everyone seemed to have a good time. Everyone was pleasant, cheerful, supportive of him. When we sat down to eat, he sat at the end of a table (rather than in the middle where more people could have talked with him.) Everyone left the seat next to him vacant, so I took the hint and sat there. He stood up after we ate and gave a short speech, including a "sermonette" on treating each other as "inheritance". It all went well -- we do parties with grace and skill.

It might not have. Someone might have asked how a pastor justifies planning to live in a million-dollar-house. Or they might have wondered how a person on 100% disability can remodel a house, sell it for enough profit to purchase the lot, plus the foundation and initial framing, for the new house and is going to do all the work finishing this new house.

(And the next night he will be in the nearby town repeating this experience, hopefully with similarly gracious people.)

I remember a similar experience. David and I were invited to the confirmation celebration for the youngest child of one of my families at my internship parish. We went and had a good time. But when the lunch was over, I found it hard to leave. After you leave, you aren't their pastor any more. You are just a welcomed visitor. Whatever I was looking for, it was basically not there.

Looking back, I can't know what this past pastor got out of his visit. I don't think it hurt us to be gracious, though my tongue feels a bit bitten. But I know that last night I came home, collapsed, and slept for 11 hours. And this morning I can still feel tension in my body. I was taught and do believe that "you can't go home", and I think I see some of that wisdom seeping into this experience.

It is amazing the culture that pops up unexpectedly in rural America.

10:30 AM Monday at the high school was such a moment. A traveling repertory drama group from one of our state universities presented an updated, shortened version of Sophocles' play. It was an excellent adaptation. The "chorus" was played by two TV sets, one on each side of the stage area. The choral parts had become 'live update' newscasts, complete with instant opinion polls. The brother who had attached was a "terrorist leader". The laws that mandated leaving the dead body to rot and capital punishment for almost anything were justified as techniques to deter future terrorists. The fear of talking was explained in terms of surveillance cameras. The adaptation really did take current realities and extend them to their irresponsible extremes, and I thought it was really thought provoking.

The performance was lightly publicized in and open to the community, and there were five adults there. We left after the performance .. the high school kids were probably not going to get into the 'after the performance discussion' with us there, but I am sorry that I couldn't have been a mouse in the corner to see if they were able to understand and think about the ideas behind the adaptation.

There is a part of me that wishes this had be offered again at a time where the community would have attended. I think I can understand why the grant was not written that way, but what a waste. Or maybe not .. this town is so proud of its country. Could they have endured the warning against using terrorism to limit freedoms?

This church has a sound-system with speakers that were installed fifteen years ago. Most of the equipment was purchased by my predecessor -- out of his pocketbook, not with church's funds -- and he knew short wave radio better than he knew sound systems. He did installed new speakers, or rather new-to-us ones, but 'someone' cut the wires and moved the speakers into the basement the month after my predecessor died -- they are phenomenally ugly. The result is a weird mixture to this and that. The wireless mikes produce static at unpredictable times. And the 'dog leg' shape of the room when we open the sliding door to seat large numbers of people significantly contributes to the sound problems. Also, we do have a number of people with significant hearing problems. Several of them refuse to get hearing aids. And the most deaf people sit in the back two rows.

The church members were embarrassed at the last two funerals. Memorial money was given to fix the sound. So after talking around the problem for several council sessions, they agreed to bring in a consultant. The council had dinner with him Saturday night to 'get to know each other' and to hear his ideas. I think they were a little stunned when he said "something in the neighborhood of five or six thousand dollars." But in fact we have about twice that in the Memorial Fund, so we can do it if they decide they want to.

I'm hoping that we will. His proposal includes an over-the-ear mike for me! They are so, so much better that the lapel mikes!

We did learn a new idea from the sound man: the way to get the deaf people to move forward is to announce that the collection plates will not be passed in the first three rows. Everyone laughed heartily, which released a lot of tension. People were being a little "testy" with him, but after that they relaxed some.

