Rottweiler

Quiz

Just attaching a quick quiz I was emailed.....I will start writing again, someday soon........

What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The Inland North
 

You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop."

North Central
 
The Northeast
 
The South
 
Philadelphia
 
The Midland
 
The West
 
Boston
 
What American accent do you have?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz
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Yadda Yadda Yadda

I've been so busy, I haven't really had time to write, same as usual.  Busy as hell with the two jobs, I have a test to take for Emergency Medical Dispatching that I have been putting off, I lost my book to the stuff, so I haven't studied, I gotta have it done by June 10.  It shouldn't be any big deal, I just suck at it.  I am depressed as usual because I am alone forever.  I hate being alone.  I do everything alone. I eat alone, I go to work alone, I come home alone. I go to bed alone.  I go shopping alone, I pay my bills alone.  If I am not alone, I am with my mom who only wants me to be with her, because she is alone and obsessed with me.  She won't have or stand for anyone coming to the house, and god forbid, I have anyone here at the house, I pay for it for weeks with my soul.  She is going to make sure my life is hell if I do. The only one she wants me with outside of work is her
Anyhow, work has been miserable, busy as hell, and with the turnover, we never get caught up in staffing so there are never any days off, and it is never going to get any better.  I love summer, but I am never allowed to enjoy it.  I don't know though, even if I have time off, I don't even begin to know how to relax anymore, anyhow.  I would love to learn how to relax. Maybe one day that will be my goal.  I stress and worry all of the time.  Oh well, as usual, I have to work a 12hr shift today, so I need to get some sleep, because I have to be up by noon.  I will try to write a few more paragraphs later this week, but today and tommorow are 12 hr shifts.   
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Rottweiler

RETIREMENT

 Article on Retirement
 
 It is important for men to remember, that as women grow older it
 becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when
 they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are
 oversensitive and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
 
 My name is Clarence. Let me relate how I handled the situation with
 my wife, Marie.
 
 When I took "early retirement", it became necessary for Marie to get
 a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that
 we needed. Shortly after she started working I noticed she was beginning
 to show her age.
 
 I usually get home from the Golf Course about the same time she gets
 home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says
 she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't
 yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she
 gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Grill at the club
 so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home cooked grub when
 I hit that door.
 
 She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now, it's
 not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I
 do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening
 that they won't clean themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does
 seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed. I really think
 my experience as a manager helps a lot. I consider telling people what
 they ought to do, I like to think that is one of my strong points.
 
 Now that she has gotten older, she does seem to get tired so much more
 quickly. Our washer and dryer are in the basement. Sometimes she says
 she just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big issue
 of this; as long as she finishes up the laundry the next evening, I'm
 willing to overlook it. Not only that, but unless I need something ironed to
 wear to the Monday lodge meeting, or to Wednesday's or Saturday's poker club,
 or to Tuesday's or Thursday's bowling, or something like that, I will tell
 her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing.
 
 This gives her a little more time to do some of those odds and ends
 like shampooing the dog, vacuuming or dusting.
 
 Also, if I had a really good day on the course and it was wet and
 muddy, my clubs are a mess, so I let her clean them, you know.....get the grit
 off the grips and a little light Brillo on the club faces at a casual pace. My
 golf bag is heavy so I lift it out of the trunk for her. Women are delicate,
 have weak wrists and can't lift heavy stuff as good as men. But I did tell
 her I don't like to be wakened during my after-golf nap, so rather than
 bother me, she can put them back in the trunk when she's finished.
 
 Another symptom of her aging is complaining, I think. For example,she
 will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills
 during her lunch hour. But boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I
 just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or
 even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much.
 
 I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't
 hurt her any (if you know what I mean). When doing simple jobs, she seems
 to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was
 only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene.
 
 I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of
 freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is
 making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too, and then take
 her break by my hammock. That way she can talk with me until I fall
 asleep.
 
 I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Marie.
 I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find
 it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do
 how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you
 just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of
 this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After
 all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
 
 Signed, Clarence
 
 [ EDITOR'S NOTE: Clarence passed away suddenly Thursday May 26th. His wife Marie was arrested, but the all-woman Grand Jury accepted her defense that he accidentally died.]
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Rottweiler

Subject: Mechanics versus Pilots

Subject: Mechanics versus Pilots
 

It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one: a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs.


After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

 Never let it be sai d that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a (P); and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

 By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

 ----------------------------------------------------

 P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

 

 P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

 P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear .

