.:.this is what living like this does.:.

i got a new LJ username its:

blackNINstAr

so ya check it out i wont be writing in here anymore but i still love you all... alot of crazy stuffs been going on so ya i will update soon! anyhow i must go... goodnight my lufflay friends! -drizz* :D

School was ok. Not friends with bedard anymore, whatever. I couldnt go to DJs party cuz mom wanted me home that night. Jill came over we ate pizza, hung out, n headed off for the game. Jill told her rents she was "sleeping over" my house haha. Friday was Djalmas last day of school :( but he will still be in town untill valentines day. So i couldnt go to his party. I didnt feel like going home right after the game so i hung out with nate, darren and heather. Kristen n Jill walked with me to berded hill market. I took off with those guys, and we went to darrens. Nate n darren jamed, we went to blood forest. I got a lil sketched out but it was fun. A million people kept calling my cell phone; got annoying after a lil bit. We left blood forest after 10. Then i went home. Overall a fun night. I was suposta work today but i guess gretchen had nothing precooked and stuff... paula was pissed so she told me to go home; Jamie was suposta visit me at work too. Im ticked about that, i figure just to keep my job there till something comes along... with better or same pay and then i will leave and move on. im tired so im gunna go take a nap. goodnight
im thinking of getting a new LJ user name; any ideas?

im in school, graphic arts and i feel so sick at this point. i havent updated in a few days so ya i figured HEY ITS TIME. i joined drama club and internationsal a few days ago. Fieldhockeys almost over. Anyways, lunch is soon and i get to see kristen and alyssa, so thats radd. moms letting me go to see THE USED on november 9th @ the palladium. Im going with Katrina :) my moms pissed because she is driving me, and she drove me, dj, bahosh, and devin to loco. So she flipped she says i cant go to anymore shows untill the good weather. But ill have my license in february so i can drive myself. Anyways everything is good. i talked to kevin lastnight... i've missed him as a friend hes been really bizzy and so have I. Homecoming kicked as, DJ was my date... hes moving back to brasil forever on february 14th, valentines day :( but other then that everything is ok. Tomarrows my graphic arts double so im pumped, and i have double computer arts later today so that isnt as bad as math. Anyways i gotta go comment in come communities and then tis lunch time. Adios goober -drizz*

SPINNY I'll LUFF YOU FOR LIFE DARLING :)

LivinDeadChik11: sergey
LivinDeadChik11: hes from russia lol
fightwithmArkers: niice
LivinDeadChik11: :-)
fightwithmArkers: awww ur so happy
fightwithmArkers: im so happy for u my lufflay one
LivinDeadChik11: yay!
LivinDeadChik11: im so glad
fightwithmArkers: i figured u would eventually like him
LivinDeadChik11: he only talks about getting drunk but most of the time music
fightwithmArkers: i read how u have a equal burning passion for nirvana
fightwithmArkers: so i figured ya u would like him mucho eventually
LivinDeadChik11: :-) :-)
LivinDeadChik11: yay
LivinDeadChik11: drizz i fucking LOVE you
fightwithmArkers: dido, i love u too spinny
LivinDeadChik11: :-)
LivinDeadChik11: <-- dances
fightwithmArkers: dude im finally over kevin, my ex-boyfriend
fightwithmArkers: FINALLY
LivinDeadChik11: yay!
LivinDeadChik11: im finally over dave!
fightwithmArkers: WOOT
fightwithmArkers: ::dances with u::
LivinDeadChik11: yay!

I've decided what I want to do with the rest of my life. I am going to finish high school, go to college, and become a journalist. I will also bartend through college. I want to write for Rolling Stone Magazine or Alternative Press. My dad frowns apon it, he says that i have to kiss up to get into the buisness. But he also frowns apon everything else i want to do in a serious manner. When i told him i wanted to be a pharmacist he told me I was'nt educated enough. Basically him saying hey your dumb; yet only in nicer terms.

My day was good, school i passed out in 1st period. KAtie MAc, Irene, and I walked to Burded Hill Market before are 3:45 game, as Jeralen watched are stuff. We hung out in the halls then changed for are fieldhockey game. The game was in Merdock, its about a hour drive there. We ended up not playing because the field was considered dangerous. I got dressed up in all my goalie gear and then they decided it was too dangerous to play on. We will have to make up the game, D says we will play at home. Friday is a possibility. I joined the all school play. Im thinking of joining the international club if it isnt too late; katie mac kinda convinced me:) i luff her.