We are really lucky to have access to this person. He works nationally, and gets the contracts for really big events. But he grew up in a Montana-North Dakota border town, so he does little churches around here out of love. I'm sure he will make a profit on whatever he sells us, but he did not charge us for the trip here to see the facility and meet with the council. And when he saw the place, he down-sized what he and I had talked about on the phone because we didn't really need as much as he had predicted. I liked him, and I trust him. It is amazing the talent you find in this area, just because people like to live here.

Ever since I got here, I have watched the doors of my church with fascination. Before I came, the church member who lives on the other side of my house was asked to open the church in the morning and lock it at night. She did that for a while, but grew tired of it -- a fact that became known because one of the members stopped by regularly to see if she had done it. But no one did anything about the lapse. When I arrived, the church always seemed to be locked, so I locked it when I left. A few times people did come to my door asking to get in, so I made a copy of the church key and hung it in the closet next to my front door. Then after I had been here about two months, a new pattern developed -- the women would leave the side door unlocked. Sometimes my person who is into checking on the doors would lock it, but shortly thereafter it would again be unlocked. Then there was some discussion at the council, where there is clearly not a consensus, and for the last month the church has been left unlocked (except for homecoming weekend.)

At last month's council meeting, there was again some discussion. When asked, I stated that I had no opinion concerning if the church should be locked or unlocked. I haven't seen anyone who wanted to drop in to pray, so basically we are talking about the convenience of women who want to drop off towels that they have washed or food for a funeral, etc. I also am aware that a LOT of people have keys, and others have a friend whose key they borrow when they need in. The system seemed to work. But there are some people who really are concerned because theft and vandalism is on the rise in this community -- a world view I don't see reported in the paper, where we list every entry on the police blotter, but their fear is real. So again I said that I had no preference, except that if they decided to start locking it, I did not want to be the person responsible to unlock and lock it each day.

The discussion stopped abruptly when the person who had been doing the checking said that, even though I had said I did not want to do it, he felt that the council should pass a motion directing me to do it. He's not a member of the council, though he is at every meeting, so he could not make the motion himself, and no one wanted to touch it. So discussion moved on.

This is regular practice for this council. Anyone can stop discussion immediately by becoming intensely assertive. I don't know if they are even aware of that reality. And it is also true that if a motion gets seconded, it gets passed unanimously even when there is a clear split among the members. I can think of only one exception, and it was an idea being pushed by the non-member that someone finally made into a motion.

I understand the reality behind these behaviors. This is a small town, and the church is a small group of people. Whatever we do this Sunday, we will have to continue working with the people we disagree with. So we avoid confrontation ...

Anyway, the issue came up again at this month's council meeting. It came up because the Clerk put in the minutes that the last meeting had ended with an agreement that I was locking and unlocking the church every day except Monday. I objected to the minutes, and everyone agreed that we had not said that last month. So the two people who wanted to have that duty assigned to me tried again. It was interesting. Several compromises were suggested, but the two shot down every one. Finally, one of them said, "the last time I looked, you live very close to the church, so I'm hoping you will volunteer to do this." I replied, "I will do it if the council directs me to do so, but I am not volunteering to do it." That is as close to a 'show down' as they have had since I arrived, and a little while later they voted to have the church locked except when I am in it.

I'm not entirely sure why I chose to draw this line in the sand. I tried to explain it to both the moderator and the vice-moderator during the three days between when I got an advance copy of the incorrect minutes and the meeting, but I don't think I did a very good job. I tried to communicate how "tied down" I would feel if I had to do 'church business' every morning and every evening. One of the perks of this job is that I get to set my own schedule and work when inspired ... I often write me sermons in the middle of the night. If my body needs to sleep in after writing for several hours during the night, I feel OK about doing that. Plus, if this were something I thought was worth doing, I'd do it and then go back to bed. But it isn't worth the effort -- most days no one will darken the door. Of course I'll open it on the mornings when we are having a funeral, and on the afternoons when we are having a pot luck, and on Sunday mornings, and any other time we are having meetings. I'm already doing that. But every day???? It would be a waste of my time and an intrusion on my freedom.

