amyjo

I've said it before, but I really am trying to check in more often. Problem is, every time I say that I get distracted with other shiny things. Or maybe not so shiny since work isn't exactly that exciting. Lately my distractions have all been quite depressing.

I broke my leg last month and was supposed to be on crutches for four weeks. Had my follow-up Wednesday and I get at least two more weeks on the crutches. I can't wait until I'm done with this. Crutches are awkward and annoying and make me far too dependent on other people for my liking. I cannot even carry my own plate of dinner. I can't take a real shower since I'm not allowed to put any pressure on my foot at all. I can't do my own laundry since I can't carry the basket. This time I'm told if I'm good that I might be able to try standing up and maybe even taking a few steps in two weeks.

While waiting to find out how I am (or not, in this case) healing up, my dad passed away. And, while not completely surprising because of his cancer diagnosis, it certainly shocked me that it happened so quickly. I'm still figuring out how to deal with this. The service was very difficult for me because I saw a lot of people I either didn't know or hadn't seen in a really long time and who all knew and loved my dad. I don't think I stopped crying for the four hours we had the visitation. (Or for a long time after.) I still keep expecting to see him when I get home from work and talk to him about how his day went.

I'm spending a lot of time focusing on work and taking care of anything my mom needs that I'm actually capable of doing for her. Which isn't much these days since I can't walk, but I need the distraction. I already spend entirely too much time in my head and need the other things to do to keep me from focusing too much on dad's passing. I'm not ignoring it or anything, I just can't let myself dwell or I will easily slip into depression and never stop crying. That's not healthy either. Finding the balance between grief and life is a tricky, tricky thing.