don't say goodbye like you're burying him

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last updated: 04/04/12

i lost myself
ryan ross/brendon urie
pg-13
for bandombigbang
16,222 words
warnings: mentioned off-screen minor character death, general angst and confusion

It's August 30th, 2006 - Ryan's already been here once, and this isn't how it goes. Bruised, confused and in the wrong year, Ryan struggles to make it through the Nothing Rhymes With Circus tour (for the second time) and reconnect with a band that's grown apart, while desperately grasping onto the future he knows he's already lived.

i've been working with this fic since some time in 2009, and the ending has changed so many times it's insane - i'm so glad to have had selphiebooyaka and grapefruits around to talk it out with, i'm sure i would've abandoned it had they not been there! please let me know if there are any mistakes. i hope you enjoy ♥


part one
part two
bonus fanmix

masterpost
part one

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masterpost

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i lost myself
a fanmix by meiloslyther
download it here. thank you so much!

1. Where's My Head - Copeland
2. There For You - Flyleaf
3. Given Up - Linkin Park
4. Stanger In The Mirror - Trapt
5. Clocks - Coldplay
6. Anywhere But Here - Sick Puppies
7. The Story - 30 Seconds to Mars
8. I Don't Even Know Myself - The Who
9. Unwell - Matchbox Twenty
10. Welcome To My Life - Simple Plan
11. Pure Morning - Placebo
12. The Road I'm On - 3 Doors Down
13. Alone - Jon Walker

okay!

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on your trigger
z berg/ryan ross
nc-17, 1311 words
for kink bingo's "gun play" square (yes, the title is from "happiness is a warm gun" and no, i don't have any original thoughts). contains some D/s elements and also, obviously, gun play, though the gun is not loaded.

There’s no push and pull of power - it’s not his, even though it could be.

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i've done a friends cut! i want to make sure everyone knows i did not do it out of animosity or anything; i just cut people if we haven't talked in a while. if you've been lurking around and enjoy reading my entries feel free to drop a comment here (they're screened) and i'll add you back again. :)

perception
z berg/alex greenwald
r, 1733 words
for kink bingo, "sensation play" (though it may or may not actually fulfill the requirements? /o\)

For a moment there’s a sharp inhale from Alex, like he has something to say but the words are stuck in his throat, maybe - instead of speaking, he turns his face against Z’s thigh, high enough for her breath to hitch in her throat.

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i saw the like tonight!

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you can download the fullsizes of these pictures and 60 more - 74 total - here! be warned, those pictures are huge, 2736 × 3648 or vice versa. these are unedited save for putting a screen layer on a few (to brighten them). i will post a recap later, maybe. possibly.