So we had a fuss at the council meeting. But interestingly, the man who was fussing the most worked smoothly with me an hour later when we co-led the worship services at the nursing home and senior living center. So I think -- and deeply hope -- that this will be forgotten as water under the bridge.

When I first got here, I seemed to have free time. I did some visitation during that time, and should have done a lot more. But I felt relaxed and not time-stressed, except perhaps during the two-three days at the end of the month when I was putting together the newsletter.

However, summer has ended, and life around here is getting busier. Last week I fed lunch to my deaconate (four people) and then we talked about things. Sunday the Women's Fellowship had their business meeting, some fall activities got planned, and I talked again about the two meetings that are starting in October. I'm not sure people are listening, but I'm trying.

I am trying to awaken an interest in Bible study in this church. I've been talking about the importance of the Bible in my sermons. Before I turned reading the Bible over to congregation members, I read the readings from behind the large altar Bible. On Maundy Thursday I turned the pulpit around and put the Bible on it during the Tenebrae Service ... and when the candles and lights were all out at the end of the service, the light on the Bible stayed on.

Historically, only about five people in this church have been involved in Bible study. I'm convinced that contributes to their lack of young members. Several members have children and grandchildren in this community, but they don't go to church or they go elsewhere. Their parents did not successfully bring their children into the faith of their fathers.

I'm offering two types of Bible study. For those who feel grounded, we have been invited to join the Methodists in a small group spirituality study that will require 5 hours per week (a 2-hour meeting, plus homework.) For others, I will be leading a study based on a pamphlet from the UCC "God is still speaking" program. The meetings will be designed to teach participants to listen for God speaking to them. The book has eleven Bible readings, and with each is a very short "what this reading makes me think" essay by a UCC pastor or staff member. I'm going to use the African Bible study approach, where the reading is read four times (four different translations) and a question asked after each reading:
1. What image jumps out at me when I hear this read?
2. Who/what in this passage do I identify with?
3. What is God doing in this passage? That may be taken literally if God is one of the characters in the passage, but basically it means 'Why did God inspire this to be part of the Bible?'
4. What does this passage say I should be doing?

I am saying that I will meet any time where 6 to 10 people agree to meet. One couple has said yes to my idea of meeting at dinner time over pizza. I'm expecting that the 'regular Bible studiers' will meet one morning a week, as they did in the past. But I need more involvement, and I'm not truly expecting to get it. And if it does not happen, I haven't much hope for this church's long-range future.

The other meeting that I am pushing this fall asks people to spend one hour per month for twelve months talking about this church. I'll be giving a short presentation on one aspect of the church. Six aspects deal with relational aspects of the church, and six with the physical realities. Then we'll do some small-group or written reflection, and bring that back to sharing with the whole group. The idea is to define what strengths we have, and (assuming those strengths are intentional Gifts from God) to work from those pieces to an understanding of what God is hoping we will do with those strengths. Basically we will be searching for a sense of mission.

And as if that were not enough on my plate, the lectionary this month has five readings from the Book of James. Luther did not like this book, and it was not taught at my seminary, so this is really my first serious look into the book. James is basically a laundry list of 'Righteous Do's and Righteous Don'ts', and the lectionary pairs it with readings from Proverbs, which is a considerably longer but similar listing. I am finding myself struggling with how to understand 'obey the commandments' within my liberal theological understanding. The heavily authoritarian "obey your Heavenly Father!!!" approach does not feel 'right' to me. Historically, it has been used to manipulate and even abuse members. That kind of behavior was part of why Luther tried to reform the Catholic Church, and I think many fundamentalists still are using it that way. But I have not been taught any other way to understand it. So I've been wrestling with developing one of my own.

Should pastors teach their own ideas? Given that the Bible says we are responsible for not only our own sins but also for the sins of those we lead astray, I can understand why many would choose not to do so. But I am trying to teach my people that indeed 'God is still speaking' (the UCC motto.) I'm being open about these being my own ideas, and challenging the congregation to wrestle with me and share their ideas. And I'm praying for (and trusting that we will receive) the guidance of the Holy Spirit. So, with God's help, this could be a good thing.

