I realize I haven't posted in this journal in forever, but I am so goddam fucking pissed off that I seriously need to vent.
First, I bought a brand new Dell Computer about 2 months ago. 2 Weeks after I got it, the screen started suddenly blacking out or filling with color bars and not working. I have been on the phone troubleshooting for 15 hours and every single day off for over a month and a half. Last time I was told I would be sent an empty box in which I could put my computer and have it sent to get fixed. I never received the box. I sent an email last week saying that I was supposed to receive the box and never received any response nor the box. After 2 weeks of not hearing anything, I just called them again. This time it was no more nice Dina. I just got attitude. No one would give me the number for corporate. So now I'm again waiting for a box and even more pissed off than I was before.
Second, I am now doing personal training. The personal trainer that I had first had to cancel one day and instead of being responsible and calling me, he only texted me. So I showed up and he wasn't there. That was fine. Then a week later he quit, so I was left with no personal trainer. The gym gave me a new one, and we were supposed to meet Fridays at 9am and Mondays at 11am. She called me Thursday night and told me that she had to cancel for Friday and we had to reschedule. She told me she had an opening at 11am on MOnday, to which I responded that it was not an opening, because that was MY scheduled time. SO she said she put me in the book and she would see me Monday (today). SO today I get there at 11am, and the boss comes back up to me and tells me that she had cancelled and she told him she called all of her clients. Apparently I'm not important enough to remember nor call.
Third, I am apparently also worth no one's effort. I am quite easily forgotten and ignored. And if I ask for something special, I not only feel like a bitch, but I don't get anything special anyway. IS it possible for some people to just completely not realize that when you are asking for something special, you really, really need it? I am constantly doing nice, special things for people. Besides my mom, who has ever done anything like that for me? I cannot even remember. I think it was probably when I was dating Matt and he invited me to his dorm room and when I went in there were candles and dinner and flowers. That was 4 years ago. Am I just honestly not worth effort? DO I just not deserve it? DO I just not demand it? I don't understand why no one in the world except my mother seems to think I am worth doing something special for. I need to feel special, important, and loved. And I do not feel that I am. I don't think that is good.
In other, good, news, Sam and I hung out with Hanson last weekend. It was awesome! I guess I wil use those memories of chatting with Taylor to get me through being so pissed off right now.
Please read this whole entry, don't see Hanson and skip down.
Hanson went to South Africa this summer to see the effects of HIV/AIDS in third-world countries themselves. They recorded a song with 2 children's choirs in an impovrished town in South Africa. They are releasing this song, The Great Divide, on itunes on November 28 (Tuesday), in time for World AIDS Day (Dec. 1). EVERY CENT of the proceeds goes to the Perinatal HIV Unit at Chris Hani Baragwanath Hospital in Soweto, South Africa (hivsa.com). The band isn't getting ANYTHING for this.
Please download it. It not only would make me reeaaally happy because the new music is getting out there, but it is truly for a good cause.
Here's a bit of the article on the website: ( Collapse )
I think I am phasing livejournal out of my life. However, I have some updates for everyone. Sorry of a few of these are personal.
First, I went to the doctor and I was told that my endometriosis is pulling my cervix to the right side. I was told that if I want to have children, I have to do it before I am 30. That gives me 8 years. I want to have one of my own, no matter what. So, my life plan was just flipped completely upside down. Basically, for the next 8 years, I am going to work full-time to save up money, pay off my loans, get a house, and prepare to have a baby. Grad school will just have to wait for night school or much later. Ideally, I will meet someone who I love and I will be able to get married by the time I'm 28 or so and have a baby. Otherwise, I'm going to have to do this on my own. I know it sounds crazy, but I know I want at least one baby of my own, and the chances of my ability to do that go down to very small after I hit 30. So If I get married after that, I can keep trying and if I can't get preganant I can adopt.
Yeah, so..
The doctor said I'm fat and I need to lose weight. I was just starting to feel ok about my body and accept that a size 10 is ok and she has to go and make me feel like shit again. Haven't I felt like shit long enough? I have been concerned about being fat since I was 7 years old. Enough already! So I started going back to the gym, which was a long overdue action. But now my endometriosis hurts SOO much ALL the time because I am using the muscles around my adbomen.
And my cholesterol is high. The doctor sends me a letter saying that I need to change my diet to low-fat, not too much red meat, fruits and veggies, and I need to exercise. If they had bothered to ask me, they would have found that I already do all of that. But no, they see someone who is 10 pounds overweight and they assume she eats cheeseburgers and fries all the time. It really pissed me off. I do everything right. My dad has bad cholesterol and I got it from him. There is nothing I can do about that!
Also, I was looking at pictures on facebook. I know this is ridiculous, but I miss some of the people I was friends with in high school who I no longer speak to. I'm sure many of you know the story by now. Anyway, I was looking at the pictures and they were all together just like we used to be. But I wasn't there. They were all there and having fun...I had just been whited out of the picture.
And in other random news, I didn't get offered a second interview for Score, so I am again on the lookout for a full-time job beginning in July. My mom's cousin is making a few phone calls around Washington D.C. for me, which is awesome.
ok, back to watching 48 Hours and writing my thesis...
I am ridiculously sick. Again. Or still. I don't know which. I *think* I went from a virus to strep to a cold to laryngitis. Lord knows. All I know is my throat hurts super bad, my glands by my tonsils are swollen, and I can't talk at ALL. And I'm coughing and clearing my throat all the time. I have things to do allllll day tomorrow, and I can't skip any of them, so I can't go to Hurtado until Tuesday.
