I have a huge problem coming up this week. I'm going to a holiday party on Friday and it is starting to really worry me. I don't want to have to eat anything, but I don't think that is going to be possible. My Aunt knows about my ED. She always gets on my case about my eating or the lack there of. Does anyone have any suggestions that could help me to get out of eating?
Any help well be greatly appreciated.
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- Current Mood
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cold
Suzie Orbach - Hunger Strike
"Femininity, as represented by mannequin thinness, meant for her beauty and untouchability....the pursuit of thinness was to use her body as both power and protection"
"Many women who develop anorexia talk about how they originally sought thinness in order to feel acceptable. But of course acceptability, while attached in one way to notions of thinness and fatness, has in fact little to do with the inner feelings of acceptablilty which drive the indiidual to seek acceptance through extreme physical tranformation."
"Anorexia is an attempted solution to being in a world from which at the most profound level one feels excluded, and to which one feels deeply unentitled to enter. It is an attempt to be adequate, good enough, pure enough, saintly enough, sufficiently nsullied to be included."
"The body is carved up by the various manufacturers who insist on the fallibility of nature and the essentiality of their product for improvement. As a result, nearly all women are subject to feeling complicated about their bodies and caught up n feelings of insecurity or discomfort to some extent"
"FAt has come to stand for need, greed, indulgence, wantonness, a loss of control, an unstoppability. It represents the exposure of need.
Thinness represents a positive for the anoretic...it reflects an asceicism of purpose, a praise worthy puritan morality, a needless self.
She is untouchable, without needs, she is not vulnerable, she cannot be got at ,she is safe in the knowledge that in wanting nothing; she does not risk disappointment."
What are your thoughts? I have my own views and for some reason have become so absorbed by the psychology behind eating disorders...i guess i want to know why me...hmm. much love as always.x
ok so somehow i ended up alone...
i really wanna cry right now but i won't let myself, not over something this stupid.
The guy who kissed me after my bf and i broke up has now decided that he doesn't wanna be with me because his female best friend realised seeing him with me how much she liked him and he likes her, even though i don't want him and it wasn't really anything i'm still hurt. maybe rejection hurts from all angles?
*sniff, screw him, and i bet things'll be awkward with the group of friends now which is ridiculous given that they're my lifeline out here in solitude with workaholic dad
*fuck fuck fuckity fuck*
maybe i should just let summer end early and go home? but to what?
god guys i'm crying now...stupid stupid girl, you never learn.
it's been a while......
i'm still away for summer vacation which has been so long that the boy and i didn't survive :( we broke up three days ago - he cried so needless to say i felt like absolute s**t but it's been 6/7 weeks and minimal communicating combined with the fact that i don't REALLY miss him, i mean sure it'd be good to see him but i always imagined that once you meet THE guy you can't be without them or else you'd be miserable, constantly pining for them, you know? a slight bright side,haven't eaten since *yay misery!*
anyway, i'm so freakingly remote here that i want starbucks but alas, as with everything i want, no can do therefore i have devised my own lil taste of heaven which i thought i should share....i've been getting low fat/low cal french vanilla instant hot choc mix (i think it's 40kcal a sachet), ice cubes and a lil skimmed milk....into the blender et viola my lovelies-frothy vanilla flavoured comfort with very few guilt inducing cals. i'm off to a concert with some friends i've made out here and my sis, some of the guys are cute so at least i have something to keep my mind off of he who shall no longer be named *sigh* here's to thinness, relying on yourself for your own happiness and long summer nights, take care all :)
hey so i ate like a mofo yest after doing so incredibly well up until 9pm, i'd had lettuce and cucumber and 5 strawberries plus 3 litres of water (much love to the sunshine...although it did burn my back at the beach!) then we went out and got ice cream, although i got one scoop no cone, there was this TWIG with two scoops and whipped cream on a cone!maybe she threw it up, as i should've done!!! today i'm on le cafe and then some cherries for breakfast i think. wish me luck, it's great to see you all and put pics to the posts, when i eventually get my padre to upload the software for my digital cam i shall join in the camera whoring!!!
much love, *smiles*
ok so this freakin sucks, ive been eating all raw food for nearly two weeks and up until this morn had steadily lost 4lbs and ive been eating less and less and can tell that ive been hungry and sometimes, especially yest getting cramps but today i get on the scales and WHAM..... a pound HEAVIER????????!!!!!!!!!!!! how the hell is that possible, ive been eating LESS and IT"S ALL FRUIT AND VEG!!! WTF? i think im going a bit crazy ovee here, i nearly cried and was so thinking screw it all, what the hell is my pathetic retarded body doing?!
sorry for the rant just needed to let off steam, u know? hope you're all wonderful *trying to smile*
hey, so after 6 months of denial and hiding from my scales...that and my parents took them away!!!i finally plucked up the courage to weigh myself this morn, yes it's way more than i want it to be BUT it's not as bad as i thought if i'm honest and i'm sure there's some muscle there given the calisthenics and cardio i've been doing...anyway, bmi is bleuch 21 but that gives me a goal of 18.5 to work for by the august and then onwards and downwards from there, i think it was 17 at one point so i can totally get there!
another raw food day, it's so strange cause even when i'm hungry now, like yest there's nothing sinful or "comforting" i can eat that will weigh me down given that im just on fruit and veg so i have to deal with my emotions another way, i cry really easily and yest managed to control it when dad and i were talking about self image (a frequent tears subject) by telling myself that it's ok and taking deep breaths...yay go me, one or two tears but he didn't notice!
anyway, gonna be on the scale everyday now, it's my new partner for life taking place of my old and long deceased one from last year. and then there's my buddy the cross trainer who's gona help me too, hehe sad that none of these are people but they just don't get it so i don't let them in.
take care one and all and hey, today is the fattest we're going to be....doesn't that feel great?!!! *hugs*
hey all, im doing ok, feel pretty bloated for some reason but so far had 100kcal, just turned down lunch so minimal kcal today=100 sigh, just wish i could see changes you know? anyway, take care one and all *hugs*
I'm in history. having our 2 hour long end of the year "party." I don't know anybody in this class, and there's nothing to distract me from eating everything in sight. Besides the fact that I don't want to gain 400 pounds.
Someone IM me and keep me busy.
AIM: HomieBeatsDottie
