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#Bond is like okay fine perHAPS he treats me like one of his senior rescues/fosters. BUT I am also getting treaties and walkies and pets and#when we do meds time I always get praises and treats and he also gives me nice massages for my arthritic joints and#he handmakes meals w my supplements (@halfbaked00q)

@cicerfics had the boldness of vision to propose:

what if Bond starts out thia whole thang by just trying to charm Q the typical James Bond TM way, only to be rebuffed at every turn. and Q is So Completely Unmoved and Unimpressed.

and Bond is NOT used to striking out SO hard. and it becomes a Point of Pride to crack the code! and THEN one day. he happens to see Q tending to some Senior Rescue Dog he's temporarily fostering before it goes to longterm foster and is like 🤨🤔💡.

and he tries it out- limps sadly into Q's office complaining abt his sore knee etc etc. and lo and behold it works! Q scolds him for reckless parkour yes but also!! dotes on him orders in his favorite foods gets him and ice pack and makes him sit down on his sofa etc. and thus. Operation: Be A Sad Elderly Rescue Dog is a go !!!!!!

I am literally so obsessed with this I've been rotating it in the mental michael wave and extending the tuoy play session with cicer on this. Bond would be sooo annoyed that Q is indifferent and standoffish to him- He's a likeable guy, he'd complain to Moneypenny, plenty of people like him!! *ignores Moneypenny as she *raises eyebrow** - he is DETERMINED to figure this out !! he's gonna make Q like him !!!

he accidentally cracks the code seeing the way Q reacts to the sad pathetic "labeled as highly reactive/problematic" senior rescue dog and is like 😤 well I can too!! 😤 (somehow he made the connection between all of the parallels between himself and this poor ex working dog whose human died & was trained in commands in German but ofc none of the regular shelter staff knew or could figure it out so were like alas this reactive untrained problematic dog who no one can work with & just does what it wants... but never made the final connection of like. the Implications of paralleling himself so closely with this sad senior rescue dog lmaoo).

and I had said, extra funny if you have Desmond Llewellyn Q as canon too cuz he was the never let them see you bleed guy. Meanwhile with our Q Bond is like, damn, I was collapsing tragically and picturesquely in beautiful silhouette (think Skyfall) for free, like some kind of chump! I coulda been doing this for fun and profit (prime Q doting and affection real estate)!!

also I cracked myself up imagining Mallory going "....can someone explain to me why Bond is limping like a sad wet cat around the Quartermaster........". even funnier if they were walking and talking and then suddenly Bond *darts* away. And Mallory is like ??? and it turns out Bond caught sight of Q and broke off to show off slash complain about his latest owie :c :c so that Q could scold him and demand to inspect it and fret over his bruises and stalk off to retrieve an ice pack to hold against it and etc.

#anyway I am. so obsessed with this. so so obsessed#y e s Bond is like *pride wounded* Q only merely tolerates me?? *competitiveness activated* nO I'm gonna crack the code & figure out how to#get him to like me!!!!! only to overshoot lol and - as cicer put it - oops I accidentally purse-dog'd myself I think?? LMAOO#hes like hey wait a minute.... before mentally shrugging like eh whatever this rocks actually. and relaxes into it.#imagine him having this moment mid belly rub either literal or metaphoric lol (@halfbaked00q)

I also want/need to add that a Very Important Part of this concept which differentiates it from your bog average "Bond accidentally draws Q in/bewitches him body and soul with his #sadwetcat swag" is that here Bond purposefully does this. as a Strategy. but then realizes hey wait... I am now Trapped in this.

it's like when you start doing something ironically or as a bit-- as I always say there IS no doing something ironically. cuz one you start doing it, you are already lost. Like when my bro started saying uwu as a bit.. but then it became something he Just Said, lmao.

or like that one 4chan greentext guy I cant remember exactly but he patterned himself after some patheticcore fictional guy to pull girls right? but then it WORKED lol and he just had to keep doing that and I feel like I remember the vibe of he was like seething about it? anyway itd be like that but NOT like that, cuz per my headcanon Bond like instinctually/reflexively Improvise Adapt Overome so like yes he did it on purpose in a sense but he didn't like sit down & connive about it, he observed, adapted and improvised, and then it WORKED lmao.

also oop i edited it in to the post above but later so it didnt make it into the chain, so Im gonna just paste again this gr8 quote by cicer:

Bond would be too proud to attempt this strategy with MOST people, but for Q? And Q's special sad-elderly-rescue-dog treatment, which involves being handfed filet mignon while receiving tummy rubs in front of the fire??? Bond will make an exception! Pride be damned, this rescue-dog thing ROCKS.

so this is how the "...heY wAIT a minute!!!" moment works in this setup still lol

also via @cicerfics :

#yesssss #Bond accidentally domesticating himself out of sheer wounded pride because his Usual Tricks are not working on Q! #and There's Gotta Be A Way To Get His Brand New Quartermaster Wrapped Around His Little Finger!! #and so he is willing to throw away his pride re: showing himself off to a colleague as a Big Strong Tough man #for the sake of acting as Q's Pampered Foster Who Is Being Tenderly Catered To (On Account Of He Is Old And Fragile) #(and has Behavioral Issues Due To His Sad-Wet-Abandoned-Stray-Dog Trauma That Is Not His Fault 🥺 ) #this approach totally works on Q #is the thing #but Bond realizes too late that he has Entangled his own damn self #got himself put into Q's custody and now Q is NOT letting go! #Q IS going to care for and rehabilitate this elderly dog who has crawled into his lap! #and also Bond got a taste of Pampered Purse Dog lifestyle and...damn. it's honestly great. #he's getting SO many snacks and cozy couch snuggles!#honestly? maybe strutting around being a Big Tough Secretagentman is overrated 🤔 #(👆 these are the type of thoughts Bond has after forty minutes of nonstop belly rubs while being handfed bits of bacon) #i too am rotating this concept like a mental rotisserie chicken

literallyy tho even better (worse) than domesticating himself- that would perhaps still be dignified, in a way. if he were like that puma that lives in that Russian lady's house. Or that rly fat tiger that the other lady has (Tank the tiger).

But no. He is the cat that is faking a limp for attention but he's not actually faking a limp he really is just a bedraggled senior rescue.. which no one else is supposed to know! >:( except also he is now putting it all on display lmao in front of Mallory and everyone. just to get some good boy pets from Q. which he wasn't even in it for to begin with, he just wanted to Prove (to whim, Bond? this was a competition with no one but yourself, LOL) that he could charm the Quartermaster, too!! he just. accidentally overshot. by a lot. oops!!

*fucks your wife and then blows up your house* my work here is done