Into that stew of activities, add that David and I have eye exams in Williston on Monday and David has an appointment with the back doctor in Sidney on Wednesday. And one of my congregants demanded that David and I have lunch with her this week. And the sound consultant is coming for dinner and his presentation next Saturday night. And I need to get computer bids by the Council Meeting next Sunday.

Ah, yes ... it promises to be a busy week. May God help me, and also you.

The last week of the month is always busy for me because I am putting together the newsletter. This month's newsletter is the longest ever -- six pages on both sides, plus the calendar. If anyone reading this would like to start receiving the newsletter, let me know -- we have to mail 200 to get the bulk rate, and we don't really need that many, so we could easily add your name to the list.

Wednesday I had a phone call from the Conference Minister -- read Bishop if that is your tradition -- saying that he and his wife would be vacationing in our end of the state over Labor Day Weekend and would be worshiping with us, so he would be bringing greetings to the congregation while he was here. I made a phone call to the chairperson of Women's Fellowship, and she made some phone calls -- and they switched dates, so that we had our monthly luncheon on the first Sunday and their business meeting on the second Sunday. Thus we were able to be gracious to our guests.

It was not one of my better sermons, and the response phrase in the Prayers of the People was awkward, and there was a sentence in the call to worship that I liked when I put the bulletin together but didn't like Sunday morning, etc. I imagine having the Conference Minister there made me more self-critical. His comment (made with a gentle hug -- he is a touchy-feel-ly person) was that it was nice to see that Plentywood did indeed have a competent leader in place .. he had recommended me without ever seeing me lead worship .. and gentle complements are his style, so I did not hear "faint praise" in that comment.

Although I was somewhat tense on Saturday (probably part of why the sermon did not get finished until 4 AM Sunday morning -- very unusual for me), I was pleased that when Sunday morning arrived, I was calm and working smoothly. That is a thing that amazes me. I am so 'in my element' on Sunday morning. I do not get flustered or shaky, not at all! I cannot say that about any other job I have ever had. This is clearly what God intended for me to be doing.

One beautiful image from the worship service: we have a 97 year old member of the Worship Committee who played a piano duet with our organist during the service! They played "Amazing Grace", and it was truly an amazing experience.

One fun image from the worship service: at ten minutes before the service, I realized that there was wine on the altar but no bread. I went into the kitchen to find one of the deacons cutting luncheon rolls into what had to be the smallest pieces of bread that I've ever seen used in communion. She explained that the person who was supposed to bring the bread (who was out of town) had forgotten to explain to her replacement that she was supposed to do the bread. Clearly she was coping, so I said thanks and went back to greeting people. During the service, I reached for the 1/2 of a dinner roll that was uncut, lifted it so I could "break the bread" in full view of everyone, and quickly shifted it in my hand to insure that the top faced the congregation --- which meant that the butter was facing me. Evidently there were no rolls that had not been made into sandwiches, so she had cut the filling out, which would explain why the pre-cut pieces were so small. So I'm the only one who got butter on their fingers during communion, and she had thoughtfully hidden a napkin on the altar in case that happened. So all went smoothly .. I don't think anyone knew what had happened .. and I have a memory I probably will never forget.

After the service, several of the men commented as we shook hands that they liked the sermon, which puzzles me. This is the start of five weeks in a row where the Epistle reading is from the Book of James. I know almost nothing about The Book of James because at seminary we did not mention him, except to deride him. Luther thought this book should not be preached because it teaches works righteousness. He said everything negative that could be said, stopping just short of saying that it should be removed from the Canon. Having read it last week, I understand. It does seem like a laundry list of Holy Dos and Holy Don'ts. I talked about that 'list' image in the sermon. And I talked about the problems fundamentalists have with becoming as legalistic as the Pharisees -- the Gospel lesson's concern. Then I spoke about the need to balance law and Gospel, and said that in the future weeks we would be looking for both that balance and for a way to understand "obey the commandments" that was not legalistic. For some reason, that appealed to several of the men. This is the first time these men have complemented a sermon -- perhaps for the Conference Minister's hearing, but it didn't feel that way. Maybe this sermon's approach was more concrete (more "solve a problem") than my usual spiritual development mode, and that is the masculine approach to life? The challenge of finding a non-fundamentalist way to teach obedience intrigued the Conference Minister, who mentioned that he should come back in five weeks to see how I resolved the task I had just set for myself. That would support my "problem solving sermons appeal to men" understanding in the previous paragraph.

