Zach Gross

Writing- the art to which an author will compose text to form mental imagery, news, information, or just random bits of text to formulate the authors thoughts... And while I love this dearly I have no need to display it in public forum. I am a selfish author, and nor will I write my thoughts on a regular basis so that the world can know when I am up, down, lef,t right, or somewhere in limbo. This is the other issue even If I attempted to write my feelings to the world I know of only two people who would read it regularly and they have no need of this because they mean more than anything more in the world too me and can know my every whim with a simple question. Thus I have no need for this lovely online publishing device, and I will not use it any more. Why do I continue to write for a world audiance when I know who they are... Why do I write for many when I could write intimately for two. I write no more because by doing so it's one more brick in the wall, one more week on crutches and this journal is just a tool for mass drama and mass relief. So I write my last entry for those I care about.

Thank you nikki for giving me this opportunity to use and utilise this tool I'm sorry I could not put it to better use. Remember that you have immense talent and I want to tell you what it is... You don't need to know because it's whats inside you.
You have "it" the defining feature of those who can prosper in the actual business.Love what you do you have talent and skill in your field... exploit yourself to the full potential and don't be afraid to leave yourself uncovered by your craft and exposed to those who can see through you th the very floor you walk on and kiss it
do you understand that not only do you have a wonderous gift but you are so blind to what it is that it naturally leads you like a horse to water there is no other way to describe what you have except that you have a life that you can persue follow the trail by not questioning your leads... find what you don't want by looking for the alternative.your a wonderful person I don't think anyone including yourself gives you enough credit for who you and while I know there is a shell of you that may not want to read this whole thing this may be the one moment where I'm not condesending and you can appreciate yourself and so can I.

Through out the time I've known you... The wonderous things I've thought about you... both fair and foul, You are quite interesting, odd, and spectacular and at the same time I question how our personalities ever work together. I'm quite sure it is the same reason you will prosper in the business "Public relations".I love you dearly In many ways and If I could sit down with you and marley and map out all the silly trio stuff I'm sure we'd laugh till no end. The way the world turns is due to the page you are on compared to the person reading the same book next to you.

Marley... Oh my, you sweet child you. You have a wonderous sense of expression and love. My Interests in your personality have spread far and vast and I am proud to know just as you should be that I am your friend. It's hard to think of all the things we've shared but I would value thought and conversation the most. Marley we have an amazing ability to connect and yet at the same time never be on the same page but when we achieve our understandings it is euphoric, it is beauty, and it is marvelous. Along the same lines as Nikki I feel that our relationship in a trio and seperate has grown immensly and I cherish every aspect of it. I think of you both as a wonderous blend of friend/mentor/family and I am honored to love you both.

I'd like to sit down some time just the three of us and explore the vast wonders of our time together(from the good times and the bad all the way through to stupid misunderstandings). I love you all and these were the final words I wanted to fill this journal with I'm sure they will not be our last.

LOVE,
Zach

There are moments when as human beings we can't help but be effected by events. Miniscule or of Large preportion somethings make the mind scream, "STOP" and your eyes breathe fire. Cncomprehend is the amount internal rage built up just by a few individuals you are close to who just don't have time to enjoy life at the moment. Everyones got something to do and they've got to get it done regardless of wether they've procrastinated they must get it done and if you get in their way may an almighty power help force you for their destructive wake less you be destroyed in it. You who choose not to regard your time as something to be spent but rather something to be enjoyed even in the midst of undesirable stress are rewareded not with the petty things that the whole world may regard such as low blood preasure and the possibility for a longer life span but rather something greater eternal joy including moments when stricken with grief you can enjoy the fact that you have the ability to feel that grief to embrace sadness and all its value. Not nessessairily dwell on the feelings of grief but to stop and say I have the power to control me my emotions and all of the wonderous things about me. I can control the ideas of others just as they can control mine and I can share the beauty of my life with the world wether they want to share or not, or well you could be like those of my family who are to hellbent at this moment on completing their work to just work slowly and make time for themselves to complete it, and run right over those that may have discovered something of great importance about themselves or others. Am I selfish. Is all I want the attention of others... No, I just got run over by a wake of carnage for standing around while others need to do work... However I'm glad that I get to feel the grief of being run over by a path of carnage because I am a human being and my eyes can breathe fire.

