anke

Originally published at ankewehner.de. You can comment here or there.

Pain all over. Want dark-den.

Humans. Want to bite them. Fear. Bite, they hurt.

Chains drag on collar, outside, can’t run.

More humans. Too many. Loud. Smell bad fear, anger.

One comes near. Challenges chain-humans. Snarls, no bites.

Human pack angry at chain-humans. They fear now. Turn tails.

Challenger makes calm noises. Quiet. Touch gentle. Makes chains fall. Pulls me away, to place without other humans.

Want to run, but weak. Afraid.

Challenger takes collar.

Less pain.

Quiet. Safety.

I change. No fur, but hands. This is me, too.

My voice is hoarse with disuse. “Thank you.”

So, I'm attempting the April A to Z challenge, with fiction with at most 100 words. "C is for Chained" came from Royce Day. If you have prompts for later in the alphabet, please give them to me.

I heard Nico approach, and didn’t hide from her. I could not… well, if she was looking for me, she’d go on, and who knows in what trouble she’d end up.
She took a breath and stood still when she noticed me. She must have looked at me for a while, I guess. I didn’t look at her. Eventually she sat down next to me.
“Want to talk about it?”

“Do you really leave me a choice?”

She chuckled at that. “Ah, sorry. I think it might be good for you.”

I didn’t answer, because I didn’t know.

“Do you think she lied?”

“What?”

“Well, she said she understood you were hurt and scared. Not quite yourself. That she didn’t blame you.”

“Nico, she tried to help me, and I hurt her. I just lashed out.” Losing control like that. Again. It’s shameful to be so untrustworthy. Nico kept quiet for a while. I was glad she stayed, even if I didn’t deserve it.

“How often does that happen to you, hm? Once in a lifetime? Once in two lifetimes?”

I shrugged. It didn’t matter. It shouldn’t happen at all.

After a little exasperated huff she asked, “Do you think jumping off a cliff would help? Or having her cute little boyfriend cut your throat?”

“Wouldn’t change me.” Rather strange, talking from experience in that matter, but I’d died four times already, and all it changed were my surroundings. Nico was obviously looking for something to to say that would make me feel better, which made me want to come up with something to say that would stop her trying. She finished thinking first.

“Look, here’s the thing. You can’t do more than your best, but the best of your abilities is sometimes not enough, and your best judgement is sometimes a mistake. You are not perfect. Nobody is.”

“Some things are just not done.”

“Flies in the face of evidence, no? You did…” She probably trailed off because she noticed those words hurt, for the next thing she did was reach for my arm and lean against me. She still trusted me. We sat in silence for a while. Eventually she said, as much pain in her voice as in my heart, “Daaren, you will have to find a way how to live with yourself, and go on. What is the alternative?”

She must have been speaking from experience. Older than I was, more used to very nearly everything…

“Learning from you will be quite a challenge.”

She grinned. “You did well enough last time. Teacher.”

Originally posted at  ankewehner.de. You can comment here or there.

The moon tugged on Daaren’s attention. Around this time of the month, time seemed to slow, and the world to come closer, right under his skin.
It is… peaceful, he told himself.

Though part of that might be just that most of the others had already changed and left over the last few days, first of all the youngsters, who wanted to roam longer and further. When the topic had come up, Daaren had volunteered to take over some of their work. It had surprised Marrik, who was more used to rebukes for lack of responsibility from him, but a moody reply of, “You feed yourselves, it saves work here”, had shut him up, and kept him from badgering Daaren about reasons.

Another night until full moon. Maybe I can manage another night.

Daaren woke up well before dawn, sore and restless. Resisting the change wasn’t worth the effort any more, so he went outside, and gave in. The aches got worse as his muscles and bones stretched and shifted – like teething all over your body, he’d hear someone say once – but ebbed as soon as his body settled into its other natural shape.

Once more he adjusted to the clarity of his senses. The humans-and-animals-and-fields smell resolved itself to the point he couldn’t only tell who last walked past that spot, but also have a guess at their mood and health. He could hear the calm breath and heartbeats of sleepers through the windows left open to the summer night.