Anyways things are doing alright, friday is the rave in hartford with djalma :) im excited for it, yet spinny, autumn, and kevin i am not sure if they can go or not. Kevin can't he already has plans. I will take pix @ the party and @ homecoming, post them on webshots. Saturday morning i am going to breakfast with Jill before she goes to work, then im coming home, later that night is homecoming DJ is my date (we are going as friends) haha i got him a white flower w/ pink trim on it to match my dress HAHA it'll look rad. Sunday i will be working in the A.M. So overall a awesome yet packed weekend :D WOOT

im trying to find something to do for a new livejournal layout, any advice, ideas, tips, yatta- yatta please tell me. thanx -drizz*

I got a burned copy of the used's new CD from sarge, jess s. (my tennis beast haha) if you see this thanks darling by the way i luff u. anyway ya im listening to it now and all i can think of guess who, 90% of the CD somehow relates to ___ guess haha? LET IT BLEED,  I caught fire, all that i've got, yesterdays feelings...the most though. i hate this... i love the CD but all i can do is think about that one person. i need to 100% get over it all but its so hard i miss him in so many ways. :(

"All That I've Got"
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me
Off guard, red handed
Now I'm far from lonely
Asleep I still see you lying next to me
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I..

I need something else
Would someone please just give me
Hit me, knock me out
And let me go back to sleep
I can laugh
All I want inside I still am empty
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I...

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I guess, I remember every glance you shot me
Un-harmed, I'm losing weight and some body heat
I squoze so hard
I stopped your heart from beating
So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me, I..

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

And it's all that I've got
Yeah, it's all that I've got
It's all that I've got
It's all that I've got
It's all that I've got!

So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me
So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

And it's all that I've got
Yeah, it's all that I've got
"Let It Bleed"
This poison's my intoxication
broke the needle off in my skin
picked the scabs and picked the bleeding
and assumed that it was all in vain
A positive scab that's never healing
Calloused hit me in the face
A burning bridge that's so misleading
Poison's more potent now with the flame

Let it bleed
Take the red for what it's worth woah
Watch the fire
Fill your lungs with smoke for the last time
If you feel like dying you might wanna sing

The fire department couldn't drown the city
They didn't even try to wash it clean
And what did you think that I was sober?
Put me out cause I'm on fucking fire
A positive scab that's never healing
Regret that I kept this clean
The most that I can do for you is keep on lying
It's not a lie if you can let it sing

Let it bleed
Take the red for what it's worth woah
Watch the fire
Fill your lungs with smoke for the last time
If you feel like dying you might wanna sing!

Ohoh you might wanna sing
Ahaha you might wanna sing
Hahah you might wanna sing
Hahahaha sing!
You might wanna sing!
You might wanna sing!
You might wanna sing or scream at...

This poison's my intoxication
broke the needle off in my skin
Picked the scabs and picked the bleeding
yeah assumed that it was all in vain

Let it bleed
Take the red for what it's worth, woah
Watch the fire
Mamma fill your lungs with smoke for the last time
If you feel like dying
If you feel like dying
If you feel like dying, You might wanna sing
Hahaha You might wanna sing
Haha You might wanna sing
Ha you might wanna sing or scream at...

Take the quiz: "How emo are you?"

Holy Shit Your Emo
Holy shit you actually are emo! Congratulations on not being a poser.
Take the quiz: "What that 70s show character are you?"

Donna
You are donna.
Take the quiz: "Which drug is best for you?"

Pot
You would do geed with a nice joint now and then
Take the quiz: "Your Drug Personality..."

Party Drugs ((X,Coke, Meth, Dextro))
Party party party party, You are prolly one crazy fuckerrrr. Ha thats cool tho, you are living your life like you want. Having fun, being crazy... and thats cool, when you die youll be one of the few that can say, and mean it, that you actually had a good time while alive. Maybe you've made some mistakes, but thats fine thats what life is about... you make mistakes and you learn from them... SO KEEP PARTYING AND LIVING IT UP
Take the quiz: "What kind of person were you in your past life?"