Mirror's untrue

What is there to trust when a mirror's untrue
In the morning will there be a morning dew
Or should I trust that man once flew
And try to find the truth in you.

I'll keep on looking to see the same scene
A face of a desert with clothes unclean
Which ways do your forces lean
Show me the path to walk through your scene.

An image so unclear with my view a blur
My mind and my body won't concur
But I notice something when I stir
We are one in the same in a mirror

I may have a way with words now,
But words may always have their way with me.
-Zach

"Awake" (by: Zach Gross)

Being pulled by two seperate forces
Each led by large black horses
Their direction of Differnt courses
And thats my tale.

With mind so blind, forced to read braile
A body that ain't so weak but truely frail
Waited for life to lift its vail
But knew that the task was mine

Of life and liberty, Of fruit and wine
lift the body, uncoil the spine
leave your woes and smell the pine
The world is yours to hold.

In my hands my hands I form the mold
Dare to take a position so bold
To lead your life and with eyes, behold
That your life... Now Live it.

Hey for all of you who happen to think those that wear black flags and wrap themselves in the dark deep holes of human existance your forgetting that they are the bravest souls on the planet. They embrace the gloom deal with the shit just as much as any of you. Oh and I bet you think they complain and whine yeah well guess what you do it too so understand if you don't like the music fine but don't lable the people... You just feed the fire and allow them one more issue to embrace.

son of a bitch ass bastard stop lying to yourself you dirty whore you crazy fool ah I don't know anymore what is up what is down left right people tell me whats up I hope to god its the ceiling but its not it's my non intensified intensity level which just won't stop telling me lies. I tell my self I'm alive but my body says I'm dead and just haven't stop moving dear god truth lies its all a jumble.... OH CRAp this whole bit could be a lie... but is it... NO its not not to me but what isn't

Black/White

--- There it goes once a day I slip away
loose my grasp and slip on down
can't tell if its a smile or frown
Desires race, but no one wins
All but my face present of grins
Slide Back
Fine... I'm fine... I'm back again
I wish my friends that I offend
An explanation to my sides
Black_White_Black_White
Once a day I yearn for it
but only values toil and spit
Forget them all... and throw them down
loose my mind while I drown
Now I know why I chose that path
Less bumps in the road but a heavey payload
Experience my minds rath.
Slide back
Once again I'm fine again... NO I'M NOT!
Slide back
Contradictions in my mind
I wish things weren't so hard to find
What I want and what I chose
not the same... my eyes must close
Black_White_Black_Black_Black.

I have some faith in the fact that I'm not a completely hidious freak that no one likes but I have this weird feeling that my state of mind and intelligence doesn't let me easily relate to the youth of america. I have yet to see an individual who I care about in a physical manner and yet I can have a conversation with. This notion is elevated to another level every day. I can't tell weather the problem is with me or weather i'm not responsible for the fact that seemingly no one is affectionate for me... wait whatever I'm not gonna edit this... sorry I just realized the rediculousness of the previous sentence and this whole entry so please excuse me if my complaining gets to you please tell me. Okay where was I. Oh yeah. ok I must be to some extent responsible for my status but how. Am I viewed as overly proper and one who speaks in a manner that screams overachievement I know I've been called condesending and I know I am a bit but is that why I feel so isolated. Or am I viewed as one who just thinks differently and therefore should be left alone to think... See what happens when you think to much. You go out of your way to think up crazy solutions to your problems. Maybe it's my Ideals not to experience the teen steriotype and therefore no one wants to know intimately someone who refuses to associate on the level to which they themselves are living. I'm very confused and I'd appreciate any input. kinda feelin obsesive for some unknown reason. WHY WHY WHY WHY.

Something is very weird for me about this rendition of Grease. Get this!

My dance audition # was: 42
I did my dance audition on: Thursday
I sing my main song on page: 42

Wow. Douglas stays close to me... I really should try to have a seance for him.