This congregation is good at throwing parties. The luncheon went very smoothly, just as if we did it every Sunday rather than just one Sunday a month, nine-months a year. I don't think we need sandwiches and bars (or casseroles and bars, which we do in the colder months) every week, but I do wish we had coffee and cookies on the weeks when we don't have the meal. That was discussed at Council last month, and it was decided to ask Women's Fellowship if they would add providing "coffee fellowship" on the fourth Sunday of the month to their schedule. It will be interesting to see if that flies next Sunday.

One beautiful image from the luncheon: One of the men was wearing a lapel pin -- a large safety pin with a dime glued to one end of it. The Conference Minister's wife was puzzled by it, and he explained that it was his "Dime and pin". That's a pun -- say it fast.... She was awed by the exchange.

This congregation is an interesting social-class mix. We really do have both working class people and some well-to-do folk. Even though social class segregation is less distinct and rigid in a small rural town, it is still true that these people don't socialize much during the week. Small sub-groups do ... so far I have recognized the golfers, two groups that eat breakfast out after church (at the same restaurant, but not together!), the Tuesday night for waffles at Randy's Restaurant crowd, and several extended family circles within the congregation. I do wonder if nurturing a sense of the total group will need to be part of turning this church from dying to growing. Two of the women who went to the Annual Meeting wear the red comma pins that we were given there -- the UCC national symbol. I wonder if that would be a good Christmas gift to everyone? Maybe not this year during the process, but next year if I have managed to enhance our sense of one-ness.

The other thing that was part of last week was visiting the shut-in people who got neglected the week before when I was out of town. I do have several who need to be visited regularly, including one who has been in the hospital almost all summer with no end in sight. I asked her husband gently about finances and was amazed to discover that Medicare plus his supplemental program are covering almost all of it -- praise the LORD!!!

These are people who are loosing control of their lives. This fall one couple will be moving from their home into a group home that provides meals and housekeeping, but where they will have their own apartment. Another member has just moved from that residence into the 'supported living' home. And I have two recent widows, both of whom insist they are doing fine, and indeed they do seem to be doing so -- but grieving can be subtle. I do like all of these people very much. They have lived life to the fullest, and cutting back when their bodies/life experiences demand it is not easy for them. But every one of them remains upbeat and courageous about the future. It is an amazing joy to be walking with them at this time in their lives.

All-in-all, last week was a good week. Thank you, Creator Father.

After church a week ago, I had a good council meeting and then hurried to the hospital where a parishioner was dying with his wife at his bedside. Then at 4:30(urged on my way by the wife)I drove for four hours and checked into a motel. That evening she called me to tell me he had died, but insisted that I continue on my trip -- "the family doesn't have to leave until next Saturday, so we'll have the funeral at 2 PM Friday. Will that give you enough time?" I assured her that it certainly would. The next morning I had a long breakfast with the new pastor in that town, and then was picked up by the car pool heading to the Pastor's Retreat in South Dakota. We drove another six hours, picking up an additional pastor on the way, and arrived during the "community building games". The retreat ended at noon on Wednesday, we drove the six hours back together, and then I drove the four hours back to my corner of the state. Thursday I met with the family and talked with the funeral home director, Friday the funeral went off beautifully, Saturday I recovered and practiced my sermon for Sunday, and Sunday I co-led an ecumenical worship service in the park. Sunday night there was a fund raiser for a local college student, and today I've been doing housework and sleeping. That's the overview of where last week went!