S: Evidence removed.

 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.

 

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

 

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

 

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

 

And the best one for last .

 

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel, sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hamm er.

S: Took hammer away from midget
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Rottweiler

I QUIT "ASK ME ANYTHING"

Based on the moderators abusive response to my post, and the fact they deleted it immeadiately, I quit/left the "ASK ME ANYTHING" community.  In my opinion, moderators should PREVENT abusive comments, not START flame wars!!
Every community I have joined has stated "NO FLAME WARS" but a moderator STARTS one? A Shitty community to me, if there ever was one that was not worth my time..........If anyone doubts me, send me your email address and I will GLADLY forward the email to you to PROVE what an ASSHOLE one of the moderators of that community is..... 
  • Current Mood
    angry angry
Rottweiler

Gutless Asshole .........

Okay, So I posted the following to "ASK ME ANYTHING"

Okay, I went to refinance my car today and was told my credit rating was down because I.S.A.C. (that is Illinois Student Assistance Commission, they run the student loans thru Illinois where I went to school) was reporting an "I-5" entry on my credit that I was behind in excess of 120+ days on my loan..... Which is completely BS at this point.......I was and have been behind in the past, but I am current as of this time, and it has been at least 2 years or more since I have missed a student loan payment...... I called them and they said it would stay on my credit for 7 (SEVEN!) years!  How the hell can they get away with this?  Isn't there some fairness in reporting law?  Can I call the credit bureaus and debate the truthfulness of this and get I.S.A.C. banned from reporting bad credit based on their fraudulent reporting policies?????  I called ISAC and got shuffled all over hell until I got someone's voicemail where I left a nasty voicemail, and of course they have not been in any rush to call me back.......So, how the hell is this fair when I am being honest and forthcoming with them and paying my bill every month faithfully for over two years??????? I appreciate any help from anyone working in the credit or loan fields in advance.... 

 One of the moderators left me THIS:

This is how credit works, dipshit.. Any mistake you make stays on your record for seven years, so that prospective lenders can see how good you've been in the past. Just because you're keeping up repayments now doesn't necessarily make you a good customer, and your past record is still relevant.

There's nobody you can complain to, because this is how credit files function, applications for credit that you sign include sections that allow those companies to report to credit reference agencies.

In short - quit whining, get over it, this is how the world works. Oh, and if you want this post to still be here in five minutes, change to a normal font size.

My Response to him is:
1) Go Fuck yourself with a large dildo.  Obviously no one else will, asshole.
2)  I didn't see anything in your communities rules as to font size, style etc.  
3) As far as the content of my complaint goes, I am just stating, more or less, that I believe credit report information should be CURRENT.  Look up the word CURRENT in the dictionary if you are smart enough to figure out what one of those, dipshit.  
4) I am very fucking happy for you that, based on your attitude, you walk on water and have never had any tough times in your life and had to chose between making a loan payment, and say EATING? Fuck off you gutless wonder.......  Oh well........So much for posting and looking for a reasonable answer to a question from an LJ community......I should have known better.....Every time I have ever posted to anything other then my own journal on this thing, it has ended up in a flame war.....

  • Current Mood
    angry angry
Rottweiler

Voo Doo Penis

A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his
wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he
thought he'd better buy her a little something to keep her occupied while
he was gone.

He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around for
something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man
behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well,  We
have vibrating dildo's, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of
anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped.

 "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need
something!"

 "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis."

 "So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.

 The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden
box , carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there
 lay an ordinary-looking dildo.

 The businessman laughed, and said, "Big damn deal. It looks like every
other dildo in this shop!"

 The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed
to a door and said, "Voodoo Penis, the door." The Voodoo Penis miraculously
rose out of its box, darted over to the  door, and started pounding the
keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a
crack began to form down the middle.

Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!"

The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiet once
more.

 "I'll take it!" said the businessman.

 The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that
to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."

 After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and
remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said  "Voodoo
Penis, my crotch!"

 The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely
incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three
mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had
enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still  thrusting.

She tried and tried to get it out! , but nothing worked. Her husband had
forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.

 Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She
put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with
every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm
made her swerve all over the road.

 A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for
her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

 Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink,
officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and
it won't stop screwing me!"

 The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant
voice replied,

 "Yeah, right........ Voodoo Penis, my ass."

 The rest is history...

 

Have A Great Day
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