den_down_unda, posts by tag: humor - LiveJournal

Rescued from years-old comments, I present...

The Rings poem in LOLCat:

FREE RINGZ CAN HAs ELVEN KINGSES UNDER SKY
SEVN CAN HAs DWARF LORDZ IN HALLZ OF STONE
NINE CAN HAs MORTUL MANZ WHO IZ GONNA DIE
1 4 DARK LORD WHO CAN HAs DARK TROWN
IN HIS PLACE MORDOR WERE SHADOWZ IS.
1 RING 2 RULEZ ALL, 1 RING 2 FINDZ DEM,
1 RING 2 BRINGZ ALL, AND IN DARKNES BINDZ DEM
IN HIS PLACE MORDOR WERE SHADOWZ IS.

It wold be one of the following:
( Collapse )
Probably Bob Johnson.

Sorry about yesterday. I didn't post, mostly because I was too busy reading Sauron's blog. Who knew the Lord of the Rings had so much to say? He starts blogging in the Timeless Halls of Eru before creation and has currently reached the middle of the Second Age, after he wrought the One. He's currently planning the War of Elves and Sauron.

Admittedly, some of the humor is... unpleasant at best. For one thing, Sauron is a raging misogynist (due to a failed relationship with Melian during and after the Ainulindalë), but then he is an Anthropomorphic Personification of Evil whose decorating style leans heavily toward lava. He also leans heavily on vulgarity (Manwë, chief of the Valar, for example, is Manwë the Dickless Prick) and similes he doesn't understand—like saying he wouldn't trust the Valar to run a Ford Dealership, whatever that is. But if you like that sort of stuff, it's a hoot and a half, as is Sauron's twitter feed.

Today's adventures included a very pleasant lunch with pantsie and gee_tar. As always, the company was convivial and the conversation was charming. (And I used too much alliteration in that last sentence.) Lunch also offered a learning moment—after all, any moment can be a learning moment. Apparently, if you're dating a girl who can't stop talking about how much she is into the ideas of this guy she reads online, and the guy turns out to be the Unabomber, it's probably a good idea not to date her anymore.

Actually, in retrospect, it wasn't really a learning moment, since anyone with more than four brain cells and without their own remote cabin for composing manifestos should probably be able to figure that out on their own.

I want to go back to writing long posts about whatever I'm thinking about, but I've grown fat and lazy in the last couple of years. Instead, I'll share this amusing tidbit someone left as a Facebook comment.

"Cheese. It's chocolate for guys."

So I went looking for something in my archive but I couldn't find it. I found this instead:

Nemo mos umquam diligo mihi quantus ego diligo mihi (No one will ever love me as much as I love myself) should be the Malfoy family motto.

It makes me laugh. Any other ideas?

Just an idle thought. The next time someone tells you they're "living the dream," ask 'em if they ever read Voyage of the Dawn Treader.

Lot of stuff I want to write about that I'll probably never get to, but in the meantime, via Scalzi, here's the best election result ever:



I only wish I could have voted in that election.

The lovely and talented duskydawn tagged me to answer an a meme, but in character. I figured I might get in trouble if I answered as John McCain, so I'm going with generic crotchety old guy. Hope you all enjoy.

1. What are your nicknames? Mac, Big Mac, Blackie

2. What do you do before bedtime? Watch the sun set

3. Who is the person you can count on the most? Myself. Can't trust anyone else, the bastards.

4. What is your favorite scent? I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

5. If you had a million dollars that you could only spend on yourself, what would you do with it? Not a hell of a lot. A million doesn't go as far as it used to when I was young.

6. What one place have you visited that you can't forget and want to go back to? There's a place I can't forget, but I don't want to go back there. And I don't want to talk about it. But I will anyway.

7. Do you trust easily? Fuck no. I fake it sometimes.

8. Do you generally think before you act, or act before you think? I act before I think. Thinking is for wusses.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days? Rotten kids don't listen to me. They're all plugged into the their Instant Music Pods and iMessenger. When I was a kid, we had radio and liked it.

10. Do you have a good body-image? Body image? What the fuck is this touchy feely shit?

11. What is your favorite fruit? It ain't Barney Frank, I can tell you that.

12. What websites do you visit daily? Websites? What the fuck is websites? Is that like on the internet or something. I'll do a google and get back to you.

13. What have you been seriously addicted to lately? Talking. I do a lot of talking.

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is? A left-wing commie pinko simp.

15. What’s the last song that got stuck in your head? The last thing that got stuck in my head was a metal plate. Some of us had it rough when we were young.

16. What’s your favorite item of clothing? A suit's a suit, pal.

17. Do you think Rice Krispies are yummy? What kind of nitwit question is that? And who the hell eats Rice Krispies anyway? Are you all a bunch of goddamn four-year-olds?

18. What would you do if you see saw $100 lying on the ground? Back in the good old days, I'd take it to the whorehouse and have myself a damn good night. Now you can't get much for a hundred bucks.

19. What items could you not go without during the day? Pepto, Metamucil, Geritol, and if I'm feelin' lucky, Viagra.

20. What should you be doing right now? Working on my will. I'm an old man, dammit!

I'm also supposed to tag a bunch of people, but I don't remember how many. So I'll tag jeditigger, ladybird97, yaz327, diadem8, ianrandalstrock, and sciwitch.

While I come up with someone else to call an asshat (or even *gasp* do my job), check this out: Best. LOLcat. Evar.

Also, I'm listening to the best song ever about Curt Flood. He's not quite Jackie Robinson, but the list of professional athletes who gave up their career for a principle is a short one, and Curt Flood's name is right at the top of the list.