[Sometime in the first week of January, the video feed boots up with Lance standing outside The Bird Cage Salon with a little smirk on his face that promises he's about to say something either very hilarious, stupid, unintentionally groundbreaking or all of the above. He's holding his fluid out with one hand and his other is balanced on his hip in an almost authoritative manner.]

Attention citizens of Deerington! I, Lance, your resident handsome sharpshooter managed to nab a part-time job as a junior stylist at the Bird Cage Salon!

[He gestures behind himself and adjusts the camera to show off said salon and the pictures of offered styles in the window, in a rather familiar way.]

Look at all these styles! They got pompadours, beehives, you name it! But if you're looking for something way cooler than what the Betties like to slap on your head, this guy can totally take care of it for you. I just have one rule.

[And with that, he holds up a picture to cover the whole screen:
]

No mullets!