an uninspired heroine

I usually have to fight for every single word I type. And then there are the stories that form themselves almost completely in my mind before I even sit down in front of a computer. This is one of those fics. If only sudden inspiration hit for good stories. And fandoms that weren't embarrassing. That would be good, too.

Do you remember everything that I said is wrong about Todd? It's in this fic, too.

*

A Touch of Pure Evil Todd (855 words) by anenko
Fandom: Todd and the Book of Pure Evil
Rating: Mature
Warning: Sexual content. Implied gore. A character being pressured into using her sex appeal. So vaguely dubcon-ish depending on your reading
Characters: Todd Smith, Jenny Kolinsky, Curtis Weaver, Hannah B. Williams
Summary: Todd has gone Pure Evil. Unfortunately for Jenny, they have a plan to stop him.



What remained of Crowley High was a smoking ruins. The flaming portal to Hell that opened beneath the school quickly took care of that.

"Wow," Hannah said. She nervously readjusted her blood-streaked glasses. "Todd really is the Pure Evil one."

Jenny raised her face from the muddy, bloody ground. She spat out a gob of--something--and said: "wow, Hannah, you think?"

"I'll bet his meat stick is huge," Curtis said. He held up his remaining arm defensively when both girls turned withering glares on him. "I'm just saying! He's huge! His dick has to be proportional to his size."

"God, I've had enough trauma today. Todd's penis is the last thing I want to think about," Jenny said. She pushed herself to her knees, and from there, rose unsteadily to her feet. There was blood and smoke smeared across the bridge of her nose, her cheeks, and on the swell of her upper breasts, left exposed by the scooped neck of her shirt. "I fucking liked this bra," Jenny muttered, picking distastefully at the wet material of her shirt.

"Jenny, that's it!" Curtis said. "Your fun-bags!"

Hannah frowned. "Curtis, you know that I fully respect your right to ogle other women, but if you tell me that Jenny--" She closed her eyes, and breathed deeply. Once she'd finished choking and wheezing on the filthy air, Hannah delivered a very significant slicing motion in Curtis' direction.

Curtis clamped his hand over his crotch. He gave Hannah a look of deep betrayal before saying, with as much dignity as he could muster: "You know that your fun-bags are the only ones for me, Hannah."

"I feel like I really was sucked into Hell," Jenny said.

"No, listen to me, guys! I've figured out how to stop Evil Todd!" Jenny's nose wrinkled in distaste when Curtis released his protective hold on his crotch to grasp her shoulder. He gazed deeply into her eyes, and said: "Jenny, it's all up to you. You have to have sex with Todd."

"What? No! You have sex with Todd!" Jenny jerked free from Curtis, and wrapped a protective arm across her chest.

"I would," Curtis said solemnly, "but it's your cleavage that he thinks about while jerking off. I don't even get a guest spot in his wet dreams, Jenny. Well, there was that Viking motorcycle cameo, but it's not the same. Listen to your heart, Jenny. You know I'm right."

"I wish that I'd been sucked into Hell," Jenny said.

Hannah approached them cautiously. "Curtis may be onto something, Jenny. You don't have to have sex with him, but you can help give Good Horny Todd a fighting chance against Pure Evil Todd."

"Todd--both of him--can suck his own dick," Jenny snapped.

Curtis' eyes rounded. "Is that possible? Because that is awesome. I'm not knocking a little hand-action, but--"

"Shut it, dweeb," Jenny said. "I'm not having sex of any kind with that loser."

"Hey, now!" Curtis said. "Todd isn't a loser. Not just anyone can be Pure Evil, you know. That's pretty cool, when you think about it."

Hannah cast a wary eye in the direction of the flaming horizon. "It is impressive, Jenny. Horrible, but impressive. And Evil Todd didn't turn us to bloody pulp like he did everyone else. That's sweet, don't you think?"

"Todd isn't getting a free pass into my pants for not killing me. Fuck! I expected better from you, Hannah. What happened to female solidarity? Us against the sleazy jerkwads?" Jenny's face was flushed with fury. Her colour didn't improve as she coughed on the smoke-filled air until her eyes watered.

"I'm sorry, Jenny, but I like being alive. And I like not being enslaved by the forces of Pure Evil."

Jenny furiously swiped the back of her hand across her mouth. "I should let this town burn," she said. "If I get evil jizz on me, you two are both dead. Dead."

Hannah clasped her hands between her breasts. She looked at Jenny with wide, sad eyes. "Oh, Jenny!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm a fucking hero." With a last rude gesture, Jenny left her friends behind. She stalked to the edge of the crater where the school once stood, yanked her shirt up and shouted: "Todd! If you renounce evil right now, I'll let you touch my tits!"

Pure Evil Todd's maniacal laughter came to an abrupt stop. The voice of Pure Evil developed a sudden breathy squeak: "Jenny?"

*

"Well, fuck me," Curtis said. "I can't believe it actually worked. Jenny has magic boobs!"

Jenny wearily flipped him the bird. "Asshole." Her glare grew in intensity when she looked at Todd, slumped beside her on the gooey grass. "And you, jerk-off, the next time you go Pure Evil, I'm leaving you that way."

Hannah looked horrified. "Jenny! Friends don't let friends destroy the world."

"I might think about listening to you once you've saved the day with your boobs," Jenny said.

Todd perked up. "Speaking of boobs, Jenny. . ."

"Fuck off," Jenny said. "I lied. You aren't getting anywhere near these babies."

"Aw, fuck me," Todd said.

"Not a chance in Hell."