FIRST THE COUNCIL MEETING: It lasted two hours, rather than one, and we didn't waste much time. Biggest thing for me was that I asked them to undertake a 12-session, 12-month self-evaluation and they agreed to do so. I got especially strong support from the woman who will be my moderator next year, which really cheered my heart. They also supported my suggestions for Christian Education next year -- two programs, the more difficult one led by the Methodist pastor, while I lead several small groups doing the same "God is still speaking" material sent out by national UCC.

BREAKFAST WITH ANOTHER PASTOR: Although we had met once (or maybe twice), this was our first opportunity to let our hair down together. I really like her. This is her second call, the previous one being in Wisconsin. She's been in Montana for several months, but her partner (after coming for the interview, and then for the installation) stayed in Wisconsin to sell the house and finish her job commitment. Over this two weeks, they is finally moving permanently to Montana. The Minister's Association in that town split over whether to welcome a female pastor with a permanent female partner, and one church member resigned over her call. I anticipated listening to her pain, but was delighted to find that in general the town has been welcoming and accepting. In fact, the problems she perceives are remarkably similar to the ones I find myself facing.

PASTOR'S RETREAT IN SOUTH DAKOTA: We met at a camp in the Black Hills. Beautiful site, all the joys of the mountains including a rippling brook, fishing bridge and foot bridge, many trails, singing birds and whispering winds. Obviously a well-funded site, with large lodge building, separate large chapel, plus many cabins .. the road in is a little scary, but that's supposed to be maintained by the forest service. We had one afternoon off -- many people went sightseeing to the Faces, etc, but I staying in camp. There seemed to be an unspoken agreement among those of us who stayed that it would be a silent time. I napped, walked, and wrote, filled with the peace that can come on retreat.

The subject of the retreat was worship. I had expected some training on UCC format but none ever arrived. Instead, we did many exercises that stimulated our creativity and helped us write our own worship material. Lots of good ideas. A real focus on helping congregation members write worship material. Interestingly, I found myself writing a song ... really a way of responding to the reading of Psalm 126 to celebrate local blessings ... I have thought often lately that I should be writing music for the lectionary, so perhaps this will have been the start of something new and exciting for me.

At the retreat I also faced two of my inner demons ... nothing resolved, I am sure, but I named them once again. One is how poorly I work in teams. I found the "community building games" excruciating, and when we broke into groups, that was also difficult for me. It was helpful to find that I was not the only person having that reaction. Maybe pastors are, by self-selection, often Lone Rangers. Several times the groups I was in assigned tasks among the members, and then split up. The one time we tried to work together, the result was awful. Other groups seemed to do better. Since the groups were randomly assigned and changed each time, I couldn't help wondering if I was part of the problem.

The other recurring demon was my emotional revulsion of singing in church. We got into a sing-along one afternoon, and I was having so much fun that I let my voice do it's thing. Everyone was awed by my voice. They tried to draft me into singing at the evening worship. It took a lot of saying NO!!! before they could hear me. [Ironically, the same thing happened at the ecumenical service -- the moderator of my church 'schemed' with the Methodist minister to get 'the two pastors' to do a duet, and the only way I got out of that was her inability to get the music to me or practice ahead of time.] I have never bit into the "your voice would be an offering to God and a gift to the congregation" bull-s___ that people use when trying to get me to sing to them. I am deeply convinced that my singing would interrupt the flow of worship for many people, and I know it would keep me from worshiping. Clearly, I have got to find a way through this quicksand. Perhaps I could sing before the service, to help people settle into the sanctuary, and then put on my clerical garb to indicate the start of worship. If I do start writing music for the lectionary, that would be a way to share the new music with people who don't read music well and don't have a choir.

It turns out that this August Pastor's Retreat is an annual event, so perhaps I will do this again. 10 hours of driving each way is a lot of time riding in a car, more time than we actually spent in learning sessions, but I did get refreshed.

