1. name: Ryan Scott Simpson.
2. single or taken: I'll take a double mocha latte with extra whipped cream, to go, please?
3. sex: Not recently.
4. bday: I'd rather have a BJay than a BDay.
5. sign: Stop.
6. siblings: One brother. And one little green guy that lives in my closet.
7. hair color: Dark blonde.
8. eye color: Green.
10. height: 5'10"
r e l a t i o n s h i p s
1. who are your best friends?: Myself. And some other people.
2. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Always often sometimes never.
3. did you send this to your crush?: Send what? What's "this?"
4. did your crush send this to you?: My crush didn't send me SHIT!!
f a s h i o n | s t u f f
1. where is your favorite place to shop: Steak and Shake.
2. any tattoos or piercings: Only on other people.
s p e c i f i c s
1. do you do drugs?: Yes. Lots. In my dreams I eat acid-laced jelly beans that make me fly.
2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: The kind that makes your hair clean.
3. what are you most scared of?: Fuckin'... death.
4. what are you listening to right now?: The hum of my asshole computer.
5. who is the last person that called you?: Ashleigh.
6. Where do you want to get married?: Nowhere ever.
7. how many buddies are online right now?: I don't know. I might know if AOL wasn't such a PIECE OF SHIT!!
8. what would you change about yourself?: I'd be taller and shorter with a different face and maybe a little thinner with some extra meat on my bones.
f a v o r i t e s
1. color: Blue (as in blue balls)
2. food: I shore do like them biscuits, mhmm...
3. boys names: Tyrone, Milky, LeRoy, and Menthol.
4. girls names: Sheniqua, Cyclone, Pneumonia, and Flamingo.
5. subjects in school: School? Nah, man, I got out of that shit YEARS ago... a year ago... less...
6. animals: The cracker kind.
7. sports: Teabagging.
h a v e | y o u | e v e r
1. given anyone a bath?: I only bathe lions.
2. smoked?: A cheeto.
3. bungee jumped?: No, but I once threw a guy in a wheelchair off a bridge.
4. made yourself throw up?: I don't do it on purpose. Sometimes objects get lodged.
5. skinny dipped?: Skinny was born in a bathtub, and he grew so incredibly thin. Even the end of an eyedropper sucked him in.
6. ever been in love?: I've been around love, does that count?
7. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: Yeah, when the bathing lion gets mad.
8. pictured your crush naked?: No, but I picture myself naked.
9. actually seen your crush naked?: No, but I've seen myself naked.
10. cried when someone died?: No, but I'll certainly cry when Li'l Brudder dies. *sniffs* He's... he's just such a trooper.
11. lied: Cheated, and stolen.
12. fallen for your best friend?: Hell no, I wouldn't fall for any reason, let alone if they just wanted me to fall. Christ, how stupid.
13. been rejected?: No, I don't have a credit card.
14. rejected someone?: No, I'm unemployed, therefore I can't possibly have a profession allowing me to swipe credit cards.
16. done something you regret?: Yeah, there was one time, I threw a guy in a wheelchair off a bridge. It was pretty funny, but then I had to go clean it up at the bottom. Ugh, it was messy.
17. had sex?: With the holes in Swiss cheese? You betcha, by God.
p r e s e n t
1. clothes: I will not present my clothes to you, I'm wearing them.
2. music: Probably something that's new, and current. And present.
3. makeup: Okay, I'll make up something: Harold sat on a monkey and farted all night long.
4. annoyance: AOL. Anally Overloaded Losers.
5. smell: Some ants toot. Tee hee!!
6. favorite artist: Bonnachelloarpeggiatolegatonardomichelraphaetello.
7. desktop picture: Me touching myself.
8. cd in player: I prefer 8-tracks.
9. dvd in player: I prefer laserdisc.
10. color of toenails: Green. And crusty. And gross. And long. And pus-y. And bleeding. And infected. And crawling with maggots. EWEWEWEW...
l a s t | p e r s o n
1. you touched: Myself.
2. you hugged: Myself.
3. you imed: Your mom.
4. you yelled at: Myself.
