[Death by violent head trauma leads to a death toll of migraines. But it's mostly over now, and it's been a rough few weeks, and now Cissie has Things To Say and the brains and focus to say them.]

If there's one thing the Death Toll is good for, it's that you get more than enough time to think. In over a year and a half, this is the third time I've been through that, and it sucks every time. But the alternative is clearly worse. The first time was during an attack on the dining hall. A lot of us died, and it was fast. The second time was during a flood. The person responsible wasn't herself, and while it wasn't fast, it wasn't all that painful.

This time, it was not a flood. It was not quick. It was painful. And as far as Death Tolls go, it really sucked. Migraines for days are a bit less pleasant than a bad case of anemia.

And why did I die? Because I walked down the hall at the wrong time. That's it. Maybe I've been here too long, because certain things feel normal now--floods, ports, fighting amongst each other about the way things are run... But there are routines we establish, things we get used to. And maybe one of things I got used to was that I could walk through the halls of this Barge safely. Without thinking about the fact that yeah, there are Inmates here that I don't know; hell, there are Wardens here that I don't know. I don't know what my neighbors are or aren't capable of.

But I got complacent. I felt safe, for lack of a better word. So thank you, Sexby. Because that's what you've accomplished here. I know better now. We're never safe here. And when I leave the infirmary to go back to my room, or leave my room to go to the gym, or the dining hall? I'd be lying if I said it's not going to be harder to walk through the halls like I used to.

But I'm glad the Admiral ignored you. Because essentially what you did was throw a tantrum and act like a bully. And you don't reward bullies. And that's all I have to say on that.

[Deep breath. ON TO OTHER THINGS]

In other news... We seem to be in one of those graduation periods, when it feels like there's a graduation every day. Congratulations. A lot of disappearances, too. ...I hate those. When you don't get to say goodbye? Those are the worst.

[Coyo. Hayley. Cooper. Watson. Bruce Banner. ...Sylar. Oh, screw it. That last post of his let the cat out of the bag anyway.]

...And no. I don't want to talk about Sylar.
[MOVING ON:]

The thing is? Those graduations? They make it worth it. That's proof we're here for a purpose, and it's a good one. Discounting all the people here I wouldn't have known if I was at home, all the people who mean something to me and who I stay here for? Even when people I care for leave every day, there are still people here I care about. But more importantly--Cooper got to go home to his family. His kids get their dad back. If that's not worth all of this shit, what is?


[Private to Tim]
...That said--what are you going to do now? [Translation: ARE YOU LEAVING ME TOO?]

[Private to Rhade]
I saw what you said to Sexby. ...Thank you. Really.

[Infirmary Staff]
When Murphy wakes up from her coma, will someone tell her I'm all right?

[Private to Isaac]
Are you all right?


[ooc: SORRY, I know I am behind on tags and everything ever; my time management sucks right now, and Cissie is going to be VERY FLOOD AFFECTED tomorrow, buuuut I wanted to get this up and out there before said flood hits. She would not let these things go without commentary. My timing, it needs work.]

[Private to Jane]

It was Sexby.


[INFIRMARY SPAM WELCOME! This is private and text for PLOT PURPOSES but also because she is tiiiiiired and has a killer headache (ha). And does not realize this is not an isolated incident. Come visit! She is probably sleeping. Or sulking. Or both. Skillfully.]

[This is text, and took... oh, only forever to type up, because hey, someone's got the worst case of anemia ever. :| Video was out of the question thanks to how exhausted and pale she is, and oh yeah--that she keeps dozing off every ten minutes. Death toll's a bitch like that. But oh hey, she remembered/figured out filters!]

[Warden Filter]
I guess I should write a report, if only so I don't have to repeat myself a million times. Over the weekend, I went to the gym and was killed there. Aleera either came in after me--or followed me in, I'm not sure--but she was affected by the flood. She wasn't herself, so I don't think any punishment is necessary. We shouldn't be punished for things we do when we're not in any kind of control of our actions. I don't blame her for what happened, I told her this, and I think that's all that needs to be done.

Anyway, aside from the death toll I'm fine now. [Pffft, sure she is.] I'm told Kay brought me to the infirmary, so thank you.

[Infirmary Filter]
What are my odds of me being able to finish off this death toll in my room? Not that I don't like it here, I'd just kind of like to sleep in my own bed. And I don't really want to sneak out.

[Private to Isaac]
Hey. I'm going to be in the infirmary for a while, unless I can get permission to leave, but I'm not counting on it. We should probably talk about that flood, but... maybe it can wait a little? I'm sorry if I freaked you out.

[Private to Sylar]
I don't know if you've heard, because I think it was just posted to the warden filter, but I'm in the infirmary for a while. Did you make it through that flood okay?

[FRIENDS FILTER: seriously, anyone could be on this]
Before anyone asks, I'm okay. Really. I'm going to be in the infirmary for a while, though. Maybe someone could bring me a book or something?


[OOC: Thanks to Adam, Cissie is more forgiving and less jealous/prone to losing her temper. Which means she's pretty chill about that whole being killed thing. ALSO, please feel free to use this post for infirmary spam! Cissie will love visitors!]

[...Oh Barge. Cissie is frustrated and disappointed. This is all her, no nanomites, just... Cissie in a Bad Mood. (She is affected by the flood, though.) She didn't realize that Chang's duels were actually happening. She's been fuming about this since she saw Slade's post.]

Can someone explain to me why there are fights to the death happening, and we're all just... okay with it? I'll take any reasoning at all. Seriously. Anything even remotely feasible. I mean, hey, I know death doesn't exactly stick around here, but I didn't realize we were just using the death toll as a reset button. This is not a video game. When you die, it matters, it's not--[Insert NOISE OF FRUSTRATION as Cissie shoves her hair back and is distressed.]

People die. People die who don't get to come here, who don't get a second chance, or a third, fourth, fifth, twentieth, and yet we take it completely for granted that we get to die and just have a week of feeling like crap to deal with after, and when we do that, it trivializes the real thing, and that's not okay.

I've lost family. I've had friends die. I've had friends die and come back, and that's awesome--the coming back part--but it doesn't change the fact that they died and nobody even bothered to tell me, because they forgot about me, because I didn't matter, but I cared just as much as any of them--[...Wait. She didn't just say that. DAMN YOU, FLOOD. Have a look of 'ohcrap' and then Cissie scrubs her hands over her face.]

You know what? Never mind. We've got the death toll, so clearly it doesn't matter and I'm just weird. You all do what you want.


[Private to Isaac]
...Except you, Isaac. You do not get my permission to die on my watch. Not that I think you want to.


[OOC: I don't want to shut down Chang's games AT ALL, but Cissie... couldn't keep quiet about it. :\ She's got some serious issues here. I also realize she is inadvertently stepping aaallll over several other recent plots, but she doesn't have any idea that she's doing it or that they happened! It's just too OOC for her not to react badly to all of this. So... I'M SORRY.]