"i must get out once in awhile

My Best Friend is scarlettscar

Our 6 common interests are: fucking, hugs, reading, sex, van gogh, wild sex

Who is your best friend?

Created by macoto

i love how 3 out of our 6 inteterests has to do with sex :)

banana_co's LJ stalker is fuzzyproduction!

fuzzyproduction is stalking you because they heard you are awesome in bed, and they want to find out. They are also prank calling you regularly!

my girlfriend just had a misscarriage...should i be happy or sad?

i just got released from a psych hospital so it's been awhile since i posted...you know you're a real loser when you try to commit suicide and you fail...i don't know what's wrong with me...so much stress so little time....why does everything seem to go wrong at once? i don't thinkn i was ready to leave the hospital, but i was sick of being there so i played their game and here i am...stil stressed and still suicidal...
blah blah blah, whine whine whine

for the first time in awhile i had a nice valentines day...i got to sleep late...was awoken by a valentines blow jop...crystal made me these cards that looked like she bought them(i did think she bought them at first) she's so creative and talented...one was made out of posterboard and little things she cut out of my porn mags...the second was posterboard drawings and decorations(the serious love one)...and the third was actually 10 connected together the size of business cards and they all had pictures or words announcing dirty acts (again from my porn mags) she said they were coupons for whatever sex act was shown...i was quite pleased with all of it...nobody has ever gone through that much trouble to make me a present before...i've gotten store bought ones or like a piece of construction paper with a heart drawn on it...but nothing like what crystal gave me

i gave her a cute card, one of these metal roses she likes and a teddy bear holding a heart shaped jewelry box...than later that night i made dinner for 2...stuffed chicken breast, stuffed cheddar cheese baked potatoes and noodles in a garlic, wine, and cream sauce...than we took a shower togethor...a HOT shower if ya know what i mean...and proceeded to the bedroom for a good hour or so of animalistic sex...yeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaw

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sitting here downloading songs...i'm surrounded by people, animals and different fridge buzzes...but still i feel this overwhelming sense of lonliness...no matter how hard i try i cannot get her off my mind it's 111 this or blue and white that or that time that thing happened/we did...i drunkenly called her last night and told her i forgive her for everything she did, which i have never done before, she said sorry a thousand times but i never accepted her appoligy...it's something that's been weighing on my heart and mind for a long time, and my pastor from church told me i should...that it would make me feel better, but i don't think he meant for me to get drunk and do it...and i wish i had been sober for the talk cause i have minimal recollection of the actual conversation...it was actually the first time i had been drunk in weeks, cause when i do end up drunk i do stupid things like calling people i shouldn't...i even called joe and left a message on his machine forgiving him...and i did mean it...i miss the friendship we had and i also miss the friendship that has dissipated between adam and i...i miss going up there and just playing music with those cats...i don't know if this town, this life or this situation that i'm in is right for me or my mental health...don't get me wrong i care about crystal (and sid) and i do love her...in love? and her son (sid) "accidentally" called me dad the other night...i don't know how to feel about that...i am more of a father to him than his real dad... i teach him how to throw, catch, hit a ball, ride his bike and such, i don't mind doing any of these things at all...infact i quite enjoy them, i've always wanted this kind of life, but i'm not sure if it's the right setting...and his real dad left and has minimal communication with him...what happens if me and crystal break up and i move out? than his other "dad" left...it could really fuck his mind up and i don't wanna be responsible for that...i've already been responsible for fucking up to many people's minds/lifes, including my own...i can't be responsible for anyone else...especially a child i care about...

and true love waits...

Individuality


Which Life Stage Are You?
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new years eve 2003...so i finally get healthy enough to go back to work...i've been working for about a week now and guess what? i trip and severely sprain my ankle now i'm out for at least a week...so i guess for new years it's just me, crystal, sid and dick clark.........
whoopideedoo