Reblogged honeymuse2002
Reblogged theminimalistpost
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It's sometimes hard to admit that a certain pain you are feeling is something you do actually have some 'blame' in. Doesn't mean you are a terrible person, or even necessarily that it's bad. It is okay to make mistakes and to not even realize that things you are doing are hurting yourself. It is okay to realize you're in the wrong later, it is okay to struggle to unlearn a bad habit and it is definitely okay to unknowingly be wrong, but you need to open up to the possibility that you may not know everything and that you also have some accountability in your own self-destructive habits, but even then. You will be fine, you'll never get over things if you put pressure on yourself to be better, accept that it's there, accept that it's going to take time, and accept that you may not improve with one attempt. You will get there.
Reblogged magnetictapedatastorage
“Tact, like empathy, is based on a certain form of mutual understanding. But while empathy implies the idea of entering someone else’s mind inasmuch as it is linked to the presumption that ‘I know how you feel’, tact exists to create a form of bonding between individuals that is not based on the idea of intrusion but, conversely, on the respect for existing boundaries, and on a willingness not always to assume that one knows. While empathy requires resonance and proximity, tact is there to restore distance, and to accept the difference between the individuals involved in order to protect and preserve their dignity. Tact is based on an attention towards otherness.”
— Katja Haustein, “How to Be Alone with Others: Plessner, Adorno, and Barthes on Tact” (via mehreenkasana)
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Except, critically, at bedtime.
Ravings and urges get miscoded over time. Let’s say you’re thirsty, and you live in a strawberry field. Strawberries contain some water and a bunch of sugar so, over time, you may start to crave strawberries when you are thirsty because you get a reward and some relief in shorter time from the need starting than the trek to the stream. This can happen for every need: sleep, food, whatever.
Trevor Noah has a great tip, that when he craves ice cream at night he breaks it down into parts: I want something cold, I want something sweet. He drinks a glass of cold water then waits to see if he still has the ice cream craving. Usually he doesn’t.
So listening to your body isn’t “follow every urge” but “decompose the urge to discover the underlying need.”
If you always feel like getting cozy in bed you may be: cold, dehydrated, and/or malnourished (maybe a need for high calories that are bioaccessible…not processed).
If you do not feel tired at bedtime you may: need to eat dinner earlier because your body is still digesting, need to exercise or go outside more during the day, get the fuck off your screen for an hour so your brain can enter sleep mode.
Hope this helps someone.
P.S. notice i said nothing about neurodivergence. Not that it’s not a likelihood but the over-pathologization of behaviors prevents us from taking simple actions to improve our wellbeing. Also, these tips are pretty accessible and applicable to most brain variations.
Reblogged
Emergency cleaning: Unfuck your whole house in the shortest time possible
So, your landlord/parent/home inspector/favorite movie star is dropping by, and your place is a disaster. You don’t have much time to clean it up. You’re in emergency mode. Let’s get started.
- Don’t panic. Panic leads to fear, fear leads to procrastination, procrastination leads to the dark side. You can do this, but you have to stay calm.
- Unlike maintenance cleaning, we’re not looking to completely unfuck one space at a time. Instead, we want to decrease the overall mess in stages, spread evenly across the whole area that we’re concerned about. If you think your home is at Level 10 filth, we want to bring the whole thing down to a Level 9, and then down from there. One really clean spot in an otherwise messy home is not going to be helpful here.
- Get prepared. You’ll want to shut the computer down (or turn the modem off if you need your computer to play music). Trust me. Get your music going. Gather up trash bags, your vacuum and mop, some rags or paper towel, sponges, and other cleaning supplies. Use what you have on hand. Don’t get distracted running to the store and spending an hour browsing cleaning supplies. A multi-purpose cleaning concentrate or a jug of vinegar will be just fine.
- Breaks are very important. Depending on your time constraints, work in 20/10s (20 minutes working, 10-minute break) or 45/15s. But take breaks because otherwise you’re marathoning, and marathon cleaning is no one’s friend. Keep hydrated, don’t forget to eat, and check in with yourself frequently to make sure you’re physically doing OK.
- Make your bed. This will be your home base if you get overwhelmed or need somewhere clear to take a break.
- Start with the garbage. Going from room to room, throw out anything that is obvious trash. Once you fill a bag, take it out. Repeat as many times as necessary.
- Move on to dishes. Gather the dishes from all over your house and bring them to the kitchen. If you can, start them soaking in a sink of hot, soapy water or start loading the dishwasher. After the dishes are all in one place, spend one 20/10 getting started getting them under control.
- Now it’s time for your flat surfaces. Countertops, tables, dresser tops, etc. Clear them off and wipe them down. Don’t get distracted in too much sorting and organizing. We’re in crisis mode here. There will be time to get in-depth once this is all done. The same applies to cabinets and closets. Unless you have reason to believe people will be opening closed doors, leave these alone for now.
- Attack the floordrobe and shoe pile. Get your clothes either put away or in the hamper. Start a load of laundry if you need to, but keep in mind that laundry and dishes have three steps: wash, dry, and put it away, goddammit!
- Get random stuff up off the floors. If something is trash-worthy, throw it away now rather than just move it around a bunch of times. Otherwise, put stuff where it belongs.
- Take another 20/10 or 45/15 to catch up on more dishes, if needed.