FUNERAL ON FRIDAY: de ja'vue -- two hours after I left town for Annual Meeting, a member of my congregation died. This time it was four hours after I left town. If someone dies every time I leave town for several days, I'm going to loose my permission to leave town!!!!

As happened at Annual Meeting, I got the theme for the eulogy almost immediately, which helped me be relaxed about the experience. This time it was "it takes a village to raise a child." Bob had grown up in a cluster of houses build amid the wheat and grazing lands of several related couples, and he raise his children there. They have their own cemetery, and at one time had their own grade school. The one risky thing about this theme is the sad truth that there is no one who is going to raise the next generation there ... none of Bob's grandchildren want to live rural. But I stayed well away from that, and no one mentioned (thought?)it.

Planning a funeral starts with the family meeting with the funeral director, where the general flow of things and the music are selected. This funeral director does not ask what Bible they want ... so I met with the family after I got back. I'm hoping to get myself in on the first meeting. I realize that the idea is to give the family what they want, but sometimes they don't see the whole picture. This family had people with a lot of ideas, and we did them all -- two duets by a couple who do all the funerals here, four congregational songs, two psalms, three Bible readings (I put one into my sermon rather than reading it), reading of the whole eulogy (I actually left out 'preceded in death by' and 'leaves behind), and a homily...which I kept to 750 words, in hopes of getting us out of the sanctuary at an acceptable time.

To my joy, the whole thing flowed well and was very well received. My moderator even said it was the best funeral she'd ever been to. The woman who accompanies the dueting couple came up afterward to talk -- she was impressed that I preached the Gospel, which I gather has not been much done in my church in recent years. She was also impressed that I wrote a bulletin, with the Bible verses printed in it. Truth is, I need that structure, and evidently I'm the only person who has ever done that in this town, so it is noticed. But I really think it is good for the people who come -- they take the paper home and maybe re-read the Gospel message several times. I truly believe that the Word is effective on its own, and we surely have lots of people who never darken the doors except at funerals.

After a desert reception at the church, the family followed the hearse to the family cemetery, where I did a short 'grave side" service. I need to do research on those ... there is no UCC book of worship to tell me what is expected, but if my experience at the worship retreat is accurate, my creativity is what is expected. Again I leaned heavily on Biblical quotes and focused on saying a final good-bye. At the previous funeral, also in this family cemetery for this man's brother-in-law, I had them bring over the wheel barrow of dirt and threw some onto the box (he was cremated), and encouraged the family to follow my example. This time the dirt was noticeably absent, and the funeral director had a vial of wheat that he said the family wanted used. That threw me for a curve, but I ad lib-ed ... and when he realized I had no idea why wheat, he muttered "bread of life" which I then took up. He means well, but we do need to learn to communicate before the fact...I hope to have him and his wife to dinner one of these days.

Then we all went to the farm for dinner. Loads of food, all provided by neighbors, just like in the folk culture that I thought was 'urban legend' because I hadn't seen it actually happening here at my previous churches. People took pictures, and more pictures. The horses got visited and watered and fed apples. The kids played tag and shook the apple tree for themselves. The men talked about the state of the harvest. The women puttered in the kitchen. The water supply died, and someone went outside and fixed it. It was like being in a movie about ideal rural life. It was incredible. I am so grateful to have been included. It is surely a way of life that is dying, but for a short, beautiful, peaceful moment, all was well.

Interestingly, only four people from town were there ... my husband and myself, plus the church moderator and her husband. This is the first time I've clearly seen a rural vs town split, but I have suspected it. Rural people don't come in for evening meetings. My moderator for next year mentioned Sunday that she'd never been out north of town. The previous funeral was for the husband of a girl raised in the same 'village', but he was a businessman in town and she had moved into his world -- many fewer family members went to the cemetery following the reception at the church, and there was no family dinner after that. I'm guessing that I'm beginning to see local culture as it really is.

Then I took a deep breath and prepared for the Ecumenical Worship with the Methodists in the park. This has happened in previous years, and it is a little problematical, because the Methodist minister serves three churches, one of which is 45 miles from here. She can't do the services at the other two churches if she is here for the "11 o'clock, followed by a pot luck picnic, service", so they get invited and amazingly they come.