Suicidal Rocker
So your career...yeah that's a shame

progress report was awesome... ive been hanging w/ my friends non stop me n kevin are over i miss him so much. distance and no chemestry seperated us. yet when we were together i was the happyest i ever was in my entire life. i miss him. hopefully we will stay friends. (more to update later)

@ this point in life i could care less about ____  ive fully learned about how much of a asshole he is. i forgot a paper @ school and he says "just do it later and work on something else". jesus christ sorry i interupted you from watching nascar you douchbag. i need the notes & instructions to do the entire paper yet he wants to be an ass. So after a hour we drove to the school, it takes 3 min. to get there yet i had to wait for him to eat his pistachio nuts and drink water and for him to finish watching the cars go around a few more laps. He bitched at me the entire way there and i just took it all in saying nothing like usual. we get there and he enters in the exit way and he starts bitching saying shit like "see no cars" even there were around 8 near the library. he kept bitching and i got outta the fucking car slamed the door and banged on the school doors and rang the bell as he swears out the car window  the lights were on yet he bitches and says it is pointless on a sunday. WELL SCREW YOU i just wanted to say but ya if you know me good enough i wouldnt say that because ya... anyways i got in the car emptyhanded and he just says "i brought you here to prove a point, why dont you just do the paper over" (obviousley he didnt understand that i cant do it w/o the notes and INSTRUCTIONS)"they are never open on a sunday noone is ever there" yatta yatta yatta. he finally stoped bitching and put the radio back on and we didnt speak to eachother. my body started to feel like shit all i wanted to do was cry but i didnt because i cant cry infront of him it shows im weak when it comes to bitching w/ him. we just got home i got outta the car picked up the vacume hose and brought it upstairs now i am writing in here. i mean i vaced the downstairs im doing my homework, im gunna unload the dishwasher, i folded his clean clothes, im also washing mine @ the moment. i mean i understand he has no pacients but what the hell did i do to deserve this. im so sick of all this shit and i just need a break. this is one of the reasons i never wanna be around and why i go out alot. yet when i do come back he bitches how he never sees me. 

heres my day: school , fieldhockey, home, shower, homework, eat dinner, homework, bed.

im sorry u go to bed early and u never see me its not like im dealing drugs in a dark corner errrrrrrrrrrr go to hell ___. 

sunday was locobazooka, it was awesome. i went with DJ, Devin & Josh Bahosh. We got there @8, Diekotic was giving shirts out so i hadta FREE THE NPs for a t-shirt haha devin was pumped that i actually flash people to get stuff. I went into the diekotic pit first, this lil chick was stronger then i thought but ya it was fun. Kittie was insane i love them, moshes broke out everywhere i was. Crossfade was alright live, i crowdsurfed when they were on. Saliva kicked ass. I saw kevin, jeff, kyle, branden, andy, jay, mark, eric & troy. i bumbed into troy when i lost Dj and then i lost devin in the crossfade crowd. me and kevin hung out while DJ serched for bahosh and devin and crowdsurfed. then jeff and all his friends came around. we got alotta free shit sampler CDs, stickers, some t-shirts. it was so fun, we left at 6.

school, fieldhockey, and so on.

lastnight- tuesday i went to foresters for a few mins to talk to her, me maia and jill hung out then maia left. we bombed around town and went to friendlys and the searstown mall to get maia socks haha. it was a good time. jill and i stoped by the old CES to go on the wet swingset, we went on the BLUNT RIDE TRAIL haha the roads we ride on to smoke. i went home @1030 and passed out.

today i worked, got out at 2; we had no school it was one of those teacher day thingys i think. i thought my game was at 430 but it wasnt it was booked as a after school game insteada a night game so ya i only got to spend 5mins w/ kevin. but it was worth it i got to see him. we lost 0-5 vs gansit errr. anyhoo ya tomarrow i got a medical educational fieldtrip to the worcester centrum since i am interested in the healthcare field after highschool. mabell, abigail, henrietta and others are going also so it should be a good time and we are going to McDonalds for lunch, i also miss the entire school day YAY!

well i must go finish talking to luke and other... oh ya the used will be @ the palladium in november, along w/ yellowcard yet not the same night woot woot i must go to both shows...