5. you kissed: Myself. Jump back!! Wanna kiss myself!! Heh!! HAY!! I feel good!!
a r e | y o u
1. understanding: Yes, I understand ALL!!
2. openminded: Yes. My mind is as open as an open thing.
3. arrogant: No, I'm just speaking the truth, my son. I am a studly superhero.
4. insecure: Nope. Never.
5. interesting: Yes, I am terribly interesting.
6. random: No. Never.
7. hungry: No. Superheroes don't need to eat.
8. smart: I'm a soooper-genius.
9. moody: No, I'm cool, collected, calm, and level-headed, ALL THE TIME.
10. hard working: Yes. I rule.
11. organized: But of course. I am a superhero.
12. healthy: Yes, I lift elephants everyday before I eat vitamin-injected spinach.
13. shy: No, there is no time for shyness when I'm out saving the world.
14. attractive: I am a SUPERHERO. What more can I say?
15. difficult: NEVER!! I am easy to work with at all times.
16. bored easily: No, I have no time for boredom, I must rescue baby kittens from certain impending doom!!
17. messy: Only when I jerk-off. Super-human-sperm is radioactive and melts anything it touches!!
18. responsible: I am the most responsible human being I know. OH WAIT, I'M A SUPERHERO, NOT A HUMAN BEING!!
19. obsessed: Only with SAVING THE UNIVERSE!!
20. angry: WITH EVIL VILLAINS!! AND MEAN OLD LADIES WITH CANES THAT GIVE ME SPLINTERS!!
21. sad: I'm never sad!! No time for sadness, when evil lurks just around the corner!!
22. happy: I am ALWAYS happy!! Unless there is a damsel in distress then I am just determined!! Yes!!
23. hyper: No, could you please pass the pig rectum?
24. trusting: I never trust a VILLAIN!!
25. talkative: I have no time for talk, young lady. There are puppies in need!!
26. funny: I am HILARIOUS!! I am a SUPERHERO!!
w h o | d o | y o u | w a n n a
1. kill: Davy Crockett.
2. slap: Murky Titwaters.
3. look like: The elephant man.
r a n d o m
1. in the morning i am: Asleep.
2. all i need is: A nice healthy shit and I'm good for the day.
3. i dream about: Weird shit like eating acid-laced jelly beans and flying.
n u m b e r of
1. times i have had my heart broken: Never, because then I'd be dead. Idiot.
2. number of hearts i have broken: None that I can remember. UNLESS THEY WERE VILLAINS!! (oh, wait, that part's over)
3. times you've been kissd: I dunno, count the lipstick spots on my asscheeks.
4. of continents i have lived in: I've been content with the condiments.
5. of tight friends: I don't know. I've never felt their vaginas.
6. of cds i own: I told you, sonny, I only have 8-tracks.
7. of scars on my body: Bury my heart at wounded sesame.
8. of things that i regret: One. When I had to clean up the remains of wheelchair-dude.
F i n a l | q u e s t i o n s
1. do you like filling these out?: Hell no.
2. how many people are you sending this to? Your mom.
3. who will send it back: Your mom. She would. The slut.
4. like the rain?: It's like RAYIIIAAAAAAIN....
5. gold or silver: Gilver.
6. what was the last film you saw at the movies?: I don't watch those newfangled "movies" I prefer old-timey radio.
7. favorite cartoon/anime?: Anime? More like Ani-GAY!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
8. what did you have for breakfast this morning?: Pieces of shit like you.
10. who would you love being locked in a room with?: Duke Nukem. He's so butch.
11. could you live without your computer?: Yeah, does it feed me or give me oxygen?
12. would you color your hair?: Don't need to. It's made from chameleon... um... poop.
13. could you ever get off the computer?: I don't know. Where's its G-spot?
14. habla espanol?: No hablo me.
15. how many people are on your buddy list?: Reduced Fat Cheez-Its
16. drink alcohol?: No, I drink kerosene!! TOP THAT, FRATBOY!!
17. like watching sunrises or sunsets?: I like staring at the sun at noon. It burns just so...
giggly