After working on the Dermatillomania (compulsive skin picking) documentary for over a year and a half, the trailer is out! Please share this in other online communities you are involved in, and to anyone. I want this video to go viral for the people who need to see it. Thank you!
Emmy award winning company Pie Town Productions is currently in the final stages of casting for a documentary about individuals diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder. We are committed to bringing more awareness and understanding to this often misunderstood disorder.
We’re looking to interview BDD sufferers willing to share their story with us for this taping.
Financial compensation is available to those who participate in our project.
If you would like more information about our company, feel free to visit our website at www.pietown.tv
The first TV interview about Dermatillomania can now be seen on YouTube:
Angela Hartlin's memoir, FOREVER MARKED: A Dermatillomania Diary has finally been released! Please join her Facebook Fan page to spread word about this skin picking disorder along with her experiences with it.
People with this disorder have traits of Body Dysmorphic Disorder and usually suffer from depression. It is an Impulse Control Disorder that is fueled by high levels of anxiety. The correct DSM diagnosis for Dermatillomania is "Trichotillomania". The first few pages can be previewed at the Lulu.com site, which includes a better definition of Dermatillomania.
Please e-mail forever.markedATyahoo.ca if you want to purchase from Angela directly; she offers a lower shipping price than Lulu.com does. Include the country that you live in and she can send you a quote. She ships the day she gets a payment (or the day after), then sends an e-mail to confirm that it was sent.
I'm copying this post from the other bdd group... hope no one minds :(
Hi guys,
I'm new here... been suffering from BDD since I was about 17 or 18... It came on slowly but steadily I guess now it is unbearable (I'm 23 now).
I can honestly say that I think about my looks and how disgusting I am, how I can improve my looks etc 90% of the day. I feel like I can't get a clear picture of what I look like... I stare at myself in the mirror for ages trying to see myself but its all kind of a disgusting blur... I Have to constantly analyse photos of myself trying to figure out what I look like and what I need to work on and fix...
my features change constantly... my hair changes colour daily, my jaw gets wider, my nose changes shape, my face shape changes... I just can't seem to get a realistic picture of what I actually look like.. sometimes I feel so ugly I can't physically leave the house, a few times I have been out at uni or somewhere and have seen my rflection in a mirror and just broken down in tears and had to come home.
I have been in a relationship for 2 1/2 years and have never met any of my bfs friends because I am sooo terified they will think I am ugly and make a comment to my bf about how he could do better or something.
The only thing that really makes me feel better is planning what I can do to fix all my flaws... I have a "to do list " of plastic surgery that I need and the only rhing stopping me is lack of money.
(Copied and pasted from my journal, this is my first post here, let me know if I've done anything wrong. Just need to vent 'cause 2.37am isn't the best time to be scritching in bed.)
Sorry, advanced warning, this is all going to sound really conceited. I've tried to count my blessings and I know I could be much worse off, but obviously I'm mentally fucked so can't get past that.
FFFFUUUUUUU I can't sleep I feel so shit. I thought this would help but I've been dickish tonight and looked at pics of my bf's ex on facebook, who is the most perfect fucking specimen on the planet (although apparently a total bitch. WTF life is so unfair).
Anyway I'm fucking fed up, thinking of all the things I can't do. I mean I LITERALLY can't. And never will be able to unless I get the money for ~amazing surgery or a miracle happens. There's no way I can ever be happy with what I've got because I KNOW it's less than perfect. And I know that 95% of the rest of the earth are not ~perfect but still fucking hell, I don't want to be like everyone else. Argh. I sound so so awful. - I can't wear shorts in the summer, even when it's sweltering. It's full length jeans or tights. I can't wear 3/4 lengths because a. they make me look short and fat and b. they're ugly, end of. - I can't go on the beach, I can't go in the sea, I can't wear a bikini. I think this is the reason I never managed to swim. - I can't go camping. Reading is going to be hell if I don't get better. - I have to get up at least an hour and 30 mins before leaving the house. Even in year 11 I was getting up at 6 to straighten my hair. I've actually RUINED it over the years, when I was at school I used to lag it with hairspray and then straighten over that, so I'd look like a crow landed on my head. When it was blonde I'd bleach it practically nightly because I still wasn't happy. - I can't even wear my hair up ffs. I'm constantly playing with my hair, tugging at my fringe trying to cover my forehead. I must look like a right misfit to everyone else. - I can't show my back or shoulders. WHY? I DON'T EVEN KNOW. There's nothing 'wrong' with them. They're just wide.. and.. exposed?! Wat. - I can't have photos taken with my friends, because I look consistently shit in every one. I'm too busy worrying about the angle my face is at, whether my nose looks big. I can't SMILE cause I hate my teeth so much and my eyes disappear. - My accessories have to match. I can't mix metals. No coloured eyeshadow. No black with black. I can't wear trainers. No sandals either. I can't wear strapless tops. No bright colours other than pink or purple. Nothing backless obv. Nothing with shoulder detail. No skirts below the knee. Skirts above the knee only with 100+ denier opaques. I should start my own misogynist religion. - I'm agoraphobic, I spaz out walking through my city center. I can't stand to be looked at incase people notice my flaws, or they go, WOAH look at that girl's trashy extensions, the amount of makeup she wears. And I can't stand NOT being looked at because then I feel even shitter, like I'm not worth even a glance, all my efforts are for nothing. I've been called a butterface in public before. - Whenever people don't like me, or show indifference, I blame it on how I look. I can't talk to people, I'm too anxious of what they think of me. Every break up is because I'm not good enough looks wise (don't worry I don't tell my boyfriends any of this). I like my personality, I'm funny, smart, interested in a million different things, decent taste, just my bodies holding me back.
UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH FUUUUUUUUCK THIS IS KILLING ME. I thought I was getting better. It took me an hour to get dressed today because I felt like shit in every item of clothing I tried. I'm not fat, I'm below average, and still I manage to look like absolute toss. I'm an 8 in jeans and yet I feel like a 22. It's not the media, I couldn't give a shit about ads, models and celebs with their coke habits and wheatgrass shots, I compare myself to real girls walking past with arses smelling of roses.
And now I'm having a fit on the phone, which is going to do wonders for my love life. Also having dangerous thoughts for the first time in ages. Just realising the permanence of how I look, how I doubt I'll never be able to afford a nose job, boob job, laser surgery.. my hair won't grow of it's own accord. Not in a nice way anyway. This is it and I can't keep dealing with myself looking like this. I think if I tell my bf about my BDD it'll scare him off.
Sorry again, all really embarrassing. Need to get myself a burqa and stop giving a shit. Live in a mirrorless land and be ~free~. Haha.
"Dermatillomania (also known as compulsive skin picking or CSP) is an impulse control disorder and form of self-injury characterized by the repeated urge to pick at one's own skin, often to the extent that damage is caused. Dermatillomania may be related to body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)." -Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dermatillomania
Sufferers of dermatillomania find skin picking to be stress relieving or gratifying, though it can still be as physically painful as it would be for a non-skin picker.
I have written a memoir about my struggle with compulsive skin picking. It includes a day-to-day struggle with this disorder along with the depression I faced as I documented it regularly for a year and a half. I decided to publish this because I know I'm not the only one and it would have helped me to have read about someone else's struggle with this disorder. I want to help others who struggle and let them know that they aren't alone. I want you to know that you aren't alone and I want you to know that you aren't the only one suffering the shame, guilt, loss of control, and hopelessness from Dermatillomania.
September is when it will be out for purchase. If you are interested in possibly buying a copy, please e-mail me at forever.marked@yahoo.ca so I can put you on a mailing list. I will send out updates about the progress of the publishing throughout the summer. It's about time that someone speak out and hopefully in time, this disorder will be as openly discussed as other life- challenging disorders.
I expect a deficit from printing costs, but my goal is to help someone. To make sure that even one person reads this book and can say, "Finally, someone else gets it all". Helping someone to avoid the loneliness I felt through all of the years that I thought I was the only one is worth a financial plunge.
Take care, and I hope you find strength to get through this any way you can.
sometimes, i feel like if i was prettier, everything would fall into place.. my friends would want to go out with me more, instead of feeling embarassed to. the man i've been so in love with will fall in love with me... my job will run so much more smoothly, for the anxiety over my looks will be lifted and i can focus more on my duties.. i will be able to get more sleep, for i won't have to wake up every morning obsessivley looking over my flaws in the mirror. i will just be... happy.
warning: you are about to read a extremely shallow ramble. i am an insecure, looks-obsessed 24-year-old girl.
so i've been friends with this guy, J., for about 6 months and we started "dating" about two months ago. last month, he made a comment that i cannot get out of my mind. it wasn't even about me! we were playing blackjack at las vegas and started chatting to a guy sitting next to us. he was really nice and friendly. later, his girlfriend showed up, and she was very pretty. she was thin and had a nice body. her face was ok. when the couple got up, J. asked "do you think that girl is attractive?' i said "yeah, she's definately attractive, but she's not super hot. i've seen hotter. do you think she's attractive?" he said "psh yeah..." in a "duh, obviously" manner.
being insecure as i am of course i got jealous... even though i don't think that girl is the hottest girl i've seen. she was just pretty and has a nice body. i took note of her being pretty because her boyfriend wasn't very attractive. she's way hotter than me though, that's for sure.
later, when we got out to car, J. mentioned again, " damn that guys girlfriend is really attractive." i'm just like "uh ok..." and i cotinued to say that she's "definately attractive" but not as hot as a lot of other girls i know, which is truly how i feel. i wasn't saying that out of jealousy. either way, it bothered me that J. took note of how attractive that girl was and kept bringing it up. i don't know if that's insensitive. he doesn't know how insecure i am, and i seem very open to talk about things like other girls' attractiveness because i project a false ,confident image. later on that night, i asked him, "so is that girl like your dream girl, cause you keep bringing up how attractive she is." and he said "noooo, come on."
this happened a freaking month ago and i still can't get over it. i'm still feeling resentful towards J. about that incident. i feel like he doesn't really like me and i'm not attractive enough for him. J. is decent looking, and maybe he can do better than me looks-wise, but i feel like he's not 100% satisfied with the way i look. on top of that, i'm asian, and he's told me that he'd never been attractive to asian girls in the past. i'm the first one asian girl he has dated and have "found attractive." it makes me uncomfortable to date someone if i'm not his 'ideal" girl. i want to be with a guy who would pick me out of a crowd, and not just date me because he just so happened to have met me.
i don't know what the hell is wrong with me, and i don't think i can talk to J about it. he's kind of immature and wouldn't understand. i want to start making comments to him about other guys now, out of resentment. and i want to get plastic surgery so i can be hotter so that i'd get more attention from guys. i have this feeling of inadequacy that i can't ever seem to get rid of.
if you read this, thank you for listening to me ramble. i just needed to get this off my chest.
i know its messed up, but i dont want help, because i will be forced to bring myself up to a healthier weight.. i am deathly afraid of that. even thinking about it makes me feel awful. i feel guilty whenever i eat and like a failure for not being able to stop eating altogether. i keep reading that part of getting help for BDD includes cognitive behavior therapy, one exercise being you are not allowed to look in any mirrors for a certan amount of time. i would never be able to do that. i'd breakdown within two hours.
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