born to gaze into night skies

I changed my major today from International Business to International and Global Affairs and Development. I never have to step foot in the business school again. I'm so happy I could cry.

I don't even care that it will take me another year or two to graduate. This is what I'm meant to do and there's nothing that could diminish how good that feels.

It seems to be a trend among the people I know that our old livejournals (or xangas or whatever) have pretty much gone the way of our myspaces. These social networking sites were once integral to our social (and personal) lives, much like facebook is now, but we grew out of them. I still use my livejournal, mostly the friends page, but it's not really a journal anymore. I've read my new years entry a few times over the past couple of months and it is like a time capsule, as all of these entries are. If anything, this journal reminds me of how much changes between entries.

So this is the part where I talk about what's changed. Not much has, but what has is so important.

The last entry was me the day before new years eve, getting ready to spend it with friends. It was great! Brad and I had our first date- we went out to dinner, went to a friend's house party -- a friend that I spent the night with (but no sexy times) a month or so before and who looked rather surprised to see me with a date -- and then to some other crazy party, and then went back to his house to watch Gummo and get to know each other better. Brad later (i.e., like a month ago) confessed that watching Gummo was a test-- if I liked it, I was a keeper. I guess I'm a keeper! We've been together since then. He's great! I don't want to get too detailed because what if we break up sometime in the future (I hope not!) and then I reread this and it makes me all sad, but I can't imagine a better fit.

About 6 weeks after new years I left for Spain! Ah, Spain. There's not much to say, except that coming back home felt like waking up from a 5 month long dream. There were good parts (getting to hang out at the Alhambra whenever I wanted) and terrible parts (my landlord stealing my and my father's laptops). But there was ample time for personal growth, so that was good!
Here is my study abroad tumblr. Check it.

But now I am home, back in school, back to going to the gym (ugh I ate too much nutella in Spain oh noez), and fall is on its merry way. I'm hoping that the warm weather sticks around long enough to help my garden grow (yes I have a garden now!), but if not I guess I'll just drink some whiskey and eat some soup to make myself feel better.

That's about all I can think of right now, except that also I got another tattoo and it's supah cute:



Okay! That's all I have to say. toodles!

"I want to sample your smile, and use my heartbeat as the bass line."

It's been a crazy year. The first half was spent dating Michael, pretty unhappy, and unaware that he was the reason for my unhappiness. After I broke up with him in July, I finished the summer term and went to Honduras for three weeks. That was an amazing and educational experience and further cemented my interest in making a life for myself in Central or South America. I got back the day before school started, drove up to Greensboro, and started the semester with both trepidation and anticipation.

I started over completely. I have maybe one friend this semester that isn't new. Everyone else is. And they're awesome. They are funny, intelligent, creative, caring, accepting, and genuine people. I have finally started being me, completely me. No apologies, no excuses, nada. It's liberating. Honestly, I haven't been this happy in a long time.

I got sick this fall. It was pretty scary for a while, because we knew what the problem was, but not why. In the end, it turned out that I somehow contracted mono and it then lead to hepatitis. My liver is better now, but there was at least 6 weeks where I was tired and nauseous all the time and could barely eat or drink.

Finally I have realized my dream of studying abroad. I was accepted to spend a semester at the Universidad de Granada in Granada, Spain. I am leaving at the beginning of February and will most likely return to the States at the end of July. I am scared, nervous, excited, and intimidated all at the same time. It will be a wonderful and unique experience, but it is definitely going to be a challenge.

It amazes me how much I've grown up this year, especially in the past 4 months or so. It feels like it's only been a few weeks since I left for Honduras, but at the same time it feels like it's been much longer than 4 months. This, I believe, is a good sign.

After I post this I am going to go to sleep so I can wake up in the morning and prepare to spend this last day of 2010, as well as ring in the new year, with my new friends. This year I have learned that the best way to have a good life is to make it happen, and I fervently hope that I can continue to build a good life for myself in the new year. And continue to uncover the unending and awe-inspiring joys that this world holds.


Oh, and I got a tattoo. He's the fox from The Little Prince and I love him very much. Here is a picture:



Anyway. To anyone reading this, I hope you have a safe and diverting new years. I sincerely hope that your year turned out as well as mine, if not better.

tal vez si yo fuera un poco más sensata
habría inventado una poción
para borrar el sabor de tu boca
y la pregunta que hoy quiero olvidar

But my words become stained with your love.
You occupy everything, you occupy everything.

stand with your lover on the ending earth-

and while a(huge which by which huger than
huge)whoing sea leaps to greenly hurl snow

suppose we could not love,dear;imagine

ourselves like living neither nor dead these
(or many thousand hearts which don't and dream
or many million minds which sleep and move)
blind sands,at pitiless the mercy of

time time time time time

-how fortunate are you and i,whose home
is timelessness:we who have wandered down
from fragrant mountains of eternal now

to frolic in such mysteries as birth
and death a day(or maybe even less)

I finally have a replacement computer. And a man I can love. Both of these things are good.

'cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark

I am rocking The Michael Jackson (too soon?)-- only parts of my sunburn from last week have peeled, so I'm a patchy combination of pale and brown.

BUT
Lynn and amanda and sanders are coming to visit next week.

"Beauty is a terrible and awful thing! It is terrible because it has not been fathomed and can never be fathomed, for God sets us nothing but riddles. Here the boundaries meet and all contradictions exist side by side."
-The Brothers Karamazov