for all the worst people to fall for. how fucking great is that. whaaa. im not gonna get my hopes up this time. but i really want to. i know that this time i should look it over and ignor eveything i feel and all the signs im seeing. and its only been six days. and hes my boss. but hes oh so cute and funny. and i know the longer im around him i know its ognna be so much more than a crush. he is what excites me when i go to work. ill come in as early as he wants me to and stay as late as he wants me to just because i want to impress him. i want to work extra hard juss to impress him. juss so i can he him say that i did a good job. i mean it feels good to hear someone else say i did good but it feels great juss to hear him say it. and i feel stupid for having a crush on my boss.
i think im drepressed. i just tured 18 and i had the worsr birthday anyone could ever have. i didnt even get to see fire works on the 4th of july. the one person i can talk to about anything isnt even in this state. my fucking family is moving to tennesee so pretty much im going there too. i cant drive because my mom doesnt let me. i have so mch to greatful for and thankful for and i am, dont get me wrong. but all i wanna do is cry. over nothing. i have nothing to cry about. im a spoiled ass white girl. im sure there are a lot of people who wish they have what i have.
i havethe hangover shits. pretty much had em all day long. not fun at all. i think ima shit my pants and i run to the bathoom to find out its only a little turd or a fart. gay. at least i can shit and be on the comeputer at the same time.
i hate JMK so much. shes one of the fakest people i know. she only uses people for what she wants. i hate the fact that shes useing one of the nicest people i know just for weed. i feel sorry for the poor girl because she so desportly wants friends. i hate JMK. i hate how i brought her into MY group of friend and how shes so jealous of me she trys to take them away from for her selfish reason. i hate how she talks so much shit about me when she can even get her own stroies staright. i hate how i try to do something good for myself and she always finds some way to pry herself back into my life and messes everything up again. i hate her so much. i can belive that i once wanted to be like her, that i used to look up to her so much. she used to be my bestfriend and i used to be in love with her. ive done so much for her . i hope she moves to fakeside where she belongs. shes so fucking fake.
things are all right. i want to get drunk right now and i think im going to. i had a date today i was blown off like always, its ok tho. the last two days were good i guess , i just got way too high.
i just wanna pop a lot of e and smoke a lot of weed and drink a lot of booze when i grow up i wanna make money by doing nothing and taking off all my clothes when i grow up i want every little boy to jack off to my naked pictures and wish i was a whore when i grow up i want to be famous and be the next big thing and hear everyone scream my name
but i think books are my only real friends now a days. pretty much that i all i do it read unless im wasting my time on myspace. i love to read, its my most favorite thing in the world to do other than making pointless things. i have too much time on my hands. well at least im not getting myself into trouble. go me. im a nerd, i know it, but im glad im not out there doing what a lot of kids are. even when i was, i wasnt so bad. dont get me wrong i like to smoke and drink and have sex come on, who doesnt? but im not out there drinking to the point where i dont remember and end up having a whole bunch of sex because im drunk. i dont care what anyone has to say about me or what anyone has heard about me because im willing to bet anything if its bad its probly not true. i know whats happened in my life and if anyone ask me anything i wont lie about it, theres no point. im a good person. im not trying to lock myself in my house like some crazy person reading one million books a day, it just seems thats all there is to do. everyone i know flakes out on me and thats ok. least i got my back up plan
im gonna move from cali. ture story. tony bologna and i are gonna throw a fatty graduation/kayla is moving away party. its gonna be tight. im moving to ohio because its for lovers haha!
its been like 3 years since ive used this thing. im surpirzied they dont delet you if you havent used it in so long. im done saying sorry to everyone. it pointless, if you don like me for me than thats your problem not mine. im done feeling sorry for myself, but im just gonna keep letting it happen. ive been so used and i know im probly gonna keep letting it happen. i ned to be sheltered and i know it. im a baby. i need to get over myself. im not all that im craked up to be and i know it. ive become a very mean person and i know it. i guess im bitter but i try to hide it. im just pretty much over everyone! fuck it all. im sick of being used by my so called friends who are only there for me when they need something from me. im sick of how boys trick me, convince me they like and soon find out there were only after sex. im sick of fake people. im just sick of it all. i miss so much of what i had. i lost so much in the last 5 months and ive tryed so much to bring myself something new. but everything seemed to blow up in my face. how come some people are given happiness and others arnt? how im not the beauty queen that i always wished to be? how come people who love each other wake up and dont love each other any more? how come things have to change?