- Head into the bathroom. Pour some cleaner in the toilet bowl, fill the sink with hot water and cleaner, and either spray the tub and shower with cleaner, or fill the tub up with some hot water and add cleaner and let it soak. Put everything away that’s out and shouldn’t be, clean the mirror, counters, and toilet seat. Sweep or dry mop the floor. Wipe down the sink and tub/shower, and give the toilet bowl a scrub. Mop the floor.
- Sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
- Vacuum everything you can, and sweep everything you can’t.
- Walk outside of your house (don’t lock yourself out, please). Walk back in and see what catches your eye first. Go and deal with that.
- If you’re being inspected or your landlord is coming in for repairs, spend time on whatever area they’ll be focusing on.
- Give the whole place one more once-over and pay attention to anything you’ve missed so far.
- It’s an old trick, but if your place is a little funky-smelling, put a pan of water on the stove on low heat and add some citrus or cinnamon or vanilla. Don’t leave it unattended or forget about it.
- Take a shower, put on something clean, and eat something.
You can do this. It’s overwhelming, yes, but it is not impossible. You just need to do it. You have a list. You have directions. You have a whole bunch of Internet strangers who have been there before and who are cheering you on. You can do this, but you need to get started.
Why are you still here? GO. START. NOW.
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The Things We Thought We’d Need One Day
It happens so gradually that we hardly notice.
We collect things because we can. We convince ourselves they will be useful one day. We buy for the future instead of the present, filling closets, garages, storage units, and spare rooms with objects waiting for the right moment.
One day I’ll use this.
One day I’ll have time.
One day I’ll retire.
One day we’ll enjoy it together.
Without realizing it, our homes become museums of postponed intentions.
Some of it is practical. Much of it is something else entirely.
There is no simplicity. It’s the never-ending story of having more. More than your neighbor. More than your co-worker. More than your cousin.
A larger television. Another kitchen gadget. A second set of dishes. A hobby we never quite begin. We keep buying because everyone else is buying, without stopping to ask whether any of it is making our lives better.
We accumulate because we can, not because we should.
We plan our lives as if nothing will ever interrupt them.
We imagine ourselves growing older beside the person we love. We picture the conversations we will have years from now, laughing at all the things we bought over the decades. We assume there will be time to enjoy everything we carefully saved for “later.”
Then one day someone is missing.
And suddenly the plans begin to change.
The retirement you imagined no longer looks the same. The house feels larger than it used to. The things you spent years collecting no longer represent the future. They become reminders of the future you thought you were building.
Perhaps that is why, as we grow older, we begin wanting less.
Not because we can no longer afford more.
Not because we have lost our ambition.
But because we finally understand the real value of things.
Most possessions serve a purpose for a season, then quietly wait on a shelf for years, just in case. We convince ourselves we might need them again, even though deep inside we know we probably won’t.
I remember buying perennials every spring.
Every single year.
They filled the garden with color for a season, and I never questioned the expense because, in my mind, we would always be there to see them bloom again. Then winter would come, and many would disappear. The following spring I would simply buy more.
Today I sometimes wonder where all those flowers are.
Gone.
Beautiful for a little while, then carried away by another season.
Perhaps they were trying to teach me something all along.
Life has seasons too.
People have seasons.
Dreams have seasons.
Yet we spend so much of our lives investing in things that were never meant to last, while believing the people we love somehow would.
Maybe the greatest luxury isn’t owning more.
Maybe it is reaching a point where you no longer need to.
Where freedom weighs less than the boxes in the attic.
Where peace is worth more than another purchase.
Where you stop preparing for “one day” and finally begin living for today.
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Build small habits you don't tell others about, dress up even if you are not going out, allow yourself to have a delicious meal and to enjoy it thoroughly, learn more about the things you want to, go for walks through nature and soak in the beauty around you. Enrich yourself in doing things that are not for an others eye or perspective. Do things to expand your heart, soul and mind.
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“why am i only capable of writing when i am sad?”
Richard Siken: “Because the vocabulary of joy is grunts and moans and the vocabulary of loss is the dictionary.”
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when james baldwin "you think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read" & "love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up" & "it took many years of vomiting up all the filth i’d been taught about myself, and half-believed, before i was able to walk on the earth as though i had a right to be here" & "you have to go the way your blood beats. if you don't live the only life you have, you won't live some other life, you won't live any life at all" & &
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they should invent a father you can forgive
there’s a sentiment on this post that they should first invent a father that deserves forgiveness, which made me think about what forgiveness really means to me—what is forgiveness? what is done by an act of forgiving another? what is necessary for forgiveness to happen? something in me bristled at the idea that forgiveness happens only when somebody is deserving because i don’t see forgiveness as an act you do for another but an act you do for yourself—you acknowledge that you were hurt, work through it, and let it go. i forgive, often, without apology—it’s not asked of me by the one who hurt me. i forgive, often and the hardest forgiveness to practice, even when i know that the one who hurt me is incapable of recognizing at all their wrongdoing or their responsibility. when i forgive, i forgive so that i can let go of the sting i felt when i got hurt. i forgive to let go of resentment, even if that resentment is earned. i do not forgive to free another from the consequences of their actions—i may never speak to you again for what you did though i forgive you. to me, forgiveness is a way to move on, let go of the idea that the past could have gone another way, and learn what kind of things i will never allow for myself again. it’s not always easy, obviously because i made this post, and it happens in stages that are messy and on its own time, but i think it may helpful for some with a parent who is wholly and utterly unrepentant about the harm they did to know that forgiveness is not for their sake as much as it is for yours and forgiveness does not need to mean there’s a necessity for reconciliation.
Reblogged violentdevotion
bathe in your own sunlight !!!!!!