The breeze carried complex rumours in sound and smell into the village, and he went to investigate some of them.

It was peaceful. You might drink in the world, following instincts, roam until the new moon pulled you back from senses to mind. Leaving civilisation would have been an option a few months ago, but now, Daaren would feel guilty about having let down people who cared. At least he hoped they cared.

It was a start.

Originally posted at  ankewehner.de. You can comment here or there.

Nico ambled away from the main hubbub of the party, and found Daaren on the veranda, apparently watching the gardens. She propped herself up next to him, and asked conversationally, “So, why’d you leave?”

“Too noisy. Too many people.” It was a lot easier than arguing semantics. He was still here. “What about you?”

“I needed to get away from the bowle for a bit. Packs more of a punch than I thought. And I wanted to make sure you didn’t get lost, or something.”

“Still determined to stay till the end?”

Noting the pre-dawn sky, Nico answered. “Doesn’t make much of a difference now, does it?” After a look around, she added, “Let’s go up to the roof and watch the sunrise. I bet there are even less people up there, too.”

Daaren chuckled and followed her.

***

They took up nearly the same stances as before and watched the sky in comfortable silence. As Daaren saw seeping up from the horizon, he looked at Nico, and noticed tears in her eyes.

“Are you all right?”

“I’m feeling great. This is so beautiful.”

Daaren had another look out. The sky was clear, and if he wasn’t much mistaken, it meant the day would be fine. They would of course miss most of it. Something about staying awake all night seemed fundamentally wrong to him.

However, something of Nico’s mood was contagious. In mild wonder rather than disbelief, he asked, “The dawn affects you that much?”

She laughed, making her tears flow. “Enjoy the moment. It’s what keeps me a manner of sane.”

Daaren smiled at her, and lifted his hand to wipe a tear away with his thumb. “You look just a little crazed right now.”

His face fell as he suddenly had to think of his daughters growing up without him. At Nico’s worried look, he rallied for something to say. “Is that a talent, or something you learned? Enjoying the moment, I mean.”

“Ah.” There was a sad shadow of a smile. “I don’t remember.” She turned to the rising sun, and Daaren did the same after a moment, both aware that the other did not want to talk.

Originally posted at ankewehner.de. You can comment here or there.

The view from the shoulder of the Tellanot – that’s a mountain, in case you didn’t know – is amazing. If you inch right to the edge of the cliff, and lean forward, You get a feeling almost like falling up into the sky.

I guess I was caught up in admiring it a bit too much, for the next thing that happened was that I fell down past the ground; the edge had crumbled. I twisted and tried to grab the new edge, and Daaren successfully grabbed my wrist, and well, the usual you’d expect happened. With me down the cliffside and him flat on the path, he said, “Don’t look down.”

I looked him in the face while trying to find some purchase with my other hand, and feet, and asked, “Sure, but tell me why.”

He didn’t answer until we were lying both on sound rock, panting, myself more than him. Sound rock has benefits, too.

Then he answered, “I thought you might get stupid ideas. Like jumping.”

Made me laugh until I couldn’t breathe at all anymore. Right to the point, that’s him.

Originally posted at ankewehner.de. You can comment here or there.

“Ah, finally we can talk in private, just you and me.”
Daaren carefully kept his face blank. Counting two guards and three servants in the room with them, who did not seem about to leave, he concluded the Baron must be completely insane. Better not to irritate him.

Originally posted at ankewehner.de. You can comment here or there.

On the New Year’s party, Marie received a lot of compliments, all including some form of, “you have lost weight!”, and she smiled through all of them.
When she retreated to the balcony for a bit of solitude she found it occupied already.  The date of someone else’s acquaintance, practically a stranger. He also seemed to be quiet, so that was all good. She leaned on the banister, keeping her distance, and he watched her watch the street.
Eventually he asked, “So, how is your health?”
After the initial shock, Marie all but collapsed with relief that someone cared.

Originally published at ankewehner.de. You can comment here or there.