Ecumenical services in the park waltz amid quicksand. We had four labeled coffee cans, so people put their offering into the can for their church, thereby avoiding the "how do we split this money" hassle. We offered both wine and grape juice, since we have people on both sides of that fence. My deacons all went out of town, so we didn't have the alternative of little cups or chalice, but people seemed to cope. My husband baked bread on Saturday, because the deacon who promised to do so forgot, and the pieces that were torn off were big enough so that fingers did not get into the liquid too often. We had a lot of wasps who also drank the grape juice, and one cat who skipped worship but who showed up for lunch.

My biggest problem with this service was working with the Methodist pastor. Don't misunderstand me ... I love her dearly. We meet weekly to study lectionary and/or to blow off steam, and I value that time. But she is always late to everything, and is able to produce only under pressure. Although she had the bulletin two weeks in advance, and my sermon on Thursday, she was unable to pick the music in time for me to print it in the bulletin Saturday night. And she forgot to bring her guitar to the park, so she sent someone to get it without telling me what the problem was, so at five after I had to start 'talking randomly' to pacify my compulsive "start on time!" people. Later, when I apologized for starting without her, she said, "Oh, that was fine," and I think she meant it.

But people loved the result. So I guess none of that matters. I am grateful to the member of my congregation who set up his personal outdoor mic system, and to the woman who will be my moderator next year for a beautiful job reading the Bible verses, and to my current moderator for being the usher who passed out the bulletins when people came and the music when it came later. By the end of it all, my feet ached and I needed a nap, but it was a good day and we will do it again next year.

FUND RAISER CONCERT: Sore feet or not, that evening I had one more gathering to attend. There is a college student from this county who is a serious musician and a linguist. He goes to Minot State and will be doing his junior year at a university in Austria. Obviously, that is expensive, so he gave a concert with a free-will offering. He sings, plays piano, and plays violin. The first half was classical, and I think that was all he intended to do until his uncle told him otherwise. So the second half was 'fiddle music'. He was backed up by a guitar player that he did not need, but who had provided the music on Thursday evening. I overheard a conversation at the funeral. The guitar player was awed at his sight-reading skills. Knowing that, I was impressed by his playing. I can understand why he didn't get accepted at Julliard .. he is relaxed rather than polished and professional .. but he is certainly a gifted young man. My people are right to be proud of him.

So that was the week that went by like a fire-engine. Although I have to write the newsletter next week, and have some home visits to make up, and of course a service to plan, I expect next week to be much calmer.

God's blessings on all you who read your way through all of this.

I try to keep Monday as my Sabbath day. This morning I slept in until almost 10 AM, played spider solitaire on the computer, and then let my husband take me out to brunch.

Outside, the yards are aflutter with small white butterflies that pause occasionally to sip at the clover flowers but then proceed in a southeasterly direction. I don't think that butterflies migrate, but something seems to be drawing all of them that way. Not the wind, as it is dead-calm today. Perhaps odors outside my smell-range that are coming from the fair grounds?

Also, this morning a congregation member, who grew up on a farm and annually turns her in-town yard into the miniaturized copy, brought me a box of picked-this-morning veggies. This is the second time we've profited from her labors.

And the weather has cooled off, so it is pleasant today.

All of which are reasons that I should feel calm and satisfied with my life. But I don't today. It seems to me that I am bored and lonely on my day off. My life is full and mostly fun during my workweek. I have things to do and people to talk with. But evenings and Mondays continue to remind me that something is amiss.

I realize that I need to get my project room set up. That would open up opportunities for me to do quilting and jewelry making. This would both give me something to do with my hands (besides cook and eat -- which I need to cut down on, as I am slowly but steadily gaining weight here.) And come September, there probably is a group of people for each of those interests -- project clubs abound in rural America.

But I have known this for a couple of months, and somehow I don't seem to be getting the room together. And I can't seem to figure out why.