I was supposed to hang out with Skippy, Chrissy, and others to celebrate Chrissy's birthday. I'm bummed I couldn't go. I hope they forgive my throat for sucking so terribly. And I hope they had a great time.
Lexi and I carved pumpkins tonight. It was fun. Hers has a grill. Mine has vampire teeth.
I wrote two pages of the intro to my thesis. Only 8 more to go. And I have an exam on wednesday that I have to study for, and that takes precedence over the writing since the thesis isn't due until April. I will work on both while I'm running participants in the lab at 9am tomorrow.
And even though I am sick, I am horny as hell and I don't have anyone to mess around with.
I begin with a quote from Leonardo da Vinci: "The sexual act and the members employed therein are so repulsive, that if it were not for the beauty of the faces and the adornments of the actors and the pent-up impulse, nature would lose the human species."
It gave me a chuckle in class
In other news that is completely unrelated, my job interview with The Fund for Public Interest Research went smashingly and I am off to Washington D.C. on November 4 with the other 9 top candidates for the second round of interviews. If they still like me after that, they'll offer me a job, which I would be all set to begin when I return from Italy in July! I may have to relocate, though, which is pretty ok with me, depending where they want me to go. The pay isn't spectacular and the hours are long, but it seems like a job that I would actually CARE about doing, which is sooo important. I'd get to work on gay rights activism, national antidiscrimination committees, national wildlife preservation, and committees for alternative energy sources and ending global warming.
Anyway, I got over Strep and the virus I had, but now I have a hell of a cold. At least I think it's a cold. I despise coughing and having a sore throat. I wish I had more time. I never get enough sleep because I have too much to do, and when I don't sleep, I get sicker and sicker.
Before I get boring, I want to tell you all an anicdote that my professor told us today. We had a Raphael picture on the screen, in which he painted the Holy Spirit in the form of a downward flying dove. My professor cracks up and tells us this story: "My sister said she wanted a tattoo of the Holy Spirit, so I got her a copy of this one because it's Raphael and it's perfect. She proceeds to get it on her lower back. So now whenever you see her back, you can't help but notice that the Holy Spirit is flying down her butt-crack." ...I laughed for a good 5 minutes...
Ok, quick update before I continue writing my introduction for my thesis.
I saw Comic Relief on Friday, and I must say that everyone involved did a rather fabulous job. When Greg did his monologue and then Viki came on the stage and opened the next scene with "I believe that man is gay" I nearly peed myself. Bravo to everyone! I'm auditioning for Jon or Zach's plays tomorrow night.
After the show, I returned to my apartment where a night of drunken debauchery was taking place. There were many corseted and half-naked women and various partially naked men, all quite drunk on tequilla and SoCo, everywhere. It was some well-deserved fun! There were events that could be quite dramatic, but I really do not feel like being dramatic and I certainly will not be going out of my way anytime soon to start drama, so I am going to just leave well enough alone. (Lisa, I know you only read this for the drama in my life, so IM me if you want to know it.) I had a great time, as did all of our guests, and really that is all that matters. Our last guests, except for the ones who stayed over, left at 5am and I began cleaning the house. I have decided that I have some sort of organizational/neatness OCD. But there are worse things I could have. I mean, my planner is color-coded. That's bad. Seriously.
Saturday and Sunday I worked a couple of weddings and didn't get much sleep, and my partner on Sunday was a COMPLETE idiot. I mean, REALLY. And we had 4 tables, so that was a painful shift because not only was he an idiot, he was lazy and annoying as well. I think I snapped at him once, which I felt terrible about afterwards, but I just couldn't help it.
Today I got up at 7:30 to go run participants for my research. Waking up when it's cold SUCKS, but it's not so bad once you're up. Until you fall asleep in your Renaissance and Baroque Architecture class...oops.
I ran my very first subjects for my research yesterday morning, which was SO exciting! I can't wait until we get a few more and I can start to compare data.
I also took my first exam of my senior year, which was in Renaissance and Baroque Architecture. I think I did well, but I'm not sure how the professor grades. I think he may have returned the exams yesterday, but I didn't go to class because I'm sick. I have a fever and body aches and a really sore throat. I slept for 22 hours yesterday and last night, and if I don't sleep a lot my fever gets really high again. It's annoying because I don't have time to be sick.
The doctor will hopefully know by tomorrow what exactly I have, because my test results are supposed to be back from the lab by then. Then they can give me medication and I can get better for Friday in time for Comic Relief!
Speaking fo CAP, I want to audition for Jon and Karensa's play sooooo badly, but I know I don't have time to do it. It just sounds like it's going to be awesome. And Jon and Karensa are directing, so it will be soo much fun!
Sorry I don't have too much interesting to say. At least this update isn't just me bitching. ;)
I'm getting sick again due to lack of sleep. I think it's mono again. I bit into an apple and my TMJ made my jaw dislocate and it got stuck open. It still hurts. I didn't even want to go to choir yesterday. My dad made me drop NAMI. I want Daz to hold me. He always knows how to make me feel better I'm cutting my hours at work because I can hardly get out of bed to go sometimes. 40 hours a week plus a thesis is just too much. My pants all have holes and I can't afford new ones. My doctor didn't call in my higher dose for my anti-depressant yet All I want to do is cry.
irate
exhausted